Our lunch together is kind of awkward, for lack of a better word. We just eat what we ordered without making eye contact. He's sulking again. Seriously, he's like a kid who gets angry when criticised. Well, if he acts like a kid then I shall treat him like a kid.
We are here on a date and it looks nothing like that. I bet if paparazzi take pictures of us they would think I'm babysitting him. That's the opposite of what I was hired for.
"You know," I break the ice but still not meeting his eyes, the food on my plate is quite interesting. "If you brought me here for a date you should act more like a boyfriend," I continue. It's not like I know about relationships, but I've read many books and watched tons of romance films so it's not like I'm completely clueless. If he walks ahead of me, just looking for the next shop, no one would think we are dating.
We are not really dating, but that's not the point.
"What do you mean?" he asks and I'm surprised.
He's dated, he should know.
"I mean, it's not very boyfriend-like if I just follow you around as you go on a shopping spree. Couples are supposed to be close and nice to each other and if you want people to believe we actually fancy each other, then you should be nicer."
"You should also be nicer. You only criticise me," he retorts and this time my head shoots up and our eyes meet, his are defiant.
Okay, I think he is right. I haven't been nice to him but that's because I never really wanted to do this. I really don't like him and I'm not a people person, I've never tried to be friendly to someone before.
"If you're nicer, I'll be nicer," he proposes and I stare at him.
That's fair, I can't complain. It's how things should work and he's actually being sensible, yet for some reason I don't want to give in. I guess you can call me stubborn.
"Okay," I accept under my breath and looking down.
"What did you say? I can't hear you." And here we go again, acting like a child. I look up and he has that conceited grin that makes my blood boil with annoyance. However, if I snap now it means I can't be nice and I can't keep my word.
Damn you, Liam Payne.
"I said okay, I agree to your terms and conditions."
His smile widens and becomes cocky, which makes me clench my fists. He is insufferable. I'll have to control my short temper and I don't have practice doing that. Not even the kids push my buttons like Liam does.
"So, Belle, why don't you tell me about your life? I want to know my girlfriend better," Liam states and I sigh. He's already trying to be nice, leaning in over the table, trying to get close. He even looks interested.
"I'm a primary teacher. I had to hurry things quite a bit because I needed to work and help my father," I tell him honestly. "It was exhausting having to study and work at the same time, plus doing it all faster than usual. I officially started working this year and it's been… interesting. I did some training before, of course, but it's different to be completely in charge of one class. My students are quite brilliant and I know we'll get far. They are all nice kids. I don't particularly like kids, but they respect me as a teacher and behave so it works out."
"You don't like kids but you are a primary teacher? That doesn't sound logical," he points out and I look down.
"I know and if you ask me what I really would've liked I would have to answer studying. I would've loved studying in uni and take my time. There are so many things I wanna learn. Psychology, politics, law, gender studies, creative writing, sociology… I know I can learn by myself but it's still different. I didn't have the time to enjoy being a student. I was always worried about Father. That's why I chose something stable that I could manage to accomplish soon. Plus, a teacher has longer holiday which allows me to stay home and help Father."
Liam has lost his smile and stares at me with a serious expression. I don't know why I opened up with him. I don't think he meant knowing that much about my life when he asked. I feel embarrassed now because I talked too much. I don't know why, it's like I was holding back for so long and once I started talking I couldn't stop. I don't regret my choices, I just wish I could've had more options back then.
"Your life revolves around your father," he comments and I look down.
"Yes," I confess in a whisper.
"That's why you accepted this deal. I mean, you said it but I get it now. I thought that at some level you wanted this and you were just being proud, but you really just accepted for his sake." I can't answer that, it's the truth. "What happened to him?"
"Mum." I look up and he seems confused by my answer so I expand. "Dad's world was my mum and when she died he couldn't get back on his feet. He became unreliable and I had to take control of the situation. Even after all these years he still isn't the same."
