Chapter 27
I was amazed at how Jerome was taking the whole locker situation. Sure, he did say he wanted to get revenge on who did it, but he didn't even seem too angry about it. Or hurt. He just acted like it was small inconvenience he could get surpass.
Even though he was not only a target of a hate crime, but he was also outed to the entire school. And yet he was still able to keep his 'I don't really care' composure.
I always looked up to him in that aspect.
I ended up missing a few days of school because of what happened, even though it wasn't even an attack towards me. It just really impacted me mentally, just thinking how someone could do something like that to my boyfriend.
And if Jerome was right, that it was Anita or one of his friends, then it was a lot worse. They were his friends. People he hung out with all the time and laughed with. People he liked being around, for the most part.
And then they just do something like that, either because they didn't agree with him being gay, or it was Anita taking out her anger that Jerome didn't like her back.
Either version was horrible.
When I finally decided I should go back to school, I made sure to text Jerome that morning to let him know since he had been worrying about me all week. Funny how that work. He was the one who was targeted, yet he was the one making sure I was okay.
After I texted him, Jerome told me that he was going to be at the dance studio before heading to school and that I was welcome to join him. I decided to go there so I could see Jerome before school, and maybe calm down a bit.
I got ready for school, not even bothering to eat breakfast since I wasn't too hungry. I've barely eaten the past couple days and honestly, I was hoping nobody would notice. Normally, my parents could tell when I wasn't eating but this time, I was doing a good job at hiding it.
I did tell Ryder I was going to meet up with Jerome at the dance studio, so he didn't have to drive me to school today.
As soon as I got to the dance studio, Jerome walked to the door and let me in, giving me a small smile. "Hey," he said as I walked in. "How are you doing?"
"Good," I said, which was a clear lie. He even knew it, but he didn't question it.
"Do you wanna dance around for a bit?" Jerome asked. "Try to clear your mind off of things? That's why I'm here early and it has been working."
I shook my head. "I'm going to sit off on the side. I just... wanted to see you before school."
Jerome gently brushed a few strands of my hair away from my forehead before resting his hand on my cheek. "You know, there's nothing that's stopping us from hanging out at school."
I looked down. Of course I wanted to hang out with Jerome at school. I loved being around him, but I was so afraid that people would get suspicious of us. Some people probably wouldn't even care. Maybe even most of the students wouldn't care but I couldn't help it. It was how my mind worked.
I overthought everything.
"Of course, we don't have to if you're too worried about people, somehow, finding out about us," Jerome said, placing his hand under my chin and gently lifting it up so I was looking at him. "I never want to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable."
Despite still feeling quite empty inside, I was able to faintly smile at him. "I know."
Jerome smiled back and leaned down, pressing his lips softly on mine. He then pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms tightly around him, not wanting to let go. I felt safe in his arms. Comforted.
Though still feeling very empty.
Eventually, I pulled away from him so Jerome wouldn't get too suspicious and think that something really was wrong. He already knew that I wasn't feeling well but I didn't want him, or anyone for that matter, to know that I was at an all-time low.
That very dark thoughts wouldn't leave my mind.
Once I did pull away, I sat down on one of the benches as Jerome went back to dancing. He really seemed like he was enjoying it, and it did make me miss dancing a lot more. I haven't really done anything to get back into dancing since I told Jerome I wanted to, since I soon was back to feeling too weak.
And now, with me barely eating and barely getting any sleep, there was no way I could start dancing again. At least, not for now.
After a few minutes of Jerome just dancing and having the time of his life, we had to leave to head to school. We left the dance studio and got to his car so he could drive us to school. Once we got there, Jerome parked in one of the furthest parking spots from the school.
He turned off the car and leaned back in his seat. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I still haven't found solid proof about whoever wrote that on my locker."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "I never said I don't want to talk about it. It's something that happened to you, not me, so you should be the one to decide if we talk about it or not."
"But it really affected you when you saw it," Jerome said.
"Didn't it affect you too?" I asked.
Jerome shrugged. "Not really. Well, I am a bit mad about it but hey, if someone was willing to stoop to that level, then they're pretty much a trash human being."
"I wish I had your courage..."
"Well, it helps when you've been arrested a few times so people get scared of you."
"Yeah, I'd rather not go arrested. I am sorry, by the way... That you were outed..."
Jerome chuckled as he gently stroked my cheek. "You have a habit of apologizing when you don't need to."
"Sorry..."
"You just did it."
"Right... Sorry... Wait, no, I said it again..."
