CHAPTER SIXTEEN ;
" sober up "
" won't you help me sober up?
growing up, it made me numb
and i want to feel something again "
✧ SOBER UP
ajr!
Laurie LaRue Lang is on a mission.
The eighteen year old crawls through the terribly grim darkness. Her hands shake and twitch with pain. A stream of blood drips slowly out of her nose. Her shirt sleeves are spotted with dried dark crimson. Silence surrounds her at all sides, and she can only hope she's going in the right direction, having taken the lead, having taken on the weight of the unknown.
An example for the generation,
a hero for all humankind.
"Alright, I think we're in. Does anybody copy?" Laurie's voice is low and focused, "I repeat: does anybody copy?"
"We copy, Lang Two."
Something behind her clicks and then a flashlight is illuminating the space all around her, revealing the three faces of the Lang Gang; Scott, Cassie, Laurie. A trio. A troop. A cult, if you will.
Tunnels surround the little family in every direction, darkness every which way they look, and in a place like this, they only have each other.
"Aw, this place is a maze." Scott turns seriously to look at his two daughters, "Where's that map?"
A ten year old Cassie quickly brings forth the holy map.
"We're definitely close." Scott scours the chicken scratch markings, "Are you girls ready?"
Cassie looks sharply to Laurie who sets her chin and confidently salutes.
Saluting back, the little sister turns and gives an intense scowl, "We're ready, Daddy."
"Are you both sure?" Scott looks quickly between the two of them, eyebrows high, "Once we're inside, you show any hesitation or fear, we're done."
"I eat fear for breakfast!" Cassie declares seriously, nostrils flaring, eyes blazing.
His own eyes wide, Scott looks back at Laurie for confirmation.
The eighteen year old shrugs nonchalantly, "It's true, I saw it. And it's surprisingly nutritious."
Cassie beams at her big sister playing along.
"Wow. That is super cool." Scott stays watching them with wide intrigued eyes before he waves them onward, "Come on."
The three continue crawling through the grim tunnels before Scott gasps and points at the newest creature that they've encountered on their journey.
A cardboard cutout ant. How exotic.
"Look! It's Anton. He'll show us the way!" Scott says in excitement, "Anton, which way do we go?"
Aaaaand nothing happens.
An awkward silence follows, and their little cardboard ant refuses to move.
Scott and Laurie share a look, subtly cringing at each other.
Laurie huffs and rolls her eyes, pointedly yelling, "Yo Anton, which way do we go?"
A small voice in the distance exclaims, "Oh!"
A quiet scuffle can be heard from outside the tunnel before suddenly the cardboard ant's arm is swinging up and pointing to the right.
"Thanks, Anton." Scott nods astutely before they travel onward And their flashlight shines upon their newest obstacle, "Look! The ants have burrowed into the tech facility."
"Oh, no!" Cassie cries at the red string stretching from either side of the cardboard boxes, "Lasers!"
Laurie and Cassie expertly make their way through the red strings, being the fancy-shmancy athletes they are while Scott "oofs" and "ohs" from behind them.
"Oh!" He yells, as the strings get in his face, "I think I got lased!"
Laurie laughs as she waits for him to make his way through, tripping and fumbling until he lands on his knees beside her.
"That was graceful." She raises an eyebrow, "Missing any body parts?"
"No," her dad groans because he's not as young as he used to be, "Did lose my pride, though."
"You didn't have much to start with."
"Good point." He shines the flashlight in her face so he can see her laugh again.
She tries to do that more nowadays. She didn't use to, not for awhile, not after she first moved in with him. Hardly at all. But she's sobered up, and only because he's helped her. And the help... helps.
"Guys, come on!" Cassie calls in front of them, beckoning towards the green glowing secret vault.
Ad the two quickly crawl forward, Scott's voice grows fraught with nerves, "Tell me you brought the contact lens."
"Yup!"
Scott exhales in great relief.
Laurie helps the kid slip the contact lens (i.e. the paper plate) over her face and lets it loose so it can lightly slap back on her face.
"We're ready!" Laurie proudly announces.
Cassie giggles and scooches closer to the frisbee.
"Perfect!" Scott agrees, guiding her shoulders forward, "Right there."
