Hey there, reader,
Thank you for all the well wishes, I am back on track! 💪🏼😊
Enjoy this chapter and let me know if you would like to read a flashback next or you are ready for some more drama as Avery arrives to the office party?
As promised, Jared got home early afternoon on Wednesday, just as I to spend our last day together which wasn't as much fun as I hoped for. He had to pack, so we went to his place and I helped him pack two suitcases full and one suitcase only for his beloved Gucci accessories.
We had food break and by the time we were ready the Sun was setting and since he has to wake up super early we decided to go to bed early.
To my surprise, when I got out of the bathroom in one of Jared's over sized shirts and my panties, Jared was sitting in bed, under the covers, laptop in his lap, glasses on, which was a rare moment. He looked focused and so cute, I just sneaked under the blanket next to him, grabbing my phone.
"Look, if the paps won't leave you alone just come here; you know you can move in any time," Jared stated as he looked up to me from his laptop as I was checking social media if they are giving out my address.
I smiled at him touched; him not even realizing he just casually offered me to move in... okay maybe not with him, because he won't be home but anyway.
"Thanks... I will see. They probably know you will be away, then I won't be that interesting anymore," smiling I turned back to my phone.
"Could be," nodding he turned his attention back to his laptop.
Around an hour passed with both of us quietly getting lost in our own devices, but for the past twenty minutes I was just scrolling through instagram bored, hoping Jared finishes up with whatever he is doing soon, but it didn't seem to happen.
Did I want sex? Not the slightest, to be honest, but I also missed his closeness and I knew this is our last night together for some time and I didn't want to leave him hanging.
Although he did seem calm and careless in the past days without sex, but I knew now he just doesn't dare to mention it because he knows I don't enjoy. And I really did miss him, but I was also scared of the pain.
Even though we both knew there was an issue what needed to be talked about, none of us brought it up since yesterday evening when it turned out pregnancy is not the cause.
But at least, now that he knows that was why I acted off and avoided him he stopped giving me the cold shoulder.
"What'ya doin'?" I asked with a smile, moving closer, hugging his upper arm around, resting my head on his shoulder as I looked at the screen, seeing a bunch of new merch samples for Mars Island this year.
"Deciding on some styles," he answered as he was picking out colors and fonts. "We are way behind with the Mars store update..."
"Can I help?" I asked remembering the times when I spent days creating ideas with Jared and putting them into action, amazed by seeing the clothes come alive and just generally having so much fun in the process.
He did have a team of help but as usual, he loved being in control of his own brand, working on it day and night.
"Nah, these are just the last changes before sending them forward," muttering his eyes were glued onto the screen and I sighed, stroking through his arm.
I really wanted to remind him that this is our last night together, but I also knew how he does not approve of dragging him away from work. Everything has to go as he planned, and if he planned to finish it today, then no one can tell him otherwise.
"You can go to sleep, it's fine; just turn off the light," he said turning his head to leave a kiss on top of my head.
Looking up to him uncertain, I pulled away with a sigh.
Walking to turn down the light, I watched as the blue light reflected in his glasses, the slight frown of his eyebrows as he was focused on the screen.
Licking my lips, I climbed back under the blanket.
"When do you need to wake up tomorrow?" I asked clicking onto my alarm.
"Four will be fine."
Nodding, I set the alarm, then laying down I turned to my side watching Jared, feeling a sense of longing; the less attention he gave me the more I craved.
I knew he had to work, but I also knew HIM. I knew that the less attention he gave me, the less it bugged him that he can't have me, and I knew he did this for me. Because I don't feel like it. If after all these days I would ask him to snuggle me and shower me with kisses he would just get horny and frustrated.
I wanted to get intimate in the last days but he stopped me saying not to do it only because I think he wants it...
But as I kept looking at him, picturing his naked body, I couldn't help to feel the urge of wanting to touch him. Be close to him and in a split second, I decided that that is exactly what I am going to do.
I slowly sneaked my arm between the laptop and his body, gently caressing his belly under the shirt.
Peeking up to him, I saw him sending me a tight smile as he shifted, sitting more up, looking back to his screen.
My heart picked up a faster pace as my hand slipped between his legs, caressing his cock through his pants and I bit my lips.
