My eyes opened slowly. It was tiring just to do that. Such a simple action, yet it proved so difficult in the moment. The light above me was glaringly bright, causing me to close them once more. And I had just escaped the darkness. Why throw myself so willingly back into it? I was stronger than that, wasn't I?
I tried again. This time I forced them to stay open, no matter how much it hurt. Gosh, I was so tired. My throat was dry. I couldn't seem to swallow. My skull was pounding, and I couldn't tell if it was from the lights, my hunger, or both. I was struggling to remember what had happened before I'd woken up. Where was I even?
This wasn't my bedroom. There were no purple blankets beneath me. In fact, there was nothing but silk sheets. They weren't even a fancy color or shiny in true Asgardian fashion. Suddenly, the room seemed to shrink as I noticed that it was only the size of about two closets. Compared to the grandeur of every place I'd been, it was frightening. Seriously, where was I?
The wall across from me slid open. So, that was the door. I had been wondering if there was any way to escape what felt like a prison. Odin came in, dressed in his usual regal attire, cloak trailing behind him. Hadn't I seen him earlier? He'd been yelling something at me, but I hadn't heard him. A sharp pang echoed through my head.
"I see you've woken up." He dragged over a chair. Why was everything white? I hadn't even noticed the seat had been there since it'd blended in with the rest of the room. "It's been a week."
A week? What could have possibly made me sleep for— Oh. It all came rushing back to me. The voice, the box, my hands, the huge flippin' robot. I was surprised that a blow from such a hunk of metal didn't kill me on impact.
I reached up to touch my face. "How am I. . ."
"Alive? We have one of the best healers in the Nine Realms. Eir treated your wounds accordingly. She didn't expect you to be out for so long, however."
"Can I ask why I was attacked by a Transformer? I mean, the design was horrendous, it could seriously use a glow up, but what the heck was that about?"
"You and your Midgardian antics. The reason the Destroyer, as that robot is called, knocked you out was because I commanded it to. You were in my vault, which is heavily guarded for a reason."
I chuckled. "Evidently, it's not guarded well if I managed to slip through their defenses. But, what was that thing I was holding onto?" My thoughts went back to my moment of panic as the bluish tinge ran up my arms.
"It would be for the best if I kept that information secret. In fact, you should keep this whole ordeal to yourself. The fewer people who know about it, the better." He stood as though by him saying that everything was final.
"My hands turned blue! That's not normal! There must be something your not telling me. Please, I just want to know what happened. Why was the box calling me to it? Why did any of that happen?"
All he gave me was a sad look. Nothing. No clues, no hints, no explanation for the insanity I'd gone through. Odin was planning on leaving me in the dark, without even the slightest idea of what that meant.
"Tell me!" I yelled.
He turned away, refusing to answer, and left from whence he came. I stared at the door, wondering if anyone would enter; if anyone cared enough to just give me consolation. But they never opened, and no one came. So, it was then when I knew that there was something wrong with me, and I was helplessly and utterly alone.
⚬ ⚬ ⚬
Days later, and no one but Thor and the All-Father knew of the predicament I'd gotten into. It was as though talking about it was taboo. I kept it to myself, but at what cost. People can't keep trauma and secrets inside of them. That's like the entire point of therapists on Earth. Sharing your thoughts and feelings are supposed to help you and give you answers. But I was getting none of that, and there wasn't a single person I could go to for help. Odin had made it clear this would have to stay a secret, but why?
It seemed as though that was the only question I kept asking. Why did this happen? Why me? Why can't anyone bother to be considerate? Why, unless it was horrifying, couldn't the King of Asgard even elucidate as to what the hell was going on?
I'd used to think when I'd first been brought here, that Asgard was a thing of beauty. That it was some fantasy dreamworld every kid would want to see. Now I've learned that it's full of apathetic people who only care for themselves. Not exactly role-model material. The only one who'd ever shown me any sympathy was Frigga, and I suppose, technically, Loki as well. But he'd continuously been teetering on the edge of being kind and being rude.
Frigga didn't seem to mind who you were. Even if you'd almost taken over a realm for your own personal desires, she still saw the good in you. She was so different from her husband. Unlike the authoritative, terror she had married, she was sweet and endearing. There was nobody I'd have rather had shown me around the palace, or braid my hair for the feast. Frigga felt more like a mother than the adoptive one I'd had on Earth ever did.
Perhaps that was why I found myself, once again, spending my day in her chambers. I knew she could tell something was off, but I'd quickly learned that Odin hadn't even told his wife what had happened. And, I wasn't about to see what he'd do if I confided in her. So I just sat there awkwardly, not even working on any magic. I just didn't feel up to doing, well, just about anything. It was a miracle I'd even made it up the stairs to get here.
"Did you want to talk about it?" Frigga was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong, but I couldn't let anyone get mad at her. Odin still didn't know about the magic lessons thing, and I didn't need him questioning when this had been brought up.
