After Dark - Mr.Kitty
THEA'S POV:
My lips trembled as he stared at me, expecting an honest answer when all I could do was desperately rummage through my box of thoughts for an excuse. His eyes flickered back to the bruise on my wrist. The imprint was so evident, so perfectly formed, I knew I couldn't play it off as anything convincible. Those oceans darkened and brewed and only grew murkier and murkier the longer I stayed quiet.
"I-It's nothing," I said fearfully. "It was just an accident, that's all."
"What kind of accident?" Synn's voice was a deep, threatening rumble that resonated deep within my bones. He scrutinised my expression and refused to release my sleeve, despite my weak attempts at pulling away. "Who did this to you?"
"I don't- I don't know," I stammered. "You don't need to worry about it. It doesn't matter anymore."
My intention was to calm the man down by only alluding to wisps of the situation, but I only seemed to anger him the more I avoided and fought his attempts. The sky seemed to sink, compressing the both of us into the cold, dead earth while the snow dissolved into sleet, wet and sharp.
"Synn? A-Are you angry at me?"
He said nothing.
"I'm sorry, I... it's not a big deal! I don't want you to be mad at me. Please don't-"
"I'm not mad at you."
I looked back at him in confusion, only to find my heart drop deep into the pit of my stomach.
His expression.
His eyes.
I didn't realise I was trembling until his fingers were carefully enclosing around my wrist, just over the fabric of my coat. They softly stroked my sleeve.
"We're leaving."
I swallowed.
Trying not to cower away, I asked meekly, "W-Where are we going?"
Synn let go of my wrist. I brought it back to my chest, rubbing the bruise with my fingertips. Instead of answering my question, he rose from beside me until his large frame was blocking the lamplight behind him.
"Come."
I wanted to refuse. I wanted to ask again. But that look in his eye warned me not to.
On wobbly legs, I pushed myself up and glanced up at the man. He wasted no time in heading towards the opening in the trees, where we came from, and I wrapped my arms around myself before bumbling after him like a lost duck. Our magical haven had been wrecked in only a matter of minutes. Snow melted and turned into brown slush beneath my feet as we weaved through the trees, and the wind growled in my ears, making me flinch and shrink into my shoulders.
Whatever spell Synn had cast on me to keep me warm had subsided and I was left with a chill that licked up and down my skin with a prickly tongue. It took all my strength to keep my eyes on his muscular back and not fall behind.
When we reached the streets again, I was surprised to find a familiar Ferrari parked along the side and realised we must have taken a different turn along the way.
Synn opened the car door and looked at me expectantly. He didn't look fazed by the pellets of icy rain that dripped down his chiselled cheekbones nor jaw; his eyes were set, frozen. Tentatively, I slid into the car seat and he shut the door behind me. When he returned to the driver's seat, he was holding something. Water dripped from his black hair as he shut the car door, trapping us inside, and looked over at my small figure pressed in the corner.
"Put this around you," he said.
I looked down and he'd placed a folded, tartan blanket on my lap.
Wrapping his hands around the steering wheel, his tattooed fingers flexed and curled around the wheel again, a slow breath leaving his lips. And then we were driving.
I sat in the car, huddled in the blanket as the world spun. My hands continued to shake, however, despite the material draped over my lap. I wanted to say something, to try to break this unnerving silence between us, but I couldn't find the courage.
Lightning flashed, veins of white bleeding through the night sky. I thought I heard thunder rumble in the distance.
I glanced at the man next to me but his eyes were set on the road in front of us, unmoving and cold. When he had taken me to the coffee shop, I had thought he was angry before but this was a different type of anger; this one was cold and icy like permafrost coating the hardened winter soil. I would have much preferred something like Mama's hot and fiery rage because something told me this type was worse.
The ride was quiet, not a word being spoken between us. But when I saw a familiar neighbourhood coming into view, my heart palpitated stronger and stronger.
"Why are we here?" I asked breathlessly. He took a turn. A familiar road took its shape and I felt my body tense at the sight of a familiar alleyway through the window. Bad memories flashed before my eyes and I pulled away.
He was taking me home, but something was off.
"S-Synn," I said, fear dripping from my voice like saccharine honey. "Why are we here?"
He finally stopped the car along the edge of the road, only a few houses away from my own. And then, without looking my way, his fingers tightened around the steering wheel again and he asked, "Which one was it?"
"W-What do you mean?"
"Your mum or your dad. Which fucking one was it?"
I sat there and stared at him in horror but his eyes were trained on the wheel in front of him. He waited for me to answer but I couldn't, I wouldn't.
That must have been the wrong move because in a matter of seconds, he had swung the car door open and slammed it shut behind him, making it rattle with me still inside.
What was he about to do?
