Kaycee's POV
i walked through the already unlocked door and closed it behind me. i was met with sad eyes that had tears in them. my heart clenched at the sight of seeing him so broken.
"hey." i said softly. he tried to speak but once he opened his mouth, out came a restrained sob. i opened my arms and he wrapped himself in them. i then guided us to his room since he slept on the first floor. once we laid in his bed, he put his head on my chest while i put my hand on his shoulder.
"let it out. it's okay. you're okay." i reassured while rubbing his shoulder. he proceeded to sob for the next 10 minutes before he stopped and just trembled with emotion. he sighed then looked up at me. his cheeks were tear stained so i wiped them away with my sleeves.
"thanks, kaykay." josh smiled softly. he was the only one that called me that and it was only when we were alone. he said it was because i reminded him of a toddler little sister. i didn't get it, but i let it pass.
"no problem, beauchamp. do you want to talk about it?" i asked with concern laced in my voice. josh shook his head and met my gaze only for the third time tonight. when he wiped underneath my eye is when i realized my own were threatening to spill out tears. "why are you crying? don't cry. i don't like when you cry." he asked with a sad yet confused face.
i gave him a sad smile."i just never thought i'd see you like this. i don't like to see you like this. anyway, this is about you, not what i think." i said shaking my head. he hummed in thought then looked at me again. his icy blue eyes weren't filled with life like normal, they were dull and almost bloodshot. "did you tell sean that you were coming over? you swore." he reminds me, his eyes perking up as if he was ready to say something else.
"no, i didn't actually. nice of you to have so much faith in me." i said sarcastically. josh smacked his teeth. "you know that's not what i meant. if i didn't have faith in you, i wouldn't even have called you, kayc." he said softly, his eyes now apologetic.
"why did you call me anyway?" i asked. now that i actually thought about it, why didn't he call anyone else? he could've called nat, she's his girlfriend after all. he also could've called any of the guys, but he didn't. he chose me. josh's eyebrows furrowed as if i asked him a dumb question. "what do you mean, 'why'? i wanted you to be here with me." he shrugged his shoulders.
"but why me? you could've called nat or any of the guys. and you called me. why?" i asked, my hands making gestures as i speak. josh rolled his eyes and scoffed while laying his head on the pillow beside me. "what? i can't call you just because i want my friend around now? i have to have a reason now? does that come with the sean and kaycee contract? well shit, i'm sorry i didn't read the fine print." he sassed.
"no, i'm sorry that i lied for you." i said bitterly, hurt laced in my voice. i stood and grabbed my phone and house keys. josh rushed up and closed the door just as i opened it. "no! you don't get to do that. you don't get to just walk out when i say something slightly hurtful. when things get too much for you, you just walk out!" his voice was raising slightly.
"i guess that's the only thing i'm good at. you know, josh, just because something's fucked up in your life doesn't mean you can take it out on me. that's not how friendships work." i countered back with my voice slightly raised.
"if that's what it is anymore. ever since you've been all infatuated with sean, you don't have time for people who need you." he said bitterly with his jaw clenched. my jaw dropped at his words. how could he be like this?
"it's not like you do. i can't even remember the last time you ran to me with your problems." i said with crossed arms. he scoffed then scratched his head. "you know what? just go." he said opening the door. "go. as usual, you're not here for me. just as you always do. congratulations, you stuck to your roots." he yelled, gesturing out the door. a sharp pang in my chest took place, but i still fought back.
"then why did you call me? why am i here if you knew-"
"god, kaycee! maybe because i needed a damn break. i know, i could have called nat. or maybe the guys. i really could have, but i didn't want to. i wanted you. 'cause only god knows what i would have done if you weren't here, but damn it kaycee, i wanted a fucking break. you're the only one that i can speak my thoughts to without you looking at me like i'm crazy or need to be checked into a mental hospital. nat makes me happy, yes. and i love her for that. but you keep me sane." his breathing started to get ragged and he started shaking.
"josh?" i said becoming concerned. he lowered himself to the floor, his back leaning on the wall and knees to his chest. his breathing became heavier and he looked at me with scared eyes. i immediately started to look around and search his drawers for his medication. i knew he had panic attacks, but he said they were every blue moon. i prayed i wouldn't see one of them but here we are.
i found the orange pill bottle then grabbed an unfinished water bottle off of his nightstand. i crouched down in front of him and had him take it. once he did, i felt a part of me become filled with relief. "breathe, josh. just breathe." he nodded while looking into my eyes.
"i-i'm sor-sorry, kay." he spoke in short breaths. "don't worry about that right now. i need you to breathe and look at me." i told him then starting to count and breathe with him. when a minute or so passes, his breathing calms. i sat beside him then took him into my arms, hugging him but not too tight.
he put his hands on my arms in a way to tell me he was hugging back. "do you need anything?" i asked while rubbing his back with one of my hands. he shook his head while laying down fully with his head on my lap. "i'm sorry for yelling at you." he said just above a whisper. i just let out a light sigh, not wanting to hear it.
we sat there in silence for a while, for an hour i think. but to my dismay, it wasn't comfortable. there was still tension and it was thick.
"my parents are getting a divorce." josh said, breaking the silence. it looked as if a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders. i opened my mouth but nothing came out. i didn't know what to say. it was like part of me was still in shock about moments ago. "when they told me, i didn't understand. it was weird. you'd think the older you get, the easier things are to understand but some things aren't. they just always looked so happy, but all this time.." his voice weakened as he tried to finish the sentence. he just shook his head, trying to form the words.
