'We have to go after her!' Tiffany said, heading for the door.
'No, don't,' I said, making her stop. 'She needs time alone.'
'She's blaming herself for the complete failure of your relationship,' she said. 'You have to go after her!'
'No, Tiffany,' I repeated. 'She needs to be on her own to help her think rationally, that's how she works. When she's alone with her thoughts, she gains a better understanding of them and she'll come back once she's calmed down.'
'Cal, you two fought for so much,' she said, pacing over to me. 'Everybody in The Falls judged you for years, including myself! She came along and accepted you right away even when you were awful to her! She made you realise you could have a life with someone and you fell in love with her. You saved her from that fucking asshole and pulled her back! Remember all of this and ask yourself why you're walking away over a silly little kiss!'
I stared at her as she stopped yelling at me and stared back, her words making me nod slowly. When I looked at it from that perspective, everything we had went though that made us stronger sure did outweigh the weaknesses our relationship had.
'She is sorry,' she continued. 'She was drunk and emotional after talking on the phone to you because her head was all over the place with what was happening. She kissed him without thinking; do you seriously think it meant anything to her?'
'No, I don't,' I admitted.
'So why are you going to leave everything behind over that?' she asked. 'I understood why you were leaving when you thought you were over for good but she's made it clear to you that she still wants to be with you. It's a simple decision, Cal.'
'I know,' I replied.
'Forget about the kiss!' she said. 'She didn't cheat on you and she never would! She's just going through all of this too, just like you. I know you say you wouldn't have done that, but you would react by kicking somebody's head in and getting arrested, behaviour Bethan would disagree with; we all have our own ways of acting out and doing stupid things because we're angry or upset. She just did the one thing that's hurt you badly but she didn't mean to and she's sorry.'
'Okay, Tiffany, I get it,' I said, abruptly. 'Stop making me feel bad.'
'You need to decide what you want,' she said.
'Oh my god, it's her, obviously!' I cried, gripping my hair as I closed my eyes and dropped my head back.
'But you just let her run away,' she said.
'She needs time to digest it all,' I told her. 'When she comes back, I'll make sure I let her know that I don't blame her. It's not all her fault.'
'You guys are strong, you can work on this and come back from it,' she said.
I took a deep breath in and out as I asked myself in my head if I could so easily grab my things, pack them in my car and leave right now. The answer was no. She was holding me back; the unfinished business and the sickening feeling at leaving her here was holding me back.
'She loves you,' Tiffany said. 'She wants to spend her life with you. I know you do too. She fucked up. Who the hell hasn't at some point in time?'
I sighed and dropped my head before looking back up to her. 'You're right.'
'I am?' she asked, her face lighting up.
'She's the love of my life,' I sighed. 'How can I leave her behind and go back to my old life? I never had a life until I met her.'
'Oh, Cal,' she said, looking at me sympathetically. 'It should be her you're saying this to, not me.'
'Fuck, I have no idea where she'll go,' I said, trying to think of the next step.
'Cal, you need to be able to move on from that kiss,' she said to me, making me pause and look at her. 'If you mend things with her, you cannot ever bring that kiss up again. If you choose to forgive her, you can never throw it in her face in the future.'
'I wouldn't do that,' I said with a frown.
'I'm just saying,' she said. 'You need to be sure you can move on from it, otherwise, you're not going to be able to make a fresh start with her if you still have things on your mind.'
'You were right, Tiff,' I said. 'It was a silly kiss. She was drunk and not thinking. It's not an excuse but I know she didn't intend to hurt me. Her head was as messed up as mine, if not more.'
'Then we need to go and find her,' she said. 'So where would she go?'
'Nowhere around here,' I said. 'She's probably went back to her dorm.'
'Then let's go,' Tiffany said, heading for the door and I followed her out.
We both headed down to the street and I glanced around for Bethan quickly before jumping into the car. I drove to the dorms, speeding the whole time, knowing if she'd went there she would have jumped into a cab and be almost there now.
Once we arrived, Tiffany and I hurried into the building and up to the third floor, along to her dorm and we pounded on the door. It swung open immediately and Penny greeted me with a confused smile.
'Umm...hi,' she said.
'Is Bethan here?' I asked.
'Umm...no, is everything okay?' she asked.
'Do you know where she is?' Tiffany asked her.
'No,' Penny said with a frown. 'Who are you may I ask?'
'Tiffany Cooper,' she replied, holding out a hand to shake.
'Oh my god,' Penny said with a smile, shaking her hand. 'Bethan's bestie from home; I'm Penny! I'm her bestie from here.'
'Great story, Penny,' I said, with sarcasm. 'Maybe we could wait here for her. She could be taking the subway.'
'She won't be coming here,' Penny said. 'She's not talking to me.'
'Oh, for crying out loud, I need to give that girl a slap in her face!' Tiffany cried. 'What is with her and falling out with everybody?!'
