Title: Our Last Kiss
Pairing: Poofless
A continuation of "Crying in the Rain."
Suggested by: Erm, someone? :3 I dunno, I forgot, and I'm too lazy to look back and figure it out. I wrote this a long time ago, but my computer turned it into hashtags. :/ So here's the new version, which is probably not nearly as good as the old one, but still not as crappy as it would have been had I done it immediately after the old one was killed!
Genre: Angst and fluff
Song: "Our Last Kiss" by HGH-FRICKIN-RULES. I just realized my username is actually really self-centered and prideful-sounding. Oh, well, I'm not gonna change it, I use it for, like, a bajillion sites. ANYWAYS, I'm gonna upload the audio for the chorus of this song to YouTube, and you can go listen to it there; I'll put a link to it on the side. (Or for all you fanfiction people you can just go to my YT page and find it, I only have, like, 6 videos.)
Here are the lyrics in case you can't see the link or hear the music or whatever:
"So here's your warning
I've got a feeling
That this is gonna be our last kiss, our last kiss
Just thought I'd tell you
Before I broke you
I'm sorry that it had to end like this."
Warnings: FEELS OMG LIKE WOAH (okay not really but maybe I've just been proofreading for too long now)
Word Count: 2,494
I let another sob loose, hugging my damp pillow to my chest as I cuddle back into my not-as-fluffy-as-I'd-like-it-to-be sofa.
That seemed like a bad start. Let's try again.
I sit happily on the couch, thinking about pancakes.
That was a lie. Let's try one more time.
I wail loudly as my broken heart keeps my entire body in a state of constant pain and exhaustion.
I guess there isn't really a good way to start this story off without lying. Oh well.
I sniffle, dragging the rough pillow down my face and wincing at the slight pain. It dries my tears though, which was my original intent.
Oh, look at that. The tears are back.
My face is soaked again within thirty seconds, and I'm back to lying on the sofa and bawling my eyes out. But honestly, what else can I do? I am broken. She didn't want me. She left me for someone better.
I'm so stupid, such an idiot! How could I not see that coming? I've never been good enough for her, I never even had a chance of being good enough for her! So why on earth did I try?
Why did I allow myself to fall so deeply in love with her that when she revealed that she was no longer in love with me, I had no other option than to collapse on the floor in a heap of brokenness?
I need someone next to me. I need someone to hold me and tell me that it will be okay. I need someone to look me in the eye and tell me she's not worth it, even though I'm the one who's not worth it.
But who? Who would help a worthless idiot like me?
I swipe up the pillow again and clutch it to my chest, now mourning the loss of not only my girlfriend but also my best friend. What was I thinking, telling Rob we couldn't be friends anymore? I love him, even if it's not in the same way he loves me. He's my best friend. He was my best friend.
I'm not close enough to any of my other friends to be willing to burden them with my heartbreak. With my other friends, I just kind of... survived, whereas with Rob, I thrived. I was comfortable around him, I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me, he wouldn't hate me. I didn't have to worry about his reaction because I knew he would just hold me and comb his fingers through my hair gently and whisper nice things and it would calm me down. I'd be okay.
I know now that he did those little things because he loves me, he loves me in a more-than-a-friend kind of way. Those little things he did – when he held me, brushed his fingers through my hair – they meant a lot more to him than I thought they did.
But those little things made me okay again.
So why on earth did I push him away when he told me how he felt?
I cry more loudly, hiccuping and coughing and rocking back and forth and ultimately just making a mess of myself. I'm so stupid! What is my problem!?
I just need someone to come hold me. I need someone, anyone.
Actually, I need Rob.
But that's obviously not gonna happen.
I run through my short list of friends in my head; I know plenty of people, but I'm not very close to any of them. I'm not anywhere near close enough to any of these people to ask them to come over and comfort me.
I didn't deserve her, anyway. I shouldn't be crying about this. This is pointless.
I don't deserve a close friend to comfort me.
But I really want one.
I wipe the tears off my face again, this time with my sleeve, as I think through my list of possible options. I could continue bawling my eyes out (very likely), I could stop crying and get over her (not likely), or I could call Rob and beg him to come over (this one's just ridiculous).
