⚠️- Warnings for mentions of rape and sexual assault.
Pe didn't show up to school the next day. Everything else seemed to be normal, but Henry knew that something was wrong. Pe had never missed a day of class as long as he could remember; she would still show up, even if she wasn't at her best. He had texted her at least five times in the past few hours and even left a voicemail for her, but she never replied. A long list of horrible scenarios ran through his mind, and he was hoping that none of them were true.
Kyle saw Henry sulking in the hallway and went to greet his friend. They weren't terribly close, but he could tell that something had definitely happened, as he appeared to be very upset. He clamped a hand down on Henry's shoulder and yelled an enthusiastic "Hey!" Henry simply shrugged his hand off and gazed at the tiled flooring.
"You okay, dude?" Kyle asked, "You don't look so great. No offense, though." He waved his hands as he said it, trying to keep on his good side.
"I'm fine. It's just that Pe hasn't answered any of my messages today, and she wasn't in class," Henry said and shook his head.
"Oh, yea. I thought you might have known about that already. Yuki said she's at home. She must have caught something nasty because he said that she's not feeling too good." Henry felt a twinge of jealousy prick him, as she'd told them what she was doing and not him. He didn't want to be overly controlling but was too worried about her to let his thoughts go. He decided that he would go see her after school to ask what it was all about.
~*~
Henry knocked on the front door to Pe's house as he held a plastic grocery bag of freshly trimmed flowers and her favorite snacks. He wanted to make her feel special, and remind her that he cared deeply for her, so he had stopped by one of the convenience stores on his way there. To his surprise, it wasn't one of Pe's brothers who answered the door, but it was Yuki.
"I figured you might decide to show up," Yuki sneered. Henry scrunched his nose in confusion, as it was wasn't normal for Yuki to be so snarky. "I'll take that and bring it upstairs. I don't think she wants any company right now." Yuki reached out for the bag, but Henry's grip on the translucent handles tightened.
"Then why are you here?" Henry asked, "She didn't even tell me she wasn't coming to class today. Did I do something wrong?"
"So you wait until she's sick and at home to ask that? Weren't you worried about her at all before?" Yuki snapped, furrowing his brows in anger.
"Wait! Just, let me see her, please," Henry said. He tentatively reached out with his free hand, afraid that Yuki might slam the door on him. Instead, Yuki opened the door further and let him in, quickly shutting it as he walked inside. Henry set the plastic bag down on the kitchen counter and turned to make his way upstairs to Pe's room.
"Don't try anything funny," Yuki mumbled, but it was loud enough for Henry to hear.
"Excuse me?" he asked, and crossed his arms, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know what you did. You're the reason she's stuck up there. She won't come out and it's all your fault." Yuki wasn't usually this upset, but Henry had hurt Pe, and wouldn't let his actions go unpunished.
"Frankly, I don't," Henry said, shaking his head.
"You raped her, idiot. More than once, might I add."
"What! I did no such thing," Henry retorted, "I'm disgusted you think I'd do something so awful." A hand flew to his chest in his offense at the accusation.
"She didn't want to do it, and you made her do it anyway. That's rape. It's about consent, and she didn't give you any."
"She did! She said it was okay!"
"Was it really okay? Or did you have to make her say that?" Henry stopped then and thought about the times when she had hesitantly accepted him when she had let him do whatever he wanted. He sunk to the hardwood floor, on his knees, and seemingly forever thought about what he had done. Time seemed to stop for him at that moment, as he pondered how things really were. Only a monster could do something so cruel to a kind, innocent girl like Pe; he didn't want to be a monster, especially in her eyes. He loved her more than anyone or anything else and was a mess without her. He wanted to be her hero, he wanted to be her knight in shining armor, he wanted to be the man who swept her off her feet. But hurting her this way was the opposite of what he wanted, it was something that he could never forgive himself for. He felt as though he didn't deserve her now, and that she would be better off with someone who would protect her rather than hurt her. There were a few minutes of silence as he contemplated his actions.
"I know you love her," Yuki said suddenly, snapping Henry out of his thoughts, "but that isn't the way to show her how you feel."
"I understand." Henry's voice was barely above a whisper, "I...need to talk to her, though. I have to apologize. I know I can't just be forgiven so easily, but it's the least I can do for her." Yuki nodded, and Henry slowly walked up the carpeted staircase to the second floor of the house. As he approached Pe's room, he could see that the door had been left open just a crack. He rapped a knuckle on the door and heard shuffling, probably Pe moving around in the blankets.
