Dear Harper,
I told you that we'd survive, and we did. It has been the most grueling year of my life, but we made it; I say we because I never could've done it without you. You were my reason to fight. You still are.
The Kingdom has been a good change for me, even your dad thinks so. I haven't picked up a knife except to cook and I haven't touched a gun except if I was handing it to someone. The doctor here has been amazing and we found a system that works for me. Am I all better? No. But with medication and a strong support system, I will be able to manage my mental health better. There is no cure for mental health disorder, only treatments.
Watching you grow has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I was so jealous when you said dada first, but since you learned mama, it's all you've been saying, even your dad is starting to get jealous, though he won't admit it.
Your favorite things have been the same since you were born; you love cuddling with your mom and dad, bath time, playing with Hershel when we go to Hilltop, and playing with Jerry while in the Kingdom; god do you love Jerry. You've been such an inspiration for him and his wife to try and have kids of their own, and as of last month, they had their first child. You bring life to so many people, and you're only one.
Your birthday was nothing like I expected to be. People from every community showed up with homemade or scavenged presents and someone made you a small cake. You had the time of your life, and your dad and I had one hell of a mess to clean. I'm still picking out chunks of cake and icing from your nose from time to time.
Today is a nerve-racking day for me. Today, the council is gathering here in the Kingdom to check on me and see if I'm ready to be considered a free woman. If I am "released", I've got a lot to think about. Will we stay here? Will we go back to Alexandria? The Sanctuary? Oceanside? Hilltop? A lot has happened over the year and Hilltop now has room for us, or at least Maggie said there will be soon; I think it was her way of inviting us to live at Hilltop. Still, it's not my decision, it is our decision as a family. In the end, we gotta do what's best for everyone. Today marks a fresh new start, Harper, let's embrace the world together.
Love Always,
Mom
"Lunch is on, sweet thang!" Jerry smiled as he entered the room with a food tray.
"Smells great." I smiled back as I closed my journal and turned to him. "What is it?"
"Pan seared chicken with a honey and mustard reduction with a patate purée, maïs beurré, and pain à l' ail." I looked down at the tray and instantly laughed.
"Seriously? Ya couldn't have just said honey mustard chicken, mashed potatoes, buttered corn, and garlic bread?"
"Not today, shorty. It is a special day, so only the best for you today."
"Yeah, the day I possibly get off house arrest for two counts of murder, one which I still say I'm innocent...to an extent."
"Well, you didn't really have much of an argument against it. Plus, with no witnesses—"
"Yeah yeah, I know." I huffed.
"Ja!" I looked across the room and smiled at Harper, who was holding onto the crib bars and staring up at Jerry.
"Hey, squirt!" Jerry beamed with joy and picked her up into his massive arms and gave her a gentle hug. "JaJa's missed you!" Jerry looked over at me. "She feeling better?"
"Seems to be. Like the doctor said, just a lil' cold, is all." I took a bite of my chicken and smiled. "This shit's not that bad, who's the cook today?"
"You're looking at him." Jerry grinned.
"You? No wonder Nabila married ya." I laughed.
"That and because I'm gorgeous." Jerry flipped his hair, causing Harper to giggle.
"I think it's just the hair. Though, I will admit, ya make cute babies. Still thinkin' about makin' more?"
"We don't make babies, we conceive them."
"Right, conceive babies, make crotch goblins."
"You still calling her that?"
"Not to her face." I laughed. "They are crotch goblins though."
"You are one weird child."
"I'm not a child!"
"Really? You're the size of one."
"And you're the size of a damn skyscraper!"
"Who's the size of a skyscraper?" Daryl asked as he entered the room.
"Jerry, who else?" I laughed. Daryl looked Jerry over and slightly smiled.
"Well, she ain't wrong. What's goin' on?"
"Just delivering a lunch fit for queen." Jerry laughed, but stopped when no one else joined him in the joke. The room fell silent. "Shit. Michaela, I didn't mean to—"
"It's okay, Jerry." I reassured. "It's part of my past. I've accepted it and I've put it behind me."