"Baby, what's your plan?" he asked looking back down at me.
"You are," I set up, my hand not leaving him as I kissed into his neck.
"Avery..." breathed as I felt him shiver.
"I want to please you..." I whispered into his ear, as I didn't waste my time driving my hand into his sweatpants, feeling him jerk under my palm. "Let me..." I moaned caressing his cock and smiled as I saw his eyes close and a deep moan left his lips making my heart flutter.
"You don't..."
I kissed his lips gently to stop him from talking.
"Can you take a break from work?" I asked with a smile running my fingers up his thigh, his body jerking into it.
"Fuck... fuck, yeah.." his voice low as he urgently grabbed his laptop and threw it onto the other side of the bed, then holding my waist he literally dragged me onto him as he kissed me deep, his hands tangling up in my hair.
Smiling, I kissed him back as I moved my hips on his, feeling his growing erection.
We haven't shared a passionate kiss in days and it felt so right.
I missed grabbing into his hair as he held me tight to his body, kissing each other hungryly.
I missed my favorite part, when during the kiss his palm finds its way slowley down my neck, resting it on my chest above my heart for a minute or so. It was such a small thing but he did it every single time and although I haven't figured out the reason behind it, it was a gesture what made the moment more intimate at least in my head.
"You... you feeling better?" he breathed as he pulled his shirt off me, palming both of my breasts.
"Just because I'm a mess doesn't mean that I don't miss you..." I gave him a twisted answer, as I cupped his face.
Looking up to me, he sighed.
"Av..."
"I love you," smiling, I kissed him again then slowly moving down his body, I appreciated every muscle with tender kisses, and by the time I got to remove his pants, there was nothing left to the imagination.
He was standing hard and shiny and sucking on the tip his hips jerked up.
I looked up to him as I teased him with my tongue and he locked his gaze with mine, biting his lower lip.
"You're fucking beautiful," he growled, grabbing into my hair and confidence took over me as I started to pleasure him with all my love, giving every single part of me to him.
I still felt his taste on my lips as I watched his lean back, our hands clasped while I cried out his name when his tongue brought me to climax, and although a lingering dull pain followed shortly after, it was nothing compared to the pleasure he gave me.
"Avery, you are everything..." Jared breathed as he laid next to me, caressing my hair out of my face.
I smiled still breathless as he reached to cup my breast, caressing it gently as he kissed into my neck.
His hand lazily stroked a pattern on my body as I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling.
"Did you call for an appointment at the doctor?" he asked after a couple of minutes.
"uhum..." I nodded, turning towards him, as he hugged me close, pulling the blanket onto us.
"When?"
"Next Monday..." I whispered, snuggling close to him, resting my thigh between his as our faces were only inches away and I leaned in to brush my nose to his with a light smile.
"Call me as soon as you know anything, deal? No secrets, no lies, no nothing. I wanna know every single detail, even if it was me who... hurt you, I don't know," he muttered kissing my forehead long.
"Jay, you're big, alright, but not that big to hurt me especially to this stage; lower your self image," I had to chuckle on this thought of his; just what he thinks of himself? "You did nothing wrong," I smiled shaking my head.
He shook his head with an embarassed laugh.
"You're just so fucking fragile," he sighed, caressing my arm through.
"I'll be fine."
"I wish I could be there with you."
"I bet it is nothing serious, you know in a woman's system so many things can go wrong... and so many things can cause dis-function or pain what usually can be treated with medication. Please don't worry," I asked.
"Okay..." he breathed.
As we stopped talking I felt my body fall into a peaceful state and my mind slowly faded into sleep when Jared's whisper made me jerk back to reality.
"Are you sure it is not pregnancy?"
"You saw the result, didn't you?" I muttered, barely audible as I didn't even open my eyes.
"But it can't be hundred percent sure..." he continued. "Should we do one more before I leave? I can wake up earlier..."
"I am going to the doctor's anyway next week and... pregnancy tests can be false positive but false negative is very uncommon after two weeks..."
"But it can happen, can't it?"
I sighed opening my eyes just to see his ones searching for reassurance.
"It... it can happen but..."
"Can we do one more in the morning? Please," he asked, the nervousness in his voice was unavoidable by now and I couldn't help but give a special notice to him stopping the caressing, resting his palm on my belly as he gently rubbed it with his thumb.
