FLASHBACK
"Kitty, you asked me to help" Beam spoke to his fuming short friend.
He came to Kit's dorm to apologize to him though he did not understand what happened. Yesterday, Kit was fine with him saying what he said but today, he was shouting and pushing him.
"Huh, I didn't ask you to tell him I was your boyfriend, what the hell is the matter with you?" Kit snapped.
Beam gaped at his friend before he could find his voice. "But... I was just trying to- huh! What the hell Kit, it was your problem, I wasn't even a part of it. I remember, you came to me and asked me to help get rid of him! I did what you asked, that's what you said"
"I didn't ask you to make him think I'm into you, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Kit shouted.
"Wa... ah! So, you like him? Is that it?" Beam massaged his temples.
"Why, you want me to like you? Is that why you did it?" Kit huffed. "Is that what this is all about?"
"What are you talking about?" Beam asked in confusion. "You think... you think I like you? Huh, why? You're that big ray of sunshine? Why would I want that when I know you inside out?" he said it in anger but mentally beat himself for it.
"Yeah, and what am I?" Kit asked. "I'm that bad of a person that you can't believe no one can like me? Yeah... a man like Ming wants me, he must be having bad intentions"
"KIT! What the hell?" Beam was getting more and more shocked with everything Kit kept on saying to him. "When did I ever say that?"
"You never contradict me when I said that, you just happily agreed to help get rid of him" Kit accused.
Beam opened and closed his mouth. "I... Kitty I've known you my whole life. I know you feel insecure all the time, you then take your insecurities out on people who care for you and... it's always pointless to try to reason with you. And okay... I didn't hesitate to help because... I didn't feel he's good enough for you, I should say that but I'm sorry... he's too, I don't know, I just feel this in my gut that something is extremely wrong with him" he chuckled. "Sometimes... I even feel cold when he's around"
"That's not funny" Kit said seriously. "And you said, he's not good enough for me because you don't like him?"
Beam sighed. "No. Not just that. You are the one who thinks he's too good for you which, I do not agree with. He is immature and he's a player, like me. I know what I am like and I do not want that for my best friend.
You are right to be feel insecure but about him hurting you, not about yourself Kit, you're a great person if you could just... show your emotions with words not you fist and curses. But still, if you wanna be with him it's your decision and I will sup-"
"So, you made a joke out of our friendship because you think he's like you? He's isn't a heartless sex addict like you! Huh, what a nosy bitch!" Kit said cruelly.
Beam blinked. He breathed in and out to calm himself. "I just... come on, why did you ask me to get rid of him if you liked him? You were acting like you were disgusted by him, you were acting mad at him! Then you asked my help and now suddenly I'm the bad guy? Come on" he tried to pat Kit's shoulder but Kit pushed his hand away.
"Don't touch me!"
Beam stared at him for a long time. "Kit... fine, you are... mad at me and I'm... I get it, I'm sorry" he said in a small tone. "I'm going, talk to me when your head is in the right place!"
"I don't want to talk to you! I'm going to talk to him! He must be feeling awful" Kit said heatedly.
"Good. That's... huh... that's just perfect" Beam laughed exasperatedly. "You do that. Don't come crying back then" he snapped in anger.
"What? What did you say?" Kit angrily pulled Beam's hand to make look back at him.
"You! And your impulsive childish behavior! Like the whole high school time wasn't enough for you fucking piece of shit? Are you still that desperate for attention? Pha and I have always been generous with you, we have always given in to your need to feel important and wanted! No matter what you do, we always stayed by your side because we know who lonely you feel because of your family but you! You can never be grateful, can you?"
Beam blinked. He looked away to hide the pain in his eyes. "So... that's what I am Kit? An attention seeker?"
Kit gasped realizing what he had said and slapped a hand on his mouth, horrified.
Beam smiled, not looking up. "So why are you friends with me? I'm that pitiful?" he nodded. "You are my best friend, one of the only three people I love and care about in the whole damn world and I think you deserve the best in the whole damn world but that guy is not it.
But... yeah, I'm so sorry for... meddling in your business. I..." he chuckled. "I'm sorry... I thought we were... you and I have always been so..."
"B-beam..."
