05. Déni
Denial
"Was that Cauley at your place?"
Alice stopped sipping her milkshake and glanced at Theo through her eyelashes. He watched her from across the table, his brows furrowed and leg shaking. She knew he'd ask eventually. She'd been waiting for that question all night.
"Yes. His parents are over for a dinner," she said calmly.
"Why?"
Alice blinked. "Theo. Our parents are business partners. You know that."
He scoffed, craning his neck for a moment, a vein there twitching. He drew in a long breath, moving to lean his elbows onto the table, like Alice was trying his patience.
"Yeah," he said. "But why did Cauley have to be there?"
Alice's brow wrinkled at that. She didn't actually know. He'd skipped dozens of dinners and parties before. Why was he suddenly showing up now?
"I suppose his parents would have made him..." she trailed off, confused.
Theo sipped his coffee and said, "I guess."
It was silent for a minute while the pair finished their drinks, then Theo slid around the booth to hook his arm over her shoulder. Alice leaned into him. He wore his rugby jersey and she snuggled into his chest, letting his warmth wash over her, letting his fingers massage her arm, rubbing circles over her skin.
Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment and she let herself savour the moment. A minute of silence. A minute of no responsibilities. No expectations.
"Let's get out of here," he whispered close to her ear, his breath fanning over her neck.
"Theo," she muttered. Her shoulders stiffened. She attempted to keep her voice light; Travers-like. "I have to be home by ten."
He groaned. His hand moved from her arm. "Why do you always have to be such a goodie-two-shoes?"
Her jaw clenched at the nickname, but she kept her smile warm and her voice sweet. "You know we have a physics exam tomorrow morning."
"And?" he asked with a snort.
She shook her head. Of course, he wouldn't understand. Despite being raised in the same circles, Theo's world was opposite Alice's. The McKays, while recognisable, were not at the level of Alice's father. Besides, Theo was a firstborn son. He was white. He would never understand the measures Alice had to live up to.
Alice put in ten times the effort of men like Theo, all for scraps.
Maybe if she were born male, she would be sitting in on business meetings rather than dinner parties. Maybe if she were born male, she would be inheriting the entire family business, or the main Australian branch, rather than the new French branch. And even then, that was temporary. Her husband would be the true heir. Not Alice. Never Alice.
Alice frowned, staring at the table. Staring at their half empty glasses, their cleared plates. She suddenly didn't feel like finishing her milkshake. Her stomach stirred. Theo shifted slightly, gathering her more tightly towards his chest.
She felt insecure for a moment, at the thought of people seeing her, a Travers, showing affection so publicly like this. Except, the diner wasn't typically the kind of place her parents' crowd hung around.
Besides, she'd taken Theo to a few public events. She planned on being introduced by him at their debutante. It was the socialite equivalent of a wedding contract, signed and submitted a few years early. It wouldn't be much of a scandal if they were caught, hugging in a squeaky old diner booth.
"Are you alright, Alice?" Theo asked.
Alice craned her neck to meet his eyes and she flashed her teeth at him. "Of course, I am. Why would you ask that?"
"I don't know. You just seem... different, lately. Quieter, I guess. Is something wrong?" He fiddled with the sleeve of her dress, fingertips brushing skin, and she swallowed. He wouldn't understand. And yet, everything seemed to weigh on her shoulders. She ached to complain. To whinge. To seem ungrateful, for just a few minutes.
"I just—" Where to begin?—"I'm just tired. It's all... adding up." Her voice felt weak. Her throat seemed to choke on the words and she quickly gave up, shaking her head. "I don't know. It's nothing. I'm fine."
Theo seemed to hesitate, his fingers stilling.
"Alright," he said. "You can talk to me about anything, though. You know that, right?"
Alice smiled, twisting in her seat to fully face him. Quickly, she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, pulling back to smile shyly. "Thanks, Theo. It's just... nice to have you there."
Theo laughed, his hand moving to rest on the middle of her back, his fingers spreading wide. "Nice to be here."
The pair grinned at each other. Alice's body felt warm, her fingertips seemed to tingle. She didn't want to ever leave the diner. She didn't want to return home, but she had to. Eventually. She moved back, sliding across the booth towards the edge.
"Come on," she said finally, standing and grabbing her purse. "We can drive around."