With Cassie's face still covered, Scott nods to Laurie who quickly reaches forward to pull on the toaster which chimes to signal their entry. Cassie hurriedly rips off the contact lens with huge excited eyes as their final door pushes open.
And there before them, lies their prize.
"There, it's the micro-treasure!"
Ad the two sisters high five, Scott furrows his brows and grabs for the little trophy that sits on a pedestal.
And he is confusion, "My trophy...?"
"It looks like treasure." Cassie shrugs sheepishly, grabbing Laurie's arm and putting it over her shoulders.
"Oh, it is to me," Scott softly assures them.
"I wanna take it to show and tell!"
"Oh, you can't do that!" Scott says quickly, (suspiciously quickly Laurie can't help but observe), "Can't. It never leaves the house. It's too important."
Laurie squints at him strangely, which he notices but doesn't explain.
"This is the best birthday present you two ever got me." He goes on with a loving carefree sigh, looking down at the little golden trophy in his hands, "I'm so touched you guys think I'm the 'World's Greatest Grandma'."
"You do have some nice grey hairs coming in here-," Laurie motions to her own sideburns in demonstration.
Scott makes a face, jabbing her lightly in the ribs.
Cassie giggles, "It was the only one they had."
"It makes me wanna get you a sweater. Not Laurie though, she's getting socks."
"Hey!"
And then suddenly the roof of their tunnel is being ripped off to reveal none other than Luis, the Great and Powerful.
"Oh no!" Cassie cries, "The fuzz!"
But the pal and roommate, Luis, is too in the zone to play along, holding his computer and wearing a suit, "Hey, Scotty. I was looking at the schematics for the Karapetyan buildings, and I think we have way too many security cams, don't we?"
"No, not at all."
"'Cause, me and the new intern agree it's a lot of security cameras."
Laurie makes a face, "New intern? What new intern?"
Luis doesn't respond. Which is shady as hecko.
"I know what he needs." Scott gets territorial, dipping his chin and shrugging in demonstration, "Who's the security expert in our business?"
"You are. But I'm running the company, right?" Good guy Luis starts to fret, "And if we overquote him, he's gonna go somewhere else, so we got to land this bird."
"He ain't goin' anywhere." Scott assures before quickly adding, "And the expression is 'landing the fish'."
Laurie makes another face; she has never heard either of these expressions in her entire life.
"No, it's 'land the bird'. Just like landing a plane. You gotta land the plane to be in business!"
The two girls just look back and forth between the men, watching the little disagreement like a ping pong match.
"I know it's silly to get hung up on these kinds of things, but I do—!"
"How am I gonna land a fish?! It can't walk. And if it swam up on shore, and it battled a hawk, who's gonna win?!"
Scott blinks.
"You've really turned me around on this thing." He concedes, "It's okay. We're gonna land Karapetyan. Now if you'd excuse me..." The Lang dude gives a calm smile, "I'm in the middle of trying to steal something with my daughters."
Laurie bites back a maybe not-so-nice comment about how this wouldn't be the first time but whatever. She's trying. She's really trying.
Luis is still not convinced, "I'm gonna go recheck it."
Then the ringing of an alarm clock brings them back to their fantasy, making Laurie jump.
"To the escape ant!" Cassie yells, snatching the trophy and dragging her sister towards the escape hatch, "Let's bounce before the po-po come back!"
"The Po-po?" Scott repeats in confusion, boarding the escape ant after his daughters, "How do you even know that?"
"Laurie taught me!"
The teenager beams happily. Oh, how she loves corrupting the minds of the youth.
"Why am I not surprised?" Scott shrugs before announcing, "Let's fly, Antoinette! Let's fly!"
Their cardboard ant tips over the edge of the staircase and begins plummeting through the house, carrying them from Cassie and Laurie's attic bedroom, through the long living room, down the hallway, and straight out the back stairwell and into the backyard.
About halfway through, though, the eighteen year old is starting to feel a lil' queasy.
"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Laurie gags.
"I forgot to pack the barf bags!" Scott panics.
"This is so much fun!" Cassie shrieks.
And the trio spin around and around and around the final staircase, heading straight towards their white wooden fence as Scott yells, "Crash landing!"
And then they slam straight into the fence, all groaning and laughing as they fall on their backs and stare up at the bright blue San Fran sky.