"I'm so sorry... yeah, I must have sounded like em... bye" with that he walked out of that room.
And though, Kit knew he did something wrong, he did not stop his best friend who then went on to switch his phone off and get wasted in a bar. Wasted enough to offer himself up to one tall and handsome hazer.
And that night started the chain of events that changed his best friend and his own lives forever.
##~~
Sometime after an year...
"Where were you?" he had been worried sick, not to mention scared. He was always scared these days. But Ming knew that. He still didn't reply to his messages or answer his calls.
"With Yo" the man taking off his shoes didn't even look up.
Kit closed his eyes with a sigh. Ofcourse, he was always with Yo. Always. Like he was having this relationship with Wayo, not him. He didn't understand the point of it. Living together. When Ming was never gonna be around to live with. He was always there with Yo.
Even after Kit had agreed to live with him, even after he agreed to give that man himself though he didn't feel like he was ready, he did it for Ming. He loved Ming. He loved him so much and he was getting more and more hurt by his changing behaviors. He was becoming worse with every passing day.
"The whole night? You look like crap... were you at a bar? You didn't... you didn't answer my calls" he spoke again, only to be ignored. "I was... I was worried Ming" he chuckled nervously when the said guy shot him a blank look.
"And what's new about that Kit?" Ming asked in a bore tone.
"Wha-what?" Kit stuttered again. "M-ming... what, what are you... w-why would you al-always talk to me like... like t-that?"
"Oh, for God's sake, can you ever stop?" Ming gave him a cold look. "How hard is it for you to complete a sentence? Fine! Don't do that! Just... sometimes, stop talking if you can't talk properly! I'm sick of this!"
Kit blinked. He looked down dejectedly at the harsh tone and pursed his lips together.
Something flicked in Ming's eyes as he looked away, shutting his eyes. Then he stood up to go change.
"M-ming..." Kit called him once he was out with wet hair and his blue engineering jacket on.
Ming rolled his eyes. "I need to be at the faculty Kit, I don't have time for your crap. See you later" that voice, devoid of all the emotion he once had for the dimpled guy as he turned his back to walk away.
END OF FLASHBACK
##~~
"Kit! Kit! Hey it's okay, it's all good, wake up" the person said in a very soothing voice, holding him close to their chest, he could hear their heartbeat. It was a long time since anyone hugged him like that. Very long. That person used to hug him like that when they were little and he was scared but not in years now.
"Beamie..." he called to them.
"It's me Kit, it's Pha"
"Pha... it, it hurts Pha... where's Beamie? Ca-call him... please..."
Pha looked at the dark circles under Kit's eyes and sighed. He cleared his bangs from his forehead and hugged him. "Kitty, Beam isn't here, don't you remember? He has not been here in a long time. I'm so so sorry..."
Kit opened his eyes wide to look around.
He was unfamiliar with the exceptionally clean room he was in. Then it hit him. It wasn't Beam. It couldn't be. Beam had left seven years ago. He left because they all hurt him. Kit hurt him. Pha and Forth hurt him. They promised they won't but, in the end, they all had hurt him so bad.
The look in Beam's eyes that night. Oh, that look like he got stabbed in the back by him. Kit will forever be haunted by that look. It was long before Kit got together with Ming. But he knew how Beam changed after that night. He pretended not to notice or maybe he didn't care enough to notice because he was so happy in his bubble. With Ming...
That monster!!!
But he didn't hurt Ming. Why Ming left him then? It was Kit who got hurt, who was left alone.
How he wished to change time where he had never met that monster, where he had never hurt his best friend's feelings for someone like that bastard, where he had trusted Beam and his gut that always screamed at them that Ming was not good for him. But he couldn't.
And then he had the guts to go tell Beam his boyfriend wasn't sincere him when he himself had called him a nosy bitch for the same thing?
"Water?" Pha gave him a glass of water that he gulped down in one go.
"Wh-where am... where are we?" Kit looked around.
"Oh, you've never been here. This is my new place, after..." Pha answered as Kit sipped on water quietly. Pha went no, not knowing what else to do. "Not that.. you were to the last place I lived at" he chuckled nervously. "We haven't met in years"
"Yeah... I-I... I didn't w-want... to meet you. R-rem... remember?"
