When V told me that Suga was gone again I felt my legs give out under me as I cried and my knees met the cold marble floor and I heard Jungkook practically jump off the couch, " RACHEL", Jungkook ran over to me and fell beside me and pulled me on his lap as I cried, " he's gone...h-h-h-he's gone again", I was shaking really bad as Jungkook rubbed me on my back, I couldn't speak at all then I heard Jimin talk, " how do you know that Suga just left? and that he's not just so fucking drunk he lost track of the time?", RM then began to speak, " that's what I thought about at first so I went into his and Rachel's room to see if he tried to call or not and I noticed that his bag was gone so I looked in his closet and he has about two weeks worth of clothes gone."
Jungkook then finally spoke up, " TWO WEEKS WORTH BUT THE DANCE IS LITERALLY A WEEK AWAY AND HE DECIDES TO LEAVE NOW?", RM cringed a little I could tell my older brother wasn't fully awake yet as he spoke again, " yes Jungkook he decided to leave now and please don't yell I'm not awake yet", I stood up crying and I grabbed my bag from Jimin with my dress, shoe's and accessories for the dance in it and I started walking to my room and I got stopped by V, " Rachel are you ok?", I didn't look at him no I'm not ok but I cant let them know, " I'm fine V just please let me go I want to be alone", with hesitation V let me go and I walked to mine and Suga's room and shut our door and I began to cry again.
I decided to take a bath so I ran a hot bath and I got in the tub where my thoughts began to roam, first I loose my mom and my sister, then I lost my child I never got to meet, and now I lost my own boyfriend...am I really that unlovable that I have to loose everyone and everything that means the world to me?, I cried once more as I slid myself down into the bath more, who was he talking to on the phone that night? and where did he go? and who is he with?....and why right before the dance?, I cried even more as I sat in the tub fighting off the thoughts of picking the razor blade back up again, its silent so my guess is that everyone went back to sleep or in Jungkook and Jimin's case went to bed.
I got out of the bath after I cleaned myself up and I walked to my closet to change into pajamas I was getting ready to grab the night gown that Suga bought me but I quickly stopped when something else had caught my attention covered up by a bunch of Suga's shirts, I walked over to it and threw Suga's shirts to the side and I burst into tears when I saw the hoodie, sweat pants, and the T-shirt that Jungkook gave me, " that son of a bitch told me he burned them because Jungkook gave them to me...they been here this whole time", I threw Suga's shirts so hard that I knocked over my lamp on my side of the closet and I broke it.
I walked out of mine and Suga's closet and shut the door and I put on my under garments then I threw on Jungkook's sweat pants and T- Shirt he gave me and I put on his hoodie and laid in mine and Suga's bed and closed my eyes to try and sleep but I just couldn't and I began to cry again, I brought Jungkook's hoodie sleeves up to my face and my nose was filled with the scent of Jungkook's cologne I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't...not in the bed that me and Suga shared, I climbed out of my bed and grabbed my phone and charger and walked out of mine and Suga's room and shut the door and I went next door to Jungkook's room and softly knocked, " please still be awake Jungkook".
I was laying in my bed in silence, yes I was pissed off at Rachel for what she was doing with Jimin in that fucking club but once she got home and RM told her what happened with Suga and I watched her fall to the floor I didn't care about that I only cared about her, I knew she was crying after V let her go I heard her crying when I walked past hers and Suga's room to go to mine and then it was drowned out by the sound of running water in the tub, I kept laying in my bed listening next door and heard her crying again and then say something out loud then I heard something break.
I sighed I wanted to go into her room so bad and just hold her but she most likely thinks I'm still angry at her and like she told V she wanted to be alone, I was about to turn off my light when I heard a small knock on my door and looked at my door and hear a faint sentence," please still be awake Jungkook", I smiled it was Rachel outside my room asking if I was still awake I smiled and said something," come in", I watched as my door opened a little bit and I saw her beautiful face peek in but I could see the tears glistening on her face in the moonlight and it broke my heart," awe Rachel come here", she quickly scurried in shutting my door behind her and came over to me and climbed in the bed with me crying and I held on to her and rubbed her back.
