Relationship: Googleplier x Darkiplier | romantic
Themes: hurt then comfort
-long af (3500-ish)
Trigger warnings:
- Self-harm (implied / mentioned)
- Depressive / deep thoughts (no self-worth; no self-esteem)
Please, if you suffer from any of the above and project things easily on yourself, don't read this, or with much caution. I care a lot about all of you guys, and I mean every single one of you. Take care of yourself and feel free to send me a text, if you need someone to listen to you or someone to talk to. I only want the best for you guys. Never forget that.
You matter. You have purpose. You are liked and loved. Be it a family member, a friend, a person you know, heck, be it even a celebrity or a random stranger from the internet you know. As long as you have the feeling of liking / loving someone, or have the feeling somebody feels so for you, you have a purpose. Be there for yourself, be there for them. As long as you have one single person in your live that likes you, or you like, or you liking yourself, there's a reason to live for. And I promise the world to you, someone, at least, is thinking about you in a good way, who would be in pain seeing you hurt. So please, get help if you need somebody to help cope you with all these feelings.
Without further ado, I wish you a good reading.
- Shattered Pieces -
The night was cold. The moon high in the sky. An owl flew above the manor as two voices echoed to the outside of the building from Google's room.
"It's not my fault that you're such a miserable wimp!", shouted Google at the entity.
"It's neither mine, that you're calibrated imprecisely! But who am I to say that to a 'oh so superior being' like you?!", Dark mocked, a fuming fire in his eyes.
"Cut that shit, Dark. You know just like me that that's not true.", Google growled and stepped closer to him.
Dark stood his ground and looked the other male straight in the eye.
"I only asked you to help me stitch up a wound and all you did was fucking ramming that needle down to my bone!"
"Oh, excuse me, that I was not programmed to be a doctor's assistant." Google rolled his eyes.
"You know what? You're inefficient. I thought you would be a help, but I guess I was wrong."
Google frowned at that. He knew that Dark had his temper tantrums some times, but he never got so far as to question -no- insult his efficiency.
"You know what, Dark? You are useless in any way shape or form. You are just a walking corpse with no emotions. Without this broken vessel, you would be nothing. A no-one. Literally not existent. You are just a broken piece that's not been thrown away yet.", he said while slowly leaning in.
"You are just a broken man with nothing in life. No purpose that has to be fulfilled. No family or friends who accompany you. No objection which keeps you going. No love to live for."
Dark listened closely to Google's words. His angered face turned into a shocked one, which was quickly replaced with one full of hurt. The words were burned into his mind. Those very words from the man he once used to trust and respect. The one he used to love, with all his shattered heart, only moments ago.
The android sighed audibly and leaned back, his eyes hooded, an intimidating aura surrounding him. Dark felt how he shrunk back in the slightest as he looked up at the other, silent tears rolling down his hot skin.
Google scoffed.
"Throwing punches, but can't take a hit, huh. Pathetic."
It was only a low mumble, but still, it seemed like it was shouted through a megaphone into the quiet room.
"How could I ever love you."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
Dark's breath hitched at these words. Was he really that bad? Did he get so far that his one and only would push him away? Throwing him aside like a used toy he didn't want to play with anymore? Dark took a shaky breath and tried to blink the fresh tears away that dared to spill, unsuccessfully.
"I-I have to go.", he whispered out and quickly shoved past the machine.
Now alone, the android glanced at the spot where only seconds ago the love of his eternity stood. The fallen tears stained the royal blue carpet beneath his feet. And even if Google would never admit it, they also stained parts of his beating heart inside his synthetic chest.
- - - -
The next morning rolled around and the egos gathered in the dining room for their traditional Saturday-breakfast. They all trotted in one by one, chatting to one another until the chairs at the table were all filled. Well, mostly filled. All beside one.
"Has anyone seen Dark?", Dr. Iplier asked with narrowed brows as he scanned the table.
All glanced around the room and into the open kitchen next to the dining area. Dark was still nowhere to be seen. They waited for another minute, expecting the ego to just turn the corner of the hallway and step into the room. But he didn't. There was no other sound on the floor besides the coffee machine running and the birds outside chirping.
"That's...unusual.", Bim pointed out and raised a brow at the silence between them.