Fumbling for my seatbelt, I eventually unbuckled it and shot out of the car door, only to be attacked by the wind as soon as my feet had hit the pavement. The rain, although less threatening than the snow, was enough to sweep me off the ground with the aid of the sharp wind blowing in my face. I could barely make out Synn's large, black figure approaching my house.
"Synn!" I called, chasing after him as best I could while in conflict with the weather. He didn't stop at my voice nor at the sight of me running. He just reached into his pocket, taking out something which I couldn't see through the rain. "Please, wait!"
It felt like forever before I finally reached him and stuck my hands out in front of him.
Black tendrils of his hair trickled with water onto his numb, colourless lips. He made a move towards the door and I stepped in front of him, breathing heavily. He was too angry.
"Please, please don't go in there," I begged, blocking his way.
He stopped and glared at me. It would have been cliche to describe him as a monster looming over my small figure but that was how he appeared; with his billowing suit jacket and sticking shirt and dark, wet hair and emotionless eyes, he was the spitting image of a nightmare. Gone was the gentle giant who had caressed me sweetly as I cried. I didn't recognise the man shadowed by weighted clouds and the night sky.
"Get out of my way, Thea."
"No," I said, shaking my head pleadingly. "I d-don't want you to go in there. This is all wrong! It was an accident-"
"This," he snarled and pulled me towards him, his hand ensnared around my sleeve, "Was no accident."
My hair was sticking to the sides of my face and I was trembling in both the cold and utter terror. No one else was supposed to find out. It was my own problem to deal with and no one else's. I should have just listened to Mama and stayed away from Synn, no matter how much I wanted to be his friend.
"Every time we're together, I want you to rate your fear from a scale of nought to ten. I want you to tell me how frightened you are."
"Ten," I whimpered, my voice muffled by the rain thundering against the pavement. My eyes fluttered shut as water streamed down my face. "Ten."
He stopped.
There was a moment of calm in the storm encircling us as he stood there, his fists clenched by his sides until they were shaking. There was so much emotion in his eyes, so much turmoil. I had spoken the truth. In this very moment, I couldn't be more terrified of him and he knew that. I could see how much it hurt him. And so we helplessly stood there, my fingers splayed out and shaking and his fists trembling in absolute agony.
A part of me wished to wrap my arms around him, to breathe in his musk and let us both sink to our knees on the wet gravel of my home. I didn't know why.
"It wasn't them," I said. The lie slipped straight through the cracks of my teeth. Releasing a breath, I looked into his dark, angry, hurt-filled eyes. "I know what you're thinking but it-it wasn't either of them. So please. Please."
His brows creased and I couldn't deny the pain I felt at his betrayed, furious expression. I prayed that he'd believe me. My heart thundered loudly as another streak of lightning crossed the sky, illuminating his features. Bewilderingly, he said nothing. He just let the rain pour down on his large figure, winding down the tattoos of his neck and pouring from his chain.
I took a step back. He didn't move.
Carefully, we watched each other as I backed away, getting closer and closer to my house. Those shadowy eyes remained fixed on me as I felt my back hit the front door, my hand latching onto the handle.
He watched me as I hastily unlocked it and tore my gaze away, stepping inside.
I was greeted with warmth and the scent of garlic naan. Soaking wet, I stumbled forward and made an attempt to wipe my boots on the mat. When I turned to look through the window, my stomach churned. Synn was no longer there.
"Thea, you're late!"
I snapped my head away from the window to see Mama holding a dusting cloth in her hands, scanning my appearance.
"Why on earth are you so wet?" she gasped. "Look at the state of your clothes. Did you fall down somewhere?"
"Mama-"
"Are you hurt?" she said, no longer holding the cloth and instead cradling my face. My heart galloped like a racehorse inside my chest as she examined me for injury, wondering if she'd somehow figure out everything that had happened today. Instead, she gave me a frown. "Why aren't you saying anything?"
My lips quivered. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
Before she could see them, I was slumping into Mama's arms and burying my face in her shawl.
"Thea, meri jaan?"
[My life.]
Her soft question entered my ears but nothing left my lips in return. Exhaustion had me in its hold. As the storm outside gradually subsided, the events of today had created their own flurry of emotions inside me. I subconsciously mumbled something that I didn't fully understand myself and continued to stand there while being clutched by my confused and worried mother. The warmth of the room seemed to break down all my senses further until I was completely defeated.
An hour later, Papa was tucking me into bed. I'd given an excuse that I was feeling ill - after being forced to eat a few mouthfuls of dinner - and now I was being smothered by velvety sheets and Ruffles' warm presence at the foot of my bed.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked as I sipped my honey water.
I nodded my head and smiled tiredly.
"I was worried when you didn't call, Thea. You promised me you would."
