Baby Pink
After I was patched up by Seokjin, who insisted I call him Jin, I quickly fled from the camper without even being given the all clear. If I didn't get out of there as fast as I did then I'm pretty sure my head would have exploded, along with my heart that can't seem to stop pounding agasint my ribcage. I just don't want to think about him or Jackson or why I'm being like this or about my friends until we are out of the open.
I cant afford to be stuck in my own racing thoughts, not after what happened a few hours ago
Now, Jungkook and I are ahead of the group once again to try and figure out which cars we need to move in order to be on our merry way to safety
well, what we can only hope is safety and not a place where we are going to be killed by the military, or the infected. After what we saw at the gas station, Its safe to say the groups hope has taken a massive hit and decreased massively
"If we move that car, and that one there, we will have a pretty straight path I recon," Jungkook speaks quietly, snapping me straight out of the thoughts and bringing my attention over to him. I bring my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun and glace over at the cars he motioned too, tilting my head a little as I take his words into consideration
Before we were swarmed by the herd we already made a little progress but after what feels like years, we are finally getting somewhere with only a small group of cars left to get out of the way
"what about that one and that one, then we don't have to move all of these cars. . . and then maybe Namjoon will stop getting all worked up over all the locked ones," I chuckle, throwing a glance over my shoulder at said male. He's currently leaning against a car with a sour look on his face, staring longingly into the trees opposite, like he's thinking about running off into them and never returning.
Jungkook laughs catching Namjoons attention, he looks over and both Jungkook and I quickly look away, pretending as if we weren't just watching him sulk. pressing my lips into a thin line to keep my chuckles from falling out, I look over at Jungkook who seems to be doing the same thing. His innocent round eyes a little wide, his brows raised a little
"Those ones it is then," I chuckle.
With that being said we both get to work, making sure to keep as quiet possible as we work as we don't want the heard who passed to hear us, though I highly doubt they will. but we cant take any chances, we cant afford to be doing that anymore and something tells me we are going to have to start being more careful now that we are out of the city
within half an hour we reach the last car hindering our path. Once that that one is gone we will hopefully be able to squeeze the camper through without damaging the outside
If we don't run into anymore trouble now then we should reach the base in a few hours, maybe a little longer if we somehow get caught up in something like this again. Jungkook quickly searches the car before giving me a thumbs up as an all clear. I hop into the car with a happy sounding sigh, scanning the floor by my feet just in case there are some keys left behind
"Uh Hana," Jungkook suddenly whispers, tapping my arm lightly. I look over at him to see his eyes glued to something behind my seat, his brows dipping down in the middle. Following his line of sight, I instantly see what has him looking so nervous
behind me is a baby's car seat with a pink fluffy blanket with cute white bears plastered over it draped over the opening. I gulp, knowing we need to know if there's an alive, or god forbid an infected child behind the pretty pink veil. I reach out my hand hesitantly, throwing a few glances over at Jungkook who eyes me with uncertainty
"We need to look just to make sure," I say quietly, not wasting anymore time with ripping the blanket away from the car seat to get it over and done with. There's no need to make this longer than it has to be
Jungkook is the first to jump back, a noise of surprise escaping him as faint screeching sounds begin to fill the tense silence of the car. I don't say anything, moving closer just to make sure what I'm seeing isn't just a figment of my messed up imagination
upon first glance, she just appears to be pale and a little dehydrated, but when you look closer you can see her pupils have been covered by a cloudy whiteness with a greenish tint to it. If it weren't for that she would look like a living breathing baby. but there's no rise and fall to her chest, and I can already tell there's no pulse either
my jaw clenches, my hands tightening into fists as I think about how her parents allowed this to happen. She isnt bitten, nor does she have any visible scratches which leads me to believe that her parents just left her alone. . . or maybe they were bitten and had no other choice but to leave, hoping someone will hear the broken cries and swoop in to take her
we are to late for that. We could have done something
Maybe if I wasn't so side tracked by a pretty boy playing doctor, and another one who seems to hate my guts out of the blue, then maybe we would have been able to do something.
The least I could do for the poor girl is put her out of her misery
I pull my knife from the side of my jeans and lean over, noticing how Jungkook instantly looks away with a harsh gulp. I do what needs to be done, allowing the poor girls head to fall to the side, her eyes still wide open and staring deep into my soul. There's no doubt in my mind that this imagine will be burned into my memory, ready to make its appearance in my reoccurring nightmares
I put the blanket back over the opening and sit back down in my chair, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my bruised knuckles turn a bright shade of white. after a few seconds of blank staring, I lean forward and rest my head against the cool wheel, A thousand thoughts racing through my mind
Am I even allowed to be angry after I abandoned my friends? after I let them die due to my shitty plans?. I have no right to feel like this, not after what I've done and not after what I've caused. I feel like screaming until my lungs give out, like that would make any difference
without thinking about, I slam my open palm into the steering wheel over and over again until the pain striking them is to much for me to keep going. Jungkook flinches further away with each hit, not saying a word until I'm finally finished with my rage filled tantrum. But I don't hear what he's saying, like he's slowly getting further away with each softly spoken word
I make a swift exit from the car, not meaning to ignore Jungkook but to angry to even come up with a reply that wont end up in me shouting at him for no reason. he doesn't deserve that, no one here does, so that's why I need to get away before I end up saying something I will regret later on. I walk away, not really caring where I end up as long as I'm far away from the group
"Hana wait!"
