25 Summer
Sebastian's lips were like fire against my own, awakening parts of me I'd thought to be long dead. My entire body shivered with everything other than cold, and I pressed into him as his tongue devoured mine, his hand skimming shamelessly up and down my side. I wanted him with a desperation I'd never known, and I'd been waiting for him to kiss me like this, but deep down, I knew this wasn't what he wanted. It was okay for one thing to lead to another— a tickle fight landing us in a compromising position, but it was another for me to let him throw away his vow over a moment of lust.
But God, he was so hard to resist. Literally and figuratively. The bulge I could feel digging into my thigh promised a long, happy night, and I wanted it. But I knew Sebastian would never forgive himself. I remembered what Tom said about Molly manipulating him— the guilt he'd felt the next morning. I did not want to be another source of regret for him, no matter how lost to himself he was at present.
"Sebastian..." I breathed against his lips, and groaned as his hand shifted inward to mold over my breast— my real one. He kneaded it gently, his fingertips making a small circle in the center to drive me absolutely nuts, and it was all I could do to keep my sanity intact. "Sebastian, you have to stop."
He responded with a sigh into my mouth, his hand working magic and the bulge getting harder, leaving me aching and needy, but also firmly resolved not to do this to him. When he leaned away from me a moment later, I was shaking and gasping. He was too, I noticed, but he didn't reach for the cannula, just breathed heavily as he looked down on me with a blurred combination of love and intense desire.
"Bas...?"
Without meeting my eyes, he laid a finger over his lips, then, without a word, he reached down and slid my bra upwards to rest beneath my chin. I froze beneath his scrutiny, my mouth going dry as his eyes drank me in. Glancing down, I looked at my breast, then the spot where the other should have been. The scars had been horrendous after they'd removed it, and in a desperate act of self-pity, I'd had a small bouquet of roses tattooed over them. A bright green hummingbird was peeking up from the center of them.
Sebastian didn't speak. His eyes skimmed over me, expression unreadable as he raised a hand to slide over the tattoo. Goosebumps broke out over me in full force as he gently touched the skin, his lips parted, chest rising and falling heavily.
"I know it's weird." I said softly. "I was having self-esteem issues, and I thought it would help, but really, it probably just looks ridiculous. I'm sorry."
At last, his eyes snapped to me, and his brows furrowed. "Sorry?"
I nodded. "That I'm not perfect for you."
His lips parted in a look of stun as he stared at me. Very gently, he leaned back down to hover over me, his lips barely an inch from mine. "Summer, I've never seen a more perfect, beautiful woman. Everything I learn about you takes me newly by surprise, and your beauty now has taken my breath away."
I didn't know what to say, and didn't have a chance to say it anyway before he molded his hand back over my breast and pressed his lips into mine. My mind was swirling with a thousand different things, and each one came back to stopping him, no matter how much I didn't want to.
"If you mean that, then you have to stop." I said against his lips, and he pulled back to hover over me.
"Why?"
"Because you made a promise, and I won't be the source of you breaking it."
"But you're the one always trying to get me to kiss you."
Though I knew he didn't mean it the way it sounded, I was still hurt by the accusation, and blushed in humiliation. "A kiss isn't what you're doing; what you're trying to do, and I don't want to see your guilt in the morning."
"But I won't..."
"Yes, you will. Please. If you love me, then stop. Keep your promise to God."
For a long moment, he simply stared at me, then with a frustrated growl, pushed away and climbed awkwardly to his feet. Neglecting Eustace, he whipped his shirt off the floor and started down the hall, where a door closed hard. I heard the shower running a moment later. Feeling hurt and self-conscious, but also that I did the right thing, I readjusted my bra and pulled my shirt back over my head.
I waited thirty minutes for Sebastian to come back, but he never did. Suddenly worried since he'd gone so long without oxygen, I moved quickly down the hall to the bathroom and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, I cracked it open and peeked my head in through the steam. Sebastian was still dressed, though shirtless, sitting on the toilet with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Over the hiss of the shower, I could hear him praying.
I wasn't about to disturb him. Confident that he was at least okay, I crept back and closed the door. Part of me wanted to stay and try to right things with him, but if I was to be a temptation the way I was, then I figured he might need some space. Taking my purse from the hook behind the door, I rummaged for my keys, only to remember that I didn't have my car. I'd ridden in the ambulance with Sebastian on Sunday, and Tom drove us from the hospital. I didn't have a ride. I could walk, but with the amount of snow coming down, that didn't seem like the best idea.
Scraping a hand back through my hair, I picked up Sebastian's phone from the bar counter and called Tom. He answered on the third ring to a symphony of worship music that slowly got quieter in the background.