"I'm sorry, Papa. My mind was just... everywhere."
His soft, sunken eyes appeared to understand and he patted my stomach as I lay in bed. "You just get some rest. School's gonna be starting soon so eat well and do some exercise in the garden," he said and tapped his temple, a mild smile spreading across his mouth. "You need energy for this."
Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss on my forehead, his beard tickling my skin. Longingly, I watched him turn off the light and give Ruffles a stroke before leaving the door open a crack and heading down the corridor.
I stared up at the dark ceiling.
I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was warped by thoughts and doubts bursting at the seams, unstitching every thread until I thought I would go insane. Was it normal to feel this much guilt? To have this gnawing cavern inside your chest? I thought my decision had been right, to defend my mother at all costs and protect - but the anguish in his eyes... it made me want to shatter. It made me want to run back and change everything.
Everything had been so perfect: the perfect meadow at our fingertips; the perfect moment, despite my panic; and his perfect smile which made flowers grow from the barren pit of my stomach.
And now everything was ruined.
I'd ruined it all again, just like before.
"Stupid, stupid Thea," I told myself harshly and cuddled Toto, my shiba plushie, tighter.
My words must have woken Ruffles because a minute later, she was sniffing my cheek and pawing at it for attention. Sadly, I glimpsed at her in the dark and patted the space beside me on the duvet. She sank down and looked at me with sleepy, closing eyes. A purr left her.
"Am I stupid, Ruffles?" I whispered and stroked behind her ears. She didn't respond. "What if... Synn doesn't want to be friends with me anymore? I left him out in the rain. I lied to him when he just wanted to protect me. That doesn't make me a very good person, does it?"
The cat meowed quietly.
"You really think so?"
She meowed again.
"Thank you, baby, but I don't think I'm a very good person, even if you do," I mumbled. "And I don't think Synn does either."
Ruffles said nothing more, simply purring in the quiet. I hugged Toto tighter and curled up around the cat, wishing I could be like her and sleep and eat all day, no longer having to face these adult problems. Sleep soon came to me like the curling of fog, sweeping over my senses and clouding my mind until I could finally attain peace.
The rest was a blur.
The next morning, I went to the charity shop. I carried out my normal duties and absentmindedly listened to Judith's stories. Secretly, I hoped for the familiar figure to appear at the door again. For him to force me to go with him, to talk, to explain our sides and apologise. But he didn't.
And he didn't visit the next day, nor the next.
Before I even knew it, the Christmas holidays were over and the new school term had begun.
--
It was a cold Monday morning that I stood at the green gates of the school building. The cherry blossom tree which normally sported brilliant pink petals like jewels on a duchess was now bare, grey branches stretching far and wide. The building itself didn't look pleasant either, constructed of brown, worn slabs and windows barred by black poles. It looked much prettier in summer. Light would catch the hues of chestnut in the bricks and bring life to the place, but all I could feel was anxiety as I stared up at it.
Dressed in a burnt orange dress that ran down to my calves, I pulled my cardigan closer - I'd hoped to veil my emotions with a happy colour and deceive everyone into thinking I was alright, but I didn't even know if I could convince myself.
I sucked in a deep breath and made my way to the doors, mustering enough courage to step inside. Chattering and squawking greeted my ears. Girls crowded the entrance, everyone excited to see friends again yet dreading the lessons to come. I smiled at some of the people recognised but no one returned it. That was okay. They had their own lives to be getting on with.
Relief washed over me at the sight of my best friend at her locker, angrily cursing at someone who'd stepped on her textbook.
"Ember!"
I rushed and tackled her with a hug, almost sending her sprawling.
"Holy shit, Thee!" she exclaimed and swung me around. "Could've knocked me out."
I raised my head while still hugging her. "You're welcome," I beamed. "It's fun surprising you."
"You know what would be really fun?"
"What?"
Ember clumsily stuffed a folder into her locker before slamming it shut and picking up her bag. "Skipping class to get chicken," she offered with an evil grin.
"But it's the first day back! You can't just-just skip class!"
"But it's maths," she drawled. I opened my mouth to scold her again, only for her to dismiss me with a wave of her hand. "Okay, okay, gosh. I won't skip... today. Just come with me after school. You still need to try their chips."
I dropped my arms to fiddle with the strap of my backpack. "You know I can't," I said apologetically.
She groaned. "You never go out with me anymore," she said, nudging me with her elbow. I stuck behind her in the corridor and grabbed onto the strap of her bag so that we wouldn't be separated in the swarm of students.
"And you never study," I pointed, making her pause and grin at me.
"Touché."
Our short interaction was interrupted by the bell and I waved her goodbye as she reluctantly headed off to her maths class. We studied completely different subjects and although it was scary without her, I had tried to get used to it. And so I squeezed through the crowd of girls and made my way to my chemistry class.
