aster flowers represent patience
______
(Y/N) doesn't think she's ever really been free.
Ever since she could remember she's had to follow every word that left her parent's mouths to a T. If they didn't want her going to a friend's house because they didn't feel the family was right in their eyes (that could mean a multitude of things according to them, whether that be not religious enough, not educated enough, or even if they didn't have enough money), (Y/N) wouldn't go. They didn't want her going to see a movie with the few friends she was allowed to have, even when she was in high school, they wouldn't allow her to go citing the fear of her running into boys that could "take advantage" of her as the reason as to why she couldn't go. She couldn't even stay later at school to go to a sporting event or school production, or even to finish up some work, without them flipping out over the fact that other students could influence her to "question her morals" as they put it.
They monitored everything in her life; her friends had to be "approved" before she could hang out with them, her clothing had to be what they described as a "good representation of the family". They even blocked certain shows and movies on her TV they didn't want her watching (she didn't even know MTV existed out of the 80's), and, better yet, they wouldn't allow her to take certain classes in school. Not only had they put her into an all girls private school, but they had deliberately chose her classes for her, and forbade ones they found unnecessary. She had to load up on math and English classes but she was definitely not allowed to even entertain the thought of taking a music or drama class and definitely not one of those fun Home Ec. classes all her friends got to take.
So (Y/N)'s pretty sure she's never been free.
Even now as a university student, out of her parents house and effectively out from under their thumb as well, they've drilled in to her so much fear of what her life would be like if she didn't live up to their standards. She felt like she was almost conditioned into being exactly the person her parents expected her to be. She didn't choose to be this person; she didn't choose it out of love and respect for the people that raised her but out of fear and anxiety of what would happen if she didn't live up. She knew they couldn't exactly discipline her anymore, but she's always worried of what they would do if they did just happen to see her finally relax. So she didn't.
Sure, she was able to watch whatever she wanted on TV (she's in love with Jersey Shore, she just loves how they don't care about anything and do what they want), she wears whatever she likes, and she actually has a couple of friends her parents don't even know about! But it really just ends there. Every other trait and idiosyncrasy that her parents drilled into her, just stuck. She didn't stay out late, she didn't drink, she's never had a boyfriend or even really entertained the thought of having male friends (she thinks that maybe the combination of her parents and the private school basically stunted her social skills in the boy department). She wishes it wasn't like this, that she wasn't like this.
All she's ever wanted to be was free.
—————
One of (Y/N)'s favorite things about moving away from her parents is her roommate. She really was worried for a bit considering her parents decided that (Y/N) couldn't pick one for herself and thought they should do it for her. They screened each of her potential roommates (mostly they just went online and went over the bios they had on Craigslist and roommates.com) before allowing her to move out, and scoped out the area before even mentioning anything about it to her. Since they did end up choosing the place and person for her, (Y/N) was worried it would be just like living with her parents and be just like it was when she was growing up instead of actually growing up. But she really lucked out with Sarah.
(Y/N) really has no idea how Sarah was "approved" by her parents (she figures she had to have lied a bit on her profile to make her sound like the perfect roommate and overall pristine person that's never done any wrong), but she's so glad she did. She is fun, and kind, and understanding of why (Y/N) isn't always on board with the more spontaneous and crazy things she wants to do. And she's not perfect, which is (Y/N)'s most favorite thing about her. She makes mistakes; she comes home late at night drunk sometimes, she buys extravagant things that she really doesn't need, she brings home weird friends, she has tattoos, and, get this, she even plays the drums! She's not the type of perfect that (Y/N) grew up with and was expected to be. Sarah is just weird and fun and cool and (Y/N) is so happy to know her.
"Hey, (Y/N), do you work tomorrow night?" Sarah called through the apartment, coming out of her room to the living room. Usually when Sarah asks about plans it means she has something cooking up.
"Yeah, but I'm off at, like, seven. Why?" (Y/N) worked at the campus library as somewhat of a librarian. Mostly she just goes around and reshelves returned and misplaced books, and helps check in and out books; it's quite easy she thinks and the pay is pretty well for not having to do much hard work.
"I'm thinking about inviting a couple of friends over, and I want you to meet Mitch, finally. If that's okay with you, of course," Sarah explains. Mitch is her fairly new boyfriend; usually Sarah goes to his house knowing how (Y/N) feels about boys being in her personal spaces sometimes (a trait drilled into her from her parents, unfortunately).
"Y-yeah, that's fine. Who's all coming?" (Y/N) asks. She really does feel bad for being like this to Sarah. She doesn't like asking all of these questions and being all skittish around her friends; this is her home just as much as it is (Y/N)'s and Sarah should be able to do whatever she pleases without worrying about her baby of a roommate.