I shook my head. No words wanted to come out of my mouth. It was as though I'd lost all possible functionality. Poor Lilja, I'd barely spoken to her since. She probably thinks it had something to do with her since I left midway into our smorgasbord of desserts. I sighed, closing my eyes. How had things managed to go so downhill in such a limited amount of time? I certainly was talented at those kinds of things, wasn't I?
So out of it, I almost didn't realize that Frigga had placed us in Loki's cell. Another one of her illusions, except, just like I did with Summer, we could concentrate on putting energy inside ourselves in order to interact with the world around, even if we weren't actually there. My chair had been transported with us, angled out, toward the other prisoners.
This was the first time I had actually paid them any mind. I started wondering what they thought about us and our appearance. Were we ugly or otherworldly compared to where they came from? Or was it the opposite, and they were the monster? I could certainly say for a fact that if any of these skull-faced demons or warriors of brute strength came to Earth, people would be scared out of their wits.
It wasn't normal to wear bones as armor and tower above others at a startling height of seven feet. And, it was ingrained in our heads to fear the abnormal, run away from the unusual. That was why, in the moment, when my hands had been stuck to the treasure in Odin's vault, I'd freaked out. The eerie change in skin color didn't help much either. God, was that what I was to become, some monster placed in a cage out of fright?
I didn't want to be an outcast. Yes, I should be unique and an individual, but not so blaring out of the ordinary that I didn't fit in. Asgardians still gave me glances in the halls, reminding me of the fact that I didn't belong here. I wasn't from this planet, but I couldn't exactly go back either. Plus, it was Odin's fault for not bothering to tell anyone why it was so imperative for me to come. Now, it was also his fault that he wouldn't bother to just give me an explanation. Such a great guy.
Contemplating what I'd seen and the criminals before me, I was utterly oblivious to the fact that Frigga and Loki's conversation had shifted toward me.
"What's wrong with her?" He asked. If only I'd heard how sincere his tone was, his venomous act out of sight.
Frigga's footsteps gave away the fact that she was pacing. "I don't know. She won't tell me, Odin won't tell me. She was unconscious for a week. Eir had to tend to her and everything, but no one knows. Sometimes I find her just staring at a wall or her hands. She's constantly glancing at her hands, as though something bad's going to happen."
"If Odin knows and is keeping it a secret, you know it might take years for the truth to come out. It certainly took him forever to tell me about my real—"
"He wasn't the only one who knew. We didn't tell you for your own good."
"And look where that got us. Do you really think you should be condoning these sorts of things? Look at her! Does she seem alright to you?" His voice had risen, but still, I hadn't even batted an eye. It was as though I was in a trance, ignorant of all things going on around me.
"People handle things in their own way, Loki. Should I assume your time in this cell has made you soft?"
"There's a difference between saving someone from their own doom and being sentimental."
Her eyes twinkled, there was something she'd picked up on. Now wasn't the best time to bring attention to it, though. "And how would you go about fixing the problem?"
"Get her to tell you what's wrong! You can't help her if you don't know what's happened." He acted as though it were obvious.
"I've tried. She won't say a word. Literally, all she's done is answer with shrugs, nods, shaking of her head. If you think you can do any better, than please, go ahead."
It took me a moment to realize someone had placed their hand on my shoulder. Glancing up, my eyes met those of Loki. What did he want?
His voice was soft as he told me, "You can trust Frigga, you know that, right? Whatever's causing you this pain, you can tell her. She won't judge. I know from experience."
I flashed back to seeing the hue trickle up my arm, my alarmed glance back at Thor and Odin before turning back to witness the Destroyer in action. I thought about how obstinate he'd been in making sure none of this got out. What would he do if I knew that I'd spilled the secret? What would he do?
Feverishly, I shook my head back and forth. Tears began spilling down my face. No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't take the risk. They might not like what they hear. There was no way I was risking what little friendship I still had, whether at the hands of myself or Odin. I was weak.
Frigga rushed over, motioning for Loki to move out of her way. She's pulled out a handkerchief and started dabbing my cheeks. As I looked at her face, I knew I'd made the right choice. I couldn't let her get punished for my mistakes. Stupid me. Who in their right mind would follow a voice in their head? It seemed so foolish now.
Loki spoke up. "Never could trust Odin to do anything right, now could we?"
"Not the time. Please." She tried to get him to stop talking.
"No, no. Look at the mess he's managed to make this time. And we praise him for all of his—"
The cell disappeared, the two of us now back in her chambers. Frigga picked me up out of the chair and carried me all the way to my own bedroom. She even pulled back the covers, wrapping me in the warmth of my blankets. With the snap of her fingers, my clothes had become pajamas.
"Take the day off, Winter. Rest. Don't let anyone rush you into speaking, just. . . know that I'm here for you." She glided out of the room without another word.