I fidget with the bottom of my dress as I climb out of the car, the feeling of it moving up my thighs with every step reminding me why I hate wearing them so much. The smell of the delicious food from the parking lot makes me hungrier than I already am, and I can feel my stomach churning.
"Amara, Elijah!" I hear a familiar voice yelling from another direction. We turn to see Rebecca shuffling towards us in her black sparkly heels with a wide smile on her face, her platinum blonde hair swooped into a perfectly styled bun.
"I've missed you!" she chirps in her excitable voice, wrapping her arms around me.
"I missed you too." I chuckle, her happiness and bright personality making me feel more refreshed.
"Don't worry, Elijah, I missed you too." she wiggles her brow, pulling him into a hug.
"Nice to see you, Becca." he laughs, patting her on the back.
"I'm starving, I can't wait to stuff my face," she sighs, licking her lips, "I can smell my steak from here."
As we walk inside we make our way to the same table we've reserved each month for the past year, our table. As we inch closer we see the only two guests who are already seated, Jake—and Angel.
"Oh, for fuck sake." I mutter under my breath, faking a smile and waving towards the table.
"Why is she here?" Becca whispers angrily, smiling the fakest smile I've possibly ever seen.
"Just smile and wave," Elijah groans as the voice of reason, clearing his throat.
"Hey, Jake." I smile, pulling him into a hug. I watch Angels dark green eyes set on me from over his shoulder, burning through me.
"Hi, Angel." I say reluctantly, putting on my most false voice.
"Nice to see you guys." she nods, swiping her blonde curls away from her pale face.
We take our seats, Elijah and I directly across from Jake and Angel, Becca sitting awkwardly beside the she devil herself—and two empty seats awaiting the final of our group. Despite the slightly awkward tension growing at the table with the surprise arrival of Jake's girlfriend, I feel a lot better about choosing to come tonight; these dinners with the group I've grown so close to are one of the only things I look forward to once a month.
A pair of hands cover my eyes, "Guess who," she whispers, making me jump out of my seat with excitement. "Jess!" I smile, wrapping my arms around her as she returns the hug tightly.
"It's been too long." she whines, tightening her grip.
"Way too long." I sigh, holding her at arms length.
Since Jess moved we've had to adapt to not seeing each other every day, for the first time in our lives. It's been almost three months since I last seen her—the longest we've gone without seeing one another since we were in diapers. We still talk as much as possible, but it's not the same.
As she looks over my shoulder she screws her face up in confusion, "Why is Angel here?" she scoffs under her breath.
"We don't know," I scrunch up my nose, giving her the 'I can't believe this' look which she immediately reciprocates.
She takes the empty seat to my right, leaving Matt to sit beside Jake. "Where the hell is Matt?" she furrows her brow.
"Probably on his way, we were supposed to finish at six but I left early to see my mom."
"How is she?" she asks.
"Better, she's doing better." I nod reassuringly.
"Is she still in rehab?" Angel asks, spinning her phone on the table.
"Yes, she is." I scratch my head.
"I told you she was visiting her earlier today." Jake mutters under his breath, not quiet enough for us not to hear. She doesn't respond, she just keeps her stare locked on us.
Elijah leans in towards me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, "This is going to be a long dinner," he whispers.
"Tell me about it."
"The life and soul of the group is here." Matt exclaims proudly, yet breathlessly, as he struts over to the table—taking his seat next to Jake. I watch as he does a double take in Angels direction, before looking directly at me and mouthing obviously 'What the fuck is she doing here?' for everybody at the table to see. Including Angel.
"Angel decided she wanted to come tonight because she missed me," Jake chuckles, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
"He's been working too much recently, so it's only fair I get to go out with his friends—or he's just not going." she chuckles nonchalantly, laughing it off. I look to Elijah who is also side eyeing me with a 'what did she just say?' look on his face. The girl screams toxicity and I don't like it. The scary thing is that she seemed so nice before, and now she makes me question her intentions.
"Okaaaay," Matt's eyes widen with awkwardness, "Can we order our food now?"
I had to hold myself back from questioning her on what she meant, but I know it would only embarrass Jake—and that's not fair. My verbal filter and what I can manage to keep inside my head has diminished over the past two years; I speak my opinions whether I want to or not.
"How the hell were you so late?" Jess rolls her eyes at Matt, making him scoff.
"I had to change and fix myself up, I don't just look this good naturally," he throws his hands up, pausing with a raised brow "Oh, wait—I do."
"I drove two hours and still got here before your slow ass," she flips him off.
"Whatever, order your salmon and shut up." he rolls his eyes.
"Who said I was even going to order salmon?" she scoffs.
"You have the palette of a four year old, if it's not chicken nuggets, ice cream or fish you won't eat it." Matt folds his arms across his chest. "Every time we come here you stare at the menu and still order salmon each time, without fail."
"Can I take your order?" a small, rather confused red haired waitress approaches the table.
"Can I have the... uhm," she sighs, pouting like a child, "Can I have the smoked salmon please?"
"Ha!" Matt cackles, shaking his head in victory.
"Shut the fuck up, Matt." she huffs, rolling her eyes.