"I'm going to see if my friend Clare is free to come over, you'll love her, and Mitch said he'd bring his roommate. So you won't be third wheeling or anything if that's what you're worried about."
As nervous as it made (Y/N) to think about, all these people she's never met coming into her area and just seeing her and all of these things about herself she keeps to herself. She really knows it's not that big of a deal, it's not like they're going to follow her into the bathroom or stay the night in her room, it's just a bit nerve wracking to think that she won't really know how to act in her own home. She doesn't want to make everyone uncomfortable by acting like the person her parents made her, but she doesn't want to be anything but perfect in front of these strangers.
"Yeah that's fine. Do you want me to bring home food?"
—————
"Bye Avery, bye Elizabeth! I'll see you guys tomorrow!"
At 6:58, (Y/N) was able to clock out and get out of the library and pick up the pizza Sarah had requested on the walk home.
(Y/N) doesn't think she's been jittery like this since her school days and she'd have to bring home her report card knowing there was a "B" on it. And she knows she really just needs to relax, but she also knows that that's just not going to happen.
She just really hopes everyone is nice.
—————
"(Y/N), you're home!"
Everyone was already there and all set up by the time (Y/N) had made it home. A pretty girl, (Y/N) assumed was Clare, was sat in the chair across from the doorway while Sarah and a man she assumed was Mitch were sat next to one another on the couch, with another boy sat on the other end.
"Y-Yeah, and I have pizza," (Y/N) greeted, lifting the pizza boxes a bit higher for everyone to see. She sat the pizza on the coffee table and started settling in; unzipping her jacket and putting her bag away as best she could with her jittery hands.
As everyone started digging into the pizzas, Sarah went around introducing everyone. (Y/N) was right in assuming who Clare and Mitch were, and the last boy left was actually named Harry.
The lot of them all said their greetings, both Mitch and Clare offering her a nod of the head and a nice to meet you with a smile. (Y/N) reciprocated both of their introductions, until it got to Harry. He barely spared her so much as a glance before ignoring her greeting, instead reaching for some pizza.
She was a tiny bit taken aback if she's being honest. Clare and Mitch and anyone Sarah has brought home was always very nice or at the very least, answered her back when she worked up the courage to say hello. She doesn't know if maybe Harry is just like that; maybe like her, he takes a minute to come out of his shell or maybe he just had a rough day or just something that would make him not be so polite. But (Y/N) decided it was none of her business anyway, instead just letting it go and reaching for some pizza herself.
Although she was a tiny bit on the fence about Harry as of right now (she's hoping he just need to warm up instead of just not being a fan of hers for some reason), (Y/N) was certain that her parents would flip if they saw her even in the same room as Harry. He had this long curly hair that looked just so pretty and soft and shiny. A hoop was pierced through his lip and a stud pushed through the side of his nose, which just topped off the rest of his look. As far as she could see, Harry was covered in tattoos. His arms filled with whole sleeves of pictures ranging from flowers and little doodles to a topless mermaid and all of these other designs, large and small. Tattoos trailed out of the neckline of his black tee shirt, winding to the back of his neck and seemingly disappearing into his hairline. He even had tattoos on his hands, spanning atop with small tendrils of vine looking drawings trailing up his fingers, halted by the many assorted rings adorning his fingers. He even had his nails painted! And to top it all off, (Y/N) thinks she sees eyeliner on the waterline of his eyes.
She knows she probably shouldn't find him so attractive and soft yet solid and broad and a little bit scary but still just cute! She could only imagine the heart attack her parents would collectively have at hearing her thoughts about him. And maybe she shouldn't be oogling this boy that doesn't seem to want to talk to her, so even if she did grow up and decide to speak to him in like a romantic way, he probably wouldn't even spare a glance.
But he's just so cute!
"(Y/N), love, how was work?" Sarah called, interrupting her thoughts.
(Y/N) finished chewing her bite of pizza, and taking time to stop thinking of this Harry and focus on being normal. "It was fine. Kind of slow, no one needing to do any last minute cramming, yet."
"(Y/N) works at the library just down the block from your shop, H, " Sarah explained, tipping her head towards Harry. Her gaze moved back to (Y/N), answering her unspoken question, "He's the owner of the tattoo place on fifth."
(Y/N) nodded her head along to what Sarah said. It makes a lot of sense that he would work at a tattoo parlor considering the way he's created his body into a sketch pad of sorts.
