Warnings: Swearing, Flashbacks to Previous Chapter Assault,
"Stop!!!!!" I begged, but it was muffled by the lips that were on top of mine. "Steve!!!!!! Clint!!!!!!!!!!! Tony!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!" I screamed in my mind, praying one of them would feel that something was wrong through our bond.
Giving it one last try, I bit down harshly on the leaders tongue again. Once again, my mouth filled up with blood, and I'm sure I looked like something out of a horror movie, but I didn't care. Anything to get these guys off of me.
With a harsh and gasping breath I sat bolt upright in bed screaming for Tony to come and save me like ha had at the cafe. Honestly, I wasn't surprised that I had nightmares that night, I was actually expecting it to be honest, as bad as that sounds. However, waking up covered in sweat and screaming for Tony to come and save me was not what I was expecting. I mean yeah, we all have those nightmares where we dream something is crawling on us, and we wake up trying to get the Damn thing off off of our body, but this was different. I was in full Fight or Flight mode. My heart for one, was racing so fast that I could actually feel it through my skin. My eyes were darting around the room so fast, it was actually making me dizzy, but I knew that my body was just searching for potential threats. Though the bathroom light had been left on at my behest, the shadows that were cast around the room seemed to each be a new threat, waiting and watching for the perfect time to strike.
J.A.R.V.I.S. must have immediately alerted Tony to my state, because not even a minute after I had woken up, a light was being turned on making all the dangerous shadows disappear, and he was running into my room looking around frantically. The relief that I saw overcome his face was palpable, when he saw me sitting on the bed with my blankets wrapped around me, huddled in a ball. Clearly I wasn't in any danger from anyone except my own mind. However his gorgeous face twisted into pain as he saw the tears that were running down my face.
"Lock down the floor J.A.R.V.I.S. No one in or out unless permitted by myself or Stella. Ignore security clearance at this moment. " Tony ordered, as he attempted to walk over to the side of my bed. I say attempted, because with his first step, I flinched away from him. Not because I was scared of him, that could be the farthest thing from the truth! He was my knight in a shining Red Suit! It was in fact because of all the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins at that very moment. He immediately stopped moving and put his hands up in a soothing gesture in what I assume was an attempt to let me know that he meant no harm, and it made me sick knowing he felt like he needed to tiptoe around me.
God it hadn't even been a day and I was sick of feeling like this, like some Damsel in Distress! Like every movement in every corner was someone hiding in the shadows waiting to come and attack me. Like I was weak for what happened today, even though I KNOW I was strong to just be able to survive it! Dammit! I just wanted to feel safe and secure again! And I was saying this, while probably being in the safest and most secure building in the world right now. But I knew, after today and what I had gone through, that I would only achieve Peace in my soulmates arms. With that thought, and a wounded cry that sounded far more like a whimper than anything else, though I would never admit it, I practically threw myself to the edges of my bed where Tony caught me in his arms and began to make quiet shushing noises.
"Of course sir." J.A.R.V.I.S. responded, startling me, again, as I had forgotten that Tony had even said anything. After that, the room was silent except for the sounds of Tony's gentle hushing noises and the sound of my crying.
Tony was in nothing but a grey T-shirt and sweatpants, so I knew I had woken him up, but as he rested his head atop of mine, I couldn't find it in myself to feel bad. Being in his embrace felt too calming, too relaxing, to be upset by anything but the panic that was still coursing through my veins.
"Alright. You're going to have to scoot over angel." Tony signaled with his finger for me to slide over and lay down, so I did, hoping I would get in some nice soothing Princess time. Or at least, that's what my mom had always called it. When I was a child and I was having a rough day or not feeling too good. She would gently card her fingers through my hair from the roots to the base, and it was the most soothing thing in the world for me. As Steve had already found out when he was at my apartment the other day, it is still my Kryptonite.
I thought my Genius was just going to sit on the edge of the bed next to me, but why would Tony ever do what anyone expected him to do? With calculating movements, he slowly and gently pulled the covers back away from my body. I wasn't sure if it was so I wouldn't be startled again, or for some other reason, but either way I appreciated it. Then, like a man who had, no doubt, done this a million times, he proceeded to lay down right where I had previously been laying. In smooth and gentle movements, he wrapped an arm around my body, and pulled me so that I was laying down next to him with my body curled up into his side. My head was nestled to the left of his Arc Reactor, and one of my arms was thrown over his waist. As the scent of engine grease and something else that was all Tony filled my lungs I could feel all of the muscles in my body relaxing into the mattress beneath me. With my one hand I traced the pattern of his Arc Reactor repeatedly, over and over and over again. With each pass of my finger over the soothing pattern, my breathing began to slow down, and the panic that had been filling my mind and body slowly receded until there was nothing left in my mind but Tony.
