Alex woke up to darkness. Her eyes were yet to heal and the bandage she grew to hate was wrapped around her face once more. The pain was still there, though much less than what it used to be. She knew that it had only been a day since the accident but she wished that she would heal faster.
There was only so much that she could take of feeling so helpless like that. She hated having to rely on her friends for such simple tasks like walking around or finding something in the lab. Even in her own home she felt as if she knew where nothing was. The short moments that she was alone she bumped into everything.
It wasn't the darkness that bothered Alex, it was the tight feeling in her chest as she rolled over in bed to get warmth from her boyfriend. He was sleeping still as she cuddled into his side. At least, she assumed that he was still asleep, quiet snores emitted from him - even if he denied snoring every time she brought it up.
Barry had ran off after their chat the night before. She assumed that he had gone to do exactly what she had told him to - save his parents. However, he had arrived back to their home only an hour later. Alex was asleep in bed by then, she stirred when he arrived but quickly fell back asleep the moment he joined her in bed.
Truth be told, she had no idea what he had done in that short span of time. The feeling that spread all over her body told her that whatever it was, it wasn't good.
Alex pulled herself out of bed. She made her way to her bathroom, which took much longer than she would have liked to admit. By the time that she made it there, she had cursed a few times for stubbing her toe along her furniture. The door was closed and Alex took a deep breath to try and calm herself.
The bandage around her eyes was carefully removed. She was scared to open her eyes, whether it was because she feared what she would see or if it would be nothing at all. For the first time, she was able to see the bright light that shone in front of her. The intensity of it caused her to wince in pain.
Everything around her was blurry. She could see colors and vague shapes but nothing of detail. Although it still felt as if she would never fully heal again, she was glad at the process that was being made. Her body was healing itself just as she and the rest of the team had hoped. It would just take time for the rest to come.
Alex sighed in relief. Her hands shook as they planted themselves on the edge of her sink. With everything going on, she was just glad that there was something good to shine through the darkness. As she glanced down, she could see that her arms were not the usual tanned skin, they were dark red. Blood still specked up her arms - her blood.
Clothes were shed onto the ground and she carefully got in the shower. Even if her sight was slowly coming back, it wasn't enough that she trusted herself. Alex enjoyed the boiling hot stream of water that pounded against her skin. The fear of healing was disappearing but she knew that what Barry had done was something to worry about.
Even though she knew that she was the one to drive him to do what was right for himself, she couldn't help but feel that it was a mistake. She wanted everything for him, his parents, happiness, but part of her felt as if though in doing that, everything they knew would be messed up.
By the time that the pink tinge was scrubbed away from her skin, Alex had decided to get out of the shower. Her towel was wrapped around her shivering body and wet feet padded against the floor. Barry was wide awake and sitting on the edge of their bed. She could barely see the outline of his figure, but sat down next to him.
"What did you do?" Alex asked after a moment of silence. She needed to know what was going on, even if it meant hearing something that she didn't want to hear.
"Nothing," Barry finally answered. She could hear the hesitance in his voice, but didn't question it. "I couldn't go through with it." Lies. He was telling her lies that he knew one day she would find out. But the Alex in the other timeline was right, she couldn't find out about the happiness that was gained with her mother in her life.
Barry knew that selfish feeling all too well of wanting family back. He knew the consequences of doing it and couldn't risk her making the same mistake as him. She could never know about the Flashpoint paradox and how happy she was in it. It broke his heart having to see her in pain once more after she was so filled with Joy.
"I love you," Barry told her. He missed her the three months he lived in his hopeless dream escape. He missed her touch, her voice, everything about her and having her back in his arms was what he needed to reassure him that he made the right choice to change everything back.
Not having her by his side for so long, it made him realize how much he relied on her for everything. He had lost her for so long once before, but losing her again would devastate him. Without his parents, without Alex, he wasn't sure that he would ever be able to be the person that he wanted to.
Alex couldn't help but feel that there was more to the story than he was putting on. This feeling that she had - a feeling that she felt as if she was supposed to be reminded of something - it wouldn't go away. With her powers, she knew that this feeling was never to be doubted.
"Love you too, Bare," Alex smiled a little as he kissed her cheek. Her eyes were healing nicely, but with one glance at her he knew that she still couldn't see. They had changed much since what Caitlin described them as. Now, her blue eyes were clouded and glassy. He had nearly forgotten what had happened to her while he was gone. "Help me get dressed?"
"Of course," Barry kissed her one more time. He headed over to their shared closet to pick out some clothes. He grabbed one of her hoodies along with some jeans and everything else she would need. Gently, he helped her change into the clothes, even though he was sure that she could do it on her own. She didn't seem to mind the help.
As soon as her hoodie was pulled over he head he finally kissed her lips - something he had missed so dearly. There was the one kiss from the other Alex, and he couldn't help but feel as if he had cheated on his own, even though he knew it was the same person. She would never find out about it anyways.