(Y/N) decides to try to contribute somewhat to this conversation, deciding that maybe Harry might not talk to others much because he's shy or just takes a minute to open up and (Y/N) knows all about that. So she offers some form of conversation starter to him; still shy, leaning towards the meek side, (Y/N) softly says, "That's really cool. H-How long have you been there?"
All he offers is a nod of his head, an mhm, and a mumbled "a few years" as a response and that was it. He barely even looked at her has he did it.
Clare then started speaking about another project she had been working on (she very casually inserts to (Y/N) that she owned her own business and (Y/N)'s not sure how she isn't just screaming that from the rooftops, she found it so impressive), and (Y/N) could see Mitch throw Harry a glance that could only be described as reprimanding, but everyone very quickly moved on from the very awkward and obvious tension. (Y/N) is pretty sure it's a one sided feeling, but she feels the disdain in the air almost as if it were her own.
(Y/N) really hopes this is just because they're still pretty much strangers and has nothing to do with her. She knew she should've just acted like her parents were watching instead of trying to pretend like she was anything like Sarah and her cool friends.
—————
"It was really nice to meet you guys. We should do this again soon," (Y/N) called as the three of them got ready to leave. (Y/N) gave a hug to Clare, offered a small wave to Mitch (she thinks he's very nice and he's quiet so she appreciates that very much, but (Y/N) doesn't think it's a good idea for a hug yet), and did the same for Harry even though she's pretty sure he didn't even look at her to see it. Sarah said her own goodbyes, giving hugs to them all, and kissing Mitch before letting them out the door.
As Sarah locked the door behind them, and (Y/N) cleaned up the pizza boxes and other trash that was left behind, (Y/N) decided to ask the one question that had been pressing her all night.
"Is Harry usually like that?" she asked, not meeting Sarah's eyes. She didn't want to seem nosy or just weird for asking about him when she had just met him, but the curiosity was killing her.
"What do you mean?" Sarah replied, acting as if she wasn't there the whole night.
"He-uh-He was kind of impolite, I guess," (Y/N) explained timidly. She genuinely felt bad for saying that about him, she doesn't know what his life is like so who knows what he's feeling or going through to maybe make him not so up to date with manners. She also just didn't want to be that person just talks behind other's backs.
"Oh, yeah, kind of. As far as I know, he's just not very talkative and he's not that good with people. Him and Mitch have been good friends for awhile now and Mitch has said that he just takes a bit to open up and warm up to others. Mitch is one of the only people Harry hangs out with regularly aside from the guys he works with. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by not really talking to you much," Sarah explains, very nonchalant about something (Y/N) couldn't stop thinking about.
"I'm sorry for being weird and stuff. I know it's none of my business about what your friends do and say and all, but I just got kind of anxious, I guess, when he wasn't as nice as the others," (Y/N) rambled, barely pausing to breath when she let out her unnecessary apology.
"(Y/N), really, it's fine. I asked Mitch the same thing when I met H. It took a couple of times of me going over for him to start getting a bit warmer towards me. And I can promise you he's really a nice person and doesn't mean to hurt anyone, he's just a bit tense. You're fine, you don't have to be sorry," Sarah comforted. She has a very wonderful way of making (Y/N) feel normal and not some type of weird, sheltered, little girl. "But other than that, did you have a good time?"
"Yeah! I really like Clare and Mitch seems very nice, and I can tell he likes you a lot. If all of you were okay with me, um, tagging along, I guess, would you mind if I hung out with you all more? If not, that's fine! I don't want to invite myself if I'm not welcome," (Y/N) rushed, her words getting tripped up over her nerves. She really did like them even if Harry wasn't a big fan of her's, and (Y/N) would love to have some friends.
"Yeah of course! I'll make sure and ask when everyone would be free again."
(Y/N) just needs to forget about Harry's little attitude and just be happy that Sarah even introduced her to new people.
—————
(Y/N) knows she has a bit of a tendency to develop fleeting crushes on people who show her even the slightest bits of niceness. But usually when she develops these little fantasies, it's because a stranger smiled at her or told her her hair looked pretty and not because some tattooed boy barely acknowledged her existence. Her momentary affection for these strangers lasts, at most, maybe an hour or two (there's only so much you can dwell on in a 5 second interaction), but this Harry has managed to stick with her for a week and a half. She didn't constantly think of him, but maybe she would see someone's tattoos and think of Harry's own doodles. Or once or twice she would see the wisp of a brown curl on someone on the walk in between classes and she would just about lose her breath. He shouldn't have stuck with her like this, but he had.