Jerome just smiled softly. "Cutie. I really am okay, though. I would have loved to come out on my own terms, and of course I'm mad at whoever did it, but I'm okay."
I smiled back at him. "I'm glad to hear that."
Because we were still in his car and the parking lot wasn't busy, I leaned over and pressed my lips onto his. Once I pulled away, Jerome smiled even widely before kissing my cheek. We then got out of the car and once we got into the school, we went our separate ways.
Little did I know that everything was going to go wrong today.
Everything.
I was actually able to focus in class today. Sure, I was a bit tired but not enough to suddenly crash in the middle of class or be unable to focus. And admittedly, being here was a lot better than being at home where I barely had anything to distract me from the dark thoughts running through my mind.
When lunch came around, everything seemed fairly normal.
Until I got to the cafeteria.
Orchid and I headed there together after second period, and on the way there I could have sworn people were looking at me. I couldn't be too sure about it because I've had this feeling before when really, nobody was looking at me. But I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was being judged for some reason.
As Orchid and I were heading to the table we normally sat at, I noticed that at a lot of other tables, the people sitting there were looking at a piece of paper. People looking at a paper didn't seem too odd, but it did since a lot of tables were doing it. Literally every table that was occupied had people looking at a paper.
"Do you notice that?" I asked Orchid.
"Notice what?" Orchid asked.
"Everyone looking at something," I said. "Or am I just overthinking things?"
Orchid looked around the cafeteria. "You're definitely not overthinking things. But it's probably just a flyer or something. Some clubs normally leaves flyers on the tables at lunch. The student council has done it before."
Once we got to our regular table, Orchid picked up a piece of paper that was on the table, so I guess something was left on all the tables.
"What is it?" I asked since Orchid wasn't saying anything as she stared at the paper.
"Uh..." Orchid hesitated. "It's... uh..."
I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why she was hesitating. Though, she didn't really have the chance to reply since she soon got interrupted when her boyfriend walked over. "Is it bad if I release stink bombs in the school so we can go home early?" Atticus asked as he sat on top of the table.
"That's childish," Orchid said.
"Hey, if it works, it works," Atticus said. "So what was left on the table this time? I swear, if it's another flyer for homework club, I'm collecting them all and shredding it."
Once again, she didn't reply because this time, Alan, Ryder, and Mae walked over. "Ooh, let me see what it is this time," Alan said, taking the paper out of Orchid's hand. "I hope it's something cool. Like maybe a school dance. Or a jousting club."
"Why would there be a jousting club?" Ryder asked.
"I don't know," Alan said. "The same reason why there's a waffle club." He looked at the paper. "What the...?"
"No jousting club?" Atticus asked.
"It's not even a flyer," Alan said. "Who left this here?"
"Let me see," Ryder said, taking the paper. He stared at it for a bit before looking at me. "Have you seen it yet?"
"No," I said. "Why? What is it?"
Before Ryder could show it to me, Alan said, "Don't show it to him."
"He's going to find out anyway," Ryder said.
"Seriously, what is it?" I asked, starting to feel worried. It couldn't be that bad, could it?
Ryder sighed. "Just... Be prepared. I know you're not going to like this."
I furrowed my eyebrows as Ryder handed me the piece of paper. As soon as I looked at it, I knew why Orchid hesitated when I first asked what it was.
It was a picture of me and Jerome kissing in his car this morning.
It took a few moments for it to register exactly what I was looking at, and the fact that this was placed on every table in the cafeteria. But once it did register, I could feel a panic attack starting to arise.
Ryder immediately knew that one was coming so he led me out of the cafeteria and outside of the school so I could get some fresh air. He led me over to a bench, and I was already struggling to breathe by the time I was sitting on it.
"Hey..." Ryder said softly, crouching down in front of me. "You know, a lot of people aren't going to care about it."
I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes. "I-I... not... ready."
"I know," Ryder said. "I know." He then sat down beside me and pulled me into a hug until I was able to calm down, which took a few minutes. Ryder didn't seem to care. He just hugged me the whole time, letting me cry all over his shirt.
When I pulled away after I was able to breathe and talk again, I wiped the tears away. "Y-you're not mad?"
"Mad?" Ryder asked. "About...?"
"Me and Jerome... You're enemy..."
Ryder laughed slightly. "Nolan, he has stopped being my enemy for a long time. Yeah, I still argue with him but... I sort of already knew about you two."
"What?" I asked. "How?"