"Maybe he just started working early?", Eric assumed and played a little with his yellow handkerchief.
The others hummed or stayed silent before slowly going back to their chats and began eating breakfast together.
Google sat in his chair, sipping on a cup of coffee, a tablet in his other hand as he read an online newspaper. He tried to distract himself from the empty seat to his right, the one where Dark would usually sit. His mind started to wander to the times where Dark would sit beside him, secretly putting a hand on his thigh under the table, starting to talk with the android about upcoming events and meetings. About how much there was left to do until they were anywhere near on taking over Mark's channel. He thought about the times when Dark told him about the plans, he had made in his mind for them to do, when he had some time to spare. The entity's crimson red eyes looking at him in a way with such passion and love he had never seen someone else looking at him before.
Google shook his head, slowly blinking at the screen in front of him to get rid of his thoughts.
"He's fine.", he tried telling himself, "He just slept in today, nothing to worry about. Not like I have to worry about him at all."
- - - -
Dark woke up to his body aching. He groaned and turned around only to feel a sharp pain running up his side, hissing a little at the sudden feeling. Dark hasn't slept for most of the night. Instead, he bawled his eyeballs out and clung to himself or a pillow. The whole night, he thought about the words Google spat at him, about him being nothing without his vessel, which was, unfortunately, true. Without his vessel, he wouldn't exist, so he assumed at least. But even if it wouldn't be case here, the android said he was a no-one. Useless in any way, shape or form. And so, he felt that way.
Broken.
Useless.
Worthless.
Deep inside, Dark knew that this wasn't true. That it was just the words spilling out of the android in the heat of the moment.
He didn't mean any of it, right?
He didn't mean it, when he said, that he was a worthless piece, ready to be thrown into the trash. He didn't mean it, when he said, it would be no difference without him being around. He didn't mean it when he said, . . .
"How could I ever love you."
This sentence. This single sentence echoed in his head ever since it was spoken out. Did Google regret the time they had spent together? Was he really that bad of a boyfriend? Has he really messed up so badly?
"I did.", Dark croaked out.
His throat was sore from all the sobbing and wailing. His voice hoarse from him mumbling through the entire night, apologizing to his love, telling himself that all of this was his fault. His and his alone.
"I messed up badly. I can't fix it ever again, can I?"
"I can't stand this."
Dark rolled onto his back and looked through puffy, red eyes at the ceiling.
"Maybe he's right.", he told himself, "Maybe it would be really better to just vanish from this world."
- - - -
Days passed on and no one had seen Dark ever since that one night. Rumours started to spread that Dark might be working on something big. Others thought that their leader just needed a break and isolated himself in his room or work space. Some of them were concerned though and worried about him. People like Wilford, Dr. Iplier, Host and Bim. They were worried about their friend, leader and boss. Wilford and Bim tried multiple times to get into Dark's room or luring him out, but nothing seemed to work. Every time they tried arguing with the entity, Dark would mumble a "I'm fine." or "Leave me alone." or would slip a piece of paper under his door that would read "No. Go away. It's alright.".
Dr. Iplier tried to talk his way to Darkiplier, reason with him. They didn't have that much of a friendship, but they respected one another and talked from time to time about Dark's body anatomy and theorized about splitting the three souls within him apart. The doctor would try for several minutes to talk sense into his good leader and tell him that isolation isn't the right solution. That it would affect his health immensely. Dark would silently nod, sitting on his bed, a blanket draped over his shoulders and he would blankly stare out his window.
Host on the other hand was aware that he couldn't do anything to better the situation himself. In the nights, he would hear the quiet sobs and cries of his friend, the apologies spilling out of him, the small whimpers that would escape his lips every now and then. The Host tried to help at least a little, feeling sorry for the demon. He would lay down in bed and let his narrations slip through every crevice that lead to Darkiplier's room, narrating the tossing and turning ego to sleep. He wanted to give him at least the little sleep he needed.
Host was completely aware of the situation between the small demon and the android. He knew what happened that one night. It was obvious. Yet, he didn't interfere too much in the doings of the split couple. He knew that it wouldn't be right to do so.
- - - -
"D-does anyone know what's g-going on with Dark? I-I really start to worry about him."