(Y/N) likes to think that she's not really a superficial person or someone that judges people by what they look like (mostly because that's how she would describe her parents and she doesn't want to be anything like them, if she can help it), but she's starting to think that her affection towards Harry is coming from how cute he is and how he's just so different and not like anyone she's ever even given a second glance. She's never been so attracted to someone that can apply their eyeliner better than she does. And she doesn't even know him! All she knows is that he likes tattoos, he's owned his own shop for "a few years" and from the few conversations she tuned into that night, he still hasn't watched the Black Mirror Bandersnatch show but he knows all the endings, and that he kind of wants to try a gel topcoat for his nails next time. She also might be just romanticizing him because she wants him to be the type of person that she has little daydreams about—a soft, caring boy who just needs a bit of help opening up but when he does he's just the most loving and affectionate boyfriend that's ever existed outside of a romantic comedy—, but (Y/N) also thinks he might be the best listener and best friend she's ever seen. She saw the way he interacted with the rest of the group, giving whoever was talking his full attention. Not once did she see him pick up his phone in the middle of another's story, and the only time he really was even a bit distracted from a conversation was when he would reach for another slice of pizza or if he had to adjust how he was sitting on the couch.
But (Y/N) promises she's trying to forget about him! It's not like he was even nice to her or anything; he was more standoffish than anything else. She thinks it might just be the time of the year that she just feel extra lonely or something (when it gets warmer outside and she sees all these couples and blooming flowers, it makes her focus on her love life more than usual). She just needs some stranger to accidentally bump into her and put their hand on her back or shoulder or something and her affection for Harry will be dead and gone.
But it looked like Sarah had other plans.
"Today's your day off from the library, right? All you have is your sociology class and then you're free?" Sarah asked, just getting home from her morning classes. (Y/N) was sat on the couch in the living room, working on an online quiz she was meant to finish before she went to class this afternoon.
"Yeah, why?" (Y/N) answered, barely paying attention to what she was asking instead focusing on what the differences between pseudoscience and science were.
"Clare has a friend that's in a band and they have a gig tonight and their drummer had to back out last minute, and they asked if I could fill in. And before you say no, I know you don't like going to things like this, but this is a really big deal to me! I usually don't get opportunities like this and it would just mean a lot if you came along," Sarah started rambling, not allowing (Y/N) to fit a word in, "And of course, Clare is going to be there and Mitch said he'd come and I know you're iffy about Harry but he's coming too so you won't be alone. Please?"
(Y/N) almost felt out of breath herself after listening to Sarah's speech. She was going to say yes no matter what Sarah had to say, she already knew how much drumming and music meant to her and she didn't need Sarah's list of reasons to come along. "Of course, I'll come, Sarah. Don't worry about me. I know how much this means to you, so I'll be there."
Sarah hashed out all the details for her with time and place and she even helped her pick out her outfit (it was this cute, gauzy pink crop top and a pair of soft washed jeans with hearts stitched across the legs that Sarah said made her butt look really good)! Since Sarah had to go early to help set up and Mitch offered to go along and help, Clare would take (Y/N) to the venue along with Harry.
If she's being honest, (Y/N) is the most nervous about seeing Harry again. She's nervous in the butterflies in her tummy type of way because she still thinks he's cute and she still has that dumb crush on him, but also in the headache inducing way that has more so to do with the fact that he isn't really the nicest to her. But if it's the sacrifice she has to make to be able to be there for Sarah after she's been there for her so many times before, then she'll do it.
—————
"Bye Sarah! I know you don't need it, but good luck!" (Y/N) said, hugging Sarah goodbye, "I'll see you soon!"
Sarah said her own goodbye and left with Mitch following behind her after shooting (Y/N) a smile and a wave. Now (Y/N) had a good two hours before Clare said she'd come get her, to get ready and do all the breathing exercises she found on the internet that are supposed to help calm you down.
An hour and a half later, (Y/N) was just finishing up her makeup, having already done her hair and gotten dressed when she got a text from Clare saying that her car was acting up and she was probably going to be late. (Y/N) was going to send her a message back letting her know that was going to be just fine and to take her time and make sure she could get here safely but then the three dots popped up again before she could hit send. She waited a moment to see what else Clare had to say before replying, but by the time she read the new message she kind of wishes she hadn't.
Clare
I don't think I'm going to be able to make it tonight. I have to wait on a tow truck and then I have to get it all checked out. I asked Harry if he could take you tonight instead. He said he can, but only if it's okay with you!! I'm so sorry!!
(Y/N) didn't even really know what to say. She doesn't want to miss Sarah's show, and she also don't want to make Clare feel bad for being late or anything. The thought of being alone with Harry, a guy that she was in the same room with but she's still not sure if he even knows she's a person, makes her stomach twist in a way she can only remember happening when her parents would ask about career plans. Not only is she going to be alone with Harry, but this would also be the first time that she's alone with a boy in general, and that just adds another one hundred levels to her anxiety.