"This is nice." I whispered when I could finally speak again. My heart rate slowed down, while I listened to the thump, thump, thumping of his heart and it was just as soothing as running my fingers over his Arc Reactor. It didn't take long for my own heart to begin beating in tandem with his, and all my fears were soon floating away into the dimness surrounding us. It became peaceful, not something you would expect after a day like I had had, but peaceful non-the-less. My tears stopped, and so did my sniffling. Which was wonderful, because I was decidedly NOT a pretty crier. My cheeks would get all puffy, and my eyes would get all red. It really isn't something you want to see. Really. You don't want to see it.
"Do you want to tell me what was going on in that beautiful mind of yours angel?" Tony asked me breaking the quiet and peaceful bubble that had encompassed us. Now I've noticed that Tony has two voices. His everyday voice which consists of sarcasm, snark, the easy and quippy way he plays things off as if they don't matter at all to him, and his ego is fully recognizable. Then he has his other voice. One I've only heard a couple of times, and one only heard when we are alone. Just him and me in our own little world.
This voice. God, this voice, while still possessing all of the other traits, was one that I knew would only ever be reserved for me. It had a hint of softness to it, one that I don't think others would recognize, because they don't recognize or even realize he has a soft side. The edge of fear that I could hear him expressing to me now, made me want to cry all over again, but I wouldn't do that to him. Not after what happened today, and the caress of love that flowed through his tone seemed to flow over my skin like gentle waves hitting the shoreline on a moonlit night. This was the other side of the Playboy Tony Stark, the one that wasn't advertised in ads and magazines, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. He as a man, was deep and soothing, while at the same time, being calm and gentle. Traces of his ego were hard to be found, close to non-existent even, that was unless he wanted that side of himself to be heard. This voice was the Tony behind the mask that he showed everyone. The one that he had problems showing to everyone else everyday in fear of showing weakness. There were no traces of the snark that he loved to throw out at people in his tone, or the vicious snark that filled his voice at the people that pissed him off. His voice didn't even hold a trace of his ego. Hard to believe I know.
I sighed, because I knew I would have to tell someone about my dream, my flashback, that had sent me instantly spiraling into a panic attack and screaming for my dark haired philanthropist. I just didn't want to have to talk about it. Didn't want to have to talk about anything that wasn't a happy topic. Sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, that's what I wanted right now. Not to talk about my near escape from rape and death at the hands of some obviously clinically insane psychos who worked for some freaky organization out to rule the world.
"Come on baby. You know you need to talk to someone about this." When I didn't respond and instead just snuggled deeper into the blankets and grabbed onto his shirt making a fist, I could hear him sigh. "Come on Angel. Don't be like me. Don't hold it in and loose yourself in your mind. That's when you begin forgetting to sleep, to eat. You forget about the important things in your life." Here, he kissed my forehead gently and whispered into my ear. "Don't be like me baby, be better."
"Can't we just pretend it never happened?" I asked hopefully as I turned my face towards his to make eye contact. The next thing that came out of Tony's mouth was so UN-Tonyish that for a moment all I could do was listen and stare into the depths of his dark brown eyes. That was until I realized that he had probably never told anyone what he was telling me before in his life.
"I learned this the hard way Angel, but when we pretend things don't happen, the nightmares get worse. Everything gets worse." Here he paused to break eye contact and stared at the top of my canopy bed. One hand was on my hip, holding me against him tightly, and I could tell that he was only partly with me now. The other part of him was somewhere else, lost in the memories of his painful past.
"The panic attacks, they just. . . " He took a deep breath and turned onto his side to look at me. "They start being caused by every little thing. Angel, I pretended that what happened to me in the Middle East didn't happen. Soon, I was barely sleeping, barely eating. Hell I couldn't even take a shower without having a panic attack. Flashbacks of being waterboarded as the water would hit my body, hit my face, I wouldn't be able to breath. My chest would start hurting, it would feel like I was running a temperature when I really wasn't. Even now, sometimes I still can't take a shower without having an attack, without my mind taking me. . . back there. The Ten Rings, they did a number on my psyche." Tears had started to drip down my cheeks again, but this time they weren't for me, but for this man laying next to me. He had been through so much, overcome so much, and I could feel his pain in my heart through our bond. At this moment all I wanted was to make his pain go away. I think Tony could feel how desperately I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know what would be welcome, because his free hand came and held mine, giving it a squeeze before he continued.