"Ah, hakuna matata."
"Bless you."
"No, it means no worries...did you not watch The Lion King growing up?"
"I heard of it, but never watched it."
"How dare you! I will not let you deprive your child of classic movies!" Jerry laughed. "Actually, speaking of which, I wanted to extend my invitation once more. If you two ever need some alone time or just a break, I'll be more than happy to watch the little squirt."
"Thanks, we'll keep that in mind." I reassured.
"And Nabila has asked me to ask if it was okay if I brought Harper over for lunch. She thought it'd give you time to prepare for your parole hearing."
"It's not a parole hearin'!"
"She'd like that." Daryl intervened. "Thanks." Daryl gently kissed Harper on the top of her head and Jerry gave us a smile before grabbing her diaper bag and leaving the room. "He's just pokin' fun."
"I know...sorry, I'm just nervous, is all."
"Ya don't gotta be. You've been doin' so great this past year. Ya finished your community service, did more than six months of it just because you were bored, helped the doctor in the clinic whenever ya could, haven't violated your sentence once. If Rick and the others decide ya ain't ready, I'll punch 'em." Daryl sat next to me and gently held my hand in his. "I'm proud of ya."
"Thanks." I smiled. Daryl leaned over and gently kissed my lips. It was a short kiss, but as he pulled away, he paused and kissed me again. His kiss was deeper, as if the first one flipped the switch to his libido. "Daryl..." I quietly moaned. "Daryl, we can't."
"Why not?"
"Because Rick and the others are gonna be here soon. I still gotta eat, take a shower, and get dressed." Daryl let out a sigh and pulled away. "How about this...ya help me eat this and we can multitask in the shower." Without hesitation, Daryl helped me scarf down my food and before I could even begin to undress, Daryl lifted me into his arms and carried me into the bathroom. He sat me on the sink and kissed me again before ripping our clothes off. "Jesus, Daryl, slow down." Daryl didn't respond, just kept undressing us until we were completely naked. Daryl kissed me one last time before walking off to the shower and turning it on. I quietly snuck up behind him and gently raked my nails up the back of his thigh all the way to the small of his back, he instantly jumped.
"Jesus Christ."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare ya."
"It's fine, just sensitive spot."
"Ya ever open the back door for visitors?" Daryl looked at me with confusion for a moment before narrowing his eyes.
"No."
"I'm not askin' if you're gay, Daryl. It can be heterosexual, too. Supposedly a lot of men like it."
"Well I don't. I don't mind the freaky shit you're into, but that's where I draw the line."
"Okay okay, calm down."
"Is that somethin' you and Negan did?" The room fell silent.
"Excuse me?" Daryl's face said it all, he knew he fucked up.
"Michaela, I—"
"Get out."
"Babe—"
"I said get out!"
"I didn't mean to—"
"Yeah? Well, ya did! Ya can't ever leave shit alone! I haven't been with Negan in how fuckin' long, Daryl? How fuckin' long?"
"Over a year."
"Exactly! I told ya I chose you, but ya apparently don't believe me!"
"I believe ya—"
"Then fuckin' act like it! I haven't even let Negan see Harper yet because I knew how much it'd piss ya off, especially after we lost Joseph! I knew in order for us to make this fuckin' work, I had to drop Negan completely! I haven't thought about 'em, I haven't mentioned 'em, and ya still act like he's got his claws in me!"
"Babe, I'm sorry." I let out a frustrated sigh.
"Why, Daryl? Why now?"
"I just— Negan is still in Alexandria."
"And?"
"Ya wanna move back."
"Who said I did? Daryl, that's for us to decide together as a family. It's not an 'I lead, you follow' type thing, it's a together decision."
"S-So you'd be okay if I didn't wanna move back?"
"Of course, I would. Shit, Daryl, I'd be okay if ya wanted to make our own community outside of all the ones we're associated with. I just wanna live my life with you and Harper." Daryl let out a sigh and walked over to me, embracing me in a hug.
"I'm sorry...I shouldn't've said that."