"Kit I-"
"I-I th-thought y-you went... eh... you le-left" Kit moved out of Pha's reach. "W-why are... why're y-you... here?"
"I got the job here at your family's hospital few months back. Then met you" He looked down shamefully. He almost didn't recognize his best friend when he saw him here.
"I... I-I should em.. w-why you b-b-brought me here?" Kit never looked him in the eye ever since they met again. It hurt Pha to his core seeing his once fierce friend like that.
"You had an anxiety attack, I was there, I hugged you and you passed out. I didn't know where else to take you... so I brought you here"
"Why... you, y-you didn't need to" Kit got out of the bed hurriedly. He still felt weak.
Pha stood up to help Kit. "I'm your friend Kit, I'd always worry, I didn't know you had anxiety disorder"
"You..." he jerked Pha's hand away, eyes teary again. "No... no! You, y-you do n-not know m-me... you d-don't know w-who I am now and... a-and you d-don't n-need to. I'm... I'm v-v-very much a-okay, way m-more than... w-when I l-lost my o-o-only friends and... and he, he du-dumped me" he was breathing hard, more pained by the fact of not being able to complete his sentences.
"I n-needed you... I nee- eh, I needed you th-then to tell me ha-how all he s-said to me was... I-it was wr-wrong, I wasn't...I-it was him, but h-he s-said I was... and it wa-wasn't t-true but..." Pha had to hold Kit's shivering body to calm him as he wasn't even able to form a complete sentence.
"Kitty..."
"Beam would do that, he would leave everything to come kick his ass and hug me and curse him with me, no matter how many boyfriends stood in his way, he would be by my side, we promised each other that but you never kept the promise. We... we didn't!" Kit sobbed.
"N-now I c-can't w-walk... hic... a s-step wi-without this... this... I am so p-p... pathetic and I d-don't n-need you now, you're not Beam" he pushed Pha away to walk to the window to breathe. Once calm after his outburst, he wiped his eyes, picked his jacket and walked to the door.
"Ming got Yo's custody after we split, fair enough but I didn't realize our friendship was so shallow he got you too. No matter how mad I was at you, if you cared enough, you would find me and atleast ask what really happened" this time he spoke very firmly.
For the first time since he met Pha again, he looked him in the eye, steadily. "Let's be good strangers from now on Pha, because we are very crappy friends" and just like that he left Pha alone in that quiet apartment.
Pha stood still for some time before he slumped where Kit slept a few hours ago. He looked dowm to pick up the small bracelet Kit forgot behind. He remembered it.
It was the same turtle bracelet their crazy Beam bought them all together from that night market they visited together in the last year of high school. Beam always did that.
His black, Beam's yellow and Kit's blue. He bitched so much how they were too girly but still he'd always wear it. Beam bought them after all. But where was it now?
Huh...
He felt very small remembering when he took it off because Yo wanted him to wear the limited-edition bracelet he bought. He was adamant to get the hideous thing off and won't have it any other way. And like always, Pha gave him what he wanted. He always did.
( A/n: sorry guys, everyone who hates me for this)
Right in this moment, after he lived through years of giving Wayo everything the he ever wanted, Pha realized how stupid he was. What good did it bring you Phana?
'He broke Ming's heart P! He cheated on Ming! How could you even think of going to him when Ming needs us'
'I haven't met him in over a year Wayo! He's my friend! I just want to see how he's doing'
'Either me or him!'
'Please... be reasonable'
'If you love me, you stand with me! You console my friend! I need you to side with me!'
'Wa-'
'Choose! Or I-'
'Okay...'
How did he come to the point he trusted Yo but not the two boys who put up with him his whole life? After everything the three of them had been through together, everything Beam and Kit did for him and Yo, they didn't choose them, how did Pha think that Wayo would choose him?
Strangers huh?
Looking down at the bracelet he smiled bitterly. Well, here's one more reason to meet a stranger again.
"I'm sorry Kitty! But I can not pretend to not know you. Not when you're right there in front of me. And it seems like you need me the most.
I left you before, not that I chose it but... I did. I won't leave you now"
##~~
'My baby...'
'Not my baby...'
"No" He gasped and opened his eyes. First thing that came to his mind when he woke up, the baby.
