'I am so thrilled to see you, Tiff,' I said with a smile as we sat down together on the sofa.
'Me too, Bethan, but honestly, I'm a little disappointed that my trip here had to be for this reason,' she sighed.
My eyes flickered over to Cal leaning against the kitchen counter, staring out the window, his face looking like he'd rather be anywhere else than here with the two of us.
'I know,' I replied, nodding to her.
'You guys have a lot to sort out,' she said. 'I've been reading all of your messages in our chat and I just can't believe this has all been going on. I can't take my eyes off you guys for a second! After talking to your mom and having her tell just how bad things were now, I had no choice.'
'We don't have anything to sort out,' Cal said, as he paced the floor and leaned against the side table facing us. 'I just need you two to take your little catch-up elsewhere so I can get on with my packing.'
His words made me feel horrible inside; his expression was uncaring and bored. The second I'd mentioned that kiss, a switch had flipped. He looked at me differently within an instant and his mind was officially made up about us the second he found out about that.
'Cal, just sit down,' Tiffany sighed. 'We're going to talk this out.'
'Can I just inform you that Bethan has just admitted to me that she kissed a random guy in a club not so long ago?' he said to Tiffany.
'You cheated?' she said, turning to me with a frown.
'We were split up,' I sighed.
'Okay, so, what's your deal?' she asked, turning back to Cal.
'That's not the point,' he said. 'We may have technically been apart but we were both still in an unclear frame of mind; we didn't know what was going on with us. We'd split up but still kept trying to speak to each other, we still slept together! When someone tried to kiss me, I lost my shit, pushed her away and told Bethan right away, even though we weren't together. She acted differently. She allowed herself to kiss that guy and she hid it from me.'
'I see your point, Cal, I really do,' Tiffany said. 'I'm not going to be biased to my friend or take sides. I'm here to be a mediator and a buffer so you guys can talk it out without yelling at each other.'
'I don't want to talk it out,' Cal said. 'I'm done listening to anything she has to say. She kissed a random guy in a club right after she hung up the phone to me and that's enough for me to walk away for good.'
'He acts like I'm the only one who has ever done anything wrong,' I told Tiffany. 'Let's not forget the time you went out and stayed at whorebag's place all night.'
'Who the hell is whorebag?' Tiffany asked.
'Tori,' I told her. I'd already mentioned Tori in the group chat to the girls, so Tiffany was well aware of her role in all of this.
'Oh, yes,' Tiffany said with a nod. 'The cause of many problems between the two of you.'
We both glanced up as Cal chuckled to himself before looking right at me.
'You know you're looking like such an idiot right now,' he said.
'Excuse me?' I replied with a scowl.
'You look like an idiot,' he repeated. 'Still fucking droning on about Tori. Get the hell over it.'
'No, I won't get over it,' I told him. 'She has tried for so long to have you and when we were split up she kissed you. You even called me yourself and told me that you were sorry for not listening to me the whole time!'
'Yeah, well, that was until Tori explained herself and I realised that she is harmless and you're just dramatic,' he said, looking bored as he glanced at his watch.
'She's not being dramatic if this girl kissed you, Cal,' Tiffany said.
'Thank you,' I said to her.
'Okay, lets settle this shit once and for all,' Cal said, bolting away from the table and heading for the door where he grabbed his coat.
'Where are you going?' Tiffany asked. 'We aren't done!'
'We're settling this Tori shit!' he cried. 'I'm bored of it so let's fucking go!'
He headed for the door and left, leaving it open behind him and Tiffany and I glanced at each other before jumping up and running after him.
As we got outside the apartment and down the hall, Cal had already disappeared down the elevator and we both headed for the stairs and raced down them, coming to the bottom and seeing Cal leaving the building. We ran outside and saw him climbing into his car, looking up to us as he did.
'Get in,' he said, and we both quickly headed for the back door, getting inside.
'Cal, where are we going?' I asked him, as he pulled away.
'You'll find out when we get there,' he said.
Tiffany and I stayed quiet for the remainder of the journey, and after some time, I realised we were heading to Brooklyn.
'Are we going to the shop?' I asked.
'Oh, Cal's shop?' Tiffany asked. 'I can't wait to see it!'
Cal didn't reply, but shortly after, we pulled up outside Lakey Ink and we all climbed out of the car.
