[Kim Jinsoo]
Darkness...?
What is this... feeling..?
I can't move, I can't breath, I can't even process what is happening.
Am I... dead?
Perhaps, it seems that way.
But why isn't there anyway light? Am I going to hell!?!
No... this can't—
Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep
Beep
____________
Slowly, the light within the room started to cause my pupils to dilate.
What is going on...?
The room was empty. I was sitting on the operation table, clothed in a medical gown. I looked down at my hand, noticing the IV. Then, the sound of the heart monitor to the left of me beeped constantly.
Why isn't anyone here?
I moved my body over and held on tight to a metal pole nearby. This pole carried my fluids being injected into my bloodstream via IV.
I walked, weakly and slowly, but I walked. The clock on the wall was blurry, everything was blurry. I didn't have my glasses.
I felt a sharp pain spread throughout my body from my feet to my head at once. Dealing with it, I kept on walking until I made it past the door into the hallway where the sounds of chattering were presented. A digital clock displayed itself on the wall, showing the time 1:46 in the morning.
I continued to walk down the hallway and made my way past the corner where some doctors stood talking with one another.
"I can't believe we lost him today," says one doctor.
"Yea, but we did our best. Maybe it was what he wanted," replied the other.
"Didn't you see how his family and friends reacted!? His mom does the same way!"
The second doctor silenced himself. He sighed and turned to me, then suddenly jumped. The first one, confused, looked in my direction just to imply the same reaction.
"I'm not imaging things am I Shownu?"
"You're not."
They stood there, almost terrified.
"H-how are you alive?!" Says the doctor named 'Shownu'.
I flinched from the noise. "I-I just woke up. Can someone explain to me why I'm here?"
The second doctor slowly walks up to me and places his hands on my shoulders.
"You died."
I raised an eyebrow. "How can I die if I'm standing right here?"
He shook his head, "no, you flat lined. We were there operating on you when you did."
I narrowed my eyes. "Why am I in here?"
Shownu gawked at me. "You seriously don't remember?"
I shook my head, "honestly, no."
Both doctors sighed. "You overdosed on antidepressants and painkillers," says Shownu. "We were there when you flatlined so we thought you were dead."
I almost choked when I heard I overdosed."h-how!? I would've never..."
Then it hit me like a train as I stood in the middle of the tracks. "O-oh, I remember..."
The doctors told me to rest and leaded me back to my room. They adjusted the operation bed to a hospital bed for comfort.
"We'll inform your family about your awakening tomorrow. But, for now take it easy."
I nodded and out my head down on the pillow and closed my eyes.
The crying... was it from Seo-Yun?
No... it was more of a man cry...
Was it Jae?
Didn't sound too much like him....
Was it... Sangwoo?
I felt my heart drop at the thought. I felt everything clench, from my hands to my toes I wanted to hold in my cries. Fortunately, I was already too weak, so I slept the night off.
Until the morning will I worry about life once again...
__________
Ah, the morning sun glaring through the blinds of the hospital room. I fluttered my eyelids, adjusting to the light slowly. I was in the same room, empty and below room temperature.
I sighed and scratched my neck.
I'm thirsty...
I got up from the bed and noticed my IV's were gone. I slowly walked out the room to the water despiser down the hallway. As I pasted the main table, the doctor from the previous night noticed me.
"Oh! Jinsoo, are you doing well?"
I nodded and gave him a slightly deteriorated smile. "I'm just getting water..."
"Oh, okay. I informed your family that you woke up a few minutes ago. They are currently on their way."
I felt my heart sink. "U-um, who did you specifically tell?"
The doctor gave me a confused look. "Seo-yun, Im-Jae-beom, and... Oh Sangwoo?"
I felt my heart drop at the name. "O-oh, um, is there a way I can get fresh air?"
The doctor was very weary. "It's not the best for you to step foot outside the hospital Jin. But if you just, there's an option the open your window in your room."