"It's me, love. Can I come in?" He felt a lump in his throat, hoping she would answer. When there wasn't a reply, he pushed on the door gently, and it made a creaking sound as it slowly opened. Pe was sitting up in her bed, but wrapped in sheets, and her brown eyes were puffy. Her usually rosy cheeks were instead stained with tears, and she appeared quite distraught. Henry shuffled over to the bed, noticing crumpled tissues on the floor where she had missed the trash bin. He sat beside her in the bed and tried to reach out to her, but she flinched and leaned away. Guilt coursed through his body at her rejection to his touch; he wanted so desperately to be the one she ran to when sad, and he had acted in ways that pushed her so far from that dream. His heart ached at the thought of her in another person's arms. He wasn't sure what to ask first: why she was really absent, why she was ignoring him, or why she didn't want to see him. But he decided that it was better for both of them to worry about her needs first, and opted for a kinder question.
"How are you doing?" he asked somewhat quietly, as to not disturb her. She simply looked at him with her large, dark eyes, and stayed silent. The sparkles that were usually present in her eyes were now gone, replaced by the empty stare of a tortured soul. He grew increasingly impatient that she hadn't talked to him, but was too afraid to force her into anything. While he knew she was suffering and didn't want to see him, he also could tell that they had both missed each other immensely and were nervous in the current situation. He felt so compelled to comfort her but feared she wanted nothing to do with him.
"Can I hold you? I...missed you today," he requested, and was sure that his offer would be declined. Pe actually crawled into his arms then, gripped the wool of his uniform sweater, and violently sobbed into his chest. Her cries were filled with agony, and though she was in the presence of her assailant, she still loved him. He wrapped his arms around her curled form and softly ran a hand down her back several times in hopes of consoling her. Henry wanted nothing more at this moment than to see her smile again, regretting what he had done to make her feel this way. After a few minutes of her tears drenching his sweater, Pe trembled in his embrace as her crying came to a slow end.
"Sorry..." she squeaked, her voice hoarse from sobbing. Henry felt that no words could describe the pain he had then; he had assaulted her and made her miserable, but she was sorry for getting his clothes wet.
"Please, don't be sorry, dear," he said, "I should be the one apologizing. I've done terrible things to you, and I... don't deserve your love. You've done so much for me... and I've taken your kindness for granted." He felt utterly disgraced for his prior behaviors. His voice wavered, and he saw his vision blur as he attempted to put his thoughts into words.
"I'm so ashamed of what I've done to you... I just want us to be happy together, and I've ruined any chance of that." Tears rolled down his pale face then, and she looked up at him as she felt the wet drops falling on her head and the shaking of his chest. Pe gently wiped the tears away with her shirt sleeves, as seeing him cry would likely elicit the same from herself, and she didn't want him to be sad.
"Don't cry," she mumbled, "a smile... suits you better." He smiled briefly at her words, remembering that it was something he often said to soothe her when she was upset. "I want us to be happy too... I'm sorry I made you worry..." Her politeness only worsened his guilt. "I missed you, too..."
The crushing weight of his emotions seemed to subside at a tantalizing rate; her voice was so calm, even after all he'd done, and to hear her say that she missed him reassured him that she still loved him. But guilt lingered in the back of his mind and in his heart, and he knew that it always would, even though they both truly loved each other. He muttered various apologies as they held each other, and wished he could take back all the horrible things he had done. While nothing could truly describe how disgustingly awful he felt, and could never take away what he had done, she still loved him back, and that was enough to keep him whole.
~*~
Yuki went upstairs to check on the couple and to see how things were going with Henry's apology. In the midst of their discussion, he had placed the roses Henry had purchased into a curvaceous glass vase and set it on the dining table. He quietly made his way up the steps to Pe's bedroom to find them sound asleep under the covers, and (thankfully) with their clothes still on. Henry was gently holding Pe, and she nuzzled her face into his chest. They both held small smiles on their faces in the now serene atmosphere. Yuki smirked at the tender scene and flipped the light switch off to let them rest.
(1877 words, 21 November 2019)
(1903 words, edited 31 May 2020)
I understand that sexual assault is a sensitive topic for some. While I may not know the feelings of those who commit such atrocities, or the feelings of those who suffer from their effects, I do hope that someday there will be a universal consensus that rape and assault are wrong. This story is one where the assailant has realized their mistake and wants to make themselves a better person. Hopefully, this series can serve as a model for the rest of the world that sex and intimacy should be about consent, rather than coercion and force.
Please remember that there are people out there that you can talk to about your feelings and your struggles and that it is okay to cry when you need to.
Edit: I realized I forgot to put the source of the image, unlike how I usually cite where the images used are from. However, I cannot seem to find the link to the picture; if anyone can help me out with that, feel free to let me know.