"I'm not proud to admit it, but I lost myself. In my work, in booze, drugs, women. The only reason I can leave the tower and function today, is because I knew that I had a soulmate out there. If it weren't for that fact, then I don't know where I would be right now. The thought of what my Soulmate would think of me, and how I was behaving. It's the only reason I got cleaned up, stopped fooling around, started not getting drunk at night."
"Did it help?" I asked as i ran my fingers over the callouses on his hand. I loved his hands.
"The crutches? The running away from my problems? It made things worse. You have to face it Angel, like I am. It's the only way to truly make the mental pain disappear." His eyes met mine again, and all of a sudden the flood gates opened up.
I told him about how scared I was, how weak those bullies had made me feel. I told him about all the things that they had said to me, and how demeaning it was and made me feel. The way their hands on my body made my skin crawl, and how even now I would swear that I could still feel hands pulling my hair and gripping at my hips. My sobbing was uncontrollable as I told him that if it hadn't have been for it being laundry day, I wouldn't have been in that stupid top that seemed to draw their eyes to me even more. But mostly, I told him about how guilty I felt. For not being able to get away and defend myself, for being in the way during the showdown, and for it just being my stupid damn luck that it had to happen to me of all people. That I felt guilty for ruining whatever plans they may have been making for that day. All while I was spilling my heart and soul out to him, I was being held against his muscular chest. When I had finally stopped talking and only my hiccuping sobs remained, there was silence for a few moments before the deep sound of Tony's voice spoke to me soothingly.
"Guilt is common."
Those were not the words I was expecting as I nudged my head so it was nestled under his chin.
"I feel guilty when a teammate gets hurt, when a project doesn't work right after about the 10th try I'd say. Mostly though. . . I felt guilty today staring into your eyes knowing I was the reason you were being hurt." Well that most definitely wasn't what I was expecting Tony to say.
"How they found out, I don't know, but you being hurt by Hydra today. That's on me." Tony said so genuinely, so harshly towards himself, that I was so startled by that statement that I actually pulled back out of his embrace a little to look him in the eye.
"No. NO! You weren't the one beating on me, and tossing me around. You weren't the one threatening to rape me. YOU weren't the one holding a gun to my head!" I said fiercely as I took hold of his face and pressed our foreheads together.
"The fact that you are the Soulmate to 3 Avengers is enough. That you are my soulmate was enough. I had enemies before I was Iron Man, people who wanted to see me hurt, dead or my legacy destroyed. Now that I have you, you're my greatest weakness, but I'll be damned if I let you go. I'm to selfish to let you go." He whispered towards the end of his speech, his eyes closing as we lent on each other for strength.
"Don't feel guilty please. It wasn't your fault Tony. None of what happened today was your fault." I pleaded with him gently.
"Then you can't feel guilty either Angel, because what you said to me, it's the exact same thing for you."
"I'll try. I promise." I said into the dimness of my new bedroom. And that promise hung there in the air, like a warm blanket cocooning the both of us in a newfound sense of security. Wordlessly Tony and I snuggled closer to each other and the covers were firmly pulled up over my shoulders.
"Get some sleep Angel." Tony murmured into my hair, as my body began to sink deeper into the feather mattress below me. I could feel sleep tugging at my eyelids but I didn't want sleep to take me away again. I was afraid of the nightmares that my mind would conjure up.
"Not yet," I slurred as I fought to keep my eyelids open.
"Sleep my love, I'll chase the bad dreams away." I thought I heard Tony say as I started to drift away, but before I could fall asleep there was one thing I had to make sure of.
"Stay?" Was all I could get out.
"I'm not going anywhere." Tony whispered against my forehead as I felt him place a feather light kiss right in between my eyes.
"M'kay, love you." I said, but I could hear no reply as I was already drifting off into dreamland.
AN:// I'M BACK!!!! Thank you all so much for the Love and Support you have shown this story! Not only has it kept my inspiration alive, but it has also given me many ideas for other stories!!! I would also like to apologize for for how long you have all waited for this chapter, I was planning my wedding and that took over my life for a while. However now that I am married I plan on writing in all the free time that I have!!! Thanks again everyone for all your love!!!
YOU are all the MUSES that INSPIRE me!!!!