"Hey, Bas."
"Actually, this is Summer..." I said, and gnawed my lower lip as I paced the living room.
"Oh, hey Summer. What's up? Is Bas okay?"
"Yeah, I was wondering if I could ask a favor?"
"Um, sure, yeah, what do you need?"
"Could you give me a ride to the church so I can get my car? I need to go home."
For a moment he was quiet, and I could guess at what he was thinking by my bizarre question. "Are you sure Sebastian is alright?" There was worry in his voice.
I shook my head and switched the phone to the other ear. "No, he's fine, he's just... busy."
"Too busy to take you? That doesn't sound like him."
I glanced back toward the hallway, heard the shower still running. "Yeah, well, I think he might be mad at me, so..."
"Why would he be mad?"
Letting out a frustrated huff, I picked up my coat from the hook and shrugged into it. "I'll explain later. Please, can I just have a ride? I'll give you gas money."
He let out a long breath, and I heard the music stop completely. "I don't need gas money. I'll be there in five, okay?"
"I appreciate it."
After hanging up, I swiped a scratch pad from a pile on the counter and jotted a quick note to Sebastian— Got a ride with Tom and went home. I'm sorry I made you mad. Don't forget to put your cannula back in... I love you— then I swung my purse onto my shoulder, copied Tom's number into my phone, and went outside to wait. He pulled up exactly five minutes later, and his face said everything he was thinking when I climbed into the warm car.
"I really appreciate this."
"No problem." He said as he backed out of the driveway.
He didn't immediately bombard me with questions, but by the way his fingers tapped against the steering wheel, I knew they were brewing, and once we'd pulled out onto the main road, he didn't disappoint.
"So... you want to talk about what happened?"
"It was nothing." I said, and stared at my hands as I tried to warm them.
Tom reached out and cranked up the heat. "It wasn't nothing if you had to call me. I tried Bas on my way over, but he didn't pick up. You two have a disagreement?"
Licking my lips, I let out a shallow breath and gave him a brief, PG-rated rundown of what had transpired, right up to finding Sebastian praying in the bathroom. He was quiet when I finished.
"I can see how that would be awkward." He said, and cleared his throat as though he were embarrassed for asking.
"But, did I do the right thing in telling him no?" I pressed, and he cocked his head on a shrug.
"That's between you and Bas, but in my own opinion, having seen firsthand the aftermath of sexual guilt on his part, I'd say that you did."
"Then why is he mad at me?"
He shook his head. "I'm sure he's not. It takes a lot to get Bas good and mad. He's likely frustrated with himself, especially after submitting to a period of high and dry years, but once he cools down, he'll be glad that you didn't let him go through with it."
I hoped he was right, and let out a shallow sigh. "But what if he doesn't want to see me again?"
I hadn't realized I'd said it out loud until Tom chuckled. "Highly unlikely. He loves you, and that's not something he takes lightly. Besides, Bas has never walked out on anyone before, no matter how bad the situation. He's loyal to a fault."
A major fault apparently, given his past relationship, but it didn't do much to set me at ease when I'd been gone from his house several minutes already, and I still hadn't heard from him. My phone was clutched in my hand, and I looked down at it, willing it to beep with a message that he wasn't mad, and he still loved me, but it never did.
"He's not ignoring you." Tom said, interrupting my thoughts. "You said he was praying when you left, didn't you?" I nodded, and he chuckled. "His water bill will probably be two hundred bucks by the time he's done. Once you start him praying, it's hard to stop him. He'll get back to you. Don't worry."
I nodded around a small smile, and we fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip. By the time he'd dropped me off at the church and driven away, I felt a little better, and was more than ready to just go home, take a hot bath, and curl up with Skittles for the rest of the evening.
My cat pranced to the front door as soon as I unlocked it, and I immediately picked her up, snuggling her soft fur as I closed the door and carried her with me into the kitchen. She meowed at me when I set her down on the island and dropped my purse on the floor beside it, and I scratched her ears before going into the pantry and retrieving a can of wet food.
Skit leaped to my side as soon as I opened it, eagerly rubbing against my calf until I dumped the sticky, tuna-smelling mush into her empty bowl. Apparently, my neighbor hadn't done her job in feeding my cat. No wonder Skit was so hungry.
"My poor, starving baby." I cooed as I rubbed her ears while she ate, then left the kitchen to move upstairs.
Dropping my phone on the bed, I moved into the bathroom and turned on a hot bath, then began peeling out of my two-day-old clothes. My phone dinged on the bed as I was pouring smelling salts and a fizzy bath bomb into the tub, and I rushed out to get it, only to frown as I saw the text from Jerry.
"Getting late. Haven't heard from you today. How's Sebastian?"
