shout to the tumblr book club, hope u crazy bitches like this x
-----
"You would have liked him, Dad hates him and so does Max, so, you definitely would have loved him."
The cold air snapped at my face as I sat on the cold hard ground, the grass frosty and I knew my legs were going to be damp when I got up but I didn't really care.
"I suppose I better get going, I started the turkey in the oven before I left. Dad wasn't up but I probably should be back before he notices."
When I first started doing this I felt like an absolutely freak, sitting on the ground talking to a slab of stone but now, four years after I first did it, I didn't care who knew. I missed my Mum.
"Merry Christmas Mum."
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I left the cemetery, the streets quiet as I walked and I was thankful for it. It was only about seven in the morning and I knew a lot of people would still be asleep.
Although I was sure there would be some children getting up and starting to annoy their parents and the thought made me smile. I used to be like that but I used to go to Max first and well, that hasn't happened in years.
"Where have you been?"
I jumped as the front door swung open leaving my hand to hang in mid air with my key gripped in my fingers.
"Where are you going?" I asked instead, looking at my Father dressed, with several bags in the foyer with him.
"Singapore. I have some business."
"But it's Christmas Day."
I frowned as my Father looked at me as if I was stupid and I swallowed as I stepped out of the way as he started to move his bags onto the porch step.
"And I have to make money if you want to continue living in a house like this." My Father snapped and I flinched as I did nothing but watch him.
"Are you sure you can't stay? The turkeys big enough for five." I chewed my lip as my Father sighed as he looked at me.
I didn't even like turkey that much, I certainly wasn't going to eat the whole bird.
"I have to go Poppy." My Father said and I nodded, "Get Styles to call me when he gets back here."
"Why?" I asked without thinking.
"I don't think he's required anymore." My Father said and I felt my chest sink. "The two men responsible for your situation have been sentenced to twelve years."
"What about the person who threatened my life?" I frowned, my eyes widening as I let the information slip.
"How do you know about that?" My Father hissed and I shrugged, "The Rossi's have sorted that for us. I have to go."
I nodded as the front door slammed shut and I was left standing in the foyer alone, the house seeming bigger and emptier than ever.
+
I sighed as I shoved an entire gingerbread cookie in my mouth, I didn't even really want a cookie I just wanted to eat something. It was a terrible habit I was trying to break considering how much Harry and I ate anyway, I was getting chubby.
It was twenty to eleven in the morning and my Christmas sucked.
I dropped down onto the sofa, my eyes finding the Christmas tree and Harry's little pile of presents underneath it. I'd taken Max's away so I would remember to post them either tomorrow or Friday, whenever the post office would be open.
A loud knock on the front door startled me and I paused the episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine I was watching and looked over my shoulder in confusion. Another knock sounded and I pushed myself up and trailed slowly.
I knew it was stupid but I was really hoping it was Max.
I knew it probably wasn't, he wasn't one to organise surprises and he was pretty clear in his text yesterday that he wasn't coming home.
I pulled the door open, only realising that I didn't hear the gate bell ring, which meant they knew the code and my hopes went up for Max once more.
"Harry?" I blinked at the man in front of me, even better than Max. "I thought you went home."
"Turns out home isn't a place anymore, Flower."
I was crushed to Harry in a blink of an eye, our mouths fitting together like they were made for each other and I hung onto him like a child as we kept the kiss simple but passionate and I suddenly knew what Eleanor had meant.
Harry was here, because he considered me home.
"Let me in then yeh', s'fucking freezing out here."
I laughed as I pulled Harry in, his bag being thrown into the corner of the foyer as he kissed me again and I smiled as his teeth chewed on my lip and I lent away making him frown.
"Have you eaten?" I asked, immediately worrying about his wellbeing.
What was he even doing back?
Harry shook his head as he pulled off his jacket and I linked my fingers through his pulling him into the kitchen, a frown on my face.
"I made gingerbread." I told him, pointing at the plate before letting go of his hand to open the fridge.
I'd gone shopping last night, mainly to get out the house and away from my Father.
"Fuck these are good." Harry complimented as he sprayed crumbs and I rolled my eyes.
"Eggs and bacon?" I offered making Harry nod immediately and me smile.
