This is not an update but I will be glad and really thankful if you guys could spend some times reading this part.
Somehow I need somebody to listen to my words but I just can't express them easily. There were a lot of things I tried to convey, but I'm not someone who can easily announce the anguish and agony I've been going through. Some people need those who are close to them, but I'm just the other way around. Somehow the words from the people I never talked to, never met in person, or even know their names, are those who are able to reach my hand and tell me everything's gonna be alright.
I've been worrying too much... am I good enough to be where I am living right now? Am I an important character or just a sidekick? Does reaching upon perfection is something I need to do in life? Living as myself is kinda hard. There are a lot of things that put me in fear. All I've been doing for these past few years are just escaping and forgetting. I absquatulated from the place that overwhelmed me with crestfallen, I made myself busy with anything and involved myself with friends so that I could forget and be happy as much as I could. But at the end of the day, I will only return to my original place. Escaping and forgetting are just temporary. They aren't perpetual no matter how much you tried to mark them as permanent. I cried a lot when there are no people to see. I hesitated a lot, I feel anxious a lot of time.
I tried to come off strong, but I always turned out weaker than I could imagine.
There are so many things I've been bottling up in my heart and mind. If only my voice and bravery didn't betray me, I wanted them to stop offending me, stop looking down on me, stop looking at my negative sides, stop being an obstacle, stop making me a joke, and stop downgrading me. Just because I am weak, stop pushing me deeper, stay in your position at least and let me find a rope to climb.
But heyy :>
I'm very thankful that you guys are here. I don't have much readers, my story sucks, and I'm still lacking in so many ways. But there are yall readers who read my story and give me those words of support. It does help me, a lot. Thank you for existing.