'Cal, I am not going in there to talk to that bitch,' I said, as we all stepped onto the kerb.
'Fine, stay out here,' he said. 'Come on in, Tiff.'
He headed inside and Tiffany glanced at me and shrugged before following him and I let out a groan and did the same, stepping inside and closing the door.
'Hello?' Cal called, and we all hovered until Tori suddenly appeared from the back and smiled brightly, before spotting Tiffany and I and quickly dropping it before frowning a little.
'What's going on?' she asked.
'We're here to settle something,' Cal told her.
'Okay,' she said. 'Settle what?'
'This issue that Bethan has with you,' he said.
I felt myself going a little red at Cal just outright telling her what was going on and she looked completely confused as she glanced between the three of us.
'I'm not following?' she said.
'You know she hates you, right?' Cal said. 'But I'm trying to make her see that she has no reason to.'
'Well, I don't really care if she hates me,' she replied, chuckling a little as she crossed her arms.
'I know,' Cal replied. 'But it's me that has to keep listening to the same fucking argument every time so, I'm here to end it once and for all.'
'Fine,' she said with a smirk. 'What do you want me to say?'
'Bethan, go ahead,' he said, moving and taking a seat in the waiting area.
'I don't know what your game is,' I said to him, feeling furious that he was putting me on the spot. 'But I don't have to talk to her about anything.'
'Ask her what her problem is,' Cal said. 'Ask her why she's so obsessed with me.'
'Obsessed with you?' Tori asked, letting out a laugh. 'Dude, I love you, but I'm far from obsessed.'
'Oh, I know that,' Cal said to her.
I knew I was missing something here and I knew that going all in on her was going to make me look stupid because clearly, they were both dying to throw something in my face.
'This wasn't the right way to do this, Cal,' Tiffany said.
'Who are you?' Tori asked.
'Tiffany,' she replied, narrowing her eyes at Tori. 'Don't worry, no need for introductions. I already know who you are.'
'Is that right?' Tori sniggered. 'You don't know me at all.'
'I know you're the desperate girl who threw herself at Cal when he'd broken up with Bethan,' Tiffany said, smirking back, causing Tori's smug grin to turn into a scowl.
'I didn't throw myself at him,' she said.
'Then what did you do, Tori?' I asked her. 'Did you fall and land on his lips?'
'I don't need to explain myself to you,' she said. 'I'm not the insecure little girl worried about her boyfriend making a fool out of her.'
'You know fucking nothing,' I said.
'I know everything,' she said. 'We're close friends.'
'Close friends doesn't mean you get to make out with him whenever an opportunity arises,' Tiffany said.
I glanced at Cal who was sitting nonchalantly, allowing the conversation to go on as he looked onwards with a hint of amusement on his face.
'Cal, you wanted to settle this once and for all so fucking settle it,' I demanded. 'Stop dragging it on and causing more drama.'
'No, you go ahead, Bethan,' Tori said. 'Tell me why you hate me so much.'
'Tori, you have done nothing but cause arguments between Cal and I,' I told her. 'You seem to relish in causing them for us and you waited until you had me out of the way before pouncing on him.'
'Look, like I explained to Cal, that's just how I am with my friends,' she said.
'Yeah right,' Tiffany mumbled.
'I don't believe that for one second,' I told her. 'I know that you're apparently with someone now, but I know for a fact that if Cal gave you the slightest notion that he was interested, this new boyfriend of yours would be kicked to the curb.'
Tori's eyebrows raised a little in surprise and she turned to Cal and frowned a little. I looked over to see Cal looking back at her, a hint of a smirk on his face and clarity dawned on hers, confirming for me that I certainly was missing something.
Tori continued to study Cal's expression before a smile spread on her face and she chuckled. 'She doesn't know I...?'
'Nope,' Cal quickly replied.
'Now it all makes sense,' Tori laughed. 'Okay, let me clear this up for you guys so you can piss off and let me get back to work.'
'What the hell are you talking about?' I asked.
'Let me introduce you to "my new guy", okay?' she said with a grin, leaning back through the archway behind her. 'Can you come out here?'
'He's in there?' I asked. 'Don't tell me it's Charlie?'
I waited and after a second or two, Tori turned back around and smiled at me, as her pink-haired friend stepped out and immediately scowled at me.