But honestly, the third one sounds like my best option.
I swallow hard and tug my phone out of my pocket, quickly unlocking it and typing in the phone number that I will never forget.
Oh, wait, that's my ex-girlfriend's number. Oops, wouldn't wanna call that.
I type in the other number I will never forget, could never forget, and press 'call.' My throat feels dry as the annoying ringing sounds in my ear, and with every ring, I freak out just a little bit more. I deleted Rob's number from my phone a few months ago – a pretty pointless act, since, like I said, I could never forget his number – after he had called me twice and left two voicemails apologizing for his feelings and promising to try to change so we could still be friends. I didn't give a crap at the time, because I legitimately did not want to even hear his voice again, like, ever. I mean, seriously – awkward!
But now I'm just regretting it so much. What if Rob got a new phone number? What if he hates me now? What if-
"Preston?" someone breathes on the other side of the line, telling me that Rob either never deleted my contact from his phone or simply still knows my number by heart. Both of those things make me feel really warm inside despite the fact that they're incredibly stupid. I mean, I still know his number, so why shouldn't he remember mine?
"Rob," I finally get out, my voice shaking slightly.
"Oh my- Oh my gosh," Rob whispers, and I can practically see his eyes widening. "You- You're calling me. Oh my gosh, you called me! Why did you call me?"
"I, um..," I begin, quickly pausing to clear my throat since it's quite obvious from the sound of my voice that I've been sobbing. "I-"
"Preston, have you been crying?" he asks quickly. His voice rises ever so slightly as he continues. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you? I'll kill them!"
"I-I'm fine," I chuckle sadly, tears still sliding down my face.
"No, you're not. I'm coming over- er, wait, you probably don't want that..." My eyes widen as he trails off, because, hello, that is exactly what I want. "Oh. Oh, you... you probably didn't even mean to call me in the first place," he laughs, trying to sound like it doesn't bother him. "I-I'm sorry. You're probably feeling really awkward now, I know you hate that, I'll just... I'll... yeah, I'll go..." I can hear his shaky breath as he prepares to hang up, and I can't help the shout that escapes my lips.
"No! Please, Rob, please don't go," I beg him as more salty drops of water roll down my cheeks. "Please, I, I really need you right now!"
Rob's breath hitches. "Seriously? You don't... you don't hate me?"
"No, not at all," I sob, not even trying to hide my tears anymore. "Please come over, I just need someone to hold me, Rob."
"I'll be right there."
Ten minutes later, Rob is barging though my unlocked apartment door and taking in my broken form on the couch. "Preston," he breathes sadly, immediately moving to sit next to me. "C'm'ere."
I let out a huge sob as I fall into his open arms. "R-Rob," I cry, unable to make any other sound.
"Shh, buddy, it's okay," he coos, combing his fingers through my hair just like he used to. "It'll be alright." He pauses for a second and then asks, "What's wrong?"
"I- She- I-" I give up, partly because I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying I'm heartbroken about my girlfriend leaving me, but mostly because I am emotionally unable to say it.
"Is it your girlfriend?" he asks, frowning. Stupid Rob, knowing me too well.
I nod slowly, taking in shaky breaths as I try to stop crying. "Actually, it's more the fact that I don't have a girlfriend anymore."
Rob sighs, hugging me closer to him. "I'm sorry, Preston," he says quietly. "I'm so sorry."
"I-It's okay," I reply, for some reason wanting to look strong in front of him. "I'm okay."
"No. No, you are not," Rob says sternly, pulling away from me but keeping his hands on my shoulders as he stares into my eyes. "You are not okay, but eventually you will be. Eventually you will realize that she was a fool not to love you when she had the chance, because you are perfect, Preston. Perfect. If she can't see that now, she'll see it later, and then she'll regret ever letting you go. And hopefully, by then, you'll be with another girl who actually loves you and makes you happy."
Ignoring the slight tone of defeat in his voice, I nod and curl into his chest again, already feeling so much better but still unable to keep the tears from soaking my face. He wraps his arms around me once more, and I smile just a little bit, because this is nice. It's nice to have someone actually love you.
I want to have this all the time.