I laugh at the two as they brood over each other's sarcastic inability to back down from an argument. Once the food arrives the conversation flows between the six of us. Well, the five of us—Angel rather... observed. Being able to stuff forkfuls of delicious food into our mouths to fill any awkward silence that fills the room definitely helped.
As we finish our meal we all look as though we could burst, well, besides Matt—the first word to escape his still half full mouth was 'dessert'.
"I could live off of this place," Jake licks his lips, placing down his fork.
"Me too, once a month is not enough," I chuckle, "Thankfully my cooking is on par with this restaurant." I whisper, wiggling my brows with pride.
"Yeah, if they burnt everything they made." he laughs, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin.
Everyone at the table shares in the laughter at my expense, "That's the most I've seen you crack a smile since you started those new meds, Jacob—you've been a wet blanket ever since." Angel remarks, chuckling at her joke.
I watch Jake laugh it off, but embarrassment is clear on his face. He had only told Elijah and I about his new medication, or even his diagnosis. He planned on telling everyone tonight, as a group, a family—that is until she had to do it for him. The anger I can feel building inside of me is undeniable; I take a deep breath to calm myself but, of course, my mouth opens before my brain can tell me to stop.
"Are you serious?" I scoff, eyebrows raised across the table.
"Me?" she questions ignorantly, as if my stare wasn't set directly on her.
"You knew that Jake wanted to tell everyone himself. What makes you think that was in any way okay?" my voice betrays me by coming out louder than I had anticipated—but still I'm calmer than I want to be. I feel Elijah's hand gently squeeze my leg in an attempt to calm me, but my anger towards this woman is relentless.
"I'm his girlfriend, Amara. I think I can speak for myself without your nose in Jake and I's business." she snaps, her face quickly turning sour.
"Please don't talk to her like that," Jake addresses his girlfriend in my honour, only resulting in her anger boiling stronger.
"I'm your girlfriend, Jake!" she scoffs.
"She's my best friend, Angel." he retorts. He seems both embarrassed by her actions and conflicted on what to say.
"Come on," Elijah mutters with a sigh, standing up. "Let's go look at the dessert case." He takes my hand and stands me to my feet, pulling me away from the table.
"How dare she, Elijah!" I scoff, "How dare she do that to him when he wanted to tell everybody himself, let alone bring him down for it!"
"I know," he sighs, pulling me aside and out of sight from the table. "She's not the person we met at the beginning."
"You can say that again," I cross my arms against my chest.
"Alright," he sighs, placing his hand on my cheek. "Take some deep breaths, get any murderous thoughts out of that pretty head, and we'll go sit back down." he smiles playfully.
"Okay," I nod, exhaling deeply.
I take a second to remind myself that flipping out on her will only make things worse for Jake, and it won't resolve anything. My overwhelming instinct to protect those I now consider family almost overrides any sense I have—but I need to think of Jake, and how he has to deal with the aftermath.
"Ready?" he asks, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Ready," I sigh, "But if she opens her mouth again we're leaving—before I dive across the table and rip out those extensions of hers."
"Deal," he chuckles, shaking his head.
As we re-approach the table it looks as tense as it feels. Jess and Becca have their arms crossed against their chest, and Matt looks as though he's going to stand up and walk out any minute. Clearly, it didn't end when I walked away. But when I look to Jake, he just looks defeated—embarrassed, and defeated.
I take my seat, my eyes unable to break from the sadness on his face. "I'm sorry for what I said, Angel." I say with the upmost reluctance. But I refuse to not be the bigger person in this situation, especially if it helps lift the tension in the room.
"Thank you." she nods. I didn't expect an apology back, anyway.
We manage to order our desserts without any further arguments, and as quiet as Angel was after the disagreement—there was less tension. Matt and I shared stories from the hospital, and Jess talked about what it's like to live so far away, after growing up here. And of course we got onto Elijah, and how he ended up without his job.
"Of course it was because you were being heroic," Becca laughs, "You couldn't have punched him simply because he was an asshole, it had to be honourable."
"Some things never change." Jake chuckles, scooping some of his crème brûlée into his mouth.
And it couldn't be more accurate. In a world that never stops changing, where nothing remains the same—there's Elijah, honourable, true, and selfless through it all.
"Ready to go?" Angel chirps to her boyfriend. I direct my gaze to Jake who has barely half finished his dessert. His eyes flicker between the plate and her focused stare.
"Sure." he nods, pushing his food away. I almost have to pick my jaw up from the floor, as well as everyone else at the table.
I notice Matt open his mouth to speak but I send him a warning glare to which he immediately understands. The whole situation is wrong, undeniably—but Jake doesn't need us arguing with either of them right now, that's clear.
"I just need to go to the ladies room first, pull the car around?" she smiles, kissing his cheek as he stands to his feet.
"Sure."
"I'll text you guys later," he smiles, "Hopefully it won't be so long next time." he nudges Jess' shoulder, giving her a hug before he leaves.
"I'll be right back." I say to the mixture of confused and appalled faces around the table, following him through the door.
"Jake, wait!" I yell, shuffling after him in attempts to keep my dress down.