'Okay?' I said.
'Wait, you guys are a couple?' Tiffany asked.
'We are officially now, yeah,' Tori said with a grin as the girl snaked her arm around her waist. 'This is Sadie, Bethan. My girlfriend.'
'What?' I mumbled, frowning at the two of them before looking to Cal and seeing him still amused. 'You didn't tell me she had a girlfriend.'
'Well, it's only a very recent development,' Tori chuckled. 'Cal only just found out on Saturday.'
'So you're...you're a lesbian?' I asked.
'Yeah, Bethan, I'm a lesbian,' she said with a confident nod.
Now, I realised why Cal's attitude had gone from agreeing with me about Tori, back to taking her side. He'd found out the kiss clearly didn't mean anything, because she liked girls.
'So, why did you kiss him?' Tiffany asked her.
'That's just the way I am, babe!' Tori exclaimed. 'Sorry if you don't agree with my forwardness with my friends but that's how I am.'
'You dragged me all the way down here so she could tell me this herself?' I asked him. 'So you could try and make me look stupid?'
'No, so you would fucking believe it,' he said. 'I wanted her to tell you herself so you didn't think I was making it up. We just struck lucky that Sadie is actually here so now you know for sure it's the truth. Happy now?'
'Yeah, I'm glad I was here for this,' Sadie said. 'I'm not happy with the way you have been treating her.'
'Oh, you actually speak?' I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. 'Stay out of it.'
'She's been in tears over all of this,' Sadie said. 'You trying to make out like she was trying to take your man.'
'Maybe she should have told me she was a lesbian from the start then,' I said.
'She shouldn't have to!' Sadie cried.
'Look, it's all a big misunderstanding,' Tiffany said, trying to calm the situation. 'Tori, you clearly don't...look like a lesbian, no offence and you do look like the type of girl that would go for someone who looks like Cal. You can understand why she thought it?'
'Oh yeah, I understand,' she said. 'If she'd been a little nicer to me, I would have happily given her some peace of mind from the start, but she was a bitch from the get go so I enjoyed watching her hate me, thinking I wanted her damn man. I can get my own man if I really want to!'
'Well that just makes it easier for me to not feel bad about this,' I said with a shrug. 'So, now I'll be leaving.'
'Glad I could make you feel better,' Tori said with a smirk.
'Cal, you've had your fun, let's go,' I said, turning to the door.
'Keep me updated on things when I'm gone,' Cal said to Tori as he stood up, his words making my feelings hurt a little as he spoke about still moving away.
'Of course,' Tori said.
'Nice to meet you both,' Tiffany said with an awkward smile. Typical Tiff.
I stepped outside and marched back to Cal's car, getting in the back where Tiffany joined me and Cal got in, starting the engine and driving off.
'Satisfied?' he asked.
'Don't talk to me,' I mumbled. 'You didn't have to do that.'
'I did, Bethan,' he said. 'Honestly, when she kissed me I was furious and I thought you'd been right but I found out she and Sadie were together at my little leaving party on Saturday and I needed you to hear that from Tori herself. I didn't know Sadie was going to be in there but nonetheless, now you know.'
We drove back to Inwood in silence, me not saying anything more on the matter. He was right, now I knew and I immediately felt better knowing that there'd never been anything between them. I couldn't feel stupid about it because they'd kept it from me; I just wished I had been a little nicer to her at the start so I could have known sooner and maybe we wouldn't be apart now.
We got back to the apartment, and all filed in slowly, sitting down and remaining in silence for a little while. I didn't know what to say and Cal was just leaning against the table scrolling through his phone.
'Okay,' Tiffany said, clearing her throat. 'So, now that we have cleared that up, Bethan? Anything you want to say?'
'No,' I replied.
'Okay, Bethan, look,' Tiffany said. 'I love you, and I know you had no clue about the truth in that situation but still, you need to just open up and tell him how you feel about it now.'
'I don't feel anything about it,' I sighed.
'It's time to stop the pettiness and start acting like adults,' she told me, sternly.
She was right. Cal was the one who didn't want to do this and wanted us out of here so he could leave. I could leave now and let him go but I was still here for a reason. It was all about to get better until I admitted about the kiss so if I wanted to get him back to being rational with me, I had to swallow my pride and be adult about it.
