The doorbell to the Morgans' house rang just then, which meant it either had to be Natalie, Brooke, Nick, or my grandparents. Ben's older brother, Daniel, got up from the other side of the couch where he had been talking to his and Ben's younger brother, Nathan, and went over to answer the front door. A few seconds later, Brooke stepped through the doorway and headed into the kitchen to go say hello to Mrs. Morgan instead of coming over to join us.
She would probably come back and join us after she had said hello to Mrs. Morgan. I saw Ryan get up to go follow her before I turned my attention back to my boyfriend, who was already staring at me.
"I can't wait until then," he said smiling at me. I smiled back at him again, happy that I was still able to get to be with him by still getting the chance at living my life, but also a little guilty that my mom wasn't too. It was probably going to be a constant thing for the rest of my life.
***
Hours later after Ben's dad had come home and updated us on what was going on, Mr. Morgan had been the last to arrive, Ben and I went off to his room to hopefully get some time alone until Ryan had decided that he couldn't stand me and Ben being alone in Ben's room anymore. Mr. Morgan had told us that the police were still trying to find my father and figure out what happened to my mother. The coroner hadn't determined quite yet what had caused my mom's death and probably wouldn't say anything until the autopsy was completed. Mr. Morgan would let us know what the coroner's conclusion is after he or she was finished. He just wasn't sure when that was going to be.
I was curious to find out how my mom had died, but I was also afraid to find out at the same time. It was mostly because I was afraid that my mom had died a painful death. That my father hadn't made it quick and easy for her. And I wanted her to have died a painless death. It was only fair that she had died peacefully since she had been the one to die and not me.
She hadn't deserved to have her life taken away when she hadn't done anything. And even if she had done something to make Dad mad at her, she still didn't deserve to die. There was no reason for her to die so I hoped that she hadn't suffered.
Since that day, I was seeing my father in a completely different way. I may not have had the best opinion of my father even before all of this had happened or that day, but I had never thought he resort to killing someone as a way to solve his problems. There were different ways to solve your problems that didn't include murder. It was hard to understand my father's reasoning behind doing this and how it had come to this. I didn't understand why he had to kill my mom when it had been me who had caused all this trouble. If anyone should be dead, it should be me.
"Babe, how are you doing?" I heard Ben say. I focused on him instead of all the thoughts running through my head. I wasn't going to waste my life when my mom couldn't live her life anymore.
"I don't know to be honest. There's so much on my mind, " I replied. Ben pulled me closer to him so that I was practically in his lap. Well now I was actually in his lap, but I didn't mind. I liked being this close to him. Both of my legs were stretched over one of his, while I leaned against his other leg that was leaning against the wall. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. I laid my head in the crook of his neck, sighing.
"Well then tell me what's on your mind. Maybe I can help," he said hugging me closer to him.
It was actually making me feel better, me being in his arms. Ben seemed to have this natural way of making me feel calm by just being there for me. I knew he probably wanted to talk to me about what happened, but he wouldn't push me if I told him I didn't want to talk about it. He'd be patient and understanding, even though he had no idea what I was going through. I could probably tell him what was on my mind even though I'm sure he wouldn't know what to say, but I knew he would try his best to make me feel better. This whole situation would be so much harder if I didn't have Ben.
"I don't understand why my dad did what he did since I was the one who started this all, not my mom. And it makes me feel guilty that I got to live and she didn't," I said knowing he probably wasn't going to like talking about the possibility that I could have died. I knew how happy he was when he found out that I was going to be okay.
I knew that he at least understood what it was like to lose someone you loved, but he didn't actually lose me in the end. He was able to get me back, unlike me. I wouldn't ever get my mom back. She was gone before I even knew she was gone. I wouldn't ever get the chance of hoping that she was going to make it. And I couldn't help but think she had died because of me, because I had thought that my father couldn't do anything worse than what he had already done. I had been foolish to think that my father would ever see things my way and because of that, my mom ended up paying the ultimate price.
"Callie, it's not your fault that your mom is dead. The fault belongs only to your father. He's the one who caused her death and he's the reason for it too. There is no excuse for what he did and I don't think any of us understand why he chose this path instead of just owning up to the mistakes he has made in the past. I know you feel guilty about being the one who survived, but you could have never known what your father was going to do," Ben said rubbing my back and then resting his chin on the top of my head.
