The months went on more normal than it had ever felt. Everyone was cool and there was not really a weird tension, but not much excitement either. I was constantly working on my Potions task, whilst trying to keep my grades in other classes to at least an E. I was going to ace this last year. As expected, the twins and Lee had gotten me everything I needed to brew all potions. My Moonseed potion and Veritaserum were already finished with their respective essays and the Polyjuice potion was halfway done curing. I still had no idea what original potion I was going to make, though.
Even though I was normally really good at charms, I could not get the Patronus Charm to work. Over half the students in the DA had produced theirs, but I couldn't do it. I could never really focus on my happiest memory and it was driving me insane.
I was trying for the hundredth time, but other than a few blue sparks, there was nothing. Fred and George's magpies were dancing in the sky beautifully.
"Just focus, Y/N", Harry said and I sat down onto the floor annoyed. I was sick of failing.
"Oh come on now, are you giving up?" Fred asked and I nodded. It was March, so it had been a month since we had started practicing the spell.
"Come on, stand up", Fred said and extended his hand. I raised an eyebrow and shook my head.
"Come on", he said and grabbed my hand. He tried pulling me up and eventually, I let him.
"Take your stance", he said and I did what he asked. I needed to be focused to do the spell and that was not going to be the case with Fred close to me. I had come to terms with the whole friends-situation, but that didn't mean that my heart didn't race anymore whenever he came close.
"I can't do it, I've tried many times."
"Shut up and take your stance, love", he said and I could see that he regretted that last word that slipped out, but he didn't say anything. I sighed and did what he said.
"Okay, close your eyes and clear your head. Don't be so tense, relax." He put his hands on my shoulders and shook them in order for me to relax.
"You're so tense, it's not going to work like that", he said. "Is it because of me?" he asked after a while. He took a step back, letting go of my shoulders. His absence made me far more tense than his presence. I was nervous around him because I didn't know what he was thinking anymore, but after everything, I'd still rather have him close than far.
"No, just a lot on my mind", I said and took a deep breath, taking my stance again.
"That's better, now close your eyes again." I did what he asked and gripped my wand tightly.
"Relax", he chuckled. "Relax your hand, wait." He stepped closer carefully, but I knew that he felt awkward, not knowing if I wanted him closer. I did, but this was dangerous.
"Can I?" he asked carefully, nodding at my hand. I had nodded before my mind had caught up and when his fingers touched mine, electricity jolted through my body. Why did I love this man so much and why were these feelings not going away?
He placed my hand a little differently and after a while, my grip relaxed at his touch, savoring the moment. This wasn't good, I shouldn't be so weak around him, but I was.
"Now think about a very happy memory. The moment in your life when you felt the happiest."
"There are so many. What did you think of?"
"That's not important. Focus Y/N. Think of a very happy moment." There were indeed many happy moments, but all of them were littered with a bad aftermath. I had been the happiest in my entire life when Fred and I visited the Burrow. It was a warm summer day and Fred had been the best boyfriend all day. He showed me his house and then we laid down on the grass outside. He held my hand the way he did now. I couldn't help but lean into his touch, just to feel that again. I had been so happy that day and I feared that I was never going to feel that happy again.
I had to savor it, this one last time. For one last time, I allowed myself to relive that day in my head, not thinking about the current situation. I only thought about the sun that warmed my skin and his eyes that shone brightly as he talked about his childhood home.
FRED'S POV
She was now smiling brightly, which made me really happy. I had trouble keeping it together standing so close to her, smelling that grapefruit shampoo she always uses. She was slightly leaning against my chest and I was still holding her hand. I wondered what memory she had chosen. Maybe it was the same memory as I always used, the one of us at the Burrow.
I saw a little light, flickering in her neck, so I quickly glanced down. Around her neck, covered by her cloak so it was not visible from afar, was the pendant necklace I had given her. I hadn't seen it since December and seeing it again did things to me. It was shining very brightly, so it was hard to miss. I thought she had taken it off forever after our fight, but she didn't. She had put it back on.
I so badly wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't. We were not good together, but then why was life making it so hard for me? My feelings hadn't faded one bit since Christmas break and to see that that was the case for her as well made me long for it so badly. I wanted to love her freely, but I couldn't do that.
"Now say Expecto Patronum. You know the hand movement." She nodded, still smiling.
"Expecto Patronum", she said and slowly but surely, blue swirls started coming from the tip of her wand.
I never understood why she couldn't produce the spell. She was always happy and she had so many good memories. It seemed as if there was always worry on her mind that kept her from fully accessing them.