Rob loves me. He told me so. He wouldn't break up with me for some other dude if we dated, would he? No, he wouldn't. He loves me.
I want to be loved.
"H-Hey, uh... Rob?"
"Yeah?"
"C-Could we... would you mind if we... Can we go on a date?"
Rob's eyes widen almost comically as he pulls out of our hug, and I wince. What if even he hates me now? What if he's gotten over his feelings for me, and he's just being a good friend? What if he's dating, like, Matt or someone now?
"Really?" he asks. I can't tell if he's amused, worried, or angry.
I only nod slowly, blinking back new tears that are beginning to form in my eyes.
"And you're sure about this? You're sure you want to go on a legitimate date with me?" Rob asks in a low tone that actually kind of scares me.
"Please don't hate me," I whimper. I can't take that right now, I can't. I just want someone to love me and think I'm worth it, and I thought Rob would be able to do that...
Rob's eyes widen again. "No! Preston, no, I could never hate you! I just... I thought you were straight!"
"Maybe I'm bisexual," I shrug, smiling a little.
Nah, pretty sure I'm straight, but whatever.
"What if this... Are you sure this isn't just, like, a rebound?" he asks, worry etched across his features.
"I'm absotively, posolutely sure." Well, not really, but whatever.
"So... So we can be friends again? So we could maybe end up boyfriends?" Rob asks. "You could end up... loving me back?"
"Definitely."
Well.
Probably not.
But whatever.
☼☼☼
"Preston, you are adorable," Rob compliments me lovingly as he plays with a strand of my hair. We're sitting on the couch in his living room, and we've been dating for a month now. It's not bad, I can give him that. He's a good kisser. He's an exceptional cuddler. And he cares about me; he loves me. That's all I really wanted. "I love you."
Smiling, I snuggle into his chest a little more. My voice comes out as slightly muffled when I reply with, "I love you, too."
Rob jumps away from me, staring at me in awe. "Are- Are you serious?"
"Uh, yeah," I lie, raising an eyebrow as if it should be obvious.
It's just, I feel bad about never saying it back to him when he says it to me all the time.
I had to. I just had to, okay?
"You've never said that before," he breathes as a smile works its way onto his face.
"I've thought it before."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Rob laughs, pulling me into his chest again. "I love you so, so much. More than you will ever know, Preston."
"I love you, too."
☼☼☼
Rob swings our hands between us as we walk into the theater and immediately claim the double seat in the back row. We go here a lot; it's my favorite theater, and he likes to watch movies while I'm cuddled up to him.
The movie we're watching today is a romantic comedy.
I figured comedy would be good for him today.
"So, what's this movie about?" he asks.
"It's about this dude who marries one woman and dates two others," I tell him. I don't usually watch this kind of movie, but he seems to like them, and today is all about him.
"Oh. That seems very problematic."
"It is, trust me."
I bury my head in his chest, relishing in the love that he practically radiates. It's nice, it really is. It's just- well. Later.
After the movie, Rob is laughing and remembering his favorite bits of the movie as I stand up and grab his hand. "So, um, Rob, are you happy?" I ask.
He giggles. "I always am when I'm around you." Rob sighs and leans into my shoulder. "I love you so much, Preston."
"Right. Well, I need to tell you something."
He frowns at my tone and the fact that I didn't say 'I love you, too.' We've been dating for two months now, and we've gotten used to saying it all the time.
But I'm okay now.
I've completely recovered from the breakup with my girlfriend, and I'm ready to go get a new one. A new girlfriend, that is.
I don't need him anymore.
"What is it?" Rob asks with a concerned expression. "Are you okay? Are we okay?"
"Just- Look, Rob. I just wanted to warn you that this is gonna be our last kiss."
His eyes widen slightly as he tries to comprehend what I've said, but by that point, I've already captured his lips with my own. This isn't exactly the time for a make-out session, so I just gently move my lips against his in a slow, closed mouth kiss.
A few seconds later, I pull away, smiling at him. His eyes are still wide with shock.
"I- W-What? What just happened?" he asks, looking almost panicked.
"We just had our last kiss."
"But- But you said you loved-"
"Bye, Rob. Thanks for everything!"