He hugged me closer to him if that was even possible and we were quiet for a few minutes. I'm sure he didn't expect me to not feel guilty anymore after what he just said, but it was nice to know that he didn't think I was the reason for my mom's death. It was nice to know that he still thought the same of me after what had happened. And maybe one day I would feel like this wasn't my fault and I wouldn't feel so guilty, but for now that's how I was going to feel. I knew what Ben said was true, but for some reason I still felt guilty and that I was the reason that my mom was dead. It didn't seem like anything was going to change that right now.
"I'm going to keep telling you that it's not your fault until you actually believe it. You're an amazing person and I know you'd never let anyone get hurt. So, if you had known what your father was going to do, then you would have stopped looking into your father's past so you could try and save your mother," Ben said after we had been silent for awhile.
"Thanks Ben," I replied back, looking up at him. He looked down at me and smiled, nodding his head, but decided not to say anything more. We leaned in closer until our lips met.
As our kiss deepened, I turned my body so that I was completely facing him now and I wasn't in an uncomfortable position anymore. I felt Ben's hands on my waist as we continued to kiss. Eventually he flipped me over so that he was on top of me and his body was completely pressed against mine. We were no longer in a sitting position and I felt completely comfortable with the position we were in.
I don't think I had ever felt uncomfortable with Ben before because he always made sure I was okay with what was going on between us. It didn't last much longer though, the kissing at least, since we pulled away to catch our breath, but Ben didn't get off of me. He leaned back in once we had caught our breath and kissed me again.
His hand slipped underneath my shirt this time and I felt his hand slide up the side of my body. As if it wasn't already hard enough to breathe, it got even harder as I felt his hand touching my bare skin. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but it always felt like it was the first time. And I never wanted it to stop, but usually it did.
And this time it was because Ben and I heard my brother and his girlfriend talking in the hallway. It sounded like they were heading for Ben's room, which meant that our alone time was now up. I knew Ben wasn't afraid of Ryan kicking his ass, but he still got off of me and pulled me into a sitting position.
I wasn't the only one who was disappointed that our make out session was now over and couldn't wait for the next one. Ben had a look of disappointment on his face as we got comfortable on his bed. I knew Ben wanted to have more time alone with me, but that just wasn't going to happen when Ryan was in the same house as us. As for me, I wanted the same thing because I wanted to have some more alone time with my boyfriend and also Ben was a great distraction from thinking about my mom.
He was always able to make me forget about anything bad that was troubling me when we kissed or even when we were just talking. And I didn't want to go back to thinking about my mom so soon again, but I sucked it up and laid my head on my boyfriend's chest as he put his arm around me. I moved around a little bit until I was curled up into his side as I felt his hand rest on my hip.
If Ryan had a problem with where Ben was touching me, then he would just have to deal with it because I was comfortable and I didn't want Ben to move his hand. I felt safe whenever I had Ben by my side and it made me feel even safer when he was touching me. It made me never want to leave his side or let him let go of me. The way I felt about him and the way he made me feel was everything I had ever wanted. And it was definitely what I needed right now. No one else could give me what Ben gave me. I definitely was glad I had my brothers to go through this with, but I was also glad I had a Ben.
"Do you want to go to the spot where I asked you to my girlfriend tomorrow? It'll let you get out of the house, but also not be around anyone you don't want to be around. And we can be alone without anyone interrupting us," Ben asked leaning his head down so I could only hear him even though there wasn't anyone but us in his room.
"Yeah, that would be nice. I just have to make sure Hayden's okay with it. I know he trusts you, but he may not want me out of his sight so quickly," I replied.
"That's true. I can ask him for you, if you want me too," Ben said as Ryan and Brooke came into Ben's room. They went over to sit down in the chair in Ben's room, which was in a corner and could fit two people, if one was sitting on the other, which is anyways how Brooke and Ryan usually sat when they sat together even if the chair was a tight fit. I looked back over at Ben, knowing he was still waiting for me to answer him back.
"That's fine with me," I replied smiling at him. He nodded his head and then looked over in Ryan and Brooke's direction.