"So when did you decide to come back?" I asked curiously as the bacon fried behind me, my eyes glued to Harry leaning opposite me.
"Well your text made me pull over and I was about to do a u turn when Niall texted me telling me how exited his Mother was to see me. So, sometime last night." Harry shrugged.
"You know you didn't have to come back."
Although I was too happy to feel guilty, I did worry.
"Yeh' I did Flower. Lying on a sofa bed at three am missing the only person who makes you happy is pretty big sign."
"You missed me?" I gasped just as I glanced over my shoulder at the bacon, Harry liked it crispy.
"M'here aren't I?"
I flushed as I turned away to turn off the gas and started to plate Harry's scrambled eggs and bacon, pulling myself up to sit on the counter next to the gingerbread whilst he sat at the island.
"Not eatin'?" Harry asked threw a mouth of eggs and I crinkled my nose...was this really the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?
"I've eaten about eight of these." I waved the gingerbread star about as an explanation before taking a bite.
I watched Harry eat in silence and even though I thought I was containing myself well, I'd literally never been happier in my life and I knew that what I'd been talking about with Mum this morning was right.
"Where's Jack?" Harry asked suspiciously once he'd finished his food and I clicked my tongue.
"Singapore."
"Eh?"
"Yup." I popped the p as Harry frowned at me.
"When?"
"This morning. Right after I got home." I rubbed my eye, suddenly remembering Harry's presents.
"Where'd you go?" Harry asked and I rolled my lips together.
"You should open your presents now!"
Harry groaned as he eyed me suspiciously but let me pull him off the stool and into the lounge in excitement. I forced him onto the sofa, barely stepping away from his grabby hands and I knelt down to get them from under the tree.
"Hey Flower, can yeh' do me a favour?" Harry asked just as I grabbed his last present and turned back to him nodding.
"Anything."
Harry's lips twitched into a smirk and I flushed.
"Get my bag for me yeh'?"
I nodded as I placed his presents on the coffee table and I headed out into the foyer to pick up his bag, balking at how heavy it was before dragging it back into the lounge and leaving it by Harry's feet.
"What were you doing? Taking the entire bedroom to Ireland?" I laughed making Harry roll his eyes before I dropped onto the sofa next to him, only to have Harry practically haul me half onto his lap but I wasn't complaining.
"Go on!" I urged as he sat there looking at me for a few minutes in silence. "Open them!"
"Want you to open yours first."
I looked at Harry as if he was crazy, his head momentarily disappearing from my view before he pulled out a bunch of wrapped shapes from his bag and I stared at him in disbelief.
"You said you weren't getting me anything."
"And you believed me?" Harry asked as if I was stupid and I felt my lips twitch into a smile as my cheeks heated.
"Why wouldn't I?" I laughed, holding my hands to my cheeks as I stared at Harry, the words on the tip of my tongue before I choked them down.
"And here I was thinking you were the person who knew me best in the world."
Harry clicked his tongue making me flush and pout simultaneously but I reached for one of the smallest wrapped presents.
"Not that one." Harry snatched it out of my hands making me jump and look at him in confusion.
"There's an order. Do this one first."
Harry handed me a large but light present and I eyed him suspiciously before I started to pull the pieces of tape off, I had to admit he wasn't the neatest wrapper.
"Can you stop watching me?" I chewed my lip, very aware of his eyes trained on my face.
"No."
I looked at Harry pointedly only to have him shrug and press his lips to mine in response, but he pulled away before I got a chance to kiss him back and abandon all thoughts of presents.
I resumed my unwrapping and my eyes widened as the plastic crescent moon shaped items came into view and I blinked at Harry as I looked at the paint palette.
"Thank you Harry, I've been meaning to get one of these for ages." I kissed his cheek making him hum.
"I'm aware." Was all he said as he handed me a slightly larger and very heavy present.
I tried hard to not let my discomfort at being watched show even though it was Harry and I was always comfortable around him and I knew that I'd like whatever he got me, it still put me on edge.
My favourite candle came into view and I dropped the paper to the floor as I pulled the lid off and took a deep breath of the amazing Buttercream smell before shoving it towards Harry who's nose crinkled.
"Too sweet for me." Harry muttered just as a metaphorical light bulb lit above my head.
"One, I can't believe you remembered, and two, Ollie."
