I saw Hellen sleeping peacefully in her bed. I turned off the switch of the light. Having a heavy heart, I lay down on my bed while controlling my sobs. Pain was still striking me, and that was the reason why I couldn't stop crying. Nagtalakbong ako ng kumot at niyakap ang unan ko. My eyes were already swollen because of too much crying. I couldn't believe that loving Dylan would end up like this. I hated myself for giving my heart to him. He just broke it, and it hurt so bad.
"Demi?" I heard Hellen's voice. She was woken up. "Bakit ka umiiyak? Okay ka lang ba?" she worriedly asked me.
"I'm okay. D-don't mind me," I said without facing her.
"I'm here to listen."
"Thank you," I said between my cries.
She didn't talk again. I guessed she went back to sleep because she knew that I didn't want to open it up.
When morning came, I didn't attend my classes. I stayed in my bed, racking with too much sadness. I knew, I shouldn't be like this. But you wouldn't understand me unless you experienced it too. Hellen wasn't around because she had to work. It was already afternoon when I stood up. I felt a little bit dizzy and cold. I worried that the flu was starting again. That was the effect of my illness and the doctor already gave me a prescription what medicine to take in order to deal with it.
I dialed the number of a restaurant to order a food. I wore a jacket before I went back to my bed again. I felt weak. I leaned my back against the wall and stayed seated on the bed. I clasped my arms around my knees while staring at the window. I heaved a sigh when I felt my chest clench again as I thought of Dylan. With tears trying to escape from my eyes, I bit my lip.
I was interrupted when someone called me through Messenger. It was Mommy. I quickly wiped my tears away and checked my face. Hindi pwedeng makita ni Mommy na namamaga ang mg mata ko.
Sinagot ko ang call, at lumitaw ang mukha niya sa screen ng cellphone ko.
"Hi, sweetie! How are you?"
I smiled at her. "I didn't attend my classes today because I'm not feeling well." No more lies today.
Her brows furrowed. "How's your feeling? Sinong kasama mo riyan ngayon?"
"I'm alone but I'm fine. I just need to take a medicine." I swallowed when I felt a lump in my throat. I hated myself for hiding my health condition from them.
She heaved a sigh. "Okay. Take care of yourself, okay? Baka next week kami dumating ng Daddy mo riyan."
I nodded my head.
"Did you cry?" she asked. Nabigla ako sa tanong niya pero hindi ko pinahalata.
"W-why? Mukha ba akong umiyak, Mommy?" patay-malisyang sabi ko.
"Yes. Is everything okay?"
"Yes. Maybe because I'm not feeling well. Hindi rin kasi ako masyadong nakatulog ng maayos kagabi."
"Okay. Get rest now. Did you eat your breakfast already?"
"Nope. I just ordered kanina. I'm sure parating na 'yun, My."
"Okay."
Binilinan niya muna ako ng ilang mga bagay bago tinapos ang video call namin. Napabuga na lang ako sa hangin at muling humiga sa kama ko.
***
Tila nag-iba sa pakiramdam ang pagpasok ko sa eskwelahan. I didn't feel comfortable because I was aware that Dylan might cross my path. I did miss him but I didn't know how to face him again.
"Hi, Demi!" someone greeted me. It was Yuiru, Dylan's friend, and he was with Ferry and Israel. Thankfully, Dylan wasn't with them.
"Hi," I greeted him back.
Nagpatuloy ang mga ito sa paglalakad kaya nagpatuloy rin ako sa paglalakad, hanggang sa bumilis ang tibok nang puso ko nang makasalubong ko sina Dylan at Tommy sa pathway. Nagbaba lang ako ng tingin at hindi sila pinansin.
"Hi, Demi!" I heard Tommy greet me. I wasn't a rude person so I looked at him and just gave him a simple smile, and then I walked past them.
