"You know the more you push him away, the worse it will get," Merlin says into the quiet now that the room consists of him and Albus. Albus says nothing to this, just sighs as he sits in his chair.
"He needs help, ignoring him will do you no favors, it will make him more of a target," Merlin continues. Dumbledore hums and Merlin grits his teeth, getting tired of being ignored by the man too.
"If you do not want my advice, then I bid you a good night, Headmaster," drawing out headmaster until it sounds anything but respectful. He turns for the door before he hears Dumbledore speak.
"I thought distancing myself from him would protect him, make it easier for me. I am a selfish old man who cannot seem to learn from his mistakes," sounding so tired. Merlin has felt the same, so he turns back to face the man and sits across from him.
"Everyone wishes to spare themselves the grief once they know it will come. But distance never works, it breaks your heart faster than spending as much time with them as you can," Merlin wishes he had known this during his life a millennia ago, having been waiting for his loved ones to die during his time in Camelot. Dumbledore looks thoughtfully at him, though he cannot decide what he is thinking.
"I believe Tom will find out about Harry and his connection. He could easily use Harry's vulnerability as a trap given the right circumstances," Merlin nods because he had thought the same.
"What do you propose, what with you sending Harry off?" Merlin questions. Dumbledore raises a brow as he hits against his mental walls. Merlin brushes the tapping aside, getting Albus to leave his headspace. He gives the professor an annoyed look before understanding creeps onto his face.
He points to himself in disbelief," You...You want me to teach Harry Occlumency?" Dumbledore says nothing as Merlin gets up to pace, muttering to himself as go paces the circle.
"Why?" Merlin asks after a few minutes.
"For the same reason I do not ask Severus," Dumbledore responds. Merlin purses his lips together as he imagines Snape attacking Harry with little warning, not telling him how to close his mind to others, simply telling him to do so. He frowned but concedes that the man does make a good point.
"Alright, fine. I'll teach him," flopping back into his chair he had abandoned in favor of pacing. Fawks flies over onto his armrest which he strokes absentmindedly as they sit in companionable silence. Thinking of how best to teach Harry Occlumency.
Eventually, Merlin leaves as he realizes it's four in the morning and he is still in his navy blue sleepwear and tired. He bids the headmaster and Fawks goodnight, waving goodbye to the portraits as he closes the door.
———
Merlin received the news of Arthur Weasley's stability from Snape that afternoon. The teenagers were supposed to back by dinner because while they needed time to spend with their father, school still came first, not counting the fact they can't make Umbridge more suspicious.
Merlin walked to the Gryffindor table until he reached Harry.
"A moment Potter," Harry shares a look with Hermione and Ron but says nothing as he gets up to follow.
Merlin walks in silence until they reach the east tower, past his classroom until they make it to the top of the astronomy classroom, sky getting rid of the last pink and purple as night falls in earnest.
"Professor?" Harry questions, he had wondered when Harry would ask where they were going. He gave a hmm for Harry to continue.
"Why are we here?" Merlin says nothing as he sits on one of the cushions that littered the opened dome, gesturing for Harry to follow suit. He does, waiting still for an answer.
"Albus has seen fit for you to learn Occlumency. To protect yourself and defend against those who would take advantage of the vulnerability your open mind makes," Merlin took Dumbledore wanting to teach Harry the skill to heart, wanting Harry to not only defend but tell the difference between someone trying to get in his mind and simply leading a false trail.
Harry doesn't look like he knows what to say to any of that, so Merlin pushes on.
"What do you know about Occlumency, Harry?" He wanted to know how basic he needed to start.
"Just that it helps prevent people from reading your mind and that there are different ways to do it?" So the very basics, got it.
Sighing, Merlin figured he would set the record straight.
"Occlumency isn't about preventing one from reading your mind, it is not so linear as that. Legilimency allows one to penetrate one's mind, their feelings, emotions, thoughts, can influence how you see or act. Not being able to guard one's mind against such an act is dangerous," Harry looks in awe but also confused.
"If it's so dangerous to not know Occlumency, then why is it not a requirement like Transfiguration or Charms is?"
"Because it is extremely difficult, you cannot be weak willed or weak minded. The strong become stronger and the weak die off, it is nature's way to survive, not just thriving," Merlin can see how it would be a problem and a bit barbaric, but nature is nature there is no changing its rules.
"What if I'm no good at it?" Harry asks, looking down as he bites his lip. Merlin doesn't answer for a moment.
"You are one of the strongest people I know, Harry. And I have known a lot of people in my life," he settles on, it doesn't quite work the way he hoped but he can see new determination in the wizards eyes.
"It may be harder for you as you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeve, it's not a bad thing, but a hindrance when it comes to Occlumency," Merlin had thought about it most of the day, mindlessly carrying out his lesson plans. He had to make a new way for Harry to learn.
"Then how am I supposed to learn?" Harry asked, frustration clear.
"By learning in a different way from the known. Instead of locking your emotions away, I want you to use them,"
"But doesn't that defeat the purpose?" Cutting him off from continuing to explain.