Cassie sighs with a smile, "I wish we could shrink for real."
The atmosphere changes just a little.
Scott glances immediately at Laurie whose smile quickly disappears and burning eyes drop to look at the grass.
She used to wish that too. Now she wishes anything but.
Her baggy sweats and her overly large hoodie covers as much as basic clothing will allow. She doesn't wear anything but now. She's ashamed of the stretch marks, the bruises, the scars from where the spontaneous shrinking and growing leave their marks.
It still hurts. Everything hurts. At least the shakes are gone. And the cold sweats. But she can't deny that her fingers don't occasionally twitch at the thought of relief and her ears don't miss the strange rattle that the pills made in her favorite blue backpack.
Laurie hadn't exactly agreed to rehab. I mean, she knew she needed it, but she also tried to convince everybody that snorting xanax in one nostril and adderall in the other whilst simultaneously fist-fighting an angry French mime might prove more productive. But nobody seemed to go for that.
Who woulda thought?
Not me!
She was also pretty 100% sure she had finally hit rock bottom when she ended up in the Joint™ for the sixth time. But then she brought her pickaxe and she was ready to dig in truly Laurie-typical fashion. Who knew that even rock bottom had a basement?
She figured she deserved the pain. She's done some doozies in the past, whew boy will she tell ya. She really screwed up big that time. Like, royally big. So massively ginormously huge she was certain that it couldn't ever be fixed again.
But it could.
Their dad gently slides closer to her, subtly nudging her shoulder. Her icy blues meet his dark brown ones for half a second, looking skittish, looking tense, embarrassed. With a slight smile, Scott just gives a slow nod, telling her it's okay, like he always does.
Mom-o and Jim did their best, they really did. Laurie doesn't blame them, not anymore. They were at the end of their rope, and all they wanted was what was best for her. And not many people could give her that.
Not her mom, not her step-father, not her baby sister, not even her person, her very own ex—best friend.
There's nothing more heartbreaking than having an ex-best friend. Gordon Makina was her person. Her person that knew absolutely everything about her and STILL loved her wholly and completely. Or so she thought.
In the short line of people that actually cared about her, Scott was #1.
Who would have said three years ago that her dad would be what's best for her?
Taking a deep breath, Laurie nods back. Still, she can't help the strange twitch that forms in her hand, that terrible longing for that euphoric feeling all over again.
Carefully rubbing Laurie's shoulder, Scott gives a small sad smile to his youngest daughter, "It is pretty cool."
And then Luis' head pops out from the upstairs window, "Hey, I'm headed to the office, guys. Hey Scotty, sorry about freaking out earlier, you know? But I feel like... I-I'm way better. Like, my heart is definitely like, beating way too hard and stuff? And, like, my hands are shaking. But I think it's unrelated, you know?"
Laurie squints in great concern, "That's called an anxiety disorder, buddy ol' pal."
"It's gonna be great, Luis!" Scott encourages, "You got nothing to worry about."
Luis' eyes dart nervously between the father and daughter before he huffs out a few sharp breaths, slowly retreating back through the window, "Yeah, yeah. I'm the boss. I'm the boss. I'm the boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
A sensor in the fence suddenly starts to beam and flash red, making Cassie point and gasp, "Daddy!"
Scott quickly whirls around and Laurie drops back into the grass with a loud groan.
♢ ♢ ♢
Not a half an hour later, Laurie is still groaning as she trails her dad who's trailing the federal agent through the little San Fran apartment currently flooded with a crowd of government agents.
Laurie is 89% sure at least half of them gotta be dirty. Probably part of the Illuminati or somethin' like that.
"Can't you just lay off or somethin'?" The goofball whines, "Have a little faith, trust... pixie dust?"
"Well, Laurie-," FBI Agent Jimothy "Jimmy" Woo sighs in a voice that sounds like they're BFFLs or something, "You know I think a criminal is a criminal."
Laurie scrunches her freckle-covered nose, "Well, you know I think you lack an appreciation for the finer points of bad behavior."
Cassie jogs to keep up, sadly taking her sister's hand as they follow their pops through the kitchen.
"Come on, Woo!" Scott huffs irritatedly, "I've got three days left! Why would I try to escape?"
"Sorry, Scott, but rules are rules." The man shakes his head, "You trip a perimeter alarm, we search the place. Keel to stern, soup to nuts."