" hey now shhhhh calm down", she was wearing my hoodie and sweat pants and my T-Shirt which made my heart beat fast I thought Suga had burned them just because they where mine and I gave them to her I kept on rubbing her back as she cried," Rachel what's wrong?", " Jungkook I cant stop thinking about who Suga was talking to on the phone that night...I cant sleep in there by myself can I please just sleep in here with you for the night please", I smiled a little," yea you can I don't care", I laid her back with me as I held her close to me as she cried, I wanted to kiss her so bad and tell her she's beautiful I want to show her how her body deserves to be treated but I know she hurting and I don't want to hurt her more.
As soon as I heard Jungkook give me the okay to walk into his room I didn't hesitate I shut his door and rushed over to him and I began crying into him, he comforted me and asked me what was the matter and I told him what was wrong and asked to stay with him because I didn't want to be by myself in that room, now me and Jungkook are laying here in his bed and I'm In his arms and he's rubbing my back and comforting me and we are just in silence, Jungkook then broke the silence," hey Rachel what's the matter?", I sigh I knew he was gonna ask this, " Jungkook its strange", he spoke as he kissed me on the head, " what's strange?", I sat up and looked at him and he sat up and looked back at me.
I sighed as to try not to cry, " everything is strange...the fact that he was on the phone with someone talking to them in a way a man doesn't speak to his "sister", and then the attitude change towards me as soon as we get home, and now he's gone again and he packed clothes that last for two weeks with dancing being a week away...its all just so strange Jungkook", I looked down and shook my head as I felt Jungkook scoot behind me and hug me from behind as he spoke, " yea it does Rachel do you think he's hiding something?", I shook my head, " it wouldn't surprise me if he was Jungkook" I kept looking down as I felt Jungkook move my hair over on my right shoulder as he got closer to my neck and started to leave little butterfly kisses on my neck.
I felt a shiver go down my spine as Jungkook kissed me softly on my neck and my mind was telling me to pull away but my heart was telling me not to and his voice echoed out, " Rachel I wish you wouldn't let him do this to you...I wish you wouldn't let him keep hurting you like this", Jungkook kept leaving small butterfly kisses on my neck as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him and I could only bite my lip as he kissed up my neck to my jawline and then he planted a kiss on my lips and I found myself kiss him back as he turned me around and sat me across his lap.
I couldn't fight it anymore the longer and longer she sat there and told me what she was afraid of and what she was thinking about, I wanted her more and more so I sat closer to her and listened to her and I planted kisses along her neck I knew it was wrong I knew I shouldn't have done it but something inside me wouldn't let me fight it anymore and from her reaction she was dealing with the same struggle I finally spoke what was on my mind about this whole thing in between kisses on her neck, " Rachel I wish you wouldn't let him do this to you.....I wish you wouldn't let him keep hurting you like this", I kept leaving butterfly kisses on her neck and I kissed up her Jawline to her lips and she kissed me back.
As I kept kissing her I pulled her closer to me and turned her around and sat her across my lap and I ran my hands up her back and I felt her shutter under my touch and I got more excited, god she's so fucking beautiful, I kept leaving small kisses on her neck as I laid her back gently on my bed, I don't know what came over me but I could feel myself losing control over my actions and myself, god Rachel please stop me I don't know what will happen if you don't....I cant stop myself, I kissed down her neck softly to her chest then she spoke, " no Jungkook we cant ....this is wrong JUNGKOOK STOP", she shoved me away...thank you.
I moaned softly as Jungkook kept leaving small butterfly kisses on my neck and down to my chest I felt him pull me even closer and more across his lap and he kept leaving kisses along my neck, I felt him lay me back on the bed and he started kissing down my neck to my chest, as I laid down there on the boarder line of breaking I saw Suga flash into my head but it wasn't just his face it was...memories of us doing what me and Jungkook are doing now, the night at the beach, what we did on the plane, what we did on our date night, all of them where in my mind and I knew what I was doing now was wrong.
