•Steven's POV•
''I fucked up,'' I say to Harrison as soon as he answers the phone.
I sigh, rubbing my forehead, kicking my shoes off as I lay back on the bed in my hotel room.
''What happened?'' He asks in his sleep soaked voice, a yawn slipping free from his lips.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the time difference it's only ten o'clock over here but that means it's like one something in New York.
I'm surprised he's even asleep though, he'd usually be up around this time at a club or something.
''I let my anger and my emotions get the best of me and I...I pretty much blew it with Damien.'' I admit to him.
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly feeling the start of another shower of tears.
I've been crying all fucking day.
I'm so tired of crying.
But everything hurts.
My head.
My eyes.
My feelings. My fucking heart.
Harrison groans on the other end of the phone.
''I'm rolling out of bed now,'' He mumbles out.
''To do what?'' I ask him, trying to hide the pain in my voice.
But my whole fucking soul feels like it's breaking.
And I don't know how to make it stop.
I was wrong. I know I was wrong.
I just went about it all so wrong.
But I was never expecting him to basically choose someone else over me.
I was angry.
But I still had no right to do what I did.
I should've never put my hands on him for starters, but I should have also just walked away when he said that he was done talking. I shouldn't have initiated that argument with him.
I was just so hurt though...
I still am, even more so now.
''To get on my jet and come to California. What the hell else would I be getting out of bed for at 1:00 o'clock in the morning?'' He asks sarcastically.
I sigh. ''Harrison you really don't have to,'' I tell him.
''Oh, trust me I know. But I've had my jet on standby ever since you decided that today was the day you were going to march your way back into Damien's life.'' He states. ''Text me the name of the hotel you're staying at. I'll let you know when I land.'' He says before hanging up.
I toss my phone to the other side of the bed.
The better part of me wants to just sleep this all off and wake up in the morning to find out it was all a bad dream.
But the tears that are still running from my eyes refuse to let me forget the very real catastrophe of today.
I sigh, closing my eyes. Sleep pulls me under quicker than I expected it too.
''Room service!'' I hear a voice yell, waking me up from my sleep. Several hard knocks on the door follow, forcing me to get up and make my way towards the hotel door.
Who the hell is knocking on my door like this?
''What the—'' I neglect to even finish my sentence as I pull the door open all the way and see Harrisons grinning face.
I groan, rolling my eyes as I go to slam the door shut, but he catches it before it can lock. I turn around, making my way back over to the bed.
''Dude, you look like shit,'' Harrison says. He sits next to me on the bed and pulls his phone out.
I lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
''I feel like shit,'' I reply. Harrison bursts out in laughter, making me look over at him to see that he's completely focused on the screen of his phone.
''You're impossible,'' I mumble out to him, sitting up before getting off of the bed.
''Hey go shower, and put some fresh clothes on.'' He tells me.
''For what? Where are we going?'' I ask him.
''To the bar,'' He answers, all of his attention still targeted to his phone. I walk over to him, snatching the phone out of his hand.
Why the hell would I want to be in a bar right now?
I probably shouldn't even be in a hotel that has a bar.
And although I am vulnerable enough to do something dumb, I'm not stupid enough to take that risk.
But I'm also not confident enough to even trust myself in that environment.
''To the bar? Why?'' I ask. Giving him a look that I hope he can read as me calling him a fucking idiot.
He grabs his phone back from my hand.
''Because I need a drink, and you need to get your shit together.'' He explains. He puts his phone in his pocket.
''And you think a bar is the best place for me to be while I do that?'' I ask him slowly, since he still doesn't get the fucking picture.
He seemed to have quite a good understanding when he doused me in two perfectly good bottles of gin.
''Yeah, maybe you're right,'' He says after giving it a minute of thought. ''So I'll order me a bourbon neat and we can go sit by the coffee shop across the street.'' He concludes.
I scoff, shaking my head at him as I turn around and head for the bathroom.
''Are we sure I'm the only one with a drinking problem?'' I mumble to myself.
''And an attitude problem, and a sensitivity problem, yes we are sure of that,'' Harrison says, hearing me despite me talking so lowly.
I ignore him, shutting the bathroom door.
I shower quickly, climbing out and wrapping a towel around my waist. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and shave away the stubble coming in.
After running a comb through my hair a couple of times I make my way out of the bathroom and over to my suitcase.
Harrison has left the room. He's undoubtedly sitting at the bar, flirting with the first pretty girl that looked his way.
I grab a sweater out of my suitcase, staring at it for a minute and then throwing it to the side once I remember how fucking hot it was yesterday.
I settle for a pair of grey jeans and a white shirt. I grab my wallet and phone from the nightstand and make my way out of the hotel room and onto the elevator.
As soon as the elevator doors chime open the first thing I see is Harrisons smiling face, his arm wrapped around the shoulder of a brunette whose very happy with the interaction telling by the blush on her face.
''Hey! I was just on my way up to you,'' He says once he notices me.