I'm sure Ben was wondering, just like I was, if Ryan and Brooke had come into Ben's room was because Ryan wanted to keep us from making out. It was most likely why Ryan was now hanging out with us. He often came into Ben's room if he was here and I was too, just so Ben and I couldn't make out. Or probably to make sure we didn't have sex either. That was probably why he really came to hang out with us. I think Ryan trusted Ben, but that didn't mean he was okay with us actually having sex.
We didn't really talk about that subject, in fact Ryan avoided the subject the best he could, which was fine with me because I didn't really plan on telling Ryan when I had sex for the first time or anytime after that. It was none of his business. And it really was never going to be any of his business. That subject was only for me and my boyfriend to know. Ben and I hadn't really talked about sex either, but I did know that if we ever got to that situation, Ben would never pressure me into doing something like that when I wasn't ready for it.
So, I really didn't have anything to worry about except for maybe when it was going to happen because I had no idea about that. Especially now that it seemed like I wasn't going to get a lot of time alone with my boyfriend. But when it happened, it will happen.
"So, what are you guys doing in here?" Ben asked them.
"We just wanted to come hang out with you guys," Ryan said.
I could tell by the look on Brooke's face that definitely wasn't the reason they had come in here. Most likely Ryan had dragged Brooke into the room, just so he could interrupt our alone time. I would hope that Ryan knew that Ben and I wouldn't have sex in a house with a bunch of people who could walk in on us at any moment. Ryan had no idea whether or not Ben and I had gone there yet so all he could do is try and prevent us from having sex every chance he got if we hadn't gone there.
I knew it was him just being my older brother, but it would be nice to be able to hang out with my boyfriend without being interrupted especially when Ben and I just wanted to be alone. It would also be nice to be trusted too. But maybe one day, Ryan would let up.
"Come on Ry, they know that you came in here to make sure they're not doing what you don't like talking about when your little sister is around," Brooke said giggling a little bit.
"She's right Ryan. We know why you're really in here," I said as Kate came into the room. She came over and sat down on the bed next to me. We all looked over at her.
"I figured since Ryan and Brooke came in here, I could too. Although I didn't come in here to stop you two from making out or having sex. You need to trust your sister and best friend a little more, Ryan. Plus, I don't think you're going to stop them for doing either of those things just because you come into the room. I'm sure they'll eventually find another way to do both of those things when you're not around. They do get left alone in Hayden and Natalie's house alone a lot more than they do here. Who knows, they could have had sex already since they've had more chances there than here," Kate said smiling at Ryan.
He rolled his eyes as the rest of us laughed and then said, "I do trust them. And I know I can't stop her from doing those things, but I can at least try."
I wasn't thrilled that Ryan was still going to come into the room and hang out with Ben and I instead of just letting us be by ourselves. It sucked because when I really wanted to be alone with my boyfriend, like now, I couldn't. Not without starting a fight. And I really didn't want to get into a fight with my brother right now. It wasn't a good idea after we had just lost our mother, but I would get to be alone with Ben tomorrow, just as long as Hayden let me go to the beach with him. I didn't really see any problem with that because I was going to be with Ben and there wasn't going to be anyone around, but Hayden might just be too scared to let me out of his sight after what happened.
"Ryan, it's not fair to them though. Especially when they want to be alone, which I think they do since they retreated to Ben's room once his dad was done talking to everyone. Ben will take care of her. It is his job after all. Come on, let's go find an empty room and make out," Brooke said after she had gotten off of Ryan's lap. She had grabbed his wrist and started to try to pull him out of the chair. I'm sure she wanted to try and pull him out of the room as well.
"I wanna stay in here," Ryan said.
"More than you want to make out with me?" she asked letting go of him and then putting her hands on her hips. By the tone in her voice, she wasn't exactly thrilled that Ryan was rejecting her. She probably thought that he would take the chance at making out with her.
Ryan was silent for a few minutes as he tried to figure out what to say. He knew that if he said the wrong thing, then he could end up getting into a fight with his girlfriend and I'm sure he didn't want that. Especially if he might need her later when he got upset about Mom. I looked over at Kate and found her looking at me. She raised her eyebrows and I knew she was thinking the same thing. That if Ryan didn't answer carefully, then those two were going to end up in a fight and none of us wanted to get in the middle of it.