"Just don't do it again, okay? I'm done with Negan and I don't want my past constantly bein' held over my head."
"I won't, I promise." Daryl gently kissed the top of my head. "Still wanna multitask?"
"I'm sorry, Daryl...I'm just not in the mood."
"Don't gotta be that. C'mon, I need a shower too." Daryl gently grabbed my arm and unstrapped my attachment; Jadis did an amazing job on it. It reminded me of Merle's prosthetic when it came to the arm straps, but the rest of it reminded me of a fancy suit of armor...if only the fingers worked. Still, even with it being just a hand attachment, Jadis did her best to make it look as normal as possible. She made a few attachments for my prosthetic, but I can't have any until my sentencing is finished, which will hopefully be today. Gently placing my prosthetic on the counter, Daryl gently took my hand and led me into the shower. The hot water seemed to melt away my icy nerves.
We lathered each other up, cleaning every inch of each other until not a single speck of dirt could be found. Once we were all clean, Daryl turned off the water and gently pushed me against the wall to give me one more kiss. "You're gonna be fine, babe...I just know it."
"Thanks...y-you'll be there, right?"
"Nabila didn't really invite Harper over for lunch, I just asked if he'd do it so we could face the council without any distractions." I opened my mouth to speak. "I'm not sayin' she's a distraction, but I wanna get this all done and over with without the constant interruptions. Everyone's gonna take one look at Harper and then everythin' is gonna be about her instead of you. Ya know the council ain't seen Harper since she was a newborn, they're gonna wanna see 'er."
"They can, but they'll have to wait." I smiled and kissed Daryl. "Thanks for thinkin' ahead, baby."
"Don't worry. Now, best get dressed, the council should be here any minute."
~~
"Hey, Rick." I smiled and embraced him in a hug. "It's been a while."
"It has." Rick smiled back. "Ya look different."
"Forget what I looked like already?"
"No, I didn't forget, ya just look different...healthier...happier."
"Because I am." I reassured. "The Kingdom has taken good care of me. Three square meals a day, constant doctor check-ins, daily medicine administration; I've been keepin' myself busy, much to Ezekiel's protest."
"Busy? How?"
"I finished my six months of community service, but didn't stop workin'. Ya know me, I hate bein' useless. I've been helpin' in the clinic as much as I can with havin' one arm, I've been tendin' to the garden, helpin' with any construction projects, laundry, whatever needs to be done, I jump to volunteer."
"Anytime for sleepin'?" Rick teased.
"Not much, thanks to Daryl." I laughed.
"Didn't really need to know that."
"I was only kiddin', Rick. Daryl and I are takin' it slow. We still get intimate, just not as much as we used to. I mean, what's the rush, right?"
"Protectin' yourself?"
"Absolutely." I nodded.
"Good. I'm not sayin' that y'all shouldn't try for another, but right now wouldn't be a good idea with everythin' that happened still fresh in your head."
"I get what ya mean. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have another baby, but I wanna make sure the timin' is right. That and I'm gonna use condoms even when pregnant, seein' that my reproductive system thinks I'm a dog." Rick couldn't help but to smile, but cleared his throat as Daryl approached us.
"What's so funny?" Daryl asked.
"Nothin', just small talk, is all." Rick held out his hand to Daryl and shook it firmly. "Good to see ya, man."
"You too...where are the others?"
"Throne room waitin' on us. Where's Harper?"
"With Jerry." I answered.
"Hidin' 'er from me?"
"No, just didn't want 'er to be part of the hearin'."
"Understandable." Rick smiled. "We get to see 'er afterwards, right?"
"Of course, but I gotta warn ya, she's gotten bigger."
"Most kids usually do—"
"Meanin' 'er scar is gettin' bigger. Doc says it'll gonna be a hypertrophic scar. It's like a keloid, but different. It won't cause any problems with 'er eye, but she'll have a nasty scar."
"Like the lion?"
"What lion?"
"The Lion King? It's a Disney classic."
"What is it with you and Jerry and The Lion King?"
"What is it with you and not seeing all these good movies?"