I swallowed back my tears of emptiness, just knowing that there is no baby and never will be.
"I have... one more at home, but you have to leave so early..." I sighed, caressing his cheeks, feeling like I need to do one more test just to ease his mind.
"We go there then... half past three." he stated and I nodded as I closed back my eyes.
Couldn't help but wonder if he could be right... if this time it could turn out positive. Even if deep down I knew it won't.
Snuggling under the blanket I managed to turn my mind off due to being super tired anyway, when I felt Jared's hand move onto my lower back and pulled me even closer, speaking up again.
"Maybe it's the alcohol. You drink too much; it threw you off balance..."
"Jared, please let's leave this for the doctor to figure out," I asked already having enough of MY own scenarios, I don't need HIS ones too.
Another long minutes passed...
"But I'm leaving tomorrow... I need to know, I need to know now," I heard his muffled voice and opening my eyes I saw him turning his head from the pillow, the tears on his cheeks shining up in the moonlight coming through the window. "I hate to know you're in pain, I hate to not know why and I hate to think of the worst."
"Me too..." I whispered hating to think about this potentially being something serious.
"We should go to the emergency room now. Let's go, I take you," he sat up but I pulled him back.
"I don't want to. Please rest; you need rest. And I will go to the doctor soon, I'm fine! Please!"
"I wish I could help but... I don't have any clue how..." he muttered as new tears escaped, running through his face, onto the pillow. "I don't have an answer," brushing his tears away he looked at me helpless.
"You don't always have to have the answer," I whispered. "I will be fine, I promise. It's doesn't hurt anymore as it did."
He nodded rubbing his nose.
"Fuck, I forgot how fucked up love is. It reminds me that I have a heart... and fucking emotions... aaaah" he rubbed his face as he turned onto his back.
"It's okay. You know I always knew that, don't be angry," I asked leaning above him, resting my palms on his chest, feeling his heart is racing. "It just makes me love you even more. It always did," smiling I caressed his hair out of his forehead.
"You're a freak!"
I just shrugged with a smile laying onto my side, facing away from him.
"Spoon me," I whined and then my lips curled into a smile as I felt him snuggling up to me.
"Hmmm... I missed sleeping like this," he mumbled into my hair.
"Me too," I breathed, hugging his arm around me.
"Negative..." I sighed walking out of my bathroom at four in the morning, not mentioning to Jared the tiredness and nausea I felt.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair.
His eyes were red and heavy as he looked back at me.
"Okay... well..." he sighed as he pulled me into a hug.
We both were tired and nervous.
"Please enjoy the tour, okay?" I asked pulling away, to cup his cheeks, caressing his beard.
"As soon as you tell me you are healthy and fine," he stated hugging me again, pushing his face into my neck.
I loved his emotional outbursts before leaving; before he puts on his "Rockstar mask"; the forever actor.
"Deal," I smiled.
"We start in Canada making our way back down here so as time goes you can visit more often."
"Sounds great. I miss your concerts," I smiled wide. "Hurricane!"
"I'll sing that just for you when you come," he winked and I clapped excited then pressed a loud kiss on his lips.
"Take care and have some fun; but not TOO much," I smiled playing with his hair at the nape of his neck.
Laughing he caressed my hair behind my shoulder.
"And you go to that New Year's work party and have a great time," he asked and I sighed with a nod. "But not TOO great," he narrowed his eyes.
"Don't worry about that," I giggled.
Smiling he raised his head to kiss my forehead long.
"I love you. So very much," I felt his lips brushing my forehead as he whispered those words and I smiled with closed eyes, mostly because that beard was all over my face.
"Go before you make me cry again," I whined with a desperate laugh, hating long good byes more and more. "Love you. Call me when you land."
"I will."
I managed to leave him happy and excited by the time he got out of my apartment but as soon as he left, my smile disappeared, leaving my heart ache just a little bit for him, while I was relieved he was gone so I don't have to pretend anymore.
Now I didn't only feel awful physically but emotionally as well. Being away from him for so long was something I still was not used to, even if it has almost been a year since I'm not working for him.
Making my way to my bed, I laid down as I let my tears fall; soaking up the pillow which still smelled like Jared and I hugged it tight.