''Sure you were,'' I say stepping out of the elevator. ''Did you get her number yet? Can we go now?'' I ask him impatiently. ''And get your own hotel room because if you think you're doing anything in my room, you're fucking crazy.'' I tell him before walking towards the lobby doors.
I make my way out of the hotel, seeing the coffee shop across the street that he was talking about. I cross the street once the traffic clears up, entering the shop and placing me an order for a vanilla frappe.
I pay for it when it's ready, taking it and sitting down at a table near the window.
I take my phone from my pocket, picking up my drink to take a sip as I open up my contact list and scroll through.
I stop at Damien's name, letting my finger waver over it as my mind churns, debating on whether or not to hit the call button.
''Don't you dare,'' I hear Harrisons voice, looking up to see him pulling out a chair at the table. He sits down, reaching over and taking my phone out of my hand and placing it on the table in front of him.
''I need to apologize to him,'' I explain.
''And you think that after what you did yesterday he suddenly had a change of heart and unblocked you? If you have to think about the answer to the that question, it's hell no, you're still blocked.'' He states.
I sigh.
''What did you do anyway?'' He asks. ''You said you fucked up. What happened? I thought you were just going over there to talk to him.''
I shrug as if I don't know exactly where everything went downhill.
''I did. And my only intentions were to have a calm conversation with him. But then he just left the room before we could even finish talking and it pissed me off because he always feels as though he can make decisions before I get to speak my mind. And then he had the nerve to tell me that he wouldn't break off the fling he's having so that—''
''Look, not to interrupt you but why do I feel like you told him to break up with this guy instead of politely explaining why he should and then nicely asking him to?'' Harrison asks me. I give him a defensive look.
''I did ask nicely,'' I claim.
Knowing damn well I could've been so much more courteous about the situation than I actually was.
But I was pissed.
People do stupid things when they're upset.
Obviously.
''Sure you did, so what happened next?'' He asks.
''I followed him and he was trying to walk away from me, and I just—I got so angry because I'm just so tired of him walking away...and I know that I shouldn't have done what I did, I put my hands on him and it was so fucked up of me to do that. Even if I just shoved him into the wall. I should have never let it go that far. And thinking back now, just replaying the look that he had on his face when it happened,'' I sigh. ''I feel like shit.''
I know more than anyone about the abuse that Damien dealt with. I was the one who picked him up whenever he got knocked down.
I crossed a boundary with him that should've never been crossed.
I know better than to touch him when he's angry but I know deep down in my soul that the last thing I would ever want to do is to push him to the point of getting that angry.
And I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't get knocked on my ass is because I'm me.
And I know he'd never hurt me.
Physically anyway.
He seems to have no problem breaking my fucking heart.
But in all honesty I guess we do it to each other.
Repeatedly.
Unintentionally.
Without any thought or effort.
And that's sad.
Harrison finally speaks after a long sigh leaves his lips.
''I don't know what to tell you,'' He says. ''You know I'm always on your team Steven, but I'm glad we both agree that you're in the wrong here because that's just a line that you shouldn't have crossed. I know you were emotional and all but especially with the past that he's had with his dad, you just shouldn't have did that.''
I look over at Harrison. He stares back at me looking confused as to why I'm eyeing him so intensely.
''You know about his past?'' I ask, feeling totally fucking lost.
I could've sworn they claimed they never fucking met. And even though I didn't buy that shit for not even a minute I would've assumed that they were distant friends, but definitely not anywhere near close enough to share personal stuff like that.
''Yeah,'' He replies simply.
''Okay, explain,'' I demand impatiently since my question wasn't clear enough.
I want to know all the details of their apparent friendship. Because the last time I checked they hated the essence of each other.
Harrison rolls his eyes but begins to talk nonetheless.
''We met at a bar in Vegas, he was getting really plastered and throwing himself a pity party, and it just so happens that so was I. Honestly I was too drunk to even remember why we started talking to each other but eventually we bonded over how fucked up our fathers treated us. I thought my father was a bastard, but he's been through some shit. We partied for a week and that was the last time I saw him until he showed up at my house pinning after you,'' Harrison explains.
I shake my head, trying to process what the hell he just said.
''Why didn't you tell me about this when it happened?'' I ask him.
''Um because it was like a year ago and I didn't know you two even had this little teenage hopeless love thing going on. Maybe if you'd been a bit more honest with me in our friendship then I'd have played matchmaker a long time ago and you wouldn't be in such a fucked situation.'' Harrison says.
''I'm always honest with you,'' I defend.
Harrison arches his brow at me.
''Steven I don't know who told you that not telling your bestfriend shit was considered 'being honest' but whoever it was they fucking lied to you. You know everything about me. From my asshole of a father to my shallow loveless mother, I've told you everything about myself because I trust you, because I want you to understand why I am who I am, so that you won't feel too prideful to share your struggles with me.'' Harrison says to me, his tone serious and his eyes displaying noticeable pain.
I look out the window.
''Well I'm sorry,'' I apologize to him. ''I just didn't feel like it was something that I needed to bring up if it was always going to stay in the past.''
