Gerard had made arrangements to travel to New York. He was going to take the train seeing as he didn't trust himself to drive at the moment, and had booked one for the following day. Ray had offered as much updates as he could, trying to keep Gerard's imagination from taunting him, though Frank could see it wasn't working.
It wasn't the way they would have thought their day would go. A couple of hours previous, everything was fine. Now, their date was cancelled (Frank knew that wasn't what he should have been thinking about) and Gerard was about to leave. The worst part was, Frank didn't know when he was returning. Surely, he'd have to because he had a job here, right?
"I'm going to stay in Mikey's flat with Ray." Gerard said, hanging up the phone as he paced around the room, slapping the device against his palm.
Not knowing at all what to say, Frank simply nodded.
"My train leaves tomorrow." He added, raking his fingers through his hair. "I should pack. I-I have stuff to do. I have to go home." By now, he was talking awfully fast, so Frank jumped up from his spot on the sofa, going over to do his best to comfort him.
"It's going to be alright, yeah?" Frank murmured, taking Gerard's shaking hands in his own to squeeze them reassuringly.
"It's not."
From a young age, Mikey was always the one to fall ill because he had a weaker immune system compared to Gerard, who was betting it hadn't gotten any stronger since childhood.
"We can't be sure, but we can hope." Frank smiled wearily, receiving half of one in return.
Looking down at their hands, Gerard whispered, "Maybe."
"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" He asked quietly, stroking Gerard's hair behind his ear so he could see his eyes, which were surrounded by smudged eyeliner.
Gerard shrugged half-heartedly, voice cracking when he spoke. "I don't know, sugar."
Placing a hand on the back of his neck, one around his waist, Frank pulled him in for a hug -easily the hundredth one that day. "I'll make us coffee, then we'll go to your house and I'll help you pack, yeah?" He suggested, pressing his lips to Gerard's neck. "Sound like a plan?"
Gerard hummed in response, snaking his arms around Frank's waist, enjoying the warmth he gave off. "Thank you."
He furrowed his brows. "What for?"
"For being here for me, you know?" He took a deep breath –Frank smelled like coffee and the coconut shampoo he used. "Through everything."
Frank smiled, kissing him on the cheek. "Anytime."
-
"Hey." Frank jogged up the stairs, meeting Gerard on the landing, leaning against the banister.
So far, they'd packed a few personal belongings that Gerard insisted he take: clothes, which consisted mostly of skinny jeans and other tight items that Frank couldn't wait to get the chance to see him in, and food for the journey.
While Gerard had been alone, left to his own devices, he'd dug out the small box from under his bed. Then had rummaged through it to find his anti-anxiety medication to take as much as he felt he needed. He never bothered reading the prescriptions or labels anymore to check for the required amount, because the required amount never worked. Anyway, once he'd taken them, he'd felt like he could handle everything a lot better.
"What were you shouting me for?"
Gerard appeared from behind the spare bedroom door, bringing a hoodie with him. "You left this here last time." He said, hooking it around Frank's neck, using it to pull him closer.
"Oops." Frank said sarcastically, chewing his lip. "Maybe I just needed a reason to come back."
"Nonsense." He kissed him lightly on the nose, making a faint blush creep up Frank's neck. "You're always welcome here."
Although Frank was glad to see he was in a better mood, he couldn't help but worry -for Mikey and for Gerard. From what he'd been told about this Ray character, who always seemed to be at work, Gerard wasn't really going to have anyone in New York to keep him company when he wasn't visiting Mikey. He was going to have no one to keep him tethered to sanity.
Alright, perhaps that was a bit over dramatic, however Frank was creating every existing excuse possible to tag along.
Grabbing his bag from his bedroom, Gerard had left Frank standing in the hallway, alone with his own thoughts and that was hardly ever a good idea because he always made rash decisions.
Such as this one: "What if I came too?"
Poking his head around the door, Gerard raised his eyebrows so high they got lost in his hair. He laughed nervously, "Excuse me, what?"
"I-" Frank swallowed the lump in his throat, casting away every sensible voice in his mind. "I want to come to New York. . . Is that okay?"
Gerard dropped the bag, walking over. "You can't be serious."
"Uhm," Frank bit his lip, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I am."
"I can't-" Gerard rubbed his eyes, letting out a long breath. "You can't ditch your life. I won't let you."
"I'm not ditching my life." He retorted defensively. "I've finished school, and when I talk about this with my parents, I can start searching for a college in New York-"
"Frank-"
"I can-!"
Shaking his head, Gerard gripped his shoulders, trying to get him to concentrate and actually think. "Do you understand what you're saying? The sheer madness of it?"
"Why is it mad?" Frank frowned. Then it dawned on him. He prayed Gerard wasn't saying no because he didn't want him there. Oh God, what if he didn't?
"Because," he sighed, struggling for coherent words. "You live here. You have friends here. Your life is here, and coming to New York is a bit rash, don't you think?"
Despite having only conjured up this brilliant idea mere seconds ago, he stated firmly, "No."
"Why not? Frankie-"
Putting a hand over Gerard's mouth, Frank continued, "I no longer have any real ties here. My parents are never home, Brendon doesn't really bother with me anymore, and if you're not going to be here, then I'm left with nothing. If I come, it'll be like a fresh start. . . Most importantly, you'll be there."
Removing Frank's hand, Gerard's eyes widened slightly. "I'm not the only reason you're going, am I?"
