aster

aster flowers represent patience

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(Y/N) doesn't think she's ever really been free.

Ever since she could remember she's had to follow every word that left her parent's mouths to a T. If they didn't want her going to a friend's house because they didn't feel the family was right in their eyes (that could mean a multitude of things according to them, whether that be not religious enough, not educated enough, or even if they didn't have enough money), (Y/N) wouldn't go. They didn't want her going to see a movie with the few friends she was allowed to have, even when she was in high school, they wouldn't allow her to go citing the fear of her running into boys that could "take advantage" of her as the reason as to why she couldn't go. She couldn't even stay later at school to go to a sporting event or school production, or even to finish up some work, without them flipping out over the fact that other students could influence her to "question her morals" as they put it.

They monitored everything in her life; her friends had to be "approved" before she could hang out with them, her clothing had to be what they described as a "good representation of the family". They even blocked certain shows and movies on her TV they didn't want her watching (she didn't even know MTV existed out of the 80's), and, better yet, they wouldn't allow her to take certain classes in school. Not only had they put her into an all girls private school, but they had deliberately chose her classes for her, and forbade ones they found unnecessary. She had to load up on math and English classes but she was definitely not allowed to even entertain the thought of taking a music or drama class and definitely not one of those fun Home Ec. classes all her friends got to take.

So (Y/N)'s pretty sure she's never been free.

Even now as a university student, out of her parents house and effectively out from under their thumb as well, they've drilled in to her so much fear of what her life would be like if she didn't live up to their standards. She felt like she was almost conditioned into being exactly the person her parents expected her to be. She didn't choose to be this person; she didn't choose it out of love and respect for the people that raised her but out of fear and anxiety of what would happen if she didn't live up. She knew they couldn't exactly discipline her anymore, but she's always worried of what they would do if they did just happen to see her finally relax. So she didn't.

Sure, she was able to watch whatever she wanted on TV (she's in love with Jersey Shore, she just loves how they don't care about anything and do what they want), she wears whatever she likes, and she actually has a couple of friends her parents don't even know about! But it really just ends there. Every other trait and idiosyncrasy that her parents drilled into her, just stuck. She didn't stay out late, she didn't drink, she's never had a boyfriend or even really entertained the thought of having male friends (she thinks that maybe the combination of her parents and the private school basically stunted her social skills in the boy department). She wishes it wasn't like this, that she wasn't like this.

All she's ever wanted to be was free.

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One of (Y/N)'s favorite things about moving away from her parents is her roommate. She really was worried for a bit considering her parents decided that (Y/N) couldn't pick one for herself and thought they should do it for her. They screened each of her potential roommates (mostly they just went online and went over the bios they had on Craigslist and roommates.com) before allowing her to move out, and scoped out the area before even mentioning anything about it to her. Since they did end up choosing the place and person for her, (Y/N) was worried it would be just like living with her parents and be just like it was when she was growing up instead of actually growing up. But she really lucked out with Sarah.