This isn't a part 2 of the previous oneshot. That is coming soon, though!
This one was inspired by "Daylight" by Maroon 5. Coincidently a prequel to I've Made It Home. No it wasn't intended.
-=+=-
Jack's POV:
He is leaving me for an entire year. In just three hours, he'll be boarding his plane. It hurt just to think about. We both laid in bed, but neither of us really slept through the night. We're spending our last hours together while we're awake.
Eight o'clock is his departure time, so we plan on leaving the house at 6:45 to ensure we could get there without rushing and he had plenty of time to get through security and find his terminal. It's currently exactly 5am. It's only approximately two hours before I kiss him for the last time until his return.
We're both tired, but we don't make an effort to sleep. We don't do well for just a few days apart, but now we have to go an entire year. Sadness reflects in both of our eyes, guilt mixed in the honey brown depths of his.
"It's not your fault," I whisper into the silence that encompasses us.
He breathes in deeply, shakily exhaling. "I know," he mumbles. "I just wish I could change it. Or take you with me."
"Me too," I reply, letting us fall back into silence. There's not much that needs to be said. We're both upset over the whole ordeal.
"Come here," he murmurs, pulling me against him. I instinctively fit my body against his, us fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Natural, exact, and in place. "I'm really going to miss this," he mumbles.
"I'm really going to miss you," I reply, almost choking on the lump that had formed in my throat suddenly. The closer we get to 6:45, the more empty I feel. I've spent every day with Alex ever since we moved in together after high school besides a few nights apart here and there. Even those were torture, regardless of how much fun I was having. Nothing feels right without Alex.
"Hey, we have FaceTime," he offers weakly. He knows just as well as I do that while FaceTime is great, nothing will be able to make up for the miles between us. I take in a shaky breath, desperately trying not to cry. I knew it would make him feel worse. I know how passionate he is about his career, and I don't want to hinder that.
But, damn, it hurts so bad that he has to leave.
He squeezes me tighter, nestling his face into my messy hair. "Please don't cry, Jacky, or I'll cry, too," he whispers.
With those words, I completely and utterly fall apart.
I almost shock myself with the force of the sob that comes out of me. I guess I was holding it in for far too long. My entire body shakes as I clutch almost desperately onto his shirt, silently begging him not to leave. It's not long before I dampen the front of his shirt, but I can't stop. It hurts. It hurts in a way that can't be fixed.
Alex holds me so close to him that if I were any closer, we'd merge to become the same person. He gently shushes me at first, rubbing one hand up and down my back while the other keeps my head pressed into his chest. It only takes a little under a minute, though, for him to just hold me tight as he also begins to cry. It pains me so much to see him cry, especially when I influenced it. I guess that's how he feels when I cry.
"I swear, one day, I'll never leave your side again. I'm taking you with me next time. I don't care if they turn me down because of it; I'm not leaving without you ever again. I don't even know if I want to go anymore," he starts to ramble.
"You have to go," I say weakly.
"No, I don't, I could just--,"
"Alex, this is everything you wanted. This is an amazing opportunity for you. I'm still going to be right here, waiting for you to walk back through our front door again. Every single second, I'll be waiting. You need to do this for you because, no matter what, there will always be an 'us'."
He's silent for a second, and I know he understands. He sniffles, pushing his face further into my hair as he lets out a long breath. "I just wish more than anything that I could take you with me. A year is so long."
"Trust me, babe... I know," I mumble into his chest. We fall back into another silence apart from the occasional sniffles and deep breaths. He's so warm, and his body wrapped around mine makes me feel so safe.
I could sleep right here...
-=-
I stir when Alex shakes me gently, surprised that I even fell asleep. I rub my eyes, which are still puffy from crying. Alex's shirt in front of me is still damp, but not as much as earlier. The room is a little bit brighter now.
And, just like that, the temporary bliss of just waking up was gone. Everything sunk back in.
"I don't even want to know what time it is," I murmur, yawning.
"Well, we do need to get up," Alex says sadly.
"Let's just lay here forever," I plead, clutching to his shirt again. I tangle my legs with his underneath the sheets. I need to be close to him. One last time.
"You know I want to," he replies, his voice wobbling ever so slightly. It breaks my heart. This is hurting him just as bad.
"It'll be worth it. Maybe not now, but in the future. This will all be worth it," I reassure him.
"Thank you," he breathes.
I reluctantly untangle myself from him after another minute or two, sitting up and locking eyes with him. His are puffy and red from his tears, and they look ready to spill even more with the snap of a finger. I want to put a smile on his face and hear his gorgeous laugh, but I can't find it in me to cheer him up. Not right now.
He sits up to face me, and I gently reach out and cup his cheek in my hand. I softly rub my thumb across the tear-stained skin, wishing the simple movement would erase all the pain that was displayed there. I watch my hand while he doesn't take his eyes off of mine. He places his hand on my cheek and slowly leans in to kiss me, softly and lovingly.
We pull apart, and, as I climb out of bed, I catch a glimpse of the time. 6:19am.
Time is going by way too fast.
I drag my feet to the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror momentarily. I'm almost taken aback by how sad I look. I don't want to get used to this, that's for sure. I start combing out my hair, hating every second of it. Alex gets ready at the sink beside me, but we don't say anything. There's nothing to say, I suppose. Nothing will make any of this better. I brush my teeth before going back into the bedroom, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The lump forms in my throat again, but I try my best to suppress it. I can't sit here and cry all morning. Despite the fact that it's all I really feel like doing.
Alex comes out of the bathroom, also changed. It's 6:36am now. We lock eyes for a second, but I quickly turn my head away because I knew if I stared for too long, I'd cry again. He takes a few steps toward me and wraps me into his arms.