Just then, one rando agent off to the side drops a cute lil' pot from their shelf, making a loud shattering crash echo around their living room.
Head snapping around at the sound, Scott bitterly sasses, "Thank you."
"Yeah, better watch it, nimrod!" Laurie snaps irritatedly, nose lifting and head tilting to look snobbish, "That was my very ancient bonsai tree; they're highly expensive, if you don't mind!"
It was a very special gift for her sweet sixteenth birthday from none other than Hank Pym.
But the rando FBI agents just looks confused, "It's plastic."
Laurie's shoulders fall and she sighs in resignation.
Hank Pym can be such a jerk.
"It was an accident." Scott just keeps trying to explain himself to Woo, "My foot went through the fence."
"Our flying ant crashed." Cassie informs him simply.
Woo side-eyes Scott in suspicion.
"Hey, you try and entertain a ten and eighteen year old when you can't leave the house. You know the lengths that I've gone to?" Scott suddenly wipes out a card — any card — and then he twitches and twists it around in sort of quick beautiful magical hand movement to make it disappear, "Close-up magic."
The man then twitches the card back into existence, pulling it out from behind a smiling Cassie's ear and revealing it to the surrounding group.
"I learned that." Scott purses his lips and seamlessly flicks it away.
And Laurie's icy blues nearly pop out of her skull, "Holy crud muffins, that was my card!"
"Ace of spades?"
"Yeah man!"
Laurie excitedly lifts a hand and Scott immediately high-fives it, being far too cool to take his eyes off the FBI agent.
Woo pretends to not be impressed.
But Cassie is still distressed, "Why can't you just leave our daddy alone?"
"Ooooh, Cassie." The FBI bro sighs resignedly, crouching down to look her in the eye, "This must all seem like a bunch of confusing grown-up stuff to you, huh?"
Cassie looks offended while Laurie scrunches her nose, "She's not five, Jimbo, she's ten years old."
But Woo doesn't seem to hear her, "Well, think of it this way: your school has rules, right? Like... you can't draw on the walls."
Cassie slowly nods, guessing that's true.
"Well, your daddy went to Germany and drew on the walls with Captain America. And that was a violation of Article 16, Paragraph 3 of the Sokovia Accords."
Laurie scratches her head.
"Now, as a part of his joint plea deal with Homeland Security and the German government, he's allowed to return to the U.S. to look after your big sister, provided he serve two years under house arrest, followed by three years of probation. And avoid any unauthorized activities, technology, or contact with any former associates, who were or currently are, in violation of said Accords. Or any related statutes." Woo puts on a tight smile, "Okay, sweetie?"
Cassie glances around like she's questioning life.
"Wow!" Scott teeters back, sarcastically cheering, "You're really great with kids!"
"Thanks! I'm also a youth pastor." Woo modestly shrugs before moving on, "Anyway, not to be a Johnny Ask-A-Lot, but you haven't had any contact with Hank Pym or Hope Van Dyne, have you?"
Laurie catches the flash of regret on Scott's face before he answers, "No."
The eighteen year old's eyes guiltily lower and she has to resist the urge to take his hand as a show of support.
"You sure? Because it's only a matter of time before we get them."
Laurie winces and awkwardly starts to whistle, glancing around the living room in overly forced casualness.
"It was their tech, so they violated the Accords, too. And associating with them breaks your deal. And, uhh... I don't need to remind you that any violation of your agreement means twenty years in prison. Minimum."
"Oof!" Laurie winces, "Gnarly."
Scott's face stays crushed, "I haven't talked to Hank or Hope in forever."
Cassie frowns, "They hate his guts."
"Thanks, Peanut."
"It's true." Laurie adds, "They'd sell him to Satan for one (1) corn chip."
The father just looks at his daughters in disbelief.
But then Woo leans towards their dad, lowly whispering, "How'd you do it, Scott?"
Scott looks nervous, "Do what?"
Nervously glancing around, Woo steps closer, "The card trick..."
Scott and Laurie just squint, their voices mixing as they ask, "Seriously?"
"Oh, my God!" Maggie Paxton's cries can be heard from the staircase, "You people can't just show up here whenever you want and search the place!!"