In panic he placed a hand on his flat stomach only to touch another hand already present there. Breathing unsteadily, he opened his eyes fully to find a pair of dark and sharp ones staring at him.
He blinked.
"The baby is fine" spoke the deep voice.
Kao sighed with so much relief and tears rolled down his eyes as he turned to his side, away from that stoic face of the tall man.
He knew that guy since the orientation day about a year ago. He also knew all that other students said about him. The crazy gangster, the fist first and talk later kinda guy, a cruel addict, his scary classmate.
Did he bring him here? Did he know? Now what?
"But you almost did lose it" the man continued without a trace of pity or any other emotion in his voice.
It made Kao shiver as he reached out to touch his belly again in fear.
"How can a person knowing they're growing another life inside them be so careless? You don't want it, get rid of it, why hurt yourself?"
And that. That shook him to his core. 'Get rid of it'
"No!" Kao hugged his stomach protectively, crying in silence.
"Or maybe... you want to kill your innocent baby so you don't have to be responsible? Is that it?" the man asked again.
Kao turned to shot the man an angry glare. "How dare you?" And winced in pain. The guy reached to touch him again but he smacked his hand away.
"Oi Thada! The hell man, push that button" another guy spoke, hurrying towards a panicked Kao. He patted Kao's hair.
"Hey... I'm June and this idiot here, don't mind him, he's Thada. I think you remember us" he smiled kindly, hitting his friend's head hard and reach to Kao who flinched. "Oh... sorry I was just... you need water? Hungry? The doctor said you're weak" he said in such caring tone, something Kao haven't had the chance to hear in a long time. It made him cry again.
"Oi!!! He said bad stuff and you shout, I'm being nice and you cry?" The guy panicked. "Did I say something wrong?"
Kao shook his head and cried even harder, hugging his stomach. Just then a warm hand touched his cheek. He looked up to find a handsome pale man smile at him gently.
"That's enough crying for one day sweetheart, now breathe or you might dehydrate. Come on now... breathe in and breathe out" he spoke in a calm and gentle tone.
Kao pursed his lips to sniff and breathe in. Once calm, he stopped crying.
"Better. Now that wasn't that difficult, was it? You need to look after yourself more" the kind man smiled at him again.
"I... what? I don't... I don't understand"
"I'm Dr. Baramee Vongviphan, I'm here to consult your case, Dr. Yihwa told you about me, didn't she?" the man asked again. "What have you been doing to yourself?"
Kao nodded, looking down at his belly. "Is my baby okay? Will you save it? Please!!"
"You want me to?"
Kao nodded desperately. "P-please"
"Shh... okay" the man stroked his hair gently and sat on his bed. "Okay. Tell me a bit about yourself and your family... who's responsible for you, the boyfriend?"
Kao closed his eyes. "No one. I have no one" tears fell from his eyes again but the doctor wiped them away. He opened his eyes to find him looking at him with such caring eyes, he felt the need to let him know he really wanted his baby. "I... I am all alone, I work... I study on scholarship but I... I'll do everything, I... I'll drop out, I'll think of something but I can't, it's a baby..."
"Shuu..." Dr. Baramee wiped his eyes gently. "Thankfully, yes. I was able to get here in time and save you both. Not exactly that easy, with you being so weak and malnourished" the doctor reprimanded him in a gentle tone. "Reason why I went blastic on your friend here" he pointed at Thada with a sour look.
"I'm sorry, I thought that cranky guy was your boyfriend. Hello, thank God he isn't" the doctor rolled his eyes comically.
Watching the uncomfortable look on Thada's face, a first he ever saw any expression there, it made Kao relax a bit more.
The doctor went on. "But remember this. If I was not here, you could have died. Now tell me what happened. What stressed you?" and that made him tear up yet again and someone squeezed his hand.
That's when Kao realised something else. Scary Thada had been holding his hand ever since he started crying.
##~~
So... I did say anyone who hate me for Kit's story. Don't kill me yet.
And Kao is all alone, he needs friends amd family, to care for him, away from Pete. Someone who can scare people off. I was a fan of Mek since he played the role of Zero in Ugly duckling don't. And Thada is a very good friend, totally the type of character I needed.
Vote and comment.
See ya