"Well, I was suspicious for a while," Ryder said. "You don't really like people getting close to you, but you and Jerome have been so affectionate. Hugging. Snuggling whenever he slept over. It, admittedly, wasn't until the whole... Jerome's locker situation that it clued in. And I can't be mad if you're dating him. Not when he has done a lot for you."
I looked down and fidgeted with the sleeved of my sweater, the dark thoughts rushing back. I tried to ignore them, but they wouldn't go away. "I-I... really wasn't ready... I can't... I can't go back in there..."
"I'll take you home if you want," Ryder said. "But... I think you should stay. I know you weren't ready and I know you struggle with worrying about people judging you but I don't think a lot of people care."
"They w-were all looking at it... Judging it..."
"I can't say for sure, but I don't think it was them judging it," Ryder said. "I think it was more of... How do I word this...? Okay, so a lot of people talk about Jerome. That's a given. Let's say he was straight and was dating Anita, because a lot of people thought that was going to happen. Everyone would just be talking about it because it involves Jerome. I don't think those people were really caring about who Jerome was kissing in the photo. It's more of them just talking about Jerome because he's Jerome."
I didn't know about that. I could have sworn people were judging me as I was walking through the cafeteria.
"And the people who are doing this are trying to hurt Jerome, and maybe you as well," Ryder said. "You can't let them win. They'll get tired of all this if you and Jerome show that it doesn't affect you."
"B-but it does..."
"I know it does. Of course it does. I'm not saying it shouldn't."
"S-so... Basically... Fake it 'til I make it."
"Pretty much."
I didn't know if I wanted to say at school right now, but I was already feeling so empty. I didn't think staying for the rest of the day was going to make any difference. So I told Ryder I was going to stay. He gave me another hug, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
I didn't know if it was true.
However, we went back to the cafeteria anyway and I had to try my best to ignore the eyes on me. As we got to our table, I sat down with a heavy sigh. "You doing okay?" Orchid asked.
"As okay as I can be," I said.
"Atticus said he'll plant a stink bomb in the locker of the people who did this," Orchid said.
"It's true, I did say that," Atticus said.
"No, don't..." I said. "I don't want it to get worse..."
Jerome and Brandon walked up to the table, and Brandon grabbed the piece of paper. He already had a bunch of them in his hand. "Thank you. I'll be burning these. Or shredding them. Either way, they will be gone."
"Hey, Brandon, guess what," Alan said.
"What?" Brandon asked.
"Fuck you."
Brandon sighed. "Are you still mad at me?"
"No, I obviously not mad at you, asshole."
"I told you, I'll explain everything."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Whatever. I'll just go collect the rest of the papers."
"Good." Alan flipped Brandon off as Brandon walked away.
"What's up with you two?" Ryder asked.
"Nothing," Alan said. "Brandon is just an asshole. That's all."
"He does have a reason," Jerome said.
"Shut up. You're his best friend so clearly, you'll favour him."
Jerome held up his hands in defence. "Okay, okay. I'll stay out of it." Jerome looked at me. "Are you doing okay? With the whole... thing?"
I nodded. "Y-yeah... Y-you... can sit down here... If you want..." Everyone already knew. There was no point of us not interacting at school anymore.
Jerome smiled softly as he sat down beside me, intertwining our hands together and holding it under the table, so it wasn't out in the open. "I'm still going to try proving that it was my stupid friends. Well, ex-friends."
"They did it?" Ryder asked. "Why the hell would they do that?"
"Either homophobia or Anita is mad she can never date me," Jerome said. "Long story short, she tried to kiss me at the party so I told her I was gay because I couldn't take it anymore. She told the rest of our friends, besides Brandon because he already knew, and they all took her said. Well, except April. And Brandon, obviously."
"Well, now that I know who did it, I'm sure I can find proof," Atticus said, cracking his knuckles. "This will be fun."
"Atticus, no," Orchid said. "Nolan said he doesn't want things to got worse."
"I swear, I won't do anything to them," Atticus said. "I'll just find proof, then show it to Jerome so he can handle it. And help if he wants the help. This totally isn't me offering to help, but it is."
"Well, if you could find proof, how could I say no?" Jerome said.
"Please don't make it worse..." I said quietly. "I-I just want this to pass... No more trouble..."
"Okay," Jerome said. "No trouble. I promise."
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i think this was atticus's first appearance in the story lol. orchid has mentioned him but i've never added him in yet. i am ashamed for waiting so long smh.
also it's funny how in the og story, ryder was first to know that nolan was gay but in this one, he's literally last. but let's just appreciate his big brother side here <3