He followed, staying silent as she paid the waitress.
They drove without speaking to each other, Theo singing to music that Alice didn't recognise, one hand creeping slowly up her thigh. It was a bit of a ritual, whenever Alice's curfew crept close enough that they had to leave, but neither of them wanting to go just yet.
She glanced at the clock. 9:30pm. She had time, but not enough to stop by his house. She released an unconscious breath.
Theo pulled the car to a stop down the street from the Travers Manor and leaned back, resting an arm over Alice's shoulders. She turned to him and he threw her a teasing wink.
"Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?" He asked, a wide, school-boy grin tugging at his lips.
She giggled, tugging a lock of hair behind her ear. "Once or twice."
His hand moved to cup her face, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek. She leaned into his palm and felt herself move closer.
Their lips met in a kiss. It began slow—her hands sliding up his muscular arm to tangle in his hair—before he tilted his head, deepening the kiss. She felt his tongue swipe at her lip and she melted at his touch.
She'd missed him.
Missed his kisses, his jokes, their late-night conversations at the diner. He didn't completely understand her or relate to her problems, but he gave great hugs while she unloaded her thoughts onto him. He listened. And she couldn't stand knowing he was angry at her during the weekend.
Alice felt him smile into the kiss before he pulled away, sucking in a breath, and pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. She sighed as he moved to her jaw, then her neck. Her fingers tugged at his hair. His lips moved gently across her skin, leaving kisses mixed with his breath.
She couldn't risk any marks or bruising on her skin.
"Alice," he whispered against her neck and a chill ran down her spine.
You're such a prude.
She pushed his words out of her mind, dragging her fingers over his face. Down his neck. She felt his Adam's apple bob under her fingertips.
"Theo," she muttered when he reached her collarbones.
He hummed against her skin, and she was about to pull him back up to her mouth when her phone buzzed. Theo ignored it, or didn't hear it perhaps, and continued to kiss at her throat. But when it buzzed a second time, she had to check.
"Theo," she repeated, louder this time. He ignored her, so she pushed him away. "Theo, stop."
He pouted, watching as she grabbed her purse and dug her phone out.
Unknown sender.
And just like that, her heart fell. It sat like a stone at the bottom of her stomach, sending waves of nausea throughout her body.
She tried to keep her face neutral, ignoring the growing lump in her throat, ignoring the quickening of her pulse. With shaky fingers, she unlocked her phone, tapping onto the message. All hopes of it being a different unknown sender flew out the window when she saw the text.
Unknown Sender: Run out of senior citizens?
Her stomach turned at the insult—the sick joke. It was a cruel insinuation, with a darker truth underlying it. It was closer to the truth than she'd like to admit. She felt like throwing up at the reminder of hands that crept too low at dinner parties. She moved to the next one.
Unknown Sender: Daddy won't be happy if you miss curfew.
Alice blinked. Then her eyes flickered to the top corner of her phone to check the time. 9:45pm.
Her eyes moved to the road. She was paranoid now, searching, her eyes skimming from end to end, tree to tree. She twisted her body, checking behind, scanning the cars around them.
Except, it was dark and empty, not a person in sight. Who could have known? Her heart was pounding. She thought she might faint.
"Alice?"
She snapped her eyes to meet Theo's and remembered where she was. She wretched her frown into a forced grin and released a shaky breath. Her eyes drifted to his hands—she had to make sure—but there was no phone in sight.
She held a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes for a second, forcing her mind to stop whirring. Clearing her throat, she smiled.
"Sorry, Theo, I really have to go home."
"Who was that?" he asked, glancing at her phone, still clutched tightly in her hands.
She turned it off, immediately shoving it into her pocket and forcing a laugh, although it came out strained and shaky.
"No one," Alice said. "I mean, someone. Obviously. It was just one of the housekeepers reminding me about my curfew. That's all."
Theo's eyes narrowed at her and she had the dreaded feeling that she was about to be caught. It was like those dreams where you when to school in just your underwear. She felt exposed, caught without the safety of her Travers mask to hide behind.
Before Theo could think too much into it, she rested a hand on his arm. Smiled more convincingly.
"It's nearly ten. Will you take me home?" she asked.
Theo stared at her for a second. He scrunched his nose dubiously but began the engine anyway.