"they were at each other's necks and i didn't even realize. sometimes i think maybe i paid too much attention to dance instead of being in the moment with them." he breathed out. i just sat there listening. not only to his words, but just listening to how upset he was. i haven't known josh for a while, but from what i gathered from his stories and experiences, his parents were supportive and happy for their son. he shouldn't let this destroy him.
"josh, you can't blame yourself. you don't know what could have caused it. there could be a million reasons. if anything, you could've been the only light in their relationship." i reassured him while patting his arm. he smiled small then looked up at me. "you think so?" he asked.
i chuckled softly while nodding. he opened his mouth to say something, but my phone dinged, interrupting him. he grabbed it off the bed for me and i saw his smile falter. "it's sean." he scoffed while passing me the phone. i squinted my eyes at him. what was bothering him so much about sean and i's relationship?
i stood from my seat on the floor and put my phone in my pocket. "what are so pissed about?" i asked frustrated. josh sighed and laid back on his bed, his phone in his hands above him. i snatched it out of his hand and put it in the pocket of my hoodie. "give it back." he said sitting up then holding out his hand.
"not until you tell me what's going on with you all of the sudden." i said sternly. josh rolled his eyes and scoffed, laying back down to his previous position. "just drop it, kaycee."
"no, what's your problem with sean and i? are you pressed that we won't tell you about our first time? is it that shallow?!" i asked pushing his buttons. "fine." josh sighed. he sat up and got in my face. "i'll tell you what my problem is: you. you're my problem. you prioritize him before anyone else. you don't take time out of your day for anyone, but him. you rely on him then the moment he's not there, you fall apart at the seams. so that, that is my problem. you need to grow the fuck up and know what's really important." he said through gritted teeth, his icy blue eyes piercing into mine.
"is it anyone else or you? you may be my friend, but who are you to tell me what's important to me? it's not my job to come at your every beck and call. it's not my job to babysit you, but i do because i care about you. lying to my boyfriend seems like a pretty good example of prioritizing you." i replied. i was heated more than ever. how dare he say all of this to me when i've done so much for him?
he just stared at me in the eye as if i were a wall. "if this is what i get for trying.." i trailed off, backing away from him. i opened his door and began to walk out. "kaycee," he called softly.
i turned to see him staring blankly at the wall. "i need my phone." he said monotonously while holding his hand out. i took it out of my hoodie pocket and threw it carelessly while walking out. i led myself out of his house and to my own.
once i made it into my bedroom, i met chocolate brown eyes that always seemed to put me at ease. "what are you doing here?" i asked sitting beside him on the bed. he had a tired smile on his face as he pulled me into his arms. "you didn't read my text?" he asked with a small yawn. i shook my head. "your mom offered for us to sleepover. she didn't want us being out so late."
i shook my head in amusement at my mom's thoughtfulness. "okay. well i can see if devon has any shirts that you can bor-" i was interrupted when he pulled away and took his shirt off. my eyes locked on his toned torso. my mind just went blank as he made his way towards me. "lay with me, angel." he said softly. something about the way he said it made me melt.
he bent down, putting his hands on my knees and pecked my lips. he laid soft kisses on my neck, making my mind flash back to our first time. "sean, i want to tell you something." i said as he still kissed my neck. he pulled away slowly while still showing me his affection. sean got on his knees in front of me and cupped my face.
"what's wrong, angel?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows. he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear while listening to me intently. i was nervous. what if he walks off and ignores me? or hell, break up with me because i lied to him in the first place? "when i got that call and had to-"
"hey guys, devon and kylie wanted to know if you guys wanted to go out for a late..." ken paused with his hand on doorknob. his face then scrunched up in a wince. "i interrupted something didn't i?" he asked probably seeing our faces. "we'll be down in a bit, just give us a minute." sean said, his tone serious but a little amused. ken shut the door, causing sean to turn back to me.
"you were saying." he said, itching for me to proceed. i took a deep breath then continued to speak. "when i got that call and had to leave, it was josh. and i know i didn't tell you, i just walked out and i'm sorry. he just seemed so panicked and scared on the phone so i went over there as fast as i could." sean smiled softly and wrapped his arms around me.
he gave me a kiss on the head while holding me tightly. i put my arms around his neck, taking in his scent. "it's okay to yell at me or something. i would understand." i muffled into his bare chest. i felt vibrations come from his chest so i looked up to see him laughing silently.
before i even got to say anything, sean hugged me tighter and kissed my cheek. "why?" i asked with furrowed eyebrows. "because i can't be mad at you for that, baby. you were trying to be there for him. i get it. i'd do the same if the shoe were on the other foot."
what? "but you were mad before!" i exclaimed. sean laughed again, this time his head flew back. "i was jealous before. you weren't mine before. now you are and we only want each other. so why be upset when i know your intention?" he reasoned. i huffed.
i was relieved that he wasn't mad but it made me feel a little stupid knowing i was making a big deal out of nothing. i stood, making me slip out of his grip, but he grabbed my hips to keep standing in front of him. "come on, kayc. now you're mad at me? is it wrong for me to trust my girlfriend?"
once again, we were interrupted but this time it was by bailey. "oh my god! i am so sorry. i'm just going to wait out here." she exclaimed in shock, covering her eyes in the process. i looked down at sean and realized the position we were in. i couldn't help but laugh.
"what is she talk- we're idiots!" sean laughed while leaning his forehead on my stomach. i pulled away and let sean put his shirt on. once he was done, we went downstairs together to see suggestive looks from our friends and my siblings. "did you let her finish?" ken asked with a smirk, causing everyone to burst into laughter while sean and i had blushes on our cheeks.
"oh shut up." i groaned. after they got over their fits of laughter, we piled into devon's car and began the drive to the nearest pizza place.