"gave in by friday
went straight back to sideways, allergic"
c l o v e r
I haven't seen Sin since the night he beat the crap out of Jax, for a reason I'm yet to find out. I turned away from him for a split second to help up Jax, which took a lot of energy since he was a 5'11 almost two hundred pound guy. Once I got him up and on his feet, leaning against me for support, sin was no where to be seen.
And that is how it has been for almost all week. Lucas told Oscar and I we could stay in his apartment for as long as we needed, although we just went back to the same hotel we started at, and rented a room for a few weeks. I gave the hotel managers daughter her flu shot last year, and have been her dedicated nurse since, so the manager gave us a few nights for free.
I tried to keep my mind as far away from the topic as I could, but wondering where sin went consumed my thoughts all day and night.
Another stressful thing has been dropped on me just as I recently went back to work. I was bombarded by questions about the 'disease' I have, and had to personally explain to everyone it was just the flu. I was informed that our head therapist Darlene was renewing her vows, and going on a short vacation with her husband, and that I would temporarily be taking over her position.
Being a therapist isn't easy. I have so many of my own problems to take care of that I honestly don't have time to help other people get through theirs.
I was just walking to the hotel after work while I started chuckling thinking about my last patient. The sweetest old man came into the clinic with a therapy appointment scheduled today, and I just loved meeting him. He brought his own snacks in, and complained to me about another old man at church that always coughs too loud.
I didn't see how he really needed therapy at all for this, he seemed perfectly stable despite the fact that the hacking old man made him want to rip his white hair out.
Poor guy I hope he comes back, he was nice to talk to.
You know that point in your life when you have no clue what the hell is going on, or what is going to happen next? Like all my life I have been at this point. I've never once felt stable, safe, or like I belonged somewhere.
After my parents passed I feel like my entire life stopped, the world stopped spinning, and I stopped living.
I wanna live again.
I don't want to go through life day by day living pay check by pay check with the help of my parents will just to survive. I don't wanna survive, I want to do things, I want to be a person, I want to breathe and be happy I'm still here.
I love the feeling of the hot sun on my skin, I smiled widely despite the fact that my smile is ugly and my cheeks cause my eyes to squint.
"What am I doing?" I asked him as I twirled around in my favorite sun dress, and let my hair hit my face. I had no responsibilities, just me and the sun.
"Living."
That was his answer that made me stop twirling and look at him leaning against the tree with a cigarette in his mouth. My smile faded and I know he noticed, because sin noticed everything about me. It's fair though, we read each other like books.
I hated seeing him smoke. I'm two almost three years younger then him, and sometimes feel like I'm smarter.
"Sinny." I walked to him and looked up at him ignoring the smug look on his face that I knew appeared because of our height difference. I watched him raise an eyebrow expecting me to speak.
"I don't really- I don't- I only want to live if you will too." The smug look dropped and he knew exactly what I was talking about. Next thing I know the cigarette is put out, and sin tilted his head a little to look more into my eyes.
I saw every color in his eyes and a stupid smile grew without me knowing.
Stop it clover.
"No, don't think like that clo, you can't rely on me." I didn't even listen to what he was saying as I've already heard this a million times. I dragged him out from the shade the tree provided and into the sun where I began to twirl again.
I laughed and smiled because I'm living. "I'm alive sin and so are you, so stop speaking like you're already gone."
I wish I was still the lively thirteen year old I used to be. Thirteen was a tough year. Two foster families, I discovered what razors could do, discovered what sin could do to me if I ever used one again, and discovered life again.
Today is the day, that I, Clover, am starting over.
I took in a deep breath and another and another.
This is what surviving is clover, it's time to live.
My feet dragged along the side walk and I didn't mind the dark allies surrounding me. I felt lighter and free.
Sirens filled my ears and blue and red lights reflected around me. I was met with a cop car that pulled up on the side walk next to me. My heart started to race and I began to get nervous, but I stayed in my spot waiting for the policemen to come out and explain.
"Blonde hair, around 5'2-" the tall muscular dark haired cop shined the flashlight right in my face. "-blue eyes and freckles. Miss are you Clover.." I noticed he struggled to find my last name. I helped him out and sparred him the trouble.