Alice would have felt bad that he said nothing, but her mind was elsewhere. Her phone felt heavy in her purse.
How had they known she had a curfew? How had they known she was with Theo? Was it a guess? A coincidence that they'd sent it on one of her rare nights out with Theo?
Her mind drifted to the diner. Who was there? She vaguely remembered it being quite crowded, it was possible that the person may have seen her there. Could it have been someone from school? One of Theo's friends?
Theo drove through the main gates and up to the front doorstep without a single word between them and Alice felt the pit in her stomach only worsen.
When the car slowed to a stop, she turned to press a kiss to his cheek and smiled softly.
"Thank you, Theo," she said.
He met her eye, finally, and pursed his lips. He frowned, though his eyes softened, and she relaxed a little. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Grabbing her purse, she opened the door and slid out of the car, quickly sprinting up the main steps and into the house. A maid greeted her at the entrance, and she smiled at her.
"Penelope," Alice addressed the maid. "Will you tell my parents that I'm home?"
She'd left without telling them, but they would have noticed her absence by now. Dinner would have ended hours ago and one of the housekeepers would have found her room empty and told her parents.
Alice's parents were good parents, if not partially absent ones. They hadn't always been, at least not Alice's mother. Alice had learned the Travers traditions and social etiquette firsthand from her mother.
Mrs Travers, a Hong Kong-born socialite, used to keep Alice attached to her hip at all times. She'd raised her herself, teaching her Cantonese and taking her on trips to visit her grandparents at least twice a year.
Cantonese had become a secret of the pair.
Her father couldn't speak it, and it would be disrespectful if he wasn't included in the conversation. So, it turned into whispered words. A Chinese name that would not be on her official documents. Lessons, only when her French classes were over—the last priority on her father's list.
He knew, of course. After all, they had a branch in Hong Kong. Alice suspected it was part of the reason he hadn't minded taking up a Chinese wife.
He only pretended not to notice her lessons. The same way Alice pretended not to notice her mother forcing her accent to vanish at dinner parties. The same way her mother pretended to smile when their guests praised her amazing English and French. Like they'd assumed her too stupid to know the languages, like Chinese wasn't good enough without fluent English and French to support it.
Now, Alice was old enough to take care of herself.
She understood. They were busy. The business had grown exponentially since the Great Recession hit the world—all except Australia and China, the main markets for her father's business. And now France was the next target—the branch Alice would inherit.
It wasn't that they didn't care. After all, why would they give her a curfew if they didn't care? They didn't mind if she went out, as long as she stayed safe.
As long as she kept up her reputation. And Alice was an expert at that. They trusted her.
The petite maid nodded, turning to make her way up the stairs and inform her parents of her arrival. Alice's polite smile fell, and she felt herself slouch, her tense shoulders feeling a bit of relief. At least she hadn't missed curfew.
"Just in time, too."
She spun at the sound of a rough male voice to see Finn, still in his suit from dinner leaning against the doorframe that led to the downstairs library. He stared at her, eyes narrowed, not a strand of his hair out of place.
"Cauley," she gasped, trying to paste on a smile. Failing. "What are you still doing here?"
"Reading," he said shortly.
Her eyes drifted to his hand where he clutched a book to his chest. Macbeth, she recognised. She blinked. "Your library not good enough?"
His jaw set, and he didn't reply. Alice felt a tense cloud settle over the two.
"Right," she muttered awkwardly. "Well, nice chat, as always. I'll see you at school."
Before she could brush past him and make her way upstairs, Cauley interrupted.
"What did McKay want?"
Alice stopped. She swallowed thickly. She'd hoped the dimmed windows and dark of the night would have masked who she'd gone out with—it really was none of his business, and maybe he'd assume it was one of her friends—but she knew his car stood out like a sore thumb.
"What do you mean?" she said finally. "We go on dates all the time."
"It didn't look like it earlier today."
Her mind flashed back to her locker when Theo had completely ignored her and didn't even glance her way while walking past. It was as if she was nothing but air to him. She cleared her throat. "Why is it any of your business anyway, Cauley?"
He stepped forward and she was vaguely aware of how he towered over her. When had he gotten so tall? It felt like yesterday she was in Year Five, teasing him for being so short.