They were cut off with an alert from their phones. Some guy had stolen diamonds and was escaping on a motorcycle. Alex hated that she wasn't able to go out with him, even if it was just some random guy. Instead, she pushed him away from her and told him to go be the hero that he was.
"Can you call Wally for a ride to the lab?" Barry asked. Alex's once happy expression turned somber at his words. She had one request of him in their relationship and he had always managed to uphold it until that moment. He was quick to notice her change of mood. "What's wrong?"
"You promised you wouldn't bring him up, Bare," Alex shook her head. She turned her back from him and took a moment to try and stop the tears from shedding. Everything that had happened with the youngest West was because of her and she knew it. There was nothing that she could do to take it back. "Just go."
"Alex..." Barry trailed off. He tried to grab her hand to see what was wrong but she yanked it away from him. She heard his sigh of defeat and the loud swish of him running out of the room. Wally West hated Alex for keeping his family from her and he made sure that she knew it too.
All of their years of friendship were washed down the drain when he found out that she had been lying to him for over year. He didn't care about her secret of being Mirage, he just wanted to know who his father was and she couldn't even do that for him. It was her fault that she lost her friendship with him and it broke her heart more and more each day.
Seeing him in the lab as part of the team, she could barely stand it there. His constant glares didn't go unnoticed by anyone on the team. Between their tension, along with Iris and Joe, the team was barely being kept together. It was Caitlin that kept the peace between them all, and sometimes she wasn't sure how.
Iris had been mad at Alex for quite a while too. She withheld to truth about her mother just as much as Joe did. The only difference was that she was doing it for Joe, and only for a year not her entire life. Though they weren't as friendly as they used to be, they were on much better terms than they once were.
Alex was devastated when they all reacted so badly against her when she spoke the truth of what she really knew. Even Joe had turned her back on her for a while until realizing what she had done was for his son's safety. Wally was apart of their heroic lives now and there was no turning back.
Everything she had done was for a reason - a good one too. The only problem was that no one was able to see it like she was. Barry had taken her side and told everyone that she had made the choice not to tell them about Wally and that she was also the one to bring him into their lives. There was nothing that could be done to change it.
Whatever mistakes that Alex had done in her life, this was the one that was taking the biggest toll on her. She missed being best friends with Wally. It had been months since they last had an actually conversation with each other. The two were inseparable for years and it was as if all that went away.
He couldn't even look at her if they were in the same room together unless it was a cold glare. Wally lost all of his trust for her, even more so after he found out that she was Mirage. It was just another lie that she told right to his face on the daily. Everything she did for him, to protect him, he couldn't see that.
Alex Holt truly fucked up.
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"You've got to be kidding me, Bare."
Alex had gone back to STAR Labs later that day to get her eyes checked by Caitlin. The doctor assured that she was healing perfectly fine and she should be back on her feet within a week. The news was exciting and even the rest of the team was glad that they would have their hero back up and running soon.
She didn't stick around very long after that. Without her sight, she felt as if she had no purpose there. Barry was back at work and the other's weren't far behind him. She got Cisco to drop her off back home as he left to his grieving group at the gym. The ride was silent but she was used to if from him.
The team missed the lively Cisco that would march into the cortex with a quip of what was going on. Ever since Dante passed, he hadn't been the same. Alex had done her best to be there for him, but he pushed her away too. Instead, she was there for him in silence and that was what he needed most.
Cisco appreciated Alex making the effort for him, but it was still hard for him. As they reached her apartment, he walked her up to her room. When they reached the door, Cisco had pulled her into a tight hug asking if it would ever be easier. She only told him that the pain would always be there but with time, he would heal.
That night Alex had gone to bed still angry with Barry and he knew it. What surprised her, was the next day he asked if she would go to dinner at Joe's. He knew that she wasn't allowed back in their home while Wally was living there. There was no way that he would change his mind about it either.
"Joe was the one that suggested it," Barry began to explain himself. Her eyesight was coming back even more. Objects were becoming more clear but she still ran into things and knocked everything over. There were many times that Barry used his speed to stop it from crashing on the ground. "I think it's a great idea."
"Wally wants nothing to do with me, I'm not going over there just for him to make more quips at me about how I'll never be a real hero. You've heard him before, you heard Harry before, I'm never going to be enough for this city and I don't want to be reminded of it. I'm not going and that's final."
"You know god damn well that's not true," Barry shook his head. He hated when she thought less of herself like that. Alex was an amazing hero and everyone knew it except herself. Wally was just angry with her, he didn't mean what he was saying. It didn't meant it didn't hurt any less though.
"Doesn't matter," Alex scoffed. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she avoided his gaze. She didn't want him to see the tears that were in her eyes. "Cisco barely talks to me, the entire West family barely looks at me. No one wants me on the team anymore and I'm starting to believe them."
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Alex had nearly gotten her sight back. She felt as if she needed a pair of glasses while walking around but for the most part she felt confident that she would be able to go anywhere on her own. She was just glad that she was finally just able to see once again rather than nothing but darkness.