"Yes, I'm clover, what is this-" before I could finish my question he roughly grabbed my wrist and turned me around. Cold jagged metal ripped the skin on my wrists as he tightened the hand cuffs, and dragged me to the car.
"Sir! Sir! Please I-I didn't do anything."
"Clover you are under arrest for the robbery of your foster fathers vehicle, you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law-" he shoved me in the car hitting my forehead on the way in. "You have the right to an attorney if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you."
Oh my god. What am I gonna do? No, no clover you've watched cop shows you get a phone call. Right? But I don't know anyone's number oh my god I'm dead.
Tears built in my eyes as realization settled. I stole a car. A car. The whole thing. Im gonna go to jail, what about Oscar, is he okay? If it comes down to it I will take all the blame, I've always been the one getting in all the messes.
I felt something cold on my head and reached up to touch it only to hiss and pull away to see blood on my hand. I wouldn't be able to tell until I see myself in a mirror, but judging by how much blood is already coming out, and the gash I felt, I may need stitches.
This just can't get any better.
I sat in the jail cell surrounded by many others who must be having a rough night as well. I thought the men and women were kept separate, but that's not the case. A women stood constantly banging her huge black heel on the bars, screaming incoherent things making my head pound more.
Before being out in here I asked kindly to the cop that arrested me if I could clean my wound, he threw me a dry towel and shoved me in here. So now I'm curled up on the metal bench hugging my legs, waiting for my phone call.
"Why are you in?" I almost jumped out of my skin, and all I started to hear was my fast beating heart. The girl next to me laughed quietly and I looked at her admiring her pretty smile. "Sorry sweets, didn't mean to scare ya." Her New York accent fit her perfectly and I couldn't imagine how someone so pretty and seemingly nice could be here.
I wish I had blazing curly red hair like her with perfect skin. I expected bright green eyes but instead the lightest shade of brown almost like honey.
"I-I um stole a car." I mumbled putting my head down ashamed to admit it only to hear her laugh and laugh. I peeked up with my cheek resting on my knees and she shook her head slapping her leg.
"You gotta be shitting me. You snagged a car? Boyfriend cheat on you or something?" I liked how she didn't judge me, surprisingly she seemed more impressed then surprised. I shook my head smiling a little for the first time for hours.
"You gotta name frecks?" She asked and I tilted my head a little confused. Frecks? She noticed my confusion and taped her cheeks with her fingers and I realized she was talking about my freckles. "My name is clover." I wasn't used to saying this, or even trying to make friends. I kinda like it.
Her eyes widened a little bit but she recovered. I noticed a hint of realization in her eyes but she covered it up with a smile. "That's a nice name kid. " I smiled stupidly knowing little things made me happy easily, taking the compliment, and asked her for her name.
Before I got to learn her name the officer banged on the bars and they made eye contact. She stood up but before leaving winked at me and left me eyes wide open shocked.
After she left that gave me an opportunity to think about who I thought she was. I admired her short curly red bob, and unique style. She wore a leather jacket with a black t-shirt underneath, black jeans with black boots.
I wish I got her name.
I looked around the cell, looking at all the people. The woman was still banging her heel not helping my growing headache, and an old man in the corner was trying to hack up his lungs.
One by one each person left or was picked up leaving only me and the old man in the corner. I began shivering as the concrete cell provided little warmth, and I cuddled into a ball laying on the bench.
I never did get that phone call like the police man promised.
I'm too tired to think about that right now. This bench began to get really comfortable and I drifted off to sleep.
"Irl!"
"Girl!"
I jumped up with a fright seeing the old man hovering above me. I sat up quickly and that's when I heard the unlocking of the cell door. The police man motioned for me to come out and blinked a few times to wake myself up.
"Thank you." I said groggily but kindly to the man and he just nodded walking back to the corner I couldn't help but feel like he's in all the time.
I stood up quickly feeling dizzy and almost losing my balance and I looked to the bench seeing a shallow pool of blood on it where my head was. I struggled to walk out of the cell and didn't miss the slight almost unnoticeable frown from the cop. As I walked out I reached my hand up feeling dry blood all over my head then still fresh blood coming out. He really hit me hard on the door I guess.
"You're free to go." His cold demeanor was gone and he finally looked at me for the first time and I saw the guilt in his face. He went to say something, but didn't. He led me to the entrance of the jail and the las person I expected to see was there.
