Sian's Pov
This is not the place i should be! I know that my head and heart have two VERY different things to say. I proved that last night when I kissed him. My head aches from the tears I shed. Well, i usually do when i cry. In my head, i struggle to sort out what happened before. I was upset and i think Ian broke my door to get in... Wait! He broke my door? Great, all i need i more questions. He cleared my room and then i kissed him.
I let out a sigh and finally force open my heavy eye lids. I gently reach over for my phone to realise it's not on the desk. I squint my eyes and look over to the clock. 3:15 am. Oh My God! I missed school! That's all i need right now! The next thing I know, the teachers will be snooping around and keeping an eye on me!
i then become aware of a ring of heat around my waist, the warmth on my back. Ian is still embracing me. His grip almost unbreakable. So protective. I gently place my hand on Ian's arm and slowly push it off my body. I stand up and turn to look at him. Gosh! he looks so young when he's sleeping. i need to decide what I'm doing. I don't want to hurt him anymore. But what Josh did to me pushed me too far. I have my reasons but Ian i just messing things up. Not in a bad way but he's going to get hurt.
"Morning Sian" his eye lids flicker open to show those hazel eyes that i see every day.
I smile slightly and turn to the clock. "Ian. It's 3:15 in the morning"
His eye widen. "We missed school?"
I nod at him. He removes my duvet from his body and shoves on his shirt. He was just wearing his boxers. I giggle slightly and he blushes. But i don't remember him getting undressed. I don't really remember anything past the start of the kiss. Sort of like a drunken woman.
My expression has turned to a puzzled look. I think Ian picked up on it, however. "Sian? What's the matter? "
I sigh at the stupid and very awkward question that hangs on the tip of my tongue. "Did we... erm... you know..."
"Of course not!" he says. "Why did you ask?"
"I don't remember you getting...um... undressed. That's all" I say. He somewhat laughs and brings me into an embrace.
"You Muppet! I got a little too warm during the night" he releases me from his embrace.
I walk around my small room while Ian gets himself dressed again. The minutes of silence that pass are extremely awkward for me. I have to tell him my situation.
"Ian?"
"yeah"
"I don't... i mean i think... Um... I think we should forget about what happened" I stutter. I watch as his expression falls to disappointment.
"What do you mean? It happened, Sian" he steps closer.
"Ian. Please. You don't undertand!" I argue.
"How? You kissed me before! I didn't come onto you! It was you! Why can't you just decide your feelings? I like you Sian, i like you a lot. I felt so happy before when you kissed me." Ian sounds close to tears.
"I just... Ihave major trust issues..."
"But you can trust me! Tell me what Josh did"
The memories of that night with Josh flood back. Ian is nothing like Josh. He was gentle and caring whereas Josh checked out every passing girl. "I can't..."
"So you can kiss me but still you don't trust me?" he ask me.
"No!"
"So you do? Why don't you tell me?" He hesitates for a second before continuing. "I already know Sian!"
My eyes widen and panic grow in my voice. "No! You can't know"
"Well I do! How he cheated. How he refused to help you out of the lake. How he changes your life. How he ruined my chances of you ever loving me..." he stops as my hand comes across his cheek. It's already going red. He grabs my hand and puts it to his cheek. "This is what Josh made you do! It's him! He's ruined your life, Sian."
I'm in tears but i refuse to break down in front of Ian again. So i will let him in.
"It never happened." I pull my hand away. "I'm sorry. Just go."
He turns and grabs his bag before walking out of my room. I lam the door behind him and slide down the smooth surface. The protection Ian had given me before has now gone as the memories of Josh come flooding back.