Or, Feng He realizes that Cheng Qing needs him 'for real'
Feng He was driving but Cheng Qing refused to let go of his hand the entire ride home. Dinner had been stressful and although they had left before making any real headway...the ground work had been laid. It was a start and it wasn't nearly as bad as Feng He had imagined.
When they got to their building he parked the car in their spot by the elevator. He was about to get out when Cheng Qing reached for him. "Hold on a second." Feng He turned back to Cheng Qing who took both his hands in his. "I love you too."
With a firm hold, he pulled Feng He closer and kissed him softly before finally letting the other man go so they could exit the vehicle. Feng He was smiling as he followed Cheng Qing to the elevator bank touching his lips with light fingers so the memory of Cheng Qing's lips lingered a little longer. "You waited until now to tell me that?"
"Yeah. I was afraid if I said it at the house my dad would lose it."
"Hey...they understand a little. I think we'll be alright." Feng He assured him as they stepped into the elevator. Although the words were as much for his benefit as they were for Cheng Qing. "Give them time. Remember how long it took us to figure things out. Let's give them the same amount of time at least, okay?"
"You are too kind." Cheng Qing complained.
"I am." Feng He said as a joke. "I have to put up with you don't I?"
Feng He was clearly laughing at Cheng Qing but the other man wasn't having it and he moved to the corner of the elevator away from Feng He to sulk. Until he felt the elevator shudder and he moved back to stand next to his boyfriend. Then the lights flickered and went off and the lift came to a sudden an abrupt stop.
Cheng Qing grabbed onto Feng He in the dark.
"You are such a baby." Feng He said with a laugh as he returned Cheng Qing's embrace thinking the other man was doing it for fun.
Only Cheng Qing wasn't laughing. He was trembling and whimpering. Trying to get a grip on Feng He but his fingers seemed unable to hold on tight enough to sooth whatever demons were riding him. It was so troubling for Feng He that he didn't know how to react at first. But the more distressed Cheng Qing became the more he felt he had to do something.
Feng He pushed him until his back was against the wall. Then he pulled him into his arms and held him tight so his entire body was touching a part of his. Cheng Qing was holding on to him so tight but they were sliding down and Feng He realized the other man could barely hold himself up.
The fear was real.
"Hey A Qing. Come on. You have to calm down. I'm right here." He said trying to comfort his lover but Cheng Qing just pressed his face into the crook of his neck and held on.
But the more Feng He tried to call him the more Cheng Qing seemed to panic. His breath was getting fast and choppy and Feng He realized he was well on his way to a panic attack. So he did something he'd seen in a series*. He tipped Cheng Qing's head back and kissed him; hard.
It was so sudden and so brief that Cheng Qing was forced to take a deep breath just to assimilate what had happened.
Then while he was still a little confused about what to do, Feng He kissed him again. Only this time it was slow and lingering. His lips parting and playing with Cheng Qing's. The hold Cheng Qing had on him tightened as Feng He continued to explore his mouth. Sucking and licking; biting, eating. Cheng Qing's reaction wasn't from fear any more. He was trying to get his body as close to Feng He as he could.
The shift from fear to arousal was so sudden that Cheng Qing was dominating the kiss and trying to get even closer to Feng He. The way their bodies were against each other in the corner of the elevator not conducive to the embers of desire they had been ignited, that they were now fanning into a burning flame.
Feng He got up on his knees pulling Cheng Qing with him. Hearing Cheng Wing whimper in reaction to their environment was doing things to Feng He. His body was responding to the needy press of Cheng Qing against him. Awakening a protective instinct in him that he didn't think he had. Except this was Cheng Qing and he clearly needed him.
Feng He was about to allow Cheng Qing the victory of pulling him flush against his body when the lights came on. The sudden painful illumination startling the both of them into drawing away from each other.
Feng He was the first to stand up and take an unsteady step away from Cheng Qing. The other man followed and made a big show of getting his clothes back in order. Feng He turned away so Cheng Qing wouldn't see his smile. He knew the other man was trying to avoid eye contact; his embarrassment at being so afraid and then so aroused making him shy.
Then the elevator shook and started its ascent again and safely deposited them on their floor.
"I'm sorry." Cheng Qing said when they were finally in the safety of their apartment.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay."