"Alright, you two, knock it off." Daryl butted in. "Let's get this over with." Daryl gently grabbed my hand and we walked together down the street in silence.
"This place looks nice." Rick smiled. "You did all this?"
"Ha! I wish." I scoffed. "Nah, this was the work of hard workin' Kingdomers with the help of a one armed weirdo."
"Well, it looks great. I saw the damage after the fires, knew it was gonna take a lot of work to make it look good, but I wasn't expectin' it to look this good."
"Perks of havin' an artist livin' here." I smiled. "How's the Sanctuary?" Rick didn't respond. "Oh, calm down, it ain't like that. I just was wonderin' how Eugene was doin' as the leader there."
"He's doin' as well as he can. The Saviors ain't a problem, it's the land."
"Dirt ain't producin'?"
"Not well. Even with what they got, it ain't much since the crows keep attackin'."
"What happened to the off-site plan?"
"They came to a consensus that it was too high of a risk; they were afraid that people would steal the crops in the night and don't got the manpower to defend it."
"Why not? What happened to the manpower?"
"Some people left when you did." The street fell silent.
"Negan?" Rick gave me a nod. "I told 'em it was done with, that he wasn't comin' back."
"They weren't convinced. When they saw what ya did to Patrick, found out ya were 'arrested', they knew...so they left."
"Fine by me." I shrugged. "I told 'em they weren't bein' forced to stay. Anythin' I can help with?"
"Not really. Eugene's got it pretty much covered, though, he did ask if I'd extend an invitation to Daryl."
"What for?"
"A lot of people suggested that with that place bein' a factory, that it should be used as such. They wanna learn to build bikes, use 'em for trade."
"Who the hell wants bikes when we got no gas?" Rick raised an eyebrow with ammusment.
"Ya got gas?" I smiled.
"He's been makin' it out of corn. It ain't much, but enough to fill up bikes."
"Why not cars?"
"Because bikes go farther and are easier to maneuver." Daryl answered.
"And leave ya an open target."
"To who?"
"Walkers, for one, and anyone we don't know about yet."
"I agree with Eugene. The bikes could be used for small runs; the seat can easily fit two people on them and if they hit a good supply spot, they radio ahead with coordinates."
"And that's safe?"
"Has been safe for a few months." Rick smiled. "He's been doin' that with a couple of bikes they found on a run."
"What did they find?"
"Toiletries, mainly. Some tools, some tires, stuff we could use, things that can help us advance. That Georgie woman, she gave us manuals and it requires a lot of supplies. We've been hard at work for months and months. Eugene had a couple of people ride out to DC to survey the area."
"DC?" Jadis spoke up as she walked over to us
"Yeah, you been there?"
"On a trip with a class I was teaching, we went to the museum there."
"Anythin' good there?"
"If it's been untouched, possibly. Last time I was there, they had an old canoe, some old machinery, and a garden."
"A garden? What kind of garden?"
"They grew their own crops, the tour guide told us they kept seeds constantly on hand."
"I'll let Eugene and the others know. If they think it's worth the trip, then we'll plan a trip out. Think ya remember the way through the museum?"
"Definitely."
"Great, we'll be in touch. Was there somethin' ya needed?"
"I was just seeing if Michaela had gone to her hearing yet, I wanted to show her all the attachments; since I had plenty of time to work on them, I worked my magic a little to make them extra special."
"I haven't gone yet." I answered. "I haven't even found out if I'm gonna be done or not."
"You should be. You've done great around here and I've noticed a huge difference in you."
"Well, if they decide I'm done, I'll stop by your workshop."
"Great."
~~
The throne room was silent and a large table had been placed on the stage along with folding chairs. Michonne, Rosita, Aaron, Gabriel, and Ezekiel were in their seats waiting for us. Rick motioned for me to sit in the first pew and made his way up to the stage, taking his seat beside Michonne; Daryl sat next to me and gave me a reassuring nod.
"Michaela, how have you been?" Aaron asked.
"I've been strugglin', but I've been doin' much better." I answered.
