Islo groaned and dug his fingers into my back. I was halfly pulled out of my trance as I refocused on moving my hips.
He was louder than usual. He seemed to be into it a lot more than usual too, and I didn't understand why. I wasn't into it. I most of all wanted it to end so I could go back to sleep.
He had woken me up with kisses and initiated this. He kept whispering how much he wanted me, and I couldn't really say no to that. I had been very into it in the beginning, but now it all just felt dumb. I didn't even know why it felt dumb, but it did. It must've been like being in a play where you had to give into the role, but you couldn't and pretending to be someone else, feeling something you just weren't feeling, felt awfully fake. I felt fake.
"Quinn," Islo said. Warm hands landed on my cheeks, and I opened my eyes, looking down at him. "Look at me."
He smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. He was so sweet. I lowered myself down and kissed him, moving my hips slower. He clenched his arms around me, pressing me to him.
"Gods, I love you," he murmured against my lips.
How could I not be into this? How could I be so distant when I was literally inside the man of my dreams, and he was professing his love to me?
"I love you too," I said very quietly, and placed my arms so I could run my fingers into his hair.
He groaned again, one hand slipping up in my hair and the other slipping down on my back. He pressed me closer again, and this time I felt everything clench.
I continued, even though my lover was finished. He sounded like he was losing his mind, begging me to not stop. I'd never stop when he sounded like that.
I came hard and kissed him even harder, while pleasure pulsed through my body.
"You are getting very good at that," he chuckled and pulled me down on his chest.
I snorted but didn't answer. I was just panting hard, trying to get my breath under control again.
"You couldn't sleep?" I asked, tipping my head up.
"No, and you were looking extraordinarily beautiful as you just lied next to me."
I laughed and started kissing his chest instead of actually replying to his compliment. I didn't know what to say. I had never thought I looked good while I slept. I mean, I didn't know if I did. Al had once told me I was a very quiet sleeper and barely moved or made any sounds. Wasn't the worst thing in the world, I guess.
"Are you planning to make me go again?" Islo asked with the softest voice in the world.
"Who knows?" I murmured and continued.
"Gods, Quinn."
I spread my legs over his and just continued to worship his body. This was what I needed. I needed to show my appreciation for him. How much I loved him. How I was his, entirely.
"Isla's coming today," he said then.
I stopped and looked up with a frown. "You're thinking about your daughter right now?"
"I'm... Nervous. I couldn't sleep because I was nervous."
I straightened and ran my hands over his stomach. "I can understand that."
"I'm... Afraid too." He looked to the side, clenching his jaw hard.
"There's no shame in being afraid, Islo. I'm afraid all the time."
He softened and looked back up at me. "Sweet boy," he said and sat up, circling his arms around me. "Sweetness," he whispered against my throat, placing soft kisses on it. I couldn't back a small moan, as his hands slid over my back, down to my ass. "This is why I woke you up. You make me feel better with just a few words."
"Hardly," I whispered and bent over, kissing my lover softly.
She looked coolly at me with her arms folded across her small chest. She was such a little girl. And pretty. She had the same light brown complexion as her father, the same freckles and green eyes. But the hair was lighter and the curls much larger. Her hair looked almost heavy, and it was very shiny.
She was dressed in a very pretty green dress, and she, honest to all the gods, looked a lot older than ten. It was the scrutinising weight of her gaze that did it.
"Welcome home, Isla," I tried and smiled at her.
She glanced up at her father by her side and then looked back at me again. But she didn't say anything. She just kept looking at me.
"I hope you like your new room?" I had gotten all the best designers to furnish it. To get everything a ten-year-old would like, with Islo's help. She was a particular ten-year-old too. She wanted books. Loads and loads of books filled with adventures and pirates. Of past kings battling dragons.
"Isla, behave," Islo said with a low voice and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Sure, it's fine." She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Maybe the two of you should take a walk in the gardens. Quinn loves the gardens as much as you do, luv."
She rolled her eyes again, huffed and started towards the door. Islo took my hand in his and kissed my cheek.
"Just be patient. She's just showing who's boss."
I snorted. "She's definitely boss."
He chuckled and kissed me on the mouth this time. "Go." He slapped my ass as I walked past him, and I sent him a pointed look over my shoulder.
Isla had found a stone bench in the gardens, facing a fountain. A stone girl was dancing in the middle of the fountain, depicting the water elves dancing in the waves of rivers and the sea alike.
I sat down next to her, leaving a bit of space between us.
"Are you my new mum then?" she asked without taking her eyes off the fountain.
"No, I can't be your mum. And I'm not your new dad either." I looked down at my hands. "I care a lot about your dad. He's very kind to me."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"My dad is twenty-nine. He's a lot older than you." She turned her head and narrowed her eyes at me. "You're weird."
I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. But so are you."
"I'm not weird. I'm very smart."
"I'm not very smart," I said and rose from the bench. "In fact, most would say I'm dumb. But I am king. So no one dares to say it to my face."
"My friend said I have a pig's nose."
"Tell me who and I'll have her thrown in the dungeon." I winked at her, and she grinned back at me.
She jumped down from the bench and walked up to the fountain. "You're not dumb, Quinn. And you can hold hands with my dad. He said you liked to hold hands and he liked it too. So you can hold his hand."
I smiled widely at her. "Thank you, Isla. I appreciate that."