"I told you to be careful," Finn replied, his voice low and dark.
Alice blinked, realising how close they stood. She sputtered out a sarcastic laugh. "Oh, right. Be careful of my boyfriend. Got it."
"Boyfriend?"
"Well, my guy... friend..."
They were silent for a beat, his eyes digging holes into hers.
She tried to stand tall, keeping her chin raised despite the way her heart trembled beneath his gaze. He'd seen right through her. His lips twitched as he watched her, and she felt anger bubble in her chest.
Before she could do something stupid, she sucked in a haughty breath and turned to leave. She was halfway to the staircase when a pair of calloused fingers wrapped around her wrist like a rough bracelet.
Suddenly, she was tugged backwards.
Her back hit the wall and Finn towered over her, his arms pinned at either side of her. Their faces were so close she could feel his breath fanning onto her face, down over her cheeks. Mint. His book had clattered to the floor with a thud, pages creasing against floorboards, but neither of them took notice.
She swallowed thickly, opening her mouth to chastise him, but no words came out. His jaw clicked as he stared down at her. His eyes were dark, like the night sky outside.
"I'm warning you," he muttered lowly.
She scrunched her nose, narrowing her eyes at him. "I didn't ask you. I don't need to be warned like a child."
He scoffed at her, shaking his head. "You can't see what's right in front of your eyes."
"All I see—" Alice began, her voice growing loud and angry— "Is an arrogant, no good, useless, annoying—"
"Yeah?"
"—impolite moron who won't leave me alone!"
"Right, like I'm the one leaving trash in your locker."
"Maybe you are!" she snapped, raising a brow. "Maybe you're the one sending the messages too!"
"Messages?"
Something in her mind clicked into place and she let out a low laugh. She nodded, stabbing a finger at his chest in accusation.
"You were the only one who knew I went out with Theo," she began slowly, the pieces coming together. "You were there at the party. You know I have a curfew—"
"What messages?"
"—and you conveniently reappeared into my life when all this started happening—"
"ALICE!"
She started, her voice fading as Finn shouted, slamming his palm into the wall beside her. She shivered, sinking back.
"What messages?" He spat out, voice rough and low.
Alice bit the side of her cheek. Maybe it wasn't him after all. His eyes searched hers, his jaw clenched.
She said nothing and Finn sighed, stepping back, and running a hand through his hair. With it ruffled like that, he looked a lot more like the Finley from school than the façade he'd put on at dinner.
Alice sighed, slumping slightly down the wall. She felt as if she could breathe again.
"I knew I saw that text you got on Friday," Finn spoke first.
He shook his head, staring blankly at the staircase. Alice suddenly thought it was lucky no one had walked by during their altercation. Although, most of the house staff would have been sent home by now, and the remaining one or two would be nowhere near the main entrance.
"How many eighty-year-olds do you have to sleep with to make daddy happy?" Finn echoed, reciting the text she'd received earlier, his voice hollow.
Alice's heart skipped a beat at the familiar words, and her eyes snapped up to meet his. He read her expression, then sighed.
"I didn't realise you were getting more than one," he said.
She pursed her lips. "It's just some mild cyberbullying. I'll be fine."
"Mild?" Finn asked, arching a brow. "How many have you gotten?"
She paused, then muttered, "Five, maybe?"
"Five," he repeated, shaking his head. "You should tell someone, Travers."
She rolled her eyes at him. "I'll be fine, thanks Cauley. I'm a big girl, you know? Can handle myself, and all that."
She watched his jaw tense, but before he could speak, she brushed passed him and waltzed up the first few steps with an air of confidence. She glanced back at him, plastering her classic Travers smile, and lacing her voice with as much fake-happiness and politesse as she could.
"It was lovely meeting your acquaintance tonight, Mr Cauley. I do hope to see you again soon."
His eyes narrowed, his teeth clenching. She knew how he hated it. It only made her smile grow bigger. She flipped her long, dark hair over her shoulder and continued up the stairs, feeling his eyes on her back.
She was near the top of the steps before he said anything.
"You're in denial, Travers."
Then with a dull thud, he stormed out of her house.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
What do you guys think of Alice and Finn? Who do you think is sending the texts? Let me know! Thanks for reading, voting and commenting! See you!
edit: please no spoilers in the comments!