Which was why Alex really decided to test how well she could see by going for a super speed run. Barry had gone through with his plan for dinner but Alex still refused to go. She didn't want to bring the team down even more by her presence. It was bad enough they had Joe and Iris in the same room, they didn't need her as well.
She didn't know why he was trying so hard for them to get the gang back together but it was beginning to frustrate her. He should know how she felt about Wally and yet he still insisted to pester her about it. She was starting to become suspicious of him and what he was hiding from her.
Barry told her that he never went back in time to save his mother and she believed him. She couldn't imagine that he would lie about something to big, especially to her. Alex was the person that meant most to him in the world and she trusted him with every part of her life, even the parts she didn't trust herself with.
Breaking that trust would devastate her. Alex shook the feeling off as she continued to run down the streets. She had managed to dodge all the traffic that came her way but took out a stop sign. There was a cut along her bare skin but she wasn't worried about it. The rush of being able to run again was all she cared about.
The feeling of the wind in her hair and thrill of the speed reminded her why she did what she did. Alex loved being Mirage, even if the rest of the team didn't always believe in her. The best part of herself was Mirage and she couldn't let that go, no matter what anyone said about her. It was what she looked forward to everyday.
Barry was the one person that had never lost faith in her through their years of working together. It had been two years since they started being partners against crime and she didn't regret it at all. He was the reason that she was the person that day and the reason that she woke up every morning.
Alex's thoughts were interrupted as a body slammed into hers. She didn't think much of it and blamed it on her sight until realizing that only a speedster would have been able to do that. Alex scrambled to her feet and looked around but was unable to see who had taken her down. Her side ached from hit and she had to admit that she was nervous being out there.
A fist caught her cheek and knocked her back down to the ground. Alex was quick enough to dodge the next hit and speed away from whoever was attacking her. She stopped at the water front of the city when she saw the man that had taken her by surprise. They stood several meters away from each other.
"Remember me, Mirage?"
"I have no idea who you are," Alex truthfully told. She had never seen the man in her life and didn't know how he knew her. She was even more surprised as he ripped off his mask and showed his face. "Not helping, man. Still don't have a clue. What do you want from me?"
"I want you to remember what you did to me. And I want everyone to know your friends little secret. You took everything from me and you're going to get exactly what you deserve!" The speedster's voice rose at the end of his speech. Alex faltered at his words. She didn't do anything to him and she had no idea what secret he was talking about.
Alex watched as he put his mask back on. She was still trying to figure out what he meant but knew that she couldn't let it distract her at the moment. Without her vision fully intact, she needed to be on her best game. They had just got rid of one speedster they didn't need another one brought into their lives.
"Believe me, Mirage. You're not going to steal my life so easily," The speedster ran down the streets of Central City with Alex chasing right behind him. She didn't know what he wanted from her but she was going to make sure that he was behind bars before he even got the chance to do it.
They ran the city around and around and she was unable to quite catch up to him. It was angering her that she wasn't fast enough. Part of her felt as if she was holding herself back with the fear of crashing but she knew that it was more than that. Zoom had taken the one thing that she cared most about and she was nervous to get it taken back once more.
Alex skid to a stop as Barry had tackled him from a side street. The speedster tumbled down the street hitting buildings and lamp posts as he went. The two chased after his chaotic body but were unable to find him at the docks. Wherever he had left to, it was probably smart of him to do so.
Together, they raced back to STAR Labs where the rest of the team had already been there. Alex sat in the corner of her room with her suit still on. She chewed at the corner of her nails as she tried to process what the man had said to her. Even remembering his face she knew for a fact that she had never seen him before.
Whatever he meant, she knew that she needed to get to the bottom of it. Barry was hiding something from her and what he said confirmed it. Whatever he had done, he had fucked up very badly and she knew it. Alex glanced up at him from her spot but his back was towards her.
Her eyes flickered over to Wally's. For the first time in months, instead of returning with a glare, he shied away from her glance. Alex was confused at him but didn't question it.
"We just get rid of Zoom, and there's another evil speedster," Joe complained. The team could never get a break. They knew what they had signed up for but they still wished that it was different. Wally asked who the man was.
"I finally got the results back from the husk that Barry gave me a sample of this morning," Caitlin announced. "And it's weird because there's no traces of dark matter, but there are traces of the Speed Force. His name is-"
"Edward Clarriss," Barry cut her off. He was proven right as Caitlin showed the file on the man to the rest of the people in the room. It was at that moment that Alex had finally spoken up. All attention was on her and she could feel the stares bore into her. Barry's eyes darted down to her bloody arm that he had just noticed.
The two walked into the hall away from the others. "What the fuck did you do, and you better tell me the truth this time because I cannot handle another lie out of you. Clarriss said he knew me and that I would pay for what I did to him and I have a pretty good feeling that you know exactly what he was talking about."
"I did this, All of this, and I've been trying to fix it but I think that there's only one way to do that now," Barry admitted. As he spoke, he confirmed everything that she was thinking. Barry had gone back that night to save his mother and lied to her about it. Whatever he had done, had changed everything. "I'm sorry, Alex."