"If you would have let me finish, I would have told you," Merlin answers with a huff, but the small upturn of his lips gives his amusement away. Harry colors, staying quiet until Merlin talks again.
"I heard you fought off the Imperious Curse last year. Answer me this, how did you do it?" He wasn't really curious, but he wanted Harry to come up with the solution himself, because people tend to put more effort into an idea they themselves come up with.
"Willpower, I suppose," Harry answered after a few minutes of thinking.
"Yes, willpower, it's strengthened by our emotions, the more strongly we feel about something the more stubborn people tend to be," Merlin explained, he wanted Harry to know emotions did not make one weak as many Occlument's tended to think, it could only make their shield stronger.
"But how do I translate willpower to keeping you out of my head?" Harry asked.
"By using an emotion so strong they will not be able break in. Love, hate, grief, compassion, any emotion would work, if you have the will to use it, let it fuel your wards around your mind, but do not let the emotion use you. Love can easily give way to hate as much as the opposite is true,"
"I don't get it how do I use the emotion without letting it use me?" Leaning forward in interest. Merlin had to smile at the boy who only wanted to learn about the world of magic, but never really got a childhood filled with wonder, only darkness as he was the only one who could defeat Riddle. Shaking his head from the thoughts Merlin answered as best he could.
"By changing it, a misconception is that negative emotions aren't as strong as positive emotions, they are just as powerful as positive ones, but it's how that person uses their negative emotions like greed or grief that makes it as strong as they are.
A person can be filled with hatred and pride, ignoring their grief, making them want revenge for a person, their emotion gets the best of them, causing them to strike blindly. Whereas one who changes their hatred to grief over the one they love's loss, they might focus their attention on calming their anger and focusing on remembering their loved ones and knowing they would not want them to continue the cycle of violence. By changing your emotion just slightly you control the outcome, you are the joker card, wild and unpredictable to your opponent.
It is easier to show than tell though," Merlin finishes, not sure if his explanation makes sense but it's the best he can do. Harry still looks confused but doesn't ask him to try again, which Merlin is grateful for, he's never had to teach Occlumency this way, where emotions power his mind to ward off legilimens.
"How about we try it, focus on a feeling, not a memory, but a feeling. Picking a memory gives one easier access to your mind. Pick a powerful emotion you know you can use. Love for your friends, compassion for other living being, grief for your loved ones, pain of the physical or mental, choose one Harry any one," Merlin prompts. Finally Harry nods and Merlin points his wand as Harry whispers the incantation.
Harry was five, watching Dudley riding a new red bicycle, and his heart was bursting with jealousy . . . He was nine, and Ripper the bulldog was chasing Harry up a tree and the Dursleys were laughing below on the lawn . . . Harry sitting under the Sorting Hat, and it was telling him he would do well in Slytherin . . . Hermione was lying in the hospital wing, her face covered with thick black hair . . . a hundred dementors were closing in on Harry beside the dark lake . . .
Merlin waited for Harry to catch his breath, having the last one unconsciously sending a hex at him, causing him to stop the spell.
"That wasn't bad for a first attempt, Harry," Merlin praises, Harry gives a weak smile in return.
"Thanks,"
"Shall we try again?" Merlin asked after Harry looked like the color had started to return to his face. Harry nodded, jaw locking as his eyes seared with determination. Merlin incanted again the spell taking effect.
A great black dragon was rearing in front of him . . . Harry's father and mother were waving at him out of an enchanted mirror . . . Cedric Diggory was lying on the ground with blank eyes staring at him . . .
Harry screamed and Merlin immediately dropped the enchantment, reaching without thinking and taking Harry in for a hug. Harry was sobbing in his arms, wrapping his own tight around him that it was hard to breath, but he didn't stop just pulled him closer still.
"It's alright... it's alright, Harry. I've got you," Merlin said over and over cursing Dumbledore and Riddle, the the Triple Goddess for allowing this to happen to a boy of fifteen, younger than he was when he got his destiny. Merlin held in the tears, trying to be strong for the boy in his arms that needed comfort and probably hadn't talked to anyone about Cedric's death has affected him so.
An hour might have passed, maybe longer before Harry calmed enough to bring his head off of his chest, strained with dried tears.
"Sorry," Harry whispered as he wiped his eyes with the ends of his sweater.
"No, never be sorry, Harry," voice thick from keeping his own emotions at bay.
"If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here, Harry. Remember that," Harry nodded, meeting his gaze and Merlin knew he would take him up on his offer.
"Tonight, tomorrow, three in the morning, whenever Harry, whenever," drawing the boy into one last quick hug as much for him as for Harry.
"I promise,"
"Now, how about we quit for the night. Dumbledore said every night if we can until you are able to practice on your own," Merlin spoke.
"Can we... can we just sit for a while?" Harry meekly asked.
"Of course," Merlin said, making his own promise as he encouraged Harry to lean against him as he carded through Harry's wind swept hair, pointing to the constellations as he explained the stories behind them like he used to with Rowena. They stayed there until Harry fell asleep and Merlin floated Harry into his bed and left without another word.