"We should go put my stuff in the car," he says gently after about a minute of just standing there. I nod, sighing. We pull apart, rolling his suitcases down the stairs and into the garage in silence. I can feel the sadness radiating off of him still. I wish I could cheer him up...
"You want to grab something to eat real quick?" Alex asks me once we get back into the house. He steps into the pantry, getting a granola bar. I sprawl out on the couch, shaking my head, and he looks at me sadly.
"I don't feel like eating right now," I mumble, staring at the white ceiling.
He takes the wrapper off his snack, taking a bite before sitting beside me. He cups the side of my face, staring into my eyes. "Promise me you'll eat once you get back home, okay?"
"Okay, I promise," I reply. He offers a small smile, which I return. It's not genuine, but it's enough.
He finishes eating, getting the keys off the counter as I tie my shoes. My vision blurs, and I do my best to blink away the water that had started forming there. Alex had offered to drive to the airport, luckily, so I wouldn't have to drive both ways. We get in the car, open the garage, and sit for a second. He sighs, staring blankly in front of him. He holds the keys, not starting the engine yet.
"Jack, please tell me to stay," he says eventually, looking at me almost desperately.
"You know you have to go," I remind him. "I'm gonna miss you, but, in the end, it'll all be worth it. Do something for yourself for once, okay?"
He nods slowly, taking another deep breath before starting the engine. He puts the car in drive, and, just like that, we're off. That's the last time he'll be home for another twelve months.
"Alex?" I blurt about 10 minutes into the drive.
"Yeah?" he replies.
"You're not going to... forget about me, right? Or find someone else?" I stop for a moment, trying to steady my voice. "You'll come home, right?"
"Jack... you shouldn't even have to ask that," he answers sadly. "Of course I'm coming home. I promised you I was going to love you for the rest of my life, did I not?"
"Well, yes, but--"
"Then that's all that needs to be said. I may be leaving physically, but I'll always be right here."
"Thank you," I breathe.
We don't say much for the rest of the drive, but the lump forms in my throat again when we begin driving into the airport departure area. We're getting closer and closer to being further and further away.
Before I can really process it, Alex stops the car next to the curb where other people are also saying goodbye to their families and friends, walking through the sliding doors. He looks at me with the saddest pair of eyes I've ever seen, but I'm sure I'm matching his stare exactly.
We open our car doors, Alex popping the trunk just before he closes his door. We pull his suitcases out, closing the trunk once we've gotten everything. We can't hang around long. It's supposed to be a quick drop off.
This is it. The moment I was dreading more than anything.
I don't bother to try to hold back my tears. I let them silently flow from my eyes, wordlessly pleading Alex to stay, even though I know he can't. I throw my arms around him, holding him tighter than I think I ever have before. Maybe if I hold him tight enough, he won't leave.
If only, right?
He holds me just as tight. I wish he would never let go. I wish I could go with him. I wish he would stay with me. I wish this wasn't so hard.
"Please take care of yourself, baby," he says into my shoulder. I nod into his, not trusting my voice. "I'll text you as soon as I land. I'll text you whenever I get the chance. We're going to FaceTime every single day, no matter what. We're going to beat this, I swear to you that we will beat this."
"I love you so much, Alex," I cry, muffled by his sweatshirt.
"I love you, too, Jack, more than anything," he replies. He pulls away just enough to look at me, and I see the tears in his eyes. He presses his lips to mine urgently, like it's the most vital thing he's ever done. I wish it didn't have to end.
But, it does, of course.
He pulls away, a lone tear escaping his eye. I'm quick to wipe it away, but more come after that. He pulls his sweatshirt over his head, pulling it over mine instead. I slip my arms through the armholes, breathing in his scent as he picks up his suitcases, offering me a small smile that doesn't match his watery eyes.
"This is goodbye," I croak out.
"I hate goodbyes. This is just a 'see you later'," he corrects, kissing my forehead. "I'm going to miss you. Please drive safe."
"I will, you make it to California safely, okay?"
"Of course. I love you."
"I love you, too. So much."
"See you later, Jacky. I'll be home before you know it."
"See you later, Lex."
Those are the last words between us as he walks toward the doors. I watch him, frozen, until I can't see him in the crowd of people inside the building. As he leaves my sight, a new set of tears form in my eyes, but I blink them away as best I can. I have to drive out of here now, as we've already been parked here for quite a long time.
I slip into the driver's seat, almost angry that Alex actually remembered to leave the keys here. If he didn't, I'd have to run into the building after him. I'd get to see him one last time.
I drive off toward home, the house I'd be going back to completely alone. I know it'll probably get a little bit easier as time goes on, but, right now, I know it's going to hurt like hell. You can't go from spending every day with someone to not at all for a whole year and expect it to be anywhere near an easy transition.
When I get home, I walk in, going straight to our bedroom. I told Alex I'd eat, and I will, but I needed to just feel sad for a bit. I get into bed, on Alex's side, just because it smelled ever so slightly more like him. I hug his sweatshirt tighter around me and let out all the tears I held back on the drive home. Saying goodbye is so hard, even though Alex made it a point to make it seem like it wasn't a goodbye.
I know he'll come home. It hurts, but, like I told him, it's good that he's doing something for himself for once. As much pain as we're both going to be in for awhile, it'll be worth it in the end.
In a year's time, I'll have him by my side again. With every second we spend apart, we're getting closer to being together again.
Until then, I'll keep on waiting, no matter how long it takes.
-=+=-
Woo! This one was a long one. I started this, like, 11 months ago. It felt good to get back to writing again. I hope I could tug at your heartstrings a little. :)