I sighed as my heart began to race. "I-it's okay... I'll just, um, sit in there—haha."
I forgot about the water and just quickly made my way back to my room. I shut the door and sat down on the bed, dreading as the minutes passed by.
Then I heard them.
"He's in the room right now, I do recommend to be quiet and bengal though. He seems very frightened right now," the doctor says.
Then there were footsteps rushing down the hallway to the door. I felt my heart explode as soon as the door opened to Seo-Yun. She wasn't alone obviously, Jae followed up behind her.
"My baby!" She rushed over and hugged my tightly, crying over my shoulder. "I thought I lost you! You're heart stopped! A-and we—" she fell and just kept crying on my lap.
"I didn't want to lose you like your mother..."
I smiled slightly and lifted her head up to face my eyes. "I'm okay..."
I looked behind her at Jae, who stood there breathing heavily from a supposed run. He walked up to me and moved the hair out of my face. "You really had us scared there." He said lowly.
"I showed up at your apartment after seeing you run away from you know, and I found you on the ground passed out."
He then puts his hands on the sides of my bed. "You never told me your were depressed? If I knew I'd would've told you sooner."
I narrowed my eyes. "Tell me what?"
He flinched. "O-oh, um..."
I shook my head and sighed, patting him on the head. "It's over now, we just need to mo—"
The door busts open giving my another heart attack. This time, I felt my heart burst into million of pieces.
"Jin..." breathed Sangwoo.
I froze as I felt everything stiffen.
He walked up to my and stood in front of me. "I'm... sorry. You really had me scared..."
He kneeled down and out his head in my lap. I didn't say anything as he reached for my hand. "I should've told you, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were like this and I wish I would've payed attention more. You don't have to forgive me..."
The warmth of his hands warmed my cold pale ones. "S-Sangwoo..."
He looked up, eyes starting to glass up.
"I—" I felt my throat choke up. "I-I felt as though... I was being stabbed in the back..."
My eyes started to water. "No matter how many bad things you do everything just keep going back to you!"
He sat there, silenced.
"I wished over and over in the past to know the reason why you left me. I thought I wasn't enough and that I was just not a good person to be around! Now I now know a reason why I shouldn't be with you...
"You keep hurting me..."
Sangwoo put his face on my stomach. "I-I'm sorry! I really am! I-I just couldn't do anything in the moment..."
I heard him sniffle and wrap his arms around my waist, "I know I keep hurting you, but I just want to be with you. Every time I'm away I feel like I'm dying inside. When I heard you flatline, I felt as thought my entire life a failure and I had no purpose."
He took in a big sniffle before continuing. "The nights I come over drunk only prove to you how much I rely on you as my partner and lover! I wish my money could buy everything you wish you but it can't! You can't just buy... love.."
I felt my heart swell at the statement. I looked up at Seo-yun, who was wiping her years off and at Jae who stood there solemnly.
"I-is it okay of you guys can step out for a moment?" Is asked. The obliged and left without a fuss.
Sangwoo, still crying and sniffling in my lap, tightened his grip around me.
"Sangwoo..."
He sniffled in response.
"I wanted you to know that no matter what you do, I will always try to be by your side. I... don't want to forgive you, but my heart paces when I'm around you. It might be a sense of mind to not forgive you, but my heart is telling me that I need you too."
He looked up, all teary eyed and red faced.
I smiled slightly and wiped his eyes. "Don't cry, you've already made my heart beat again."
He lay there, sniffing once in awhile. I leaned down and placed my lips on his, showing my forgiveness.
He returned by softly pushing his lips on mine.
"Never. Ever. Do that again," he says. "I can't have you dying on my watch ever again."
I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck and snuggled close.
His smell is comforting.....
______________
A/n
Hello everyone!
This cheater was weird mainly because I don't think I like the idea of Jin forgiving Sangwoo. However! I really d want to end this book as soon as possible and make sure it has a complete plot!
Enjoy future chapters to come!
-b.b.