But if she wants to be apart of these friends she's going to have to get over a lot of things and at least try to fit in.
Yeah, that's fine, don't be sorry! Do you know when he'll be here?
Just as the three dots appeared, (Y/N) heard a knock on her door.
Clare
He said he'd be there around now.
(Y/N) just locked her phone and had to take a moment and do her breathing exercises. In the rush of surprise after the knock, (Y/N) didn't even realize that it had been a couple of minutes since he has arrived and she was just pacing and breathing in intervals. Not until he knocked again.
She rushed to the door, not allowing herself to think before pulling the door open. As expected, Harry still looked like the dangerous daydream she's been envisioning for the past week. His tattoos seemed to be darker, his eyeliner still a deep and unsmudged black, his hair messier, his nails a more vivid black (she's guessing he did actually pick up that gel top coat he had talked about), and his features sharper as if more time had passed than a week.
"Are you ready?" His deep voice broke her of her staring.
"Um-what?" (Y/N) knew and heard exactly what he said but for some reason she short circuited at the sound of his voice.
With a roll of his eyes and a huff of his breath, Harry responded with, "'M going to Sarah's show with or without you. 'M only doing this for her and Clare, so if you're not ready I don't care."
And with that, he left the threshold of her apartment and back down the hall to the elevator. She quickly grabbed a jacket she's pretty sure had a cranberry juice stain on it and followed after him, "I-Wait up. I'm sorry!"
She had made it just in time to catch the elevator door before it closed. She also thought this would be good practice at being alone with him; to maybe figure out if there's anyway to subtly fight off an asthma attack or a way to regulate her heartbeat all by herself.
He was stood in one corner of the elevator his arms folded with his phone out. Once again, if not for her breathing, (Y/N) would be pretty sure he didn't even know that she was in there.
—————
"Where-uh-do you want me to sit?"
(Y/N) was stood off to the side of Harry's car in the apartment parking lot, waiting for some form of direction from him. She would usually sit in the front passenger of a friend's car but since this really isn't a friend and he's also a boy, and this is overall weird for her she just doesn't know. What if she's not supposed to sit next to him, and when she does he just looks at her like she's crazy or something. Or what if she sits in the back and he thinks that she's stuck up or something and it just all goe—
"In the trunk."
"I-what?" (Y/N) didn't even consider that choice.
"'M jus' fucking with you. Sit in the front, you're an adult right?" His monotone voice didn't waver even once during his 'joke'.
"Y-Yeah."
She got in the passenger seat next to him, avoiding his eyes and hiding her blushing face from him. He started up the car and started on their way to the venue. The radio was Bluetooth connected to Harry's phone, shuffling a playlist (Y/N) could see was titled crying but in a cool way with the sunglasses emoji next to it. First of all, (Y/N) couldn't imagine Harry using emojis, and second, she's pretty sure, just from the few interactions she's had with him, that Harry has never cried in his life. No way a man that has willingly gotten that many tattoos, and two—two!—facial piercings has cried at all during his adult life. Also she just doesn't understand the title. From what she could tell it sounds like a bunch of fun songs so why would he want to cry? Either way, she's definitely not going to ask.
Five minutes had already passed, and as far as (Y/N) knew the venue was a good half hour away, and no one had said a word yet. Which usually (Y/N) isn't one for much conversation, thoroughly enjoying the quiet, but this was really getting to her. She already feels pretty awful because she can't stop thinking about what her parents would say to her if they saw her alone with a boy—especially a boy like Harry. And she doesn't like just sitting there with the knowledge that Harry wasn't doing this to be nice or because he considered her even so much as an acquaintance, but because Sarah wanted her there.
She just feels awful.
She still wanted to try, though. Even if she can never get Harry to even like her, but if he's able to tolerate her, hopefully she'll be able to see the whole group of them more often and actually have friends.
"So, how long have you known Sarah?" she asked timidly, running her hand through her hair.
"Why does it matter?" he huffed. (Y/N) thinks that if he weren't driving he'd have rolled his eyes too.
"I-...I don't know, sorry," was all she offered in response. She shifted in her seat, shuffling closer to the door as a way to recoil from his words. At least she tried, right?
(Y/N) was listening to the music set in the background (she thinks the playlist might have been called that because it sounds like fun songs, but when you listen to the words they're actually quite sad, so she gets the joke now), when she heard Harry let out a sigh. Not a huff, a sigh!