"One, rude." Harry mocked me, "And two, yeah. He was very helpful considering I couldn't actually get away from you to buy anything."
I squealed as I hugged Harry the best I could, forcing him to kiss me even though he kept trying to turn away from me with an amused look.
"Thank you, these are the best. You're the best." I smiled making Harry roll his eyes but I swore I saw the tips of his ears tint pink.
"Not done yet my love." Harry said handing me the smaller lighter box.
My heart felt like it had stopped as the words settled on my skin, my entire body erupting in electrified flames at the pet name, if I could look like an emoji I'd definitely look like that one with the big round in awe eyes.
My love.
I swallowed as I carefully pulled the paper off, my eyes widening as my eyebrows furrowed slightly as the square black box looked back at me and I slowly opened the lid, a silver chain glinting in the light and my mouth dropped as I looked at the beautiful plain silver letter H siting delicately in the middle.
"H for Harry?"
"No H as in Hoppy, obviously Harry."
Harry rolled his eyes at me making me smack his arm but I kissed him anyway. Happy that he let me this time, as he lips moved against mine and I played with some of his hair and I could feel tears growing in my eyes, he really did that for me.
"I love you."
The words tumbled out of my mouth breathlessly, I hadn't meant to say it now but it was true and I did and I really needed him to know.
"Not because you bought me a favourite candle in the world," I rushed out, aware of Harry's wide eyes and slightly panicked look on his face.
"But I mean, thank you for that but I do Harry, and I think I have for a while and you don't have to say it back, obviously. It's okay if you don't love me, because I get it. I just really needed you to know that I do, and you're the most important person in my life."
Harry sat there looking at me in silence and I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks as he didn't say anything and although I meant it when I said he didn't have to say it back, god knows I didn't want him to if he didn't mean it, it would help if he said something, anything.
"Put it on."
I blinked as Harry finally spoke, a strange roughness to his voice as if he had a frog in his throat and I swallowed.
"Sorry?"
"Put it on. I need you to put the necklace on." Harry repeated himself and I flushed, duh.
I held it out for him and turned away slightly so he had access to my neck, his fingers brushing against my skin as he brushed my hair out of the way and I shivered involuntarily; glad I wasn't fully sitting in his lap.
The cold metal made me hiss as it settled, the H sitting delicately in-between my collar bones and I smiled as I touched it, it was the perfect length. I turned back to face Harry with a smile on my face, his eyes glued to the necklace and I bit my lip as he fingered the H gently too.
"Looks good." Harry complimented, his eyes finally meeting mine and I pecked his lips.
"Thank you. I love it." I did, I loved all my presents, this was by far the best Christmas I'd ever had.
Thank god my Father wasn't here.
"Oh!" I gasped, suddenly remembering our conversation this morning. "My Father wants you to ring him. Said when you got back but he doesn't know you're here..."
"Why?"
"I don't know." I lied, Harry was already acting strangely since I confessed my feelings and I didn't want to freak him out anymore.
Harry eyed me for a few moments before he nodded slowly and I swallowed, my eyes drifting to the last present, the smallest one which I had picked up first and I smiled at Harry.
"Can I open this one now?" I asked, picking it up off the table only to have Harry snatch it away from me again and I flinched.
"No." Harry snapped and I frowned, "It's not yours."
"But my names on it." I frowned, throughly confused.
"I just realised I've mixed up yours and Gems."
"Ooh what did you get her?" I asked excitedly only to have Harry glare and I shrunk back a bit, what had changed?
Was this my fault? Probably.
I knew I shouldn't have told him I loved him, I wasn't even planning on it. I was just so overwhelmed and full of gratitude and happiness and love, love that I hadn't even realised I was feeling.
But now he knew and he hadn't acknowledged it and although I knew he wouldn't say it back, let alone feel the same way about me, I thought he might have just said thanks or something.
"Nothing exciting." Harry finally answered and I sucked my lip into my mouth nodding slightly.
The two of us sat in silence for a bit and I had to control myself to stop from stroking my necklace every so often, Harry already thought I was weird and the situation was already uncomfortable I didn't need to make it worse.
And I really needed the attention to not be on me for a while, plus I wanted to make Harry as happy as he made me.
"You have to open your presents now!"