Frank glanced away, eyebrows knitted together. "Not entirely."
It fell silent for a while. Frank could feel Gerard's stare burning the side of his head, though he didn't dare look at him. There was a little tension building between them, neither didn't completely know why.
Eventually, Frank attempted to persuade him again. "I swear I'll get an education, or a job. I'm not gonna mess anything up."
Gerard's heart was pounding as well as Frank's. "Are you sure?"
Frank nodded, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. "It's been my dream for a whole five minutes." He was starting to persuade him; he could see it. It wasn't such a bad idea. It wasn't like it was going to be the end of the world, right?
That comment earned a quick smile, but Gerard's features morphed in to concern once more. "I don't want you to regret it."
"I won't." Frank said, though he had a track record of making bad decisions. How bad could it be if Gerard was part of the equation, though?
"Believe me, I want you to come." He bit his lip, scratching anxiously at his arms. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to, or you'll regret it."
"I promise. I won't regret it." Frank took a handful of Gerard's shirt, slowly closing the gap between them. "Let me come with you."
"Are you-are you one hundred percent sure that's what you want to do?"
"A hundred percent. I promise."
"Then. . ." Gerard paused. "Okay."
"Okay?" Honestly Frank hadn't really been expecting it.
Grinning, he nodded –just as excited. "Okay."
"Oh, okay. Wow." Frank laughed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm coming to New York with you."
"You're coming to New York with me."
-
"We have a few hours." Gerard muttered, climbing in to bed beside Frank –they'd left his house as it held a lot of bad memories, so he didn't exactly want to stay there. "We have to get up early, but who needs sleep?"
Frank propped himself up in his elbows, gazing at him with sparkling eyes. "Not me."
"Very well." Quickly, he tackled him in a hug, pinning him to the mattress as he spread his hands across his chest, leaning in to press their lips together. Frank brought a hand up to thread his fingers through Gerard's hair.
Slowly, Gerard lowered himself to lie beside Frank, keeping their foreheads touching when they stopped to breathe. Staring in to his hazel eyes, he was unable to quit smiling. Frank just made him so unbelievably happy. "I'm glad you're coming with me."
"Me too." Frank beamed, absentmindedly carding his fingers through Gerard's hair, causing him to shiver. "I hope my parents don't disagree."
"Oh." He frowned slightly. "What're you going to tell them?"
"No idea." Sighing, he tried to take his mind off of the bad scenarios. "Let's worry about that later, yeah?"
"Deal."
Even though they'd rather stay up all night talking –among other things- Frank decided to be the sensible one this time. "We should sleep."
Gerard pouted, "I don't want to."
Frank raised his eyebrows. "Do you really wanna be tired tomorrow? Big day."
"I suppose not." On cue, he yawned, then slapped Frank's arm playfully because he shot him an 'I told you so' look. "Hold me." He murmured, shuffling around so he was on his side, facing away from him, and Frank wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling his body against him.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." Frank placed a chaste kiss to the back of his neck.
"Goodnight, sugar."
-
"Are you sure you've gotten everything?" Frank asked worriedly over the loud buzz of other numerous passengers all boarding the same train. It was busy as hell, shooting Frank's anxiety levels through the goddamn roof.
"I think so." Gerard replied, hauling his bags along with him. He'd taken as little as possible, though it was still pretty heavy to carry.
"Totally sure?"
"Please try not to worry." He offered a small smile.
"I'll try." He shrugged, but even if he was given all the medication and reassurance in the world, it wouldn't have made a single difference.
Earlier that morning, Frank had attempted to contact his parents to tell them about wanting to travel to New York, so he could have left today with Gerard. However, they hadn't answered. Even if they had, Frank didn't exactly want to have this type of discussion over text.
They'd agreed that in the meantime, Frank was going to apply for a college in New York, or scour the internet for a job. Then eventually, when he'd talked with his parents, managed to get them to give him the money for the trip, he was going to be with Gerard.
Though, neither of them had actually established where Frank was going to live. He didn't want to assume he'd be staying at Mikey's flat too, so he'd made a mental note to search for a hotel, or something similar. Or to just ask.
The awful monotone voice announced the train was going to be leaving the station in a couple of minutes, and both of their hearts plummeted.
"Frankie-" Gerard's breath got caught in his throat.
"You'll be fine. Mikey will be okay, too." Frank pecked him on the lips. "And I'll be with you soon."
"I. . ." he trailed off, shaking his head to recollect his thoughts. "I'll call you, yeah? Oh- wait. You don't like speaking over the phone- I'll text you-"
"Calm down." Frank said softly, taking his hand and stroking his thumb over the back of it soothingly. "Everything's gonna work out. Okay?"
"Yeah." Gerard managed a smile. "Okay."
The last call for the train sounded, warning them they only had seconds.
"Goodbye, sugar." Gerard leaned in for the most desperate kiss they'd ever shared, and he didn't want to break away, but finally did, leaving Frank standing there on the platform as he stepped back on to the train. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too."
Doors sliding shut, the train began to set off, and reluctantly Gerard disappeared from the window to find his seat.
Even though he couldn't see him, Frank waved goodbye, watching as the man he cared for so fucking much left. Despite the fact it wasn't their last goodbye, he felt hot tears burn his eyes because he was going to be alone once more.
He knew he was going to see him again; he just didn't know when.
[Published 14 February 2020]