I thought he wanted me to stay away from him.
He looked up and once he saw the condition of my face I watched his entire body freeze. I walked out of the cops hold and slowly over to sin who stared at the cop dead in the eyes. He stood up just as I reached him and he growled, "who?" I didn't expect him to care so this threw me for a loop.
"I'm okay I wanna go please." I kept my head down and only looked up to see sin starring at the cop.
"Get in the car." He didn't leave any room for negotiation, and I've learned my lesson with sin. I took the keys from his hand and walked out of the station a free woman. Somehow.
I pressed the unlock button and heard the noise and saw the lights come on. I loved this car, so many great memories were made with this thing. When he first got his license the first thing he did was drive me to the cliff up town to look at the stars away from all the city lights so I could see them clearly.
This car took me to the ice cream shop whenever I asked, to school every morning and to the home after. I loved this car. Loved.
I unlocked the car getting in the passenger side, and putting the keys in the cup holder. I held my dead phone in my hand and tapped my foot repeatedly waiting for sin to get back.
He looked so angry for no reason.
After five minutes the car door opened and slammed shut startling me and sin grabbed the keys, starting the car. It was dead silent and I had no clue what to say. Sin drove out of the parking lot like a mad man and an almost inaudible gasp left my mouth when I saw his hands.
A coat of blood now layered his knuckles and I can only imagine what the cop looks like right now.
I glanced at the clock on the radio seeing it was almost midnight.
We got to the hospital in what felt like minutes even though it was across town and I was happy the dead silent car ride was over.
Sin got out of the car and started walking without me towards the entrance but I quickly caught up with him.
After telling the lady at the front I needed a doctor now, she said it would only be a few minutes so we sat down and waited. I didn't fail to notice how everyone's dementor changed around sin. They all sat up straighter and cleared their throats avoiding eye contact.
Sins expression looked as if he wanted to set the world on fire with everyone still on it. If I didn't know him I would be terrified too.
"Miss clover- um." I stood up embarrassed, knowing she wouldn't find my last name, and walked towards the open door with my head down. What surprised me was cold hard sin following me.
I sat on the bed waiting for the doctor to come in, and sin sat in one of the chairs with his same emotionless expression. "Thank you sin." I finally whispered realizing I didn't say it before.
How did he find me? That's a dumb question, he always finds me.
I didn't look at him or even expect an answer back and just kept my head down.
The doctor walked in and I recognized him from the time I did a walk though shadowing here at the hospital. I never was very comfortable with him, not alone anyways.
"Clover! So nice to see you again, I noticed you never called me?"
Did I forget to mention that part?
I cleared my throat looking up at the twenty eight year old man and tried to smile. "Yeah I'm sorry I'm just busy." I played off with a small chuckle. He nodded not believing me at all and looked over at sin who was squinting his eyes at him a as he leaned back in his chair.
"Well, if this gentlemen wants to step out for a minute I'll help you into your gown and-"
"Mr. Ford I simply need stitches on my brow bone, a gown isn't necessary." I said and watched him fake a smile and nod. "Of course, just messing with you clo." His unprofessional manner, as well as use of my old nick name made me freeze. I peeked a look at sin who was pushing his tongue around in his cheek staying quiet.
Oh Mr. Ford please shut up. You're gonna get punched.
After getting stitched up and no longer being able to feel the entire right side of my face due to numbing, I was ready to leave.
I was so happy when sin pulled up to the hotel that Oscar and I still stayed at. I turned to thank him but before I could he actually spoke to me. "You sleep in the same bed?" He didn't look at me when he asked but just tightened his bloody hands on the wheel and looked forward.
I was taken back by his question but answered. "Of course not." I answered truthfully. Oscars my brother that would be weird.
"Bene, tieni le sue fottute mani per sé."
[good, keep his fucking hands to himself]
I sighed not getting any of that.
"I hate when you do that asshole."
Before closing the door I heard something I haven't heard in a long time. A genuine chuckle from him.
Hmm.
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★
I'm so sorry this took so long.
This month has really taken a toll on me and been hard, and I haven't had the energy to write. I'm so so so sorry for being an ass author.
Xoxo
I really love all of you!
-L