"Any urges to kill?"
"The urge never goes away, I'm just more in control of my urges.
"Ezekiel told us about you serving your community service, plus more." Michonne added. "Why more?"
"I don't like bein' useless. I may got one arm, but even one armed people can learn to tie a tie."
"We spoke with a bunch of people here about you, everyone had nothing but good things to say." Gabriel smiled. "I can't believe what I'm looking at. I mean, I don't think it's just me having one good eye, but you appear to be a completely changed woman."
"Changed? No...but more stable? Yes. I've done what was asked of me, plus more. I've been eatin', workin' out, keepin' myself busy in any way possible."
"After everything you've been through, do you think you're safe enough to be left unsupervised?" Ezekiel asked.
"I can't lie, I was nervous about it. I mean, a person who has a firm grasp on their mental health knows when it's right to question it, but after gettin' used to my treatment and findin' what works for me...yeah, I think I am." The council looked at one another and smiled.
"What about Negan?" Rosita butted in.
"Here we go." I quietly groaned. "What about 'em?"
"You were his fucking tumor before the war ended, did everything you could to keep him around afterwards. I have to question your loyalty on this."
"My loyalty lies with my people."
"And Negan?"
"Negan is a prisoner, nothin' more."
"So we can kill him and be done with it?"
"I didn't say that." Rosita instantly rolled her eyes. "It ain't your decision who dies and who lives, Rosita. Rick made the decision to keep 'em as a prisoner, and what Rick says goes." Rosita turned to Rick.
"He's stayin'." Rick nodded. "He's an example of our future." Rosita instantly scoffed and sat back in her seat.
"Look, chicka, I know ya don't like me, but I honestly don't give a fuck no more. I did everythin' I could do to try and make peace with ya, and I thought we were makin' some progress; I guess that sympathetic shit ya gave me when Joseph died was all for show, huh?" Rosita didn't respond. "I'm sorry Abraham died. I'm sorry Spencer died. I'm sorry I fell in love with Negan. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M FUCKIN' SORRY!" The room fell silent. "See, the thing is, it's all words. Words can't fix what has been broken, but actions can be glue if applied properly."
Rick held up his hand, instantly silencing Rosita before she could even retort. "Michaela, goin' over everythin', we can say that, without a doubt, you've followed your sentencin' to a T. I am proud of ya. However, this is a council decision, and we must take it into a vote."
"I vote no." Rosita argued. "We can't trust her. Once a snake, always a fucking snake. If it were up to me, she would've been on her own last year."
"Michonne?" Michonne looked me over, scrutinizing anything she could, but when she found nothing, she smiled.
"It's a yes for me." Michonne answered.
"Aaron?"
"She seems to have changed, I don't see the harm of giving her a chance to prove she's capable of being unsupervised." Aaron responded. "I vote yes."
"Gabriel?"
"You say your urge never goes away, question is, what do you do when the urge arises?" Gabriel asked. "How long will forcing away your urges work?"
"I've got a good support system, I've been taught how to handle my urges properly." I reassured.
"How?"
"Distraction and isolation. I isolate myself from the person and distract myself with somethin' requires my full concentration."
"Such as?"
"Needle point." Everyone looked at me with disbelief.
"Really?" Rick asked
"No!" I laughed. "Nah, I've been findin' that just gettin' shit done keeps me distracted. Hell, I've went as far as makin' clothes. Well, not exactly makin' clothes, just some stencils and dye to bring back a sense of fashion."
"Ya never had a sense of fashion." Daryl smirked.
"Oh, bite me." I laughed. "But seriously, I mainly do it for the kids around here."
"It's true." Ezekiel added. "She made Henry a nice shirt a few weeks ago. I have no problems with her being on her own."
"Gabriel?" Rick asked once more.
"I'm sorry, Michaela, but I just don't know if you're truly ready." Gabriel sighed. "My answer is no." Everyone turned to Rick, my fate rested in his hands. Rick looked at everyone and finally turned to me.
"Michaela Dixon...your sentence has been served." Rick softly smiled. "You're free to go."