"Okay?" Cheng Qing asked in surprise. "You don't really want to know?"
"A Qing...I know this is stressful. But I want you to want to talk to me. I won't force you."
"But..."
Feng He walked up to Cheng Qing after putting his bag on the table. Cheng Qing was still standing by the door looking upset and Feng He knew it wasn't really about him. He knew Cheng Qing was still trembling from the elevator and the fear that had gripped him in the dark. But he didn't want to point that out because he knew it would just make Cheng Qing more defensive.
"I just..."
Feng He held Cheng Qing's face in his hands forcing him to retain the eye contact he was so unwilling to give. "Tell me, please!"
"It's so stupid."
"Tell me anyway."
Cheng Qing walked to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. "I've always been afraid of the dark. I can't even tell you why. It was just a thing. But there is nothing as bad as being in the dark and being in a small space. It feels like the walls are closing in on me or there is someone there and they are just waiting to pounce. I thought it would go away with time and most of the time I'm okay but lifts are just...
"There was a time I stopped taking them altogether. I told everyone I was trying to get into shape. There were just too many stairs. Nobody needs to keep that fit."
They laughed at his bad joke and it seemed to finally calm him down. "I'm sure you will be okay."
"I definitely will. Especially if you do what you did to distract me in there." Cheng Qing lifted his head towards the door. He still looked a bit shy but there was a twinkle in his eye.
"What are you talking about?" Feng He asked feigning ignorance.
"I think maybe you should do it even when I am not scared." Cheng Qing said, stalking Feng He who had stood up to walk back to the kitchen. "I never knew you could be so forceful."
"I was not."
"Really? Then I must have imagined someone else holding me and kissing me."
"You're not supposed to talk about it."
"Good idea. I should just repeat it to make sure it wasn't my imagination.
"A Qing!" Feng He protested when Cheng Qing grabbed him and immediately pushed up his shirt so that his hands were against his warm flesh. The move making Feng He arch his back into the touch. Only with Cheng Qing standing in front of him, the move pushed them against each other.
It was the opportunity Cheng Qing wanted because he pulled Feng He tighter against his body and lowered his head to nuzzle against Feng He's neck. Teasing the sensitive flesh below his ear, biting lightly at the corded muscles, tasting the skin and leaving a trail of wetness that felt cold and made Feng He shiver when Cheng Qing blew on it.
Feng He didn't pull away. Instead he lifted his hands to Cheng Qing's shoulders and held him back. Feng He wanted nothing more than to sooth the fear in Cheng Qing even if it meant going with his jokes and his desire. He was willing to be whatever Cheng Qing needed.
He didn't want to make it obvious so he pushed at the other man's shoulder and looked straight at him. "Is that all you are going to do or should we stop and make dinner."
It was like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Whatever thoughts or feelings Cheng Qing had they were now completely focused on Feng He. There was no trace of fear. No trace of the embarrassment he'd felt telling his story. There was just determination...and desire.
Cheng Qing pulled Feng He by his neck until their lips met. Cheng Qing licked Feng He's lips until he parted them. Then continued his invasion first by slipping his tongue between them to test the space between lips and teeth and then to run it along the delicate inner flesh of Feng He's mouth.
Feeling as the other man responded and reciprocated.
Their tongues entwined. Their mouths sealed tight so they could duel fiercely with each other. Sucking, licking, tasting...eating. Until Feng He moaned in capitulation and Cheng Qing took advantage to pull him towards the bed as he disrobed and helped Feng He out of his clothes. They were naked when they finally tumbled on the bed.
"A Qing...oh god." The skin on skin felt sooo good. It felt like lighting and fire. It felt like happiness. It felt like life.
Cheng Qing held Feng He close as he continued to ravage his mouth. Plundering it with everything in his power and feeling Feng He succumb to his ministrations first with sounds and silence, then with the desire and the clear evidence of it and finally with his vulnerable acceptance of Cheng Qing into his body.
Making love to Feng He never felt more like something he needed. The desire not just for the pleasure but for something that was becoming increasingly necessary for his continued existence. He thought he was in love before. Cheng Qing was afraid he didn't know anything about it because there was something new happening to him; to them. He hated that the only word he had for it was still just 'love'...but he felt was so much more.
[Author's note: * just a random reference to Teen Wolf (2011) S03E11]