"I'm sorry," he offers and it's the first time he sounds sincere and, well, sorry, even if it's not his fault.
This is the first time I see a glimpse of that boy everyone talks about, the one that disappeared before I got to know him. His eyes look kind, his expression is concerned and even his body language tells me he really means his words. When I see him like this I feel something raising inside of me, something I don't understand.
I feel sad, like I’ve lost something but I don’t know what.
"Thanks," I reply. "What about you? I told you my whole story now it's just fair you tell me about yours."
He chuckles a bit uncomfortable and takes a bite of his food.
"Well, I wasn't like you. I never appreciated studying, I kinda hated it. I just wanted to dedicate myself to music, you know? This is all I dreamt of my whole life so I went on the X Factor. I was still sixteen and it didn’t turn out well the first time, but I went again and that's when I met the lads and we started One Direction. I guess we were lucky to get together just at that time. One thing led to another and we were already successful before we knew it. I barely finished secondary and never thought of taking the A levels. I just wanted to finish school to fully concentrate on my career." I listen to him carefully, noticing how different we are. "From then onwards it was only up. Interviews, gigs, awards and loads and loads of work to fulfil the demand. I can't tell you when we became this big. It seems like from one day to another I just couldn't go out without fans mobbing me, I couldn't go on twitter without being spammed. I couldn't say something without the media twisting my words to sell."
"It didn't happen gradually?" I ask and he shrugs.
"I guess, it's just that this gradually was too fast. From being this boy who had such a small room where it barely fit a bed and who no one took seriously, I became this mega figure with a room the size of my old house. Now people recognise me, admire me, notice me and want me to be with them. Before I was ignored, bullied. Now I'm desired."
I keep staring at him as I hear the resentment in his words, as I see the tension in his shoulders whilst he reminisces the past. He was a good boy because he was isolated, he craved attention, love and recognition and once he got it… he changed.
"You changed. I saw interviews of you at the beginning and you were nothing like this." Liam meets my eyes and I can't tell what he is thinking but he doesn't look pleased.
"Can't you blame me?" is his comeback and I sigh.
"I guess no," I sigh. "I just think it's a pity. I would've liked meeting the old you."
"That guy disappeared. I don't want to be that guy anymore," his voice is bitter and it surprises me. Could it be that he wanted to change?
"What happened to you?" I mumble and this time he doesn't reply. He focuses on his food and completely ignores me. I do the same but I can't stop thinking of the things he told me. I try to understand that longing to be loved. I've never cared about that or about people's opinion on me. I've heard countless of times that I'm peculiar, weird or plain crazy, but I've never taken those words to my heart. I've always liked the way I am, I've never wanted to change. Not even bullies could get to me, after a while they all have up trying to pick on me. They learnt I could be ruthless with my words and cause even more harm because I would observe, study them and learn all their weakness just to strike where it hurt the most. In the end they feared me.
I can't sympathise with Liam, but I want to understand. My chest feels tight with nostalgia for a boy I never met.
•••
After dessert the mood is a bit better but still tense. I'm already expecting him to drag me to the next shop but I'm surprised when he asks, "would you accompany me? I don't want to drag you on a shopping spree if you really don't want to."
My eyes widen because I really wasn't expecting him to be considerate or to be kind enough to ask. A little smile crawls to my lips.
"I won't mind," I reply because after he asks it that way I really don't mind. We are already here.
This time when we stand up and get ready to leave he sticks out his hand. "May I?" he asks and I don't understand what he is asking of me until it clicks.
I feel my heart racing out of surprise and embarrassment because I didn't get it. I don't reply with words, I just take his hand and he laces his fingers through mine and we walk like that. I feel self-conscious and I refuse to look up, my shoes are lovely and I rather focus on them for now.