'Okay,' I said, nodding. 'Cal, I'm sorry.'
He glanced up, putting his phone into his pocket and staring at me with a blank expression, waiting for me to continue.
'I got mad about her, the same way you did with Brodie but I know that Brodie genuinely did like me and you had a right to hate him,' I said. 'But obviously, I didn't know the truth so I went off what I saw with my own eyes and I believed she had a thing for you. Now that I know she doesn't, I'm sorry that I let my jealousy ruin things for us. I should have been more mature about it and stayed. I shouldn't have left when you stayed at her place. I believed you when you said nothing happened, I just left because I was angry and it was childish of me. So, I'm sorry.'
Tiffany nodded with a smile and glanced to Cal, who was blinking slowly as he took in my words.
'A response, Cal?' Tiffany asked.
'Yeah, well,' he mumbled before clearing his throat. 'It was understandable why you felt how you did but you're right, you shouldn't have left. But you did and you leaving is what ruined us the most. But I accept your apology for that.'
'We both said and done things we shouldn't have that lead up to it,' I told him.
'I know,' he replied with a nod. 'I was happy to move on from that; happy to forget about everything that led up to our split. Until today.'
I dropped my head, knowing he was talking about the kiss.
'Well then let's talk about that,' Tiffany said. 'Cal, tell her what you're thinking.'
'You're a couples counsellor now?' he asked her, sarcastically.
'No, but I'm not leaving until you do,' she said, giving him a smug smile.
'Fine,' he sighed. 'Honestly, it's pretty simple. You kissed a guy and have given me a reason to not want to fix this so, I'm still going back to The Falls.'
'I'm sorry,' I said, letting out a large breath that I was holding.
'I know we weren't together,' he said. 'But I just didn't expect that from you.'
'Bethan, you have to understand where he's coming from,' Tiffany said. 'Think about how you felt when Tori kissed him.'
'I was furious,' I said with a nod.
'Exactly,' she continued. 'Plus, Cal pushed her away, he didn't return it. Now, think about how you'd feel if he had.'
It felt like a punch to the gut to imagine him holding onto her and kissing her back. A feeling that I now knew Cal would have felt when he found out that I had kissed someone back.
'I get it,' I said, nodding. 'It's sickening and hurtful and makes me want to cry my eyes out to imagine him kissing someone else.'
'So, now you know how he feels,' Tiffany said.
'No, she doesn't,' Cal interjected. 'Because she can't truly know how it feels if she hasn't experienced it. She can imagine me kissing someone else and know how the thought of it feels, but she doesn't know the reality of how it feels to actually find out I kissed someone, because I've never done that to her. She doesn't know how I feel.'
'So, tell her,' Tiffany said.
'I want to find this guy and punch him in his face over and over until he's unconscious for even daring to go near her,' he said. 'I want to come right over there and drag her right out of this apartment so I don't have to look at her for another second because all I see when I look at her is some guy's mouth on hers. I want to go to a bar and get absolutely wasted so I can get rid of the images in my head and the nausea in my stomach.'
'Oh my god,' I whispered, feeling shaky and upset. 'I don't know how else to apologise to you.'
Cal shrugged and turned to stare at the wall, leaving me feeling hopeless.
'Tiffany, this is a waste of time,' I said, holding back my tears. 'He knows I'm sorry and that's the important thing. I was wrong to do it but it isn't going to change anything so maybe we should just go and leave him be, like he wants.'
Tiffany continued to stare at Cal, ignoring me and continuing.
'Tell me about the gift she bought you,' she said to him, and he glanced at her with a frown.
'Well, I'll show you it,' Cal mumbled, moving forward.
'No,' Tiffany said, stopping him. 'Tell me.'
'Don't you already know?' he asked, sighing.
'Just tell me all about it,' she said.
'Fine,' he sighed. 'She got me a lighter; a gold one with red diamonds on the sides. She had it engraved with a quote.'
'Go on,' Tiffany said, staring at him intensely.
'It's a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird; her favourite novel and the only one I've ever read,' he told her.
'The book we studied in English last year,' Tiffany said, smiling at me before returning her attention to him. 'What was the quote?'
'It said "with him, life was routine; without him, life was unbearable"; a quote that I found she had highlighted in her copy of the book when I read it,' he said.