I ignore the shout and keep going, my mind being clouded with a million different thoughts. I speed walk further down the road, well more like speed limp. Before I can make it too far, someone grabs my arm lightly and pulls me backwards, turning me to face them in the process. I keep my head down, not being able to brink myself to look them in the eye, my teeth gritted together so hard they may just crack into a million tiny pieces
"Can we talk please?" Jackson asks softly which only makes my anger grow and grow until it's forcing its way out of the box I'm trying to keep it in. It's like I can't even control my emotions anymore, not that I really could in the first place
"Oh so you finally want to talk to be now that it's convenient to you?" I mumble, looking to the side so I don't have to look at him. If I do I'm afraid I might
Start bursting out crying, and I've already done way to much of that as of late
"Don't be like this-"
"Don't be like what?!" I shout, finally looking towards him with glistening wide eyes while slapping my arms down to my sides with a loud slapping sound "don't be mad at you for basically acting as if I don't exist?! Don't be mad because my friends are dead because of me?! I'm sorry, I forgot I was supposed to be this emotionless bitch!" I rant, backing away from him but he only follows
"It's you who's the one who's acting as if I don't exist Hana! I've tried to talk to you but you keep pushing me away like you always do! Don't you think that hurts me?," his voice gets quiet towards the end but he doesn't even give me a chance to get a word in before he's talking again, "We are both going through the same thing yet your acting like you don't have a care in the world. . . It makes me think that you dont, and that you never really cared about any of us!"
Both of our eyes grow wide as his words, but both for very different reasons. I take a few steps back, still staring at him with wide watery eyes, his last words playing on a loop in the back of mind. He really thinks that I don't care about Rina and Jongin, that I never cared about them at all. A sudden dull pain hits my chest and stomach, all the guilt and pain flooding in like I've finally let down the barrier holding in all my emotions
My breathing quickens, my palms becoming sweaty and my throat feeling like it's going to close up on me any second. My insides feel like they've turned to jelly, my limbs feeling tingly like they could turn to pretty fairy dust any second and my head feeling like it's way to heavy for my body to handle
I don't say anything's and turn towards the camper, shaking off Jackson's grip as he tries to turn me back around. I quickly walk past the group who are stood staring, not knowing what to say after what they have just heard
When I reach the camper, I quickly step in and slam the door behind me. I lean over, my hands on my knees as I finally take in deep and heavy breaths to try and calm myself down but it doesn't work. I end up whimpering to myself pathetically, trying to force the tears back into my eyes as my throat burns from my weak attempts
Is that what everyone thinks of me? That I don't care about anyone or anything even after all my efforts to keep them alive?
The only reason I haven't let myself die is because I've been told I'm needed, if I were alone I wouldn't have bothered to even leave the school. It was only because I had a plan that I decided to at least get the group to safety, because I wanted to get my friends that I love out of there because they had a little hope
But apparently I'm just a self centred bitch who never cared for anyone
Before I can collapse onto my knees, a bottle of water rolls across the floor and it's my boots, bouncing off of them. My head snaps up, a blurry outline of Yoongi stood near the table with his arms crossed over his chest, acting as if he doesn't know how the water got there
"T-thanks," I stutter out, picking up the water bottle and twisting the blue cap until it clicks open. Without a second thought, I down the bottle in one go without stopping to breathe. Once I'm done, I gasp while wiping my mouth, placing the bottle back on the table. Yoongi stays silent as I grudge over the passenger seat, curling into a small ball on top of the black leather with a shaky breath
"I heard the whole thing from in here, sounded pretty rough," Yoongi suddenly sighs. Seconds later there's a shuffle beside me, following by a deep sigh "No offence or anything but that guy seems like an asshole."
I can't help but laugh a little, sniffling while turning my head to face him "he can be sometimes. . . But he's never- it doesn't matter," cutting myself off with shuddering breath, I turn my back to Yoongi before he can see the tears threatening to spill every time I open my mouth
"I get it," Yoongi sighs, getting up out of the drivers seat and patting my back lovingly "you should get some sleep. You'll probably feel better after a nap or something,"
And with that, he leaves the camper, leaving me to muffle my sobs with the palm of my hand
-•-
This was written after I pulled an all nighter so I'm sorry if it's a lil messy :)