Nang makalayo na ako sa kanila, medyo lumuwag ang paghinga ko ngunit nakaramdam naman ako ng lungkot. Dylan just looked at me plainly, but it was enough to make me long for him. I didn't really mean our breakup. Nadala lang ako sa sitwasyon. Kahit na nasaktan niya ako, gusto ko pa rin siyang makasama hanggat kaya ko pa, dahil halos siya na ang naging mundo ko, at hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan na lang ako sa mundong 'to dahil walang kasiguraduhan kung magtatagal pa ang buhay ko. Pero nandito na kami. Tapos na ang lahat sa amin kaya kailangan ko nang masanay ng mag-isa kahit na tila hindi ko kaya.
"See you guys on graduation day!" sabi ni Devon sa amin ni Kendra.
Impit na tumili si Kendra sa galak, samantalang nanatili namang lutang ang isip ko kaya hindi ako nakatugon kay Devon.
"Are you not happy, Demi? Tapos na ang paghihirap natin sa kursong 'to!" masayang sabi ni Devon sa akin.
Ngumiti lang ako ng pilit. "I'm happy," sabi ko ngunit halatang pilit lang ang pagkakasabi ko.
Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni Kendra bago ako muling binalingan ng tingin ni Devon at tinanong, "Totoo ba ang balita na break na kayo ni Dylan?"
Hindi ako sumagot dahil naramdaman ko muli ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko dahil sa tanong niya. Balita na pala, I thought. Sabagay, maraming mata ang nakatingin kay Dylan kaya imposibleng walang nakaalam ng paghihiwalay namin.
Hindi na ako muling tinanong ni Devon dahil tila nakuha naman nila na ayaw kong pag-usapan iyon.
***
"Kapag nakapasa ka ng board exam, pupunta tayo ng Hong Kong ng Daddy mo para magcelebrate doon," ani Mommy habang inaayos ang pagkakasuot ng itim na toga ko sa akin.
"Kahit 'di na, My. Sasama na lang po ako sa inyo sa America para makasama ko na kayo palagi ni Daddy."
"Sigurado ka?"
"Yes."
She smiled at me. "If that's what you want, sweetheart."
Nang matapos akong ayusan ni Mommy, dumiretso kami sa venue kung saan gaganapin ang graduation. Damang dama ko ang kagalakan ng bawat pharmacy students na naroon. This would be the best time of their lives because studying pharmacy isn't a joke. I could still remember when I was struggling with my subject, I was so stressed out, but because I was living with a genius, I survived. Well, Dylan really helped me to reach this dream. My mood suddenly saddened when I thought of Dylan. How I wished he was here to watch me receiving my diploma.
In the end of the graduation ceremony, we threw our toga cup in the air. The place was filled with greetings and thanks giving. Mommy and Daddy hugged me. My eyes moistened in gladness. Finally, I finished my studies.
We went home afterwards. My relatives were waiting for us in the house. Auntie Jessie was the one who prepared the food for the celebration. It was already evening when the celebration ended and my relatives left the house.
"Auntie, ako na po riyan," sabi ko kay Auntie Jessie na kasalukuyang nagliligpit ng mga kalat sa sala. "Ako na rin po ang maghuhugas ng mga pinagkainan. Magpahinga na po kayo."
"Sigurado ka, anak?"
"Opo."
"'Yung kaibigan mo pala, bakit hindi mo inimbita rito?" biglang tanong niya.
"P-po? Sino po?" I knew that she wasn't referring to Kirby because she knew that Kirby was residing in Las Vegas, but Kirby congratulated me through chat earlier.
"'Yung g'wapo. 'Yung kinausap ng Auntie Rona mo noon. Hindi ba taga-dito lang' yon?"
"Ah, opo. Hindi ko na po kasi masyadong nakakasama 'yon," sagot ko at pilit na tinatago ang pait sa boses ko.
"Sigurado ka ba na ikaw na rito?" aniya.
"Opo. Iwan ni'yo na po riyan. You should get some rest now, Auntie."