I found my seat in the middle row tucked against the wall. I sat beside another girl who seemed nice enough but would always turn around to talk to her friends instead of making conversation with me. It was understandable and so I forced myself not to think about it, getting on with the lesson instead.
But it was when the teacher reached nucleophilic substitution that I stopped making notes and looked across the room. Whispering and giggling, a familiar looking girl with wavy black hair and beautiful feline eyes was talking to her friend. She was pointing at me.
I tried to give her a smile but she only threw her head back in hushed laughter, hiding her mouth to contain herself at something her pretty friend had said too. The girl's name was Blessing and I would have liked to use that word to describe her but to me, she wasn't exactly the nicest. In fact, she was the one who especially liked to poke fun at me. I had always tried my best to befriend her but she would always scrutinise me - whether it was for my appearance or personality, I didn't know.
Her voice reached my ears.
"Have you seen her talk to a guy before? It's free entertainment," she laughed as her red, painted lips spread into an unpleasant smile. "Someone get the camera rolling next time."
I squeezed my pencil tightly and bit down on my lip, trying to focus on the writing on the whiteboard instead of Blessing's hurtful words. Ignore it, Thea. She didn't mean it. But deep down, the pain brewed darkly. I would have thought she'd try to understand or show sympathy as a fellow girl, but doubts only went on to cloud my mind as I started to believe there was something truly wrong with me.
My thoughts flickered back to Synn: did he think the same on the inside? Was that one of the reasons he hadn't seen me again?
I said nothing but felt tears blur my vision as I scrawled words down on a page. Why did I have to be so sensitive?
Swiftly wiping them away, I let her voice fade out into the background noise and copied my notes down instead. She just didn't know me well. It wasn't her fault.
That one incident, however, decided the rest of my day for me. I put my head down and tried not to attract any more attention from the tall, elegant girl who would brush past me in the hallway and offer me a fake smile. I spent my free time daydreaming about a certain man I had wronged and wished for him to magically appear and soothe all my worries; but nothing happened.
It was silly of me to think such a thing of someone I barely knew, but I wanted to see him again. I shouldn't have even been thinking about him, but how could I not when he was the only man I'd encountered to make me feel safe with them?
Today wasn't a good day. School ended with the shrill ringing of the bell, leaving everyone hustling and bustling to get to the bus stop outside. My fingers crumpled the material of my dress as I went down the steps and stared hard at the ground. I passed through the gates.
My ears pricked at the sound of someone's silky voice and I couldn't help but turn to face them. My heart sank at who was standing there: Blessing, her arms wound around a man's neck as he leaned against a recognisable, red car.
Synn.
My fingers tightened around my dress and I put on a sad smile.
Today really wasn't a good day.
*****
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Hey fudglings,
Omg my baby Thea :c I felt so sad while writing this whole chapter like nUU YOU PRECIOUS BABY LET ME SQUISH YOU DON'T CRY I don't know who I'm more in love with: Thea's adorable sweet self or Synn (daddy - need I say more?)
But what did you think? Synn's reaction to the bruise? Bruh I love the whole scene in the snow/rain I CAN PICTURE IT SO CLEARLY WITH THE WIND WHIPPING AROUND THEM AND THE COLD ANGER OF SYNN he's so hot :3 What about Thea's response and her behaviour afterwards? Of course, everyone would have wanted her to confess but it's a natural reaction for a lot of abuse victims to defend their abusers and it's just sad to see :( Thoughts on Synn and Blessing? (There was a girl called Blessing at my school and she's absolutely lovely I just wanted to steal her name SORRY BLESSING) And Ruffles' secret cameo? My beby c:
I went to London yesterday and bro every time I go I'm just reminded how I would hate to live in a big city. LIKE THE SMELL?? AND EVERY TIME I SMILED AT SOMEONE (WHICH WAS A LOT) 9/10 TIMES THEY WOULDN'T SMILE BACK >:( like bro I will hit you. But anyway it was still a nice day, I went with my siblings to the British History Museum (is it just me who finds it boring- I feel so uncultured I'm sorry) and then we went to a Korean street food place which was bussin bussin and we went to Covent Garden BUT WE WERE TOO LATE AND ALL THE SHOPS WERE CLOSED ,_, it's okay though because I bought a book and it made it better
Potato question of the day: What's your least favourite subject?
Out of the ones that I used to do, I'd have to say chemistry (I'm literally Thea). But if I were to judge all the subjects, I really don't like art or music because I'm trash at both of them hehe there's not a creative bone in my body unless it comes to writing
Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you did, please remember to vote, comment and share this book with your friends! I love you all!
- Fudge x