"I met her a couple of days after her and Mitch started seeing each other. Brought her over to our place; said she had a roommate that was weird about strangers or somethin', so they couldn't go to your flat ever..." (Y/N) felt a little more okay knowing that he was trying, at least, to tolerate her, even though she wasn't sure if his tone reflected that. "How did you meet?"
Oh! He's actually asked her something, and it wasn't necessarily in a nice or particularly interested tone but, it's something! "I—well, my parents, actually, found her on roommates.com, and they really liked her and her apartment so they let me move in with her over the summer! She's always so nice to me, and I really like her and I'm so lucky to have gotten her as a roommate!"
"Tha's nice."
(Y/N) thinks so, too.
—————
The venue wasn't exactly what (Y/N) was expecting. As far as she knew, the only places music was played were the clubs that all of the Jersey Shore cast went to, and fancy theaters where classical music is played like the ones her parents would go to and leave her for hours at a time for. But this place. It was dark and had a bar like those clubs but it didn't have flashing lights and gross, sweaty people. There was a stage up a level higher than the regular floor, adjacent to a bar, saddled by a set of very large speakers. It looked like the kind of place Harry would go.
And it seemed like he did, judging by the way everyone seemed to know him. Random patrons shot him smiles and waves, offering greetings and asking how he was. Even the bartender knew his name. (Y/N) thought Harry was supposed to just be mean to people, and not just her.
"Hey H. Are you here to watch Sarah?" the bartender greeted, leaning up against the bar. Harry took a seat on one of the stools, setting his elbows atop the counter.
"Hey Adam. Yeah, do y'know when the set starts?"
As the two of them started talking, (Y/N) wasn't sure what to do. She took a seat next to Harry, facing away from the two of them and towards the stage that had Sarah's drum kit set up on it. She kind of wanted to ask this Adam for a water, but there was no way she was going to take the little tolerance that Harry had built up towards her, and tear it all down by interrupting his conversation. So she just sat and tuned it all out, waiting for Sarah's set to start which she knew started in another twenty minutes, but she didn't have to guts to tell Harry that right now.
"And what's your name? I didn't know H was seeing anyone. You don't look like his type, usually doesn't go for such nice looking girls." Adam ripped her out of her thoughts, and sending her hurdling through another rush of shock. She didn't even know what to address first; he asked for her name but also thought that Harry was her boyfriend and that she didn't look like his type, too nice. So she just let her face burn and her mouth sit agape like a flounder.
"Her name is (Y/N). And you're right, she's not m'type, so she's not m'girlfriend," Harry deadpanned, having apparently had enough of (Y/N)'s sudden aversion to answering the question. All (Y/N) did was jerkily nod her head to agree.
Adam got real quiet for a moment, before regaining his charm and introducing himself. "I'm sorry about that, didn't mean to make a—weird first impression, I guess. I'm Adam, nice to meet you." He offered a hand out for her to shake, which she politely took with a smile.
She mumbled a quick nice to meet you, too then allowed the two to continue their conversation. (Y/N) just stared at the stage, hoping—although knowing it wouldn't work—that if she stared long and hard enough time would move just a bit faster and Sarah's set would start and she wouldn't just be sitting there after hearing what she'd just heard come from Harry. It's really not that deep, she insists, that it's not like she was in love with Harry or whatever. She just had a teeny, tiny bit of a crush on him and his pretty hair, and beautiful tattoos, and cool demeanor, and nice eyes, and— But it doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean anything that he said (very definitively, she might add), that she was definitely not his type and not his girlfriend. Anyone could have said that, and she would have felt just as hurt, it's definitely not because Harry said it. She'll be over it—and him!—by the morning, she's sure. He hasn't offered any pleasantness and just barely started offering the bare minimum of politeness to her, and he's definitely never flirted or anything with her (she doesn't have too much first hand experience with that but she's seen enough movies and Jersey Shore to get an idea).
Rationally, (Y/N) knows that her staring did not make time move faster, but it felt like it when Mitch joined her and Harry at the bar, saying that Sarah's show was only a minute or two away. Adding to (Y/N)'s bit of discomfort and overall just unhappy mood, she's also just now realizing that the only two people she had to socialize with were two boys, one she's just barely met and the other halfway hates her, and she was also in a crowded venue. She has been a bit more adventurous as of late, she will admit, but this is one hundred percent out of her comfort zone, and it's just settling in that although Sarah is here, she can't talk to her, and Clare isn't going to make it.
So she's a tiny bit stressed.