Well, at least he cared enough to ask, especially since he'd all but told me I shouldn't be so worried for Sebastian since I hadn't known him long. I'd called Jerry from the hospital lobby while Sebastian was still in the ICU, and told him what was going on. To his credit, he'd offered to fly home that day to give me some moral support, but I'd turned him down. I didn't need to give Meredith another reason to hate me, and I didn't want to take him from his family right before Thanksgiving.
I set my phone on the toilet lid as I sank into the tub. I didn't bother to tie up my hair, it needed washed anyway, and it fanned out around me like orange flower petals as it soaked up the hot water. Skit nudged the door open with her head a moment later, and leaped up on the edge of the tub to watch me before sitting daintily in the corner, still licking her chops.
Letting out a long sigh, I closed my eyes and relished in the soothing warmth before drying my hands and picking up my phone to respond to Jerry.
"He was released today. At home now."
A minute later, he dinged back. "Good, glad to hear it. We'll be coming home Friday morning. I'd like to meet him in person if he's feeling up to it."
After today, I could only hope. "We'll see."
"Well, how have you been? Holding up okay?"
Barely. "Yeah, better now that he's out of the hospital."
"I'm sure. Listen, I wanted you to know that I talked to Mer, and we're willing to buy you a plane ticket if you wanted to come join us for Thanksgiving. You could leave as early as the morning."
I waited several minutes before responding. I was surprised by his generosity, but was certain that Meredith's willingness was more his coercion rather than her charitable choice. Had I not known Sebastian, then I might have taken him up on it, if for no other reason than to just get under her skin. Her mom liked me anyway, and that irked her to death. But I did know Sebastian, and whether he was willing to still see me or not after tonight, though broken hearted I'd be if he chose not to, I would still have Thanksgiving, even if it was at the church with the other family-less rejects.
"Thanks, but I'm spending the day with Sebastian and his family." Better to be optimistic, at least.
"Good, I'm glad you won't be alone at least. Are you at his place now?"
"No. I'm home, soaking in the bath."
"Thanks for the unwanted mental images of my sister..."
"Welcome. 😊"
"Just call me later if you want."
"K."
I set the phone back on the toilet and sank deep into the water, hoping the warmth would penetrate some of the cold inside me. From the corner of the tub, Skittles was still watching me, her narrowed eyes scrutinizing the water as though it were poison that was going to slowly kill me.
"What do you want to do after this?" I asked her, and she opened her eyes wide for just a second before narrowing them again. "I'm thinking pizza delivery and bad TV."
She offered no opinion whatsoever, and I smiled as I closed my eyes and rested against the back of the tub. My phone never went off during the entire forty minutes I spent in the water, and while I was concerned about my standing with Sebastian, I wasn't going to pester him. Nonetheless, I carried it with me once I was dressed in my favorite fuzzy pajamas with Dominos on its way. It was just after nine when I went downstairs and turned on the TV. Skit followed me, and curled up on my lap as I tugged the fluffy blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around us.
There was nothing on TV, there never was, and I eventually settled on a Travel Channel rerun of Expedition Unknown. Josh Gates was looking for mammoth bones. Letting out a long sigh, I rested my head on the arm of the couch, letting Skit curl up in front of me. I absently stroked her as my mind drifted over the events of the day. Twelve hours ago, I was watching as, one by one, Sebastian's brothers left his hospital room in tears. Then I'd sat beside him myself and prayed.
He'd been discharged from the hospital with a dire prognosis— thirty to sixty days, and we should expect him to slowly deteriorate over the next few weeks. It was terrifying. But over and over in my mind I saw the vivid vitality in him as he'd kissed me. The memory stirred an arousal that made goosebumps rise up on my skin, and I rubbed them away as I stared at the TV, though I wasn't really seeing the show, I was still seeing Sebastian on top of me. He'd neglected his oxygen for our entire twenty-minute encounter, and didn't seem to be gasping for breath.
That meant, either the constant inflow of pure oxygen was doing more for him than we'd anticipated, or the meds he'd been given in the hospital were still running their course. Either way, it allowed me to see him as healthy, even if for only a minute. It gave me hope, but also served as a cruel tease when faced with the truth that he wasn't healthy. Though he'd seemed lively during that brisk moment of sensuality, Sebastian was indeed dying, and over the next few weeks, we were expected to see him slowly crumble. Like an old building standing on the last cracks of its foundation, Sebastian was doomed to fall, and it wasn't fair.
I glanced at my phone again as newfound fear for his health bloomed into me, and reached out to pick it up from the coffee table. Disregarding my previous thoughts not to bother him, I dialed his number, and held my breath as I waited for him to answer.