It was Eric who spoke up at the meeting table. His voice laced with concern and worry for his father figure. The others avoided the young ego's look and cased their glances at the table or to the windows of the room. He looked around in hopes of an answer, but the rest of them seemed to be as clueless as the boy himself.
"He's...fine. Just feeling a little sick lately.", Wilford said and leaned on the counter behind him at the front of the table.
He knew it was a terrible lie. He knew exactly that Dark was far less than fine. But he couldn't lie to the boy that loved his demon friend so much. Dark was like a father to Eric. He didn't want to hurt him by telling the truth. He didn't want to destroy Dark's reputation as the fearless leader. Wilford just didn't know what to do and how to handle all of this.
The moustached man cleared his throat and cased his eyes at the others.
"I think we should stop here for today. The meeting will be postponed to next week's Wednesday. You are freed from your current work. Now go."
They all stood up and walked out, talking to each other about the plans for today's late evening. Google stood up and quietly sight. It's been one week since Dark hasn't left his room. Well, at least has no one seen him leaving it at any time.
"Maybe it's about time to check on him...", Google thought and walked down the hall to the staircase and up to the hallway with all the egos' bedrooms. He made sure the rest of them were downstairs as he walked to the very last door to the left.
He paused as he arrived at the door and stared at it for several seconds. He listened closely to any sounds. Nothing. He slowly raised his hand cautiously knocked on the wooden door.
There was shuffling and rustling on the other side, then a raspy voice echoed to the android.
"Go away. I already told out I don't need any of your medicine, Doc."
Google narrowed his eyes. The doc was looking after Dark?
"It's me. Googleplier."
There was a quiet moment before a sob slipped out of Dark's throat.
"What do you want." The echo in his voice was unusually quiet and cold. It's been a long time since Dark spoke in this kind of voice to the android.
"I want to check on you. It's been a week since we all saw you and the others are genuine concerned about you, Dark."
"Why would they care? Why would you care? I'm no one of importance."
Google frowned and stared at the door. Did he really think so poorly of himself?
"Dark, that's not true. You are-"
"No.", he cut him off, "I don't matter. I have no one to live for. I have no emotions, at all. I am just a broken piece that's not been thrown away yet."
In that moment, something finally snapped inside of the machine and a weird feeling stung in his chest. It were the exact words he told Dark in their fight. He was aware that Dark would feel down because of that, he just didn't expect it having such a great effect on him.
"Dark. I- I didn't mean-"
"Of course, you didn't. As always. You didn't mean to call me failure and all such."
"Dark, please, let me in-"
"GO AWAY.", the demon shouted.
"No.", Google thought, "I'm not going to let you rot in there any longer. Fuck my lack of emotions, he needs me. Now."
The android pulled up his multi-tool set and began to work on the lock. Within minutes he had it open and kicked the door down. Darkiplier jumped at the sudden sound and let the blade in his hand fall to the ground. Google's oak brown eyes widened at the sight of the smaller ego and his breath was caught in his throat for a moment.
Dark wore a lose, washed out, white, shirt and grey sweatpants. Both stained with thin streaks and droplets of blood. His greasy hair hung in his pale face. He had deep purple eye bags and red puffy eyes. Dried streams from his tears left on his face. He looked horrible.
Google just stared at him in pure shock. He was the one who did this to him. He was the one who pushed him this far. Google knew that Dark was not the most stable person, but assumed he could take the consequences of the fight between them. The android closed the door behind him and strode towards the demon on the bad who looked equally shocked by the pure presence of someone, especially his love. Well, ex-love would fit better. But he still had feelings for the man before him. How he hated his emotions for this.
Google moved to sit on the bed beside the crying mess of a man and scooted closer to him.
"Hey there. It's alright. It's okay."
Dark was in a trance and didn't notice how Google moved his trembling body into his lap, his head resting against Google's shoulder in an oddly familiar way. He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure what to feel.
"I'm sorry, Dark.", mumbled Google and brushed his fingers through Dark's jet-black hair.
"I should have never said those things to you."
Dark just sat there. To startled to move, to confused to respond. Was his boyfriend really there? Wasn't he just hallucinating one of his twisted dreams? It can't be true, right?