"Hey, the set's starting!" Mitch called over the buzz in the room. (Y/N) could see Sarah and the rest of the band had entered the stage. Mitch left the bar and started towards the stage, getting ahead of the crowd that moved closer. (Y/N) thought it was very sweet how supportive he was of her, having already been here for hours to help set up a show he wasn't even apart of and still being so excited to see his girlfriend perform in a band that wasn't her's with songs he doesn't know. She hopes she meets someone like him someday.
"Are y'coming?" She heard a deep voice say, breaking her out of her thoughts. She hummed a questioning sound, looking towards her side where the voice came from. Harry was stood, going towards the stage, an expression that looked closest to that of annoyance on his face.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry!" She quickly got up off the barstool. She didn't think they were going to up front with Mitch, and as much as she loved Sarah and wants to support her, she also felt nice being that good distance away from the budding crowd. But she also just loved not being alone, so she dutifully followed after Harry.
They were able to maneuver themselves to a free spot next to Mitch, but the spot had only enough room for one of them. Without a word, Harry moved over the slightest bit, and allowed (Y/N) enough room to come up next to him rather than behind. Before she could get comfortable in her spot and find the best way to not make too much contact with the others in the audience, Harry places a hand on the small of her back (thanks to her crop top, she could feel a bit of contact from his warm fingers broken by the cool metal of his rings, and she was a big fan to say the least) and pushed her forward to the spot right in front of him and next to Mitch. She could feel his presence still behind her as he stood there creating a buffer between her and anyone that could come up behind her. (Y/N) thought it was quite nice of him to offer the place for her, seeing as how if he had taken it, she would never have been able to see over him at all. Maybe his tolerance for her was building, and allowing some common courtesy to seep through.
"Thank you," she offered, a sweet tone to her voice, tipping her head back to look at him behind her. She could see the corner of his mouth tilt up for a—very—fleeting second before disappearing. He just nodded his head and hummed, keeping his eyes on the stage.
—————
The set was going very well. She, surprisingly, liked the music they had made, and Sarah looked like she was having the time of her life. The vibe was an exciting one, which (Y/N) wasn't expecting when she factored in that she wasn't a big fan of crowds and the two people she was a fan of, one of which was one hundred percent focused on his girlfriend and the other wasn't too big a fan of her. But she was having fun!
She jumped up and down, careful not to step on Harry's feet, or bump into Mitch, and stopping a few times to snap a couple of pictures of Sarah to show her later and save for her birthday so she can post one of those cheesy posts on Instagram for her. As careful as she tried to be, she instead had landed wrong on her feet, tripped back against Harry. For a second between the panic at falling into Harry and just the embarrassment from falling at all, she was kind of amazed at how he didn't even stumble. His body stayed stable and firm in his spot, moving only his arms out to steady her at her waist.
"I'm sorry!" (Y/N) apologized hurriedly, swiveling her head to look behind her.
"It's fine," Harry deadpanned, a stoic look on his face, bordering on frustration almost, "just, be careful." His hands stayed on her waist for a second longer before letting go.
Unfortunately—(Y/N) feels anyway—they had no reason to interact for the rest of the gig.
—————
After the set ended, the band had quickly started taking down their set up on stage. Mitch went ahead and helped, leaving Harry and (Y/N) to find their way back to the place at the bar they had been at the beginning of the night. She could still feel a buzzing in her veins; she wanted to think it was just from the atmosphere of the show and seeing her friend on stage, but she knows that majority of it was from the crush she had intended to keep in itty-bitty proportions had grown much bigger than it should.
He just seemed like a different Harry than she had met. Still edged with annoyance and overall frustration at her presence, he seemed to be trying at least to be nice to her. And he touched her! She knows a hand on her back and a steadying grip on her waist really means next to nothing, a stranger would do the same thing, but the fact it was Harry just kind of made her feel something she didn't think she would get the chance to feel. It also might come from the fact that those kinds of touches have never come from anyone she felt attracted to. In all actuality, she can only really remember family members catching onto her waist like that when she was younger to keep her posture straight or make her face forward when talking, and the hand on her back was reminiscent of her parents pushing her towards their friends and colleagues to force her to introduce herself in their way of showing her off.
So this isn't major at all, but she's sure she's going to focus on, and relive the memories of it for the next few days.
"You did amazing!" The sound of Harry being excited (for the first time (Y/N)'s heard), caused her head to snap towards where he was walking. Sarah, a tiny bit sweaty but overall glowing with adrenaline, and Mitch, glowing with pride and adoration, were approaching the two. Harry had the sweetest smile on his face—he had dimples!—beaming towards the pair with open arms.