'It's my fault really,' Penny sighed. 'I mean, we are like best friends and I kept a really huge secret from her.'
'You met a guy and didn't tell her, boo-hoo, it's not exactly Dr Phil material, now, where the hell would she go?' I asked, feeling impatient and irritated.
'Cal, don't be rude,' Tiffany scolded. 'We just need to find her. She's really upset.'
'She could be anywhere,' Penny sighed. 'Maybe campus, maybe with Chelsea or Yasmine or Brodie.'
'Fuck's sake,' I hissed, spinning around and leaning against the wall in the hallway.
'Then again,' Penny said. 'A few times she would go to Morningside Park on her own when she was feeling down.'
'Really?' I said, glancing up quickly.
'Yeah,' she said, nodding. 'I always offered to go with her, whenever she was a little upset over, you know...you and her. She always said she liked to be alone there. She said it reminded her of home.'
'Thank you,' I said, turning to leave.
'Thank you, Penny,' Tiffany said. 'Lovely to meet you!'
'Wait!' Penny called, and I turned. 'Please, if you find her, please make her come and talk to me. I need to tell her I'm sorry and if she won't come, then tell her for me.'
I nodded slowly before giving her a confirming nod of my head as I stepped back. 'I'll be sure to.'
She smiled back and I turned to leave, followed by Tiffany and we headed back down to the ground floor and into my car.
'Geez, I'm really getting to see the sights today!' Tiffany said as she stared out the window with a smile.
'Well, it's a speedy tour today, Tiff, so make the most of it,' I said, hitting the gas and speeding off.
We reached Morningside Park, both quickly scrambling out of the car and heading in. It was the first time I'd been here and I didn't even know Bethan liked or tended to come here herself.
As we strolled through the park, I took in the huge, still lake surrounded by rocks and smiled to myself, as Tiffany came beside me and looked too.
'You can see why it reminds her of home,' Tiffany said.
'Yeah,' I replied. 'Come on.'
We continued to stroll through the park, glancing all around and looking at everyone until finally, we spotted her.
'You go,' Tiffany said. 'I'll take a little walk.'
I nodded and she turned to leave, as I walked slowly over to the bench where Bethan was sitting alone. I didn't hesitate to join her, sitting down at the opposite end of the seat and glancing out at the water she was staring at.
'So, this place is your home away from home, huh?' I said.
'How did you know?' she asked.
'Penny told me,' I replied.
'You called her?' she asked.
'No,' I said. 'I went to your dorm.'
'Pfft, was Professor Pervert there?' she asked.
'Umm...what?' I asked, looking at her with a frown.
She closed her eyes and shook her head lightly. 'Nothing.'
'Oh, hang on,' I said, wondering if I'd figured this out. 'You're mad at her because she kept a guy a secret from you. Don't tell me the guy is one of her professors?'
'Sure is,' she sighed. 'All those times she had to go for a tutorial with him or working late in the library or fucking debate team meetings; she was with him. I can't believe she just didn't trust me.'
'Holy shit,' I said, blinking rapidly in surprise. 'Penny Tate; you naughty girl. She never fails to surprise me.'
'Oh yeah,' Bethan said with a nod. 'Who do you think was her "secret source" that got us into Club Luna?'
'Professor Pervert?' I asked.
'Yeah!' she exclaimed. 'He's best friends with the owner.'
'Well, I guess sleeping with him had it's perks,' I joked. 'Oh god, that must have been why I bumped into her on your campus so late. She was acting so shifty the little minx; urgh, I bet she'd just been pressed up against a bookshelf by old wrinkly balls when I saw her.'
She let out a laugh and my head turned immediately, taking in the way her eyes creased up and glistened as she giggled. The sound was musical.
'That one tickled you, huh?' I said with a smirk.
'He's actually not too bad looking,' she said, still smiling. 'I guess I can see why she was attracted to him but she hid it from me. Best friends don't do that and I would never have judged her.'
'Maybe she just felt confused by it all,' I said. 'Maybe she's been falling for him and just been too scared and unsure to talk about it with anyone. It's a big deal, not to mention, risky for the both of them.'
'Yeah, she could get kicked out and he could lose his job,' she said.
'It's obviously worth risking for the both of them,' I said with a shrug. 'You kept us a secret from your parents and your friends back home.'
'That was because...well, yeah, I was confused,' she said. 'I didn't know what it meant and I knew people wouldn't approve and make things more difficult for us.'
'Hmm, maybe you do understand why she did it then,' I said.
She turned to me quickly and I turned my head, watching as she frowned and studied me. 'Is this why you came? To make me stop being mad at Penny?'
'No,' I said. 'I came to apologise.'
'For what?' she asked. 'We already established you hold no blame in all of this.'
'I do, Bethan,' I said. 'We both do, okay. Now, I need you to know, I'm not happy that you kissed that guy.'
'I know that,' she sighed.