''Yeah I know you didn't, I know how your mind works which is why I'm not mad at you,'' He lies.
Well maybe it's not a lie.
Maybe he's just hurt and not mad at all.
And I understand why.
He has shared some deep shit with me. Basically his whole fucking life story and I don't think anyone knows as much shit about him as I do. Not even his parents. And speaking of his parents, he's even revealed to me their scandals. And with them being the people that they are in society, a wealthy politician and an heiress to a very well known billion dollar corporation, the newsfeeds would make a fortune if their business ever got out.
So I get it. I get where I fucked up.
''So what do you want to do?'' Harrison asks me. ''Are we heading back over to his house so that you can kiss his ass and apologize or what?''
''About that,'' I say, sitting up in my chair. ''When things started to get physical between us his boyfriend stepped in and tried to push me away from Damien and I was about two seconds away from punching the fuck out of him for even touching me until Cody pulled me away and pretty much kicked me out of their house and not so nicely told me not to bother coming back.'' I admit to him.
''Cody is?'' Harrison asks.
''Oh, his younger brother. He's crazy protective. And I know for a fact that if he answers the door he won't let me in the house or even tell his brother that I'm there.'' I say.
''So I'll knock on the door, and you hide in the car. If Damien answers you can come apologize and if his brother answers I'll ask him to tell Damien come to the door. Easy peasy.'' Harrison says. He gets up from the table but I remain seated.
I think for a minute.
''Is this really a good idea?'' I ask him.
''Of course, it's my idea. And I just hopped on a fucking jet for you and flew from the east coast to the west coast so you're gonna do it.'' He says.
Reluctantly I grab my phone and my drink from the table, following Harrison out of the coffee shop.
We make it to his car, I give him the address and he starts driving in the direction of Damien's house.
About an hour later and we're there.
''I still feel like this is a really bad idea,'' I say as he parks across the street from Damien's house.
''And I still feel like you should grow a pair and shut the hell up. Now wait here until I signal you over.'' He says, climbing out of his car and shutting the door.
He walks over to the front door. I see him knock on the door.
A moment later the door opens and Cody appears. Why is he the only one who answers the damn door?
Him and Harrison talk for a minute before Cody goes back inside.
Harrison then turns around and waves his hand at me.
I roll my eyes.
Wow.
What a subtle signal.
My heart practically drops to the ground as I step out of the car. I shake it off, walking over to Harrison quickly.
''Don't look so nervous, Jesus.'' Harrison says when I make it over to him. ''Do you want me to wait in the car or...?'' He asks.
Before I can even answer his question the front door opens again and Damien steps out. His eyes land on Harrison first and then when they meet mine it's as if his whole mood changes.
He turns to step inside.
''Wait, wait, wait!'' I call after him. Harrison grabs my arm as I move to go after him.
Damien sighs, before turning around to look at me.
''Steven,--'' Damien starts but I cut him off.
''No,'' I say, tears welling in my eyes before I can even get my words out. ''No let me just apologize first, I should've never ever pushed you. And I know, I know my apology isn't much but you know me. You know I would never mean to cross that boundary with you.'' I tell. ''I'm sorry, and even if you don't believe it I need you to hear me. Know that I'm saying it and know that I'm sincere.''
By the time I choke all of my words out I see, through my haze of tears, that he's also got a few tears running down his face.
He brings his hand up, wiping his face clean before shaking his head.
''You messed up,'' He says to me.
I nod my head. Hating the way the pain in his eyes scorched my soul.
''You were my only safe place, do you remember?'' He asks me, another tear breaking free from the depth of his blue eyes. Staring into his eyes is like watching the ocean cry.
Heartbreaking.
And my heart is actually breaking.
Into a million fucking pieces.
Of course I still remember. I tended to almost every single bruise his father ever put on him. And I remember the nightmares he used to have after the beatings.
I remember.
How could I forget?
I remember how some nights he could only sleep if he was in my arms. And even then the terrors still consumed his body. The way he cried in his sleep. The way his body trembled from fear.
I remember everything.
''Yeah,'' I answer, taking a shaky breath. ''Yeah, I remember.'' I wipe the tears from my face.
''You fucked up, Steven,'' He tells me.
''I know, I know I did and I'm-I'm so sorry.'' I say honestly. He stares at me.
His eyes have a bit of pinkness around them making it obvious that he cried quite a bit last night too.
I never meant to make him feel like this.
I never wanted to hurt him. Not like this. Never like this.
He takes a deep breath.
''Don't do it again.'' He says, opening his front door, walking into his house and stepping aside so that I could enter.
•A/N•
I did not, I repeat did NOT fall off of the updating wagon again.
Phew. *wipes away nervous sweat*
I just got finished moving from Louisiana to California and omg, I have rants for days about the drastic difference of these two states.
But currently I don't have WiFi so I have to update off of my phone and the wattpad phone app isn't at all cooperative with me updating.
Anyway, I love this chapter <3
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Posted: February 05, 2020.