"Thanks, H!" Sarah responded, a matching bright smile on her face. She accepted his hug. They pulled away from one another, allowing (Y/N) her own hug with Sarah.
"You did so good! I can't believe you aren't in your own band! You need to be doing this every night, all over the world!" (Y/N) praises, pulling away from the hug to give a squeeze to Sarah's shoulders.
"That's what I'm saying!" Sarah gave a playfully pointed look at Harry and Mitch. (Y/N) wonders what that means, but it's not the priority to ask right now. "Ready to go home?" Sarah asked, looking back towards (Y/N).
"Yeah, if you are," (Y/N) answered, pretending like the butterflies in her stomach weren't excited at the thought of being alone with Harry in his car again. Maybe this time they'd talk about more than Sarah!
"Alright, my kit's all packed up in the car already, so whenever want," Sarah explained, the bright eyed look of adrenaline still present. She looked towards the pair of boys, leaving (Y/N) to gather her coat and bag, "Do you guys want to come hang out?"
"'M taking inventory tomorrow morning at the shop, so I don't think I'll be staying out tonight," Harry declined, gathering his own things, his eyes shifting towards Mitch waiting for his own decision. (Y/N) could feel her butterflies go back into their cocoons at his words, knowing she wouldn't see much more of him tonight.
"We're still on for tomorrow?" Mitch asked, to which Sarah nodded excitedly at him, "then I think I'll go home with H, and give you time to rest tonight."
Sarah agreed, moving towards him and asking if he'd walk her out. They led the group out the back does to where Sarah's car was waiting, all packed up with her drums and all. Harry stepped in line next to (Y/N).
He said nothing the whole walk, only offering his presence next to her and occasionally (Y/N) would accidentally brush against him before creating space between them she knew she would close again—on accident, of course! He didn't seem to mind, but (Y/N) didn't want to push the contact too much tonight. Once outside, Sarah and Mitch were next to Harry's car seeming to have their own moment alone after the whole night. Harry changed his direction towards Sarah's car, leading (Y/N) along with him.
(Y/N) stood by the passenger door with Harry stopping in front of her. His arms were crossed over his chest, looking over her head and towards the sky at the stars. (Y/N) followed his eyes, looking towards the constellations above them, hoping somehow the stars would shape into words to help her fill the silence.
"Thanks for taking me tonight. You didn't have to," (Y/N) said finally breaking the silence, and glancing towards Harry for a moment before his eyes caught her, causing her to quickly look towards the sky again.
"It's fine," he responded, monotonously. She looked towards him again, seeing his own gaze on her before moving to the ground.
"I had a good time tonight. Sarah did so good. She's so talented, don't you think?" She pressed, trying to make more conversation, seeing as Sarah still hasn't returned to her car.
"Very."
That effectively cut off any type of conversation she was hoping to dig up from him. Luckily for the both of them, Mitch broke the awkward silence between them by calling for Harry to get over there. (Y/N) peeked around his broad—so broad!—shoulders to see Sarah walking towards their car with a moony look in her eyes.
"Yeah, just a second!" Harry called back, quickly looking back towards (Y/N), "Tell Sarah to let me know that y'both get home okay. I had a good time tonight, too."
And with that he was gone. (Y/N) dazedly got into the passenger seat of Sarah's car, quickly making herself busy by messing with her nails. Sarah got in next to her, starting the car and pulling away before saying anything.
"What were you and Harry talking about?" She asked, pretending to be nonchalant but (Y/N) could tell from her tone she was thinking something.
"He just wanted me to tell you to text him when we get home that we made it safely. And he told me he had a good time tonight," she quickly responded, trying not to overthink what he had said. She knows it means next to nothing, a generic response to a night out and a common thing friends say to one another when parting ways. It wasn't anything special at all really.
But.
What if it was?
That's what Sarah seems to think anyway. "He really said that? (Y/N), that's so sweet! He never says things like that to me or Mitch, the whole getting home safe thing. What did you guys do before you got to the venue?"
"He just drove me, and we talked a little bit, mostly about you. He didn't act much different than he has before." (Y/N) was bursting to tell Sarah all the little things he did during the set, but she didn't know if it really was something to be excited about or if Sarah would just say something like oh nice! or okay to and move on.
"Anything else happen?" Sarah pressed, quickly glancing towards her.
"Not really." Yes, he's even cuter than last time and he touched my waist and he put his hand on my back, but on that part of my back that's just right above my butt, and, ugh, Sarah! He's so cute!
"Well, I think he's starting to like you."
Hopefully.
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thank u sm for reading, i know these are really long for wattpad but it hope it was okay!! u can find me at my tumblr moonchildstyles.tumblr.com