"Oh Merlin, it's working! It's finally working!" She said as she opened her eyes. She was losing complete focus, but she didn't care.
"I've never been able to get more than a spark", she said and hugged my tightly. "Thank you."
I hugged her back, taking in that scent that I had missed so much.
"You're not going to do the full patronus? I want to know what yours is", I said and she let go.
"Right", she blushed and took her stance again. She took a deep breath, but she was already smiling again.
"Expecto Patronum", she said and again, swirls appeared. The swirls danced through the sky and slowly started to shape into their final form.
Suddenly, she dropped her wand and the smile on her face had completely disappeared.
"What's wrong?" I asked and she looked guilty for some reason. I frowned.
"I'm sorry", she said. She picked up her wand and left the room. I looked up confused, only to see a dozen pairs of eyes on me.
George came over to me, looking just as confused as myself.
"What happened, mate?" he asked and I shrugged. I had absolutely no idea.
"Didn't you see?" Hermione said. She looked worried. Everyone was trying to follow the conversation, so she flicked them off and walked over as well.
"See what?" I asked.
"Her patronus of course. That's why she was so startled." She looked as if it was so obvious, but I hadn't quite figured out what her patronus was. It hadn't fully formed yet.
"It was a Weasel."
It was quiet for a while, since I did not know what to say. Her patronus was a Weasel? She called me that. I was her Weasel.
That couldn't possibly be coincidence. Someone's patronus was like a guardian to them. Something to protect that person from harm. I was so special to her that I had subconsciously become her form of protection, even after what had happened. I had trouble dealing with that thought, but I felt such an intense warmth in my chest.
"You're not making it easy on yourself, are you?" George said and smacked me on my back.
"You can say that again", I mumbled. I wasn't sure how much longer I could resist these feelings. I had to, though, but they were getting stronger instead of weaker and that was not part of my plan. I sighed. This was not going to end well.
YOUR POV
I was panicking as I walked back to the common room. My patronus was a freaking weasel. I hadn't even thought about that possibility. I rubbed my face. I was not over Fred, not by a long shot and I knew that, but why did it have to be so obvious now? This was so very embarrassing. I guess I was not going to produce full-body Patronus spells anymore.
And why? Why? Why was the universe being so absolutely shitty while it was very clear that Fred and I were toxic together. Fred and I had so much potential, but we had become two halves of a whole instead of two individual people and that was not healthy.
I wanted Fred back, I really did, but I couldn't right now. I had to completely be my own person and I had to love myself. I had to be proud of who I was, because that's what I was lacking before. I was so jealous of Aisley and so insecure all the time that it had made me a sad, pitiful reflection of the person I once was. I needed to love myself and I would be one step closer to doing that once I had finished this bloody Wolfsbane potion. I took my notes and cauldron out and just got started on it in the middle of the common room.
My friends came back a while later, whilst I was in the middle of brewing my potion. I had my wand between my teeth, my hair in a messy bun, Wolfsbane in one hand and stirring my creation with the other. I probably looked like a wildling.
"Well you're busy", Fred said and squatted down in front of me.
"Watch out, it tends to splatter sometimes", I said. He shrugged and walked away again. I had to stir it for twenty more minutes, whilst gradually adding the Wolfsbane and then it had to rest for one hour and thirteen minutes, which was perfect because supper was in half an hour. I then had to add the Aconite and wait until a faint, blue smoke would form. I was almost finished and it looked good for now. I still had to think about this original potion ...
I stopped stirring after the twenty minutes and put my cauldron in a corner of the common room. I put all the protective spells I knew on it, so no one would be able to even come near it. I went to my dorm to fix myself up a bit and then went to supper with my friends. Fred didn't say anything about the DA-meeting, so I just hoped that he hadn't seen my patronus.
"You look chipper", George said on the way to the Great Hall.
"I'm about to finish my last potion, or well, second to last."
"Oh right, the Snape task. Still wanting to become a Potioneer?" he asked and I nodded. It was the goal I was most focused on right now. I had never taken so many notes in class as in Snape's. I needed that Outstanding and I was going to get it.
"Any potions that might be fun for the joke's shop?" Fred joined the conversation.
"Not yet, but I have read about some things. I'll write it down for you."
We took our usual spot at the Gryffindor table and talked about everything really. It was a Saturday, so the twins had loads to tell about what they'd been up to today. I constantly checked my watch, making sure that I would be back in time to finish my potion.
"We're going to need to talk to you about that Patronus later today, woman", Angelina whispered and both Katie and Alicia threw me knowing looks. This was absolutely embarrassing.