I snapped back to reality, " no Jungkook we cant...this is wrong", he kept kissing me on my neck its like he couldn't hear me because he was fighting the war against himself, " JUNGKOOK STOP", I shoved him away and he looked at me with a look of hurt but also relief, I got off of his lap and sat up and looked down at my hands, Jungkook let out a sigh of aggravation and regret as he got up and walked to the window and looked out of it with tears threating his eyes and he started talking, " I'm sorry Rachel I don't know what happened", I kept looking down, " its fine Jungkook it was the heat of the moment...it happens", he scoffed and I looked up at him.
He then spoke again and I heard the crack in his voice, " the heat of the moment? just like it was the heat of the moment in the club with Jimin, just like it was the heat of the moment with V on Christmas before you went out with Suga...just like it was the heat of the moment with you and Suga on the plane home", I was pissed now why does he do this to me, " THATS ENOUGH JUNGKOOK...HOW IS THAT FARE? I DONT DO THIS TO YOU", I felt my tears swell up again as Jungkook shook his head, " whatever you say Rachel", I've had enough of this, I stood up crying and started walking towards the door when he turned around, " where are you going?."
I looked at him," IM GOING ON A WALK DONT FOLLOW ME ILL COME BACK WHEN YOUR DONE BEING AN ASS HOLE", I turned back around and opened Jungkook's door and stormed out and at the same time I was coming out of Jungkook's room V was coming out of his and he stopped me, " Rachel what's the matter? what happened? why are you crying?", I looked at V " I'm fine V just leave me alone I'm going for a walk I need some air", I pulled away from V and walked to the front door and put on my boots and I walked out.
Damn it, I punched my wall after Rachel walked out of my room crying...I did it again I fucking made her cry again, I walked back over to my window and looked out of it when I heard someone walk in and start yelling, " WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO RACHEL JUNGKOOK?", I sigh I knew V was gonna start if he saw her," I don't know what your talking about V", he slammed my door shut, " THATS BULLSHIT JUNGKOOK YOU DID SOMETHING TO HER BECAUSE SHE RAN OUT OF YOUR ROOM CRYING SO WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO TO NOW?", I knew he was gonna do this and I was getting more pissed off now.
I turned and Faced V, " well V if you must know me and Rachel got into a fight ok that's what happened", he punched my door, " WHAT THE HELL WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT THAT MADE HER FUCKING CRY JUNGKOOK?", I punched my desk and yelled back at V, " SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND HER DAMN IT AND SHE PUSHED ME AWAY AND SAID IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND I TOLD HER HEAT THE MOMENT HUH JUST LIKE IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT WHEN HER AND JIMIN WHERE LOCKING LIPS ON THE PLANE AND IN THE CLUB...OR JUST LIKE IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT WHEN YOU AND HER FUCKED EACH OTHER ON CHRISTMAS BEFORE SHE GOT TOGETHER WITH SUGA, OR JUST LIKE IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT WHEN HER AND SUGA FUCKED EACH OTHER ON THE PLANE."
V took a few steps back with shock, and anger, and frustration and I just realized what I had said and I immediately regretted, " V wait...im sorry", I went to step closer to him but he backed up, " DONT ", I stopped and looked at Him, " V I'm sorry just let me explain", he cut me off before I finished, " EXPLAIN...THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN JUNGKOOK...you get pissed off when Suga does that shit to her but yet you just did the same damn thing to her....your no better than Suga", I looked down then back at him, " V I was upset I didn't mean to".
He scoffed, " THATS NO FUCKING EXCUSE JUNGKOOK YOU STILL THREW HER PAST IN HER FACE MAKING HER FEEL WORSE, SHE'S BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH ABUSE WITH SUGA SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU TO MAKE IT WORSE", he turned around and walked to my door and opened it, " where are you going?", he turned around and snapped at me, " IM GOING TO FUCKING FIND RACHEL before she disappears for good this time", he slammed my door as he walked out causing me to jump a little then I heard the front door swing open than slam shut indicating that he left, nice job Jungkook you made the girl you love leave again and this time....she may not come back.
END OF CHAPTER NINETEEN
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER TWENTY