"Hey, Mar," he stops, "What's wrong?"
"What's going on with you and Angel?" I ask, my brow furrowed in worry.
"It's just a rough patch, I need to think of something to get out of it—back to smooth sailing." he tells me nonchalantly.
"Jake, it's not you who has to change things," I say, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Please talk to her about how she's making you feel."
"I'm fine, Amara. Really." he nods in an attempt to reassure me; but everything is screaming at me not to believe him.
"I've known you for a long time now, Jake. Sure, we may have gotten off on the wrong foot..." I smile slightly, making him laugh. "But you've been my closest friend the past few years, and such a support to me when I needed you." I watch his eyes soften slightly as he listens to what I'm saying.
"I know how she's making you feel, and I just need you to remember that you are your own person—who can make your own decisions," as I continue to speak, my anger towards the blonde haired devil grows. "Talk to her about it, please."
He nods his head, pulling me swiftly into his embrace. "I will, I promise. Thank you." he mumbles, and I feel a small weight lift.
"You better go before she comes out and there's no car out front," I say jokingly in attempts to lighten the mood.
I turn, walking back into the restaurant with hope that he takes my advice. "Hey, Amara." he calls out, making me turn back around.
"I wanted to tell them myself." he swallows, sadness written on his face.
"I know." I nod, my chest aching for him.
"Can you tell them for me?"
"I don't know how I'd begin, now. I trust you to do it—if you're willing." he exhales deeply.
"Of course." I smile.
He nods in gratitude, turning on his heel to fetch the car. As I walk back inside I pass Angel, who simply didn't acknowledge my existence—although it's probably best that way.
——————
"Well that was... interesting," Elijah sighs, starting the car.
"That's one word for it," I scoff.
He furrows his brow, his eyes still focused on the road. "Do you think he'll talk to her?"
"I hope so," I shrug, "He promised he would, but whether she'll listen is another story completely."
"How can somebody change so fast?" I ask confusedly, "She seemed so kind, she was so good to him—how can she just... change?"
"She didn't change, Mar," Elijah sighs, "A person like that doesn't simply change, she was just pretending. Someone like her puts on their best performance until she knows she has them where she wants them. She had us all fooled." he explains and with total sense, how scary it is that someone can simply just pretend so well, until you're secure enough to not want to leave.
"I felt guilty telling the group something so personal to him—it should've been him." I furrow my brow.
"I know, but he trusted you to do it and you did. We support each other, always." he smiles reassuringly.
"You want me to come inside?" he asks, and the sudden realisation we're already outside my apartment hits.
"No, no. It's okay, I'll see you tomorrow." I smile, softly placing a kiss on his lips. He brings his hands to my jaw unexpectedly and kisses me deeply, our tongues moving in sync as his hand entangles itself in my hair.
"Amara," he pants against my lips, "We need to stop before I can't bring myself to leave."
"Is that really such a bad thing?" I whisper, bringing my lips back to his where the connection deepens. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap, his grip on my jaw and his free hand roaming down my back sending shivers down my spine.
A loud knock on the window sends me jumping back against the wheel, sounding the deafening horn.
We both turn to see my rather nervous looking neighbour peering through the window, "Sorry to interrupt... but I locked myself out! Can I use your phone?" she asks with a furrowed brow. I look to Elijah who is stifling a laugh, and back to the tall dark haired woman patiently waiting for me to help.
"Um, sure." I nod, awkwardly climbing off of my boyfriends lap and manoeuvring myself out of the passenger seat. I frantically try to fix my disheveled hair, ignoring the frustration and tension that had built in my stomach.
As my feet hit the ground I pull my dress back down my thighs, peeking my head back through the door, "Goodnight." I chuckle.
"Goodnight, Amara." he grins, wiping his lower lip slowly with his thumb.
After almost an hour of waiting with my neighbour until she found her way inside, I finally slip off my shoes and flick on the lights. I make my way to my bedroom and change into pyjamas, before pouring myself a glass of water. As I stand in the kitchen, I can't ignore the deafening silence of the small apartment. This, is the first night I've spent alone since moving here. The complete and utter silence that fills the rooms brings an almost sadness over me; not having my mom here, or Elijah.
Don't get me wrong, I like having time to myself, time to unwind and time to just breathe. I spent the day with those who I love most, and despite the unfortunate occurrences with Angel, I had fun. Our friend group has become family, a tight knitted family who sticks together, and one who supports each other in our hardest times. I can't remember the last time we fought, or had a notable disagreement. But now that I'm home, alone, it starts to creep in.
When I have too much time to myself, too much quiet—it no longer drowns out the thoughts that attempt to creep their way into the corners of my ever turning mind.
The exhaustion is blanketing itself around me, but the gnawing fear of going to sleep without anybody to watch over me drills a knot into my stomach.
I take a deep breath, twirling the silver bracelet around my wrist that Carol left me—and somehow, as it always does, it soothes me. It soothes me enough to climb into bed, flick off the lights, and close my eyes.
And before I know it, I drift off to sleep with the comforting reminder that she's always there—just like she told me.