"Dude, just go with your girlfriend. Trust me, it's the smart choice," Ben said. I looked over at him and saw that he was looking at Ryan. He didn't look over at me when I looked at him, but I'm sure he knew that I was looking at him.
"He's right Ryan, you should just go with your girlfriend. You can't babysit your little sister forever. And you can't stop her from living her life either. Sex is a part of life and as much as I don't want to think about my best friend having sex with my brother, if they want to do that then they can do that because that's their choice, not anyone else's. She'll end up hating you for it if you don't let her live her life the way she wants to," Kate said.
"Fine," Ryan said getting up and heading out of the room, not even bothering to wait for Brooke.
He didn't exactly sound happy, but that was too bad. I was glad that Brooke and Kate were willing to stand up to Ryan at the moment and tell him that he couldn't babysit me and Ben all the time because I sure wasn't in the mood to do it. Brooke followed after him letting out a sorry before she disappeared from Ben's room. Kate followed not too much longer after that and finally Ben and I were alone again. Hopefully that meant no one was going to bother us while I was here with Ben. And maybe when Hayden and Natalie wanted to go home, I could stay a bit longer since I knew I wasn't going to want to leave Ben at all. Ben could always drive me home.
"Finally, we're alone again," Ben said squeezing me tightly and then kissing me on my forehead.
"I'm glad too," I said looking up at him and then leaning in to kiss him.
"So, are we just going to lay here? Or do you want to do something else?" Ben asked me.
"I'm good just laying here. I like being in your arms," I said snuggling into him more.
"That's fine with me. I like holding you," Ben replied.
I looked back up at my boyfriend and smiled at him. He grabbed the back of my head to pull me closer to him and then kissed me again. We got back to where we had been before Brooke and Ryan had interrupted us, but Ben and I just made out instead of going any further than that. Because there were other people in this house that could walk in on us and that's not how I wanted my first time with Ben to go. So, sex with Ben would have to wait and making out would just have to do for now. And that was fine with me. I wasn't sure if I was ready for sex yet, so it wasn't like I was in a rush to do it at the moment.
"Has anyone said anything about my mom's funeral?" I asked some time later after Ben and I had taken a break from making out. Now we were just laying on his bed as we took a break.
"I don't know. If they have, then I haven't heard them say anything about it," Ben replied.
"Will you let me know when someone does? I'm not sure if my brothers are up for talking about that just yet since we all seem to avoid the subject of Mom at the moment. It's just too hard to talk about her right now," I said as Ben started rubbing my back.
"Of course, babe. I don't think there's going to be a funeral until the coroner is done examining your mom's body. It might be a little longer than normal since it is a murder investigation. The police probably want to make sure they have all the evidence they need before they release your mom's body back to your family," Ben said.
I nodded my head and then said, "Yeah, I understand that. Maybe Hayden isn't the one planning the funeral. Maybe my grandparents are."
"I can ask my mom and see if she knows," Ben said.
"Would you? I don't want my mom's funeral to be a surprise. I want to be somewhat prepared to bury my mom," I replied. Ben's hand stopped moving up and down my back and then a few seconds later he squeezed me tightly against him. I got a kiss on the top of my head and then Ben said, "It won't be a surprise. I'll make sure I found out when your mom's funeral is going to be."
"Thanks Ben. I appreciate that," I replied.
"Anything for you Cal," he said giving me another kiss on the top of my head.
We grew quiet after that as I snuggled back into Ben and became very comfortable in his arms as he held me. I got so comfortable that I eventually fell asleep. And eventually Ben woke me up some time later. I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, but when I looked over at the clock on Ben's nightstand, I saw that it was just after six. It had been a little over five hours since I had fallen asleep. I probably needed it anyways, but I wondered if Ben had stayed here the whole time. He was there in the same position when he woke me up, so I was guessing that he had stayed in his bed with me. Maybe he had gotten up a couple of times, but only to go to the bathroom when he needed to, which I kind of had to do now that I thought about it.
"Dinner's ready. Are you hungry?" Ben asked me. I nodded my head and then said, "I have to go the bathroom first though. I'll just meet you there."
"Okay babe," he said kissing my forehead and then starting to get out of bed after I had sat up.
"Did you fall asleep at all?" I asked him before he could get too far.
"Yeah, probably an hour after you did. My mom just came in and woke me up," he replied. I nodded my head and then we both left his room.