'But I know it wasn't intentional,' I said. 'I know you didn't want to hurt me and I know you probably don't give a shit about him.'
'I don't,' she said. 'I'll happily never see him again for the rest of my life so I never have to be reminded of what I did.'
'You just want to forget about it,' I said.
'Yes,' she replied, still holding my gaze.
'I do too,' I replied. 'Tiffany has some wise words. She made me see that your stupid mistake is just a minuscule thing in comparison to half the shit you and I have dealt with.'
'You believe that?' she asked, hope in her tone.
'Bethan,' I sighed. 'I love you more than any single person walking this earth. Every single morning, my whole world just lights up when I wake up next to you and have another day to spend with you. Every morning I woke up without you was just another day I wanted to get out of the way so I could return to bed and pretend this wasn't happening.'
'Oh god,' she groaned, her eyes watering already.
'Don't cry,' I said. 'I just need you to realise that whenever there's a problem with us, you just have to talk to me about it. You don't have to hold it in then let it all burst out days later when you can't contain it anymore. If you make a mistake or fuck up and just tell me right away then you have more chance of reasoning with me. You don't have to take your shit and leave and feel like you can't come back. You don't have to live life on your own if you don't want to because, you know that I wanted you to come back the whole time. But you didn't even though I know you wanted to.'
'I'm stubborn,' she said as she sniffed.
'I know you are,' I said, slowly sliding across the bench to her. 'And I really love all of you, including your stubbornness; it's cute and makes me want to hold you until you smile again but when you let it pull you away from me, that's the problem.'
'I shouldn't have left,' she said, a tear escaping her eye.
I reached up and wiped it away and she immediately closed her eyes and let her head drop into my palm.
'No, you shouldn't have,' I said. 'But the same goes for me. I should not have ran away from the problem and stayed at Tori's. I should have been there with you to sort it out because you and I shouldn't be risking our relationship over lies and drama. I'll never find anyone else like you that I could love so much, and I know you feel the same.'
'I do,' she said, nodding as she reached up and took my hand in hers.
'So let's wipe the slate clean,' I whispered.
'Cal,' she said. 'But what about-.'
'Forget the kiss?' I finished. 'I know you love me, Bethan. I know you'd never betray me; you just hit a bump in the road and I was angry at first but it's not worth losing you over. As scary as it may seem to me, I have total faith in you, I don't want to leave you behind. I can't do it.'
'I don't want you to either,' she said, as a few more tears poured down quickly. 'I want you to stay here with me. I want to be back in our home with you.'
'Then come home,' I said, making her eyes go wide as she gripped my hand tighter. 'Let's get back to how we were and draw a line under all of this.'
'You mean that?' she asked.
'Yeah,' I whispered.
'Cal,' she sniffed. 'I promise you, I'll never lie to you again. I'll believe you when you tell me I don't have to worry about something and I'll always be faithful to you; there's no one else I can see myself spending my life with.'
'I believe every word of that,' I said. 'So, come back to me.'
She nodded and a small smile spread on her lips.
'I want to come home and be with you again,' she said.
'I want that too,' I practically whispered. 'On one condition.'
'What's that?' she asked.
'You make things right with Penny too,' I said.
'I already plan to,' she said, and I smiled down at her as she leaned up to me.
Her hands cupped my face and pulled me in and I felt like it was the first time I was ever kissing her. It felt different; it felt overwhelming. It wasn't like the times we'd slept together when we'd been apart; this felt real. I pulled her body in to mine and kissed her some more, moving my fingers through her hair and feeling the soft skin of her cheeks and the tiny frame of her body.
'I missed you so much,' she whispered as she broke away from me.
'You'll never have to miss me like that again,' I told her, planting one more kiss on her lips and then her forehead before pulling her into a hug.
We sat like that for a few moments before I remembered we'd forgotten about Tiffany who was strolling the park alone.
'We'd better go find Tiffany,' I said.
I pulled her up by her hand and away from the bench, lacing my fingers into hers as she looked up at me and smiled, beaming brightly with joy in her eyes.
'I love you,' I said to her.
'I love you more,' she replied.
We continued to walk, eventually finding Tiffany sitting alone and when she spotted us, she immediately looked at our joined hands and gasped, jumping up with a smile and running over to us.
'Please tell me it's true what I'm thinking!' she cried.
'Indeed it is,' I replied.
She squealed out loud and I rolled my eyes as Bethan chuckled.
'Tiffany Cooper, nursing student, debate team captain, class president and couples councillor,' she joked, winking at us.
'You're forgetting nerd,' I said.
'Shut up,' she chuckled. 'So, now everything is great, it's time for you two to show me the best parts of New York!'
'I've barely seen them myself,' I told her.
'Then allow me to show you both,' Bethan laughed. 'But first, a quick stop somewhere.'
'Where?' I asked her.
She looked up at me and gave me a thankful smile. 'To see Penny.'