Karkat Vantas' Stri-Do's and Dont's of Highschool: A Davekat Fanfiction

Chapter 1: Stri-Do and Stri-Don't

"Kat, y9ure g9ing t9 6e late. Hurry and I'll drive y9u." Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are so sick and tired of your brother KANKRI. With an irritated sigh, you trudge down the stairs and shoot him a dirty look before continuing to the car. Kankri shakes his head and locks up before following, sliding into the drivers side and starting the car. "Kat...please d9n't 6e s9 negative a69ut this...wh9 kn9ws? May6e y9u'll make s9me g99d friends here. Perhaps y9u'll even meet y9ur future matesprit," he says with a smug look.
You desperately wanted to tell him to shut his trap, but instead you simply huff in annoyance and stared out the window. Realizing his attempts at small talk were futile, Kankri purses his lips and focuses his efforts on driving. An agonizing fifteen minutes pass before the car comes to a stop in front of your new high school. "...y9u kn9w h9w t9 reach me if necessary...have a g99d first day, Karkat." You wince, knowing you must've stuck a nerve, considering the fact your brother only ever called you by your full name when he was upset. In an attempt to help ease the blow, you lean over and quickly hug him, muttering your thanks. This earns you a small smile and a wave as you take your bag and head towards the front doors.
Though it was beyond annoying that you were forced to go through a metal detector and have you bags checked (not that you were hiding anything) before you even entered the building, you managed to keep you composure. You even managed to remain polite through the excruciating process of getting your map and schedule (honestly, it was like dealing with wrigglers). Despite it all, you make it to first period only ten minutes late. Your English teacher seems fairly understanding and quickly becomes your favorite. You're given several papers and quickly briefed on the classroom procedures before you take your seat between some blonde dude with pointy glasses and a black haired girl with green eyes and round black glasses.
"Hey. You're new right?" The guy with the weird glasses says as he jogs to your side after class.
"BRILLIANT DEDUCTION SKILLS, TROLL BATMAN." You say, rolling your eyes. He has some sort of accent. You're pretty sure it's referred to as a 'southern accent'. Kinda cute, you'll admit, though it sounds a bit different than you're used to. You'd met other guys with this odd change in their voice, but most of the time they weren't from 'Southern', whatever that was. Humans sure are complex.
"Funny. What's your name anyway?"
"KARKAT. KARKAT VANTAS." For some reason, you're strangely at ease with him. Whoever he is.
"Dirk Strider. Cheer squad captain."
"CHEER? ISNT THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FOR GIRLS?"
"Or gay guys. Stereotypically." Oh thats it. Most 'homosexual' human males you'd met did talk with an indescribable quirk. He seems friendly enough, so you're not about to judge. After all, you don't have an issue with it seeing as you'd had flush crushes on guys before.
"RIGHT. OF COURSE. I SHOULD'VE GUESSED."
The other male shrugs, adjusting his bag "I'm glad you didn't. It would be rude to make assumptions. But I would assume if I tried to be friends with you, you would try to shoot me down. You'd soon realize your attempts to avoid it would be in vain once you realized what a persistent fucker I am, and you would eventually break and give in. Then we would end up being the best of friends and rule the school together."
You can't help but find him amusing. "I THOUGHT IT WAS RUDE TO ASSUME, AND LET ME TELL YOU, YOUVE GOT SOME WILD ACCUSATIONS THERE."
He smirks "Am I wrong?"
You tap your chin thoughtfully "I SUPPOSE NOT, BUT NOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS, IM GOING TO FLIP THE SCRIPT AND BLOW YOUR MIND. BECAUSE YOURE NOT AN IGNORANT, BLITHERING MORON LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND, IN FACT, SEEM TO ACTUALLY USE YOUR THINKPAN ONCE IN A WHILE, ILL INDULGE YOU AND SKIP THE WHOLE 'ME AVOIDING YOU TO GET YOU OFF MY CASE' BIT AND ALLOW US TO BE FRIENDS RIGHT OFF THE BAT."
"Wow. Did you hear that boom? Because I believe that was the sound of my entire psyche being shattered."
You crack a small smile and chuckle, knowing you made a good decision in your choice of a first friend. Your good mood quickly shifts, however, when you ran right into the back of some moron who decided to stop and block the middle of the hallway talking about what you know is useless nonsense. "HEY! WATCH IT, ASSHOLE!" You snap at him as he turns around, quirking a blonde eyebrow at you over his stupid shades.
"Easy there, shrimp. Bro, is this a friend of yours? You better put him on a leash. Wouldn't want him biting someone."
You blink in confusion. Bro? No way this guy is talking to you. Your eyes trail up to Dirk's face. He crosses his arms and sighs, "Dave, relax and get out of the way. I'm trying to escort my cute little friend to class."
Your jaw nearly hits the floor, "THIS JERK IS YOUR BROTHER?"
Dirk pinches the bridge of his nose, "Unfortunate, isn't it? C'mon, Karkat. Your next class is just down the hall. We don't have time for this. I wouldn't want you to be late for Mr. Hugus' class. I've heard he's got a temper."
"Karkat, huh?" Dave muses as Dirk drags you down the hall, "See you around, kitten~"
You have the nagging suspicion this is going to be a very long year.