"Actually, they can." Jim Paxton sighs as they reach the living room, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"You need a warrant!"
"Actually, they don't."
"Really?" Mom-o blinks, "Wow."
And when the FBI finally takes their exit, Cassie begins to make her exit too. Feeling rather dejected, Scott and Laurie slowly escort their other three family members to the front door at the bottom of the staircase. Cassie refuses to let go to Scott's waist and Laurie's hand for a good few minutes until she is slowly coaxed away. After a good few minutes of farewells, "Be Goods", and a strangely high amount of awkward hugs that make Laurie groan in discomfort, the Paxtons and ⅓ of the Langs prepare to leave.
Which is always Laurie's least favorite part.
Ever since she got uh... rehabbed, it's been harder and harder to separate herself from her baby sister. You see, Laurie was supposed to be a role model. Like, yeaaah, she was never a really good one, but she tried hard. That was the one thing she actually tried at. Big sisters solely exist for the little sisters to look up to. It's their one job. It was her one job. And she blew it. Boy, did she blow it.
But it just became part of the deal when Laurie moved in with Scott that she wouldn't see Cassie everyday anymore. She wouldn't be there for early breakfasts, she wouldn't be there to walk her to school, to get her ready for soccer practices, to teach her how to beat up bullies. It hurt to not be with Cassie 24/7. She loves her little sister, she protects her, she watches out for her. But they made a deal, a secret pact between sisters that one day when they're both all grown up, Laurie will have her dream job at NASA and a fancy expensive apartment that Cassie will crash in and they'll spend every weekend together. Like the old days. Like the good days.
"I love you, Little Mama." Trying to ignore how her voice cracks, Laurie playfully ruffles her little sister's hair, "Good luck at the soccer game. Make sure to kick those other kids' butts!"
"Love you too, Big Mama!" Cassie teases before hugging her tight, burying her head into her chest, "And I will! You be good too, okay?"
"I won't." Laurie smirks before furrowing her brows, "But hold up, aren't I supposed to be the one that tells you that?"
Cassie innocently shrugs before pulling her down by her overall strap to kiss her cheek. With that, she quickly skips away before she calls back over her shoulder, "I had a fun weekend, Daddy."
"Us too, Peanut." Scott smiles sadly, hating this part just as much, but then his face brightens, "Just wait 'til next weekend! Once I'm outta here, us three are gonna go paint this town red! We'll have so much ice cream, we'll never stop puking!"
Scott drops a hand over his stomach, gagging once, twice, three times before he mimics retching and pulls a whole deck of cards out of his mouth.
"A wizard!" Laurie breathes in admiration.
"You're getting good at that." Mom-o compliments, offhandedly impressed.
Paxton, on the other hand, looks absolutely s h o o k, "How'd you do that?"
But Scott is a true magician who will never reveal his secrets.
Instead, he just smiles big and gives a wave.
Scott slowly eases down the railing of the mini stairwell, ending up just over Laurie's head and resting his elbows on her shoulders so the two can give an extra little wave to the family as their silver turns around the corner.
And as the father and daughter slowly walk back inside, Scott sighs and puts his hands on his sides, "Three days... Easy-peasy."
"Lemon-squeezy!" Laurie agrees with a shrug and a far too content smile, "What could possibly go wrong?"
Honey, they got a big storm coming!
wowowow helllooooo everyone! sorry it took me so long to finally get this to you! it's been sitting in my google docs for forever, but i just didn't like it yet but now i think i'm pretty pleased! so much was covered and yet some was still left to mystery i hope! much apologies on the massive length of it but again, there was so much to cover!
what do YOU think, hm? still somewhat cringey funny? GOSH, i hope so. writing cringey humor is the only thing i thrive at when trying to be funny, hahaha, that's so pathetic, ugh, dead. but for real, leave me your thoughts! what do you think happened between laurie and gordo? what do you think of laurie's new suffering? yay for the suffering. who else is excited to see her powers in action? anybody? what are you looking forward to?
next chapter we shall have three very special guest stars: hank pym, hope van dyne, and our very first ghost sighting! ooo i'm excited!
now be on the lookour for more updates on other works and for some new remodeling on this one, imma try to make it look pretty, we shall see!
catch ya on the flipside!
but first, a funny thingamabob:
ha ha, suck it