'What did you do when you saw it highlighted in her book?' she asked him.
'I laughed,' he said. 'Then I waited until she came in the room and read it out loud, making her blush and cover her face as she tried to run away and I caught her, throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her to the bed where I teased her about it and continued to do so for days.'
'That's sweet,' Tiffany said with a smile. 'How did you feel when you read the engraving?'
'I just...smiled, I guess,' he said, his eyes still staring at the floor as he played with the rings on his fingers. 'It brought back the memory.'
'And it holds some truth, right?' Tiffany said, turning to me. 'You felt that way, when you bought that gift.'
'Yeah,' I replied. 'He knows that.'
'It's part of the reason that I didn't leave New York on Christmas Eve as I had planned to,' he said. 'I decided to stay a little longer so we could talk. So I could see where your head was at.'
'You know where it's at,' I told him.
'Our first phone conversation after I got your gift, you heard Tori in the background and hung up on me,' he said. 'The second conversation we had after you received my gift, you managed to turn it into another row and I hung up. Then you came here, making me finally feel like I could give it one last shot and sit with you to fix this, then you tell me you kissed someone. There will always be something, Bethan. I can't do that. I don't have the energy for that.'
'I'm so glad you've opened up and been honest, Cal,' Tiffany said. 'Bethan? Do you understand what he's saying?'
'Of course,' I said with a nod. I did understand. I knew how he felt now; he was tired. Tired that every time we took a step forward we took two more backwards. It was me, always bringing negativity and drama into our relationship. 'He's right. This whole thing is all my fault.'
'I didn't say that,' he said.
'You didn't have to,' I said, my eyes watering as I stared at the carpet. 'It's been me this whole time; I ruined everything!'
'Bethan, he wasn't trying to make you take blame for it all,' Tiffany said.
'No, I am to blame,' I said, straightening up and looking at her. 'I lied to him about going to dinner with Brodie, I lied about going to see Archie, he was honest with me about staying at Tori's but yet I still walked right out of here.'
'We've both lied, Bethan,' Cal said, his face looking worried as he watched me breathing heavily as I cried. 'I followed you to that party and kept it from you, remember?'
'But why were you there?' I asked him. 'To look out for me, to make sure I was okay, something that a good boyfriend does! I just told you lies to hide things from you because I knew you'd get mad. I left when I was the one who'd started the whole argument.'
'Bethan, calm down,' Tiffany said.
'No!' I cried. 'I've been so blind to all of this, I fucked this whole thing up! You came to my campus because you thought I'd kissed Brodie, but that was only because you still loved me and wanted me back and I told you then that we were done. Then I continued calling you; I turned up at your shop and slept with you! Kept on giving you mixed signals and then I stand and give a guy my number right in front of you!'
'Okay, Bethan,' Tiffany said, gripping my hand. 'One thing at a time!'
'Oh my god, I moved into the dorms and made you think I was completely done with you then I call you when I'm drunk and talk about us,' I sobbed. 'Then I hang up on you just because you're with your friend who wasn't even doing anything wrong all this time and I go and kiss somebody! What is wrong with me?!'
'Bethan!' Cal yelled.
I shut up and glanced at him, standing up straight now and staring down at me.
'Then after all of that,' I continued, slowly and softly, my voice croaky as I held in my sobs. 'You stay here a little longer to still try and work things out with me and I just acted like a childish brat on the phone and caused further rows.'
'But now it's all out in the open, we can address it,' Tiffany said.
'No,' I said, getting to my feet. 'I understand now.'
'Understand what?' he asked.
'Why you're leaving,' I said. 'I've drained you. I've messed with your head so much and you need to get away from it all. I get it. You need to leave and get away from me and move on; I totally see why you don't even want to talk to me. I won't try and stop you a minute longer.'
I moved away and headed for the door, pulling it open.
'Bethan, wait,' Tiffany said, and I turned to see them both standing staring at me, Tiff looking concerned and Cal looking blank, confused as ever.
'No,' I said to her. 'He needs to go back to The Falls and do what makes him happy because all I've done is fuck with his head. Go home, Tiffany and let him go too.'
With my final words, I turned and left, slamming the door and running down the hall as fast as I could, trying to get away before either of them could try and catch me.