"I just want one thing in return."
"Anything."
"I want a pony."
"... And then she said, I was getting fat and couldn't have more candy," Isla said and shoved another piece of potato in her mouth.
"Darling, I'm sure your aunt didn't call you fat," Islo said and smiled softly at his daughter.
"She did too. And then she took away my book and told me to go outside."
"How horrible," Islo murmured and glanced at me. His fingers found mine under the table. "Isla, remember what we talked about yesterday?"
"Yeah, we talked about how we have to play pretend."
"Yes, and what do we have to do while we play?"
"We have to... Remember to smile?" She frowned, looking like she was trying to remember and struggling with it.
"Yes. Smile to all the people with cameras. And when someone asks how you're feeling, what do you say?"
"That... I'm happy to have Quinn in our family now?" She glanced over at me.
"Yes." Islo smiled softly.
"But I'm not happy."
I looked down at my plate and tried to not take the words of a ten-year-old to heart.
"I want to go home."
"You are home, sweetling. You know that. You've lived at court since you were eight."
"But I wanna go home." She pouted.
"Where is home?" I asked then. "Skyen?"
"Yes." She nodded and stabbed her fish with her fork. "I don't like it here. I don't like to play pretend."
"I know," Islo murmured and leaned back in his chair, staring down at his plate too. I squeezed his hand under the table, and he glanced up at me, smiling. "But sometimes we have to do things we don't like to do to protect the ones we love. Quinn and I need you to be strong."
"I am strong," she said defiantly and stabbed her fish again.
"I know. Now everybody else needs to know," Islo said.
"No, I wanna go home!" She shoved her plate across the table, pushed her chair out and left my chambers, slamming the door behind her.
Islo sighed deeply and ran his hand over his face. "I don't know what I'm doing."
I squeezed his hand for the third time and leaned in, kissing his cheek. "Maybe she just needs some time to adjust?"
"We don't have time, Sweetness. We need her to cooperate otherwise... Who knows what they'll do to us. To you." He looked up and met my gaze. "I have the both of you to think about now. And I have to ask too much of you both."
"Islo, no. This is my mess. I'm the one dragging you two into this."
He sighed and cupped my cheek with the palm of his hand. "Maybe we need to stop playing this game."
I snorted and nodded. "Deal." I moved in and kissed him, taking his face in my hands. He kissed me back and deepened it. "Isla asked if I was to be her mum now."
Islo laughed and rose to his feet, picking me up like I weighed nothing, wrapping my legs around his hips. "You'd make a great mum," he murmured and kissed my throat, carrying me into the bedroom. He dumped me down on the bed and joined me, spreading my legs and settling down between them.
"I'd be a horrible father," I murmured and ran my hands under his shirt.
"You'd make a wonderful father, Quinn. You're so kind and patient." He kissed me very deeply, his tongue pressing against mine. "Not to mention," he said and pulled up. "You kind of have to sire a child. To keep your linage going."
I grimaced. "Oh gods, imagine that. Another me running around the stronghold."
Islo chuckled. "I wouldn't mind one bit," he breathed and moved down to kiss my throat. "A little baby with your eyes. Your skin and your nose. It'd be such a perfect little thing."
I groaned and pulled his shirt up. "Yeah it's not happening anytime soon, I can tell you that."
"Damn," he chuckled and pulled up so he could get his shirt off. "You don't know how amazing it feels to become a parent."
"And I'd rather not find out anytime soon. I'm only twenty-one."
"I was nineteen." He started unbuttoning my shirt, smiling as my chest was exposed.
"You also had a wife and shit. I'm definitely not ready. Besides, I'd rather focus on you." I smiled up at him, and his cheeks reddened.
"Yeah?" He met my gaze.
"Yeah. You take up a lot of time."
He chuckled and dove down, kissing my chest. "I do take up a lot of your time. And now I'm gonna take up some more."
I smiled at the cameras from my seat in the garden. Three photographers had been allowed in while one journalist had been allowed to interview me and Islo. They wanted a picture with Isla too, so we looked like a proper family. I wanted a copy of the picture. Even if Isla hated my guts, it was nice to at least pretend we were a family. Even if we weren't and were never going to be.
"When is the wedding then?" the journalist asked.
Islo chuckled and put his arm around my shoulders. "Not yet."
"I haven't proposed yet," I said.
"And the king is the one who has to propose, right? No one can ask a monarch to marry them." The journalist looked at us over his gold-rimmed specs.
"Yeah, I can't demand anything of him, really."
I chuckled a little nervously and glanced up at him. How this was so easy to him was a mystery to me. He was just a natural.
"Quinn is his own man. And he'll do things his way, but I can't fault him for that. Not when his ways are ways I love."
Heat flared up in my face, and I couldn't bite down a smile.
"You both seem very happy together," the journalist noted and wrote something down in his notebook.
"It's easy," I said and had to clear my throat. I was getting slightly choked up by all of this. "Islo has been an amazing support since my sister's passing. Had it not been for him, I wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have the strength to carry on. One day I will call this man my husband. I know it."
"And what of children? Councillor Charred has a daughter, but are you planning on having more?"
"It's my duty to carry on the holy bloodline. But not today." I rose from the stone bench, and Islo rose too, taking my hand in his. "Today, I'll just enjoy the fact that I'm alive and that I have the privilege of leading this country."