Without a word he leads me to the next shop and this time it’s different. He's acting different and I'm surprised that he took the whole "being nicer" so seriously. When we look for clothes for him he asks me my opinion every time and we look together. At some point he even goofs a bit, making some stupid poses that make me chuckle, although I try to fight it. I don't know if he left the arrogance in the restaurant or what, but this is so much better. It's easier to be nice like this and I notice I don't have to try that hard to keep it going. Liam is not someone at my level, someone who shares the same interests or whom I could keep a deep conversation with, but I don't feel tired of being by his side or fed up now that he's being nice.
We talk about superficial things, not like at lunch. About things that he likes or that I like. He asks me many times about my likes. I ask him about the places he's being.
"I wish I could travel," I comment as we head to the next shop, once again holding hands. It doesn't bother me now. "Seeing with my eyes all the different cultures, that's so interesting. You're so lucky."
"Well, it's not like we get to see much. We’re always working," he confesses and I guess he's still a bit embarrassed from when I bombed him with questions about other places he’s gone to and he couldn't answer. He even blushed.
"That's a pity but you still get to see something. I've only read about those places. I travel through books only," I tell him.
"You really like books," Liam comments and my smile is huge.
"I love them! Books are magical, they literally swap you and take you anywhere. Back in time, forward in time, to another world, or just to this very day. You get to live adventures that could never happen to you. Isn't that amazing?"
Liam chuckles and looks at me like I'm crazy, but there's also something kind in his eyes and smile.
I feel embarrassed once again so I decide to change the topic. This is clearly something he wouldn't understand. "So, where are we going now?"
"Oh, you'll see," is his reply and I frown but I don't ask further. We keep walking until he stops and I look ahead just to find a bookshop.
"What are we doing here?" I ask dumbfounded.
"You helped me to pick what I wanted, now I wanna do something nice for you. Pick whatever books you want. And I mean books."
My head snaps in his direction and I can't believe what he's saying. I look at him with an are-you-serious look and he laughs at loud. He only nods and pushes me a bit towards the bookshop. I don't need further persuasion. I even let go of his hand as I walk thought the isles. I'm like a kid in a candy shop, I can't help myself. I see many titles I don't have and that I've been dying to read and without noticing I pile them up in my arms. I have forgotten Liam is with me. I giggle and hug the books, acting like a lunatic.
"Wow, you said you liked books but I thought you were exaggerating. You really do love them," Liam comments and only then I remember he is there.
"Teehee," I laugh nervously and he laughs, too.
"Let me help you," he offers and grabs the books I'm holding.
"Oh no, I won't take that many. I'm not that inconsiderate. I'll pick one," I protest but he moves the books away from me.
"I'm treating my girlfriend. Let me be nice. I'll buy you all the books you want for as long as you're with me. You look lovely when you smile like this," he says and for the first time in my life I gasp and blush. I never imagined he would say something like that.
I'm so surprised that I don't react when Liam leans in and pecks my lips.
"Is there another books you want?"
I'm still staring back at him and he only smiles wider before turning around and walking up to the cashier. After a few seconds I follow him, still feeling agitated. Once he pays, I try to grab the bag with all the twelve books I have picked but he stops me.
"This is heavier. You take one of mine if you wanna help but I'll carry this one."
I only blink surprised due to his behaviour and don't argue any further. I grab one of his bags and he manages to hold all the others, including mine, on one hand so he can take mine with the other. "I'll drive you home now," he announces and I nod.
We walk to his car and my heart is beating strongly in my chest. Is this the boy everyone talked about? The one that I thought was dead? How could he bring it back so fast and easily?
Once we are in the car he sighs deeply. I look at him, curious at his reaction. He doesn't say anything, he just smiles and starts the ignition. In no time we are in front of my home and by then he is smiling brightly.
"I smashed it, didn't I? I'm a great actor, I was the perfect boyfriend today," he says and I feel my whole body freezing.
Acting? He was acting? It wasn't that he brought back the boy he was before, he was just pretending.
Why… why do I feel so disappointed?
-:-:-
This is quite longer than usual, I hope you liked it. 1K votes for an extra update before Sunday?
Bel, xx