"I should have never said those things to you. . . It was cruel. It just spilled out of me. I don't mean it, Dark. You matter. You have purpose in life. You are loved. Please. Forgive me."
Google hadn't felt such an overflow of emotions in his system ever. He felt guilt for putting his little demon in such a horrible state. He felt sadness washing over him as he saw Dark so broken and... done with life. He felt anger towards himself for letting his emotionless self take over.
He didn't notice how his arms sneaked around Dark's frame, capturing him in a tight hug, never wanting to let him go again. He pressed the demon onto his shoulder, burying his face into the croak of Dark's neck.
The entity sat there in silence. Google's words bouncing off his walls inside his head.
"He cares. He loves me. He is here for me. I'm not alone. I- I matter."
He didn't notice how fresh tears rolled down his face, how he sub-consciously wrapped his arms around his loved one's neck. Crying again. Crying tears of relief.
"I missed you stupid garbage can so, so much.", Dark sobbed into his shoulder.
"I missed you too, darling."
- - - -
Time passed on and the two calmed down after a while. Google talked with Dark about the cutting and that this shouldn't happen another time. Dark promise not to it again, knowing deep in his mind that he would do it sooner than later. The feeling of the blade running over his skin burnt in his mind. What he didn't know was, that Google put it upon himself to full-body-check his little demon regularly from now on for any new wounds. He would also stay with the doctor in contact.
"You know,", Google said in a calm and caring voice, hand stroking Dark's back, "the others plan on doing a movie night today. Do you want us to join them?"
"I don't know. I don't want them to see me in... a vulnerable state like this."
"We don't have to. It's just an idea. I thought, that they would be happy to see you."
Dark hummed in thoughts but slowly nodded at the end. Google smiled a little, knowing that the possibility would be high for the demon to feel happy and comfortable around the others. Knowing also very well, that Dark was most likely to fall asleep while watching a movie or series.
"Now that this is cleared, we should get you cleaned up."
Google picked up his love and went to the adjoining bathroom and helped cleaning him up. He then grabbed the first aid-kit and treated his wounded arms. After that, Dark felt more fresh and clean and wore one of Google's blue t-shirts and a new pair of grew sweatpants. The self-doubting thoughts still lingered in his mind, present, but he tried to shut them out and concentrate on the here and now.
It was about 8 pm as the egos slowly gathered in the living area for their movie night. They all wore casual night attire, ready for whatever movie that would be chosen for the night.
"Okay everyone. What do you want to watch?!", Wilford shouted and got as a response all of them shouting something back.
"Back to the Future!"
"Annabelle!"
"Avengers!"
"INDEPENDENCE DAY!"
"FINDING NEMO!"
"They all looked at the Jim twins somewhat disturbed or disgusted at such a horrible choice of film.", Host narrated with a scrunched-up face.
"How about some Joker."
They all turned around to spot their leader lean on the door frame to the living room. On his side was Googleplier, one arm wrapped around his love's waist.
"DARK!", they all shouted and scrambled to their feet, only to stumble over one another and building a pile of egos.
Dark chuckled at that and moved on wobbling legs towards an unoccupied armchair.
"It's good to see you didn't forget me in the meantime.", he chuckled and sat down. Google stood beside him, like a guard, protecting his one and only.
"How could be just forget you?! We were worried sick!" It was Wilford who spoke, buried as the lowest layer of the pile.
They untangled themselves and began chatting, Google turning the TV on and opening a streaming platform for them to watch the film. Everyone sat down after a while, some snacks in hand as the movie started to play. They decided that Jurassic Park would do it for now.
Shortly after the intro, and after making sure everyone was concentrating on the film, Google scooped Dark up and placed him in his lap. He felt how the ego tensed for a moment before relaxing and leaning against his strong chest.
"...I'm sorry.", Dark whispered out, only for the android meant to hear.
"It's alright, lovely. I forgive you."
Google placed a small peek at his right temple and then his cheek, arms loosely wrapped around his waist.
"I hope you forgive me as well.", he mumbled back.
The entity only hummed in response and cuddle more into the android behind him.
- - - -
It was when the first movie was over and the second one started, that Google noticed, that Dark had fallen asleep. He slightly changed their positions so that Dark's head laid now on his shoulder, legs dangling over the arms of the chair.
"Sleep well, my little demon."