"Habits can be changed. I miss you. Let's live together."
Simple words...a minefield of meaning.
Feng He made the invitation knowing full well that Cheng Qing would think he was asking him to be his boyfriend. To be more than the brothers they already were. It was what he had meant...sort of. Feng He had needed to do something to save their relationship...to save himself.
At that moment, the thought of losing Cheng Qing had felt like something akin to dying. He was desperate for a way to bring the life back into his life. Life that beat in the heart of Cheng Qing who had the courage he didn't. It was even worse when he fully understood that their separation was the result of a stupid mistake. Luckily it had a simple solution.
Feng He loved Cheng Qing and he knew he was loved in return.
But in the cold light of day, all the reasons he'd stated were still valid and he could not as easily overcome them in his mind:
Their parents were married...to each other! What if they found out?
They were brothers in the eyes of everyone who knew them.
They were both men.
They were not so sure of each other. There was so much they had to figure out. Could something so fragile with everything stacked against it really survive? What was the alternative? If he could have let go, wouldn't he have done so by now?
Feng He was afraid that the thing he feared most would come to pass. If he didn't do everything he could to safeguard their relationship in a way that made sense in their current circumstances they would lose. He couldn't endure it. His heart just wasn't strong enough.
He would have to fight. He would have to find a way. So as he lay down in the grass with Cheng Qing beside him, he knew there was work to do.