Pumayag naman ito at iniwanan na ako. Dinala ko lahat ng plato at baso sa lababo bago ko pinulot ang mga kalat at lumabas ng bahay para itapon ang mga 'yon sa basurahan. Gabi na kaya madilim doon, ngunit may ilaw naman sa labas ng bahay namin kaya kita ko pa rin ang basurahan. Nasa gilid iyon ng gate.
"Demi."
Napatigil ako nang may marinig akong boses ng lalaki na tumawag sa pangalan ko. Medyo nanayo ang balahibo ko sa takot. Minumulto ba ako? Ayaw kong ilibot ang tingin ko dahil baka kung ano ang makita ko. Tatakbo na sana ako pabalik sa loob ng bahay nang marinig kong magsalita muli iyon.
"Demi, it's Dylan."
Muli akong napatigil at hinanap kung nasaan ang taong iyon. Nasa labas pala ito ng gate. Kahit madilim, kita ko pa rin ang mukha nito. Napababa rin ang tingin ko sa bibit nitong . . . palumpon ng rosas.
"Congrats," he said with a smile on his lips. Saglit akong napatulala sa kanya at naramdaman ko rin ang pagbilis mg tibok ng puso ko.
Nang matauhan ako, binuksan ko ang gate para tuluyan siyang harapin. Napatitig ako sa kanya, at habang patagal iyon nang patagal, nararamdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko. I couldn't believe that he was in front of me. He was staring back at me with so much tender in his eyes. He used to look at me like that.
I didn't say anything. I just came closer to him and hugged him while bursting into tears. He hugged me back. I felt his gentle touch on my back like he was telling me that I didn't need to miss him anymore because he was already here with me.
"See? You've missed me," he said. Kahit hindi ko nakikita ang mukha niya, alam kong nakangisi siya. "Don't let your emotions drive you if you don't want to regret in the end."
"But you agreed with me. You accepted our breakup," I said between my sobs.
"Because that was what you want. I respected your decision."
"But I didn't mean it."
"I know. That's why I'm here. I miss you so much," he sweetly said.
"I miss you, too."
"I'm sorry if I offended you the previous night. I'm just so devoted to the things that I believe in. But that doesn't mean that my belief is more important than you. I just want to make things right. I want you more than you do. I could make love to you all day, all night if you want to, but I'm not just after your body. I love the whole of you, even your soul. That's why I want us to be in a good condition. You are a woman who is worthy of all good things in the world. As my eyes opened to the things I couldn't understand before, I realized a lot of wrong things I've done and wrong influences I shared with you. I regretted all of that. Now, I want to lead you to the right path that I discovered. I want to love you in a right way."
I broke our hug and looked at him with confusion. "So, you think you loved me in a wrong way before?"
"Yes, I think... because there was a sin involved in it."
"But sin just makes sense when you believe in God, and I don't believe in God."
He heaved a sigh and nodded his head again. "Okay, I understand. I respect you and your belief. If this thing will create a war between us, I'll forget about it when I'm with you. Just come back to me again, Demi." I felt a tickling feeling in my stomach when I heard the last words. He loved me that much so he wanted me back.
Napabungtong-hininga na lang din ako at tumango. "I'll come back to you, Dylan."
Napangiti naman siya sabay lapat ng kamay niya sa pisngi ko para punasan ang luha ko. Napangiti ako pabalik sa kanya.
"Demi!"
Napatigil kami nang marinig namin ang boses ni Mommy sa loob ng bahay, tila hinahanap ako. I alarmed and almost panicked .
"Hey, you have to go now!" mabilis na sabi ko kay Dylan at kinuha sa kanya ang flowers na hawak niya.
He smiled at me before giving me a sweet kiss on the lips. "See you tomorrow. I'll call you!" aniya bago tumalikod na sa akin at umalis.
Napatitig ako sa bulaklak na hawak ko at inamoy ang napakabagong samyo niyon. "Sayang, hindi kita pwedeng dalhin sa loob ng bahay," nanghihinayang na sabi ko. Hindi kasi iyon pwedeng makita ni Mommy kaya tinapon ko iyon sa basurahan bago muling bumalik sa loob ng bahay.