'So what else did he say?' I asked Penny.
'I already told you everything,' she said.
'You definitely don't think he's suspicious about the kiss?' I asked her.
'Why would he be suspicious?' she asked with a sigh. 'I never mentioned anything about it.'
'But you said he asked if you needed to tell him anything,' I told her.
'Yeah because I was acting weird,' she sighed. 'Only because I felt awkward as hell. I should never have gotten in the car with him.'
'Why were you on campus so late anyway?' I asked, taking a sip of my hot chocolate as I laid back in my bed, feeling a little more settled now that I knew Cal hadn't found out about Felix and I.
'Studying,' she said with a shrug. 'So, what are you doing for Christmas?'
'Probably going home,' I sighed. 'I bailed on thanksgiving so I'll have to. That will be when I tell my parents everything.'
'They don't even know you're not living together anymore, it's really sad,' she said, shoving candy into her mouth as The Notebook played in the background of our conversation.
'They will be sad,' I said, thinking about how their reactions would be. 'Riley will be so disappointed; he loves Cal.'
'Things change,' she sighed. 'They just have to accept it like you are.'
I bit my lip as I thought about how telling my parents Cal and I were no longer together seemed like the official confirmation of us being done. Once you told your mom shit like that, there was no going back.
'I can't believe it's Christmas next week,' she said, changing the subject. 'I'm leaving on Friday. Just so you know. Georgie is leaving Saturday.'
'I guess I'll call my mom this week and make arrangements,' I said.
'What do you think Cal will do?' she asked.
'Probably stay here,' I said. 'The business probably can't afford for him to take time off.'
'Well, at least we have something to look forward to before we leave,' Penny said.
'The Christmas party,' I said, suddenly remembering I needed a dress.
Our student council were hosting a huge Christmas party for students before we all departed for winter break and I didn't really want to go but I also didn't want to be stuck alone in the dorm room while all of my friends were there having fun.
'I think winter break will be good for you,' Penny said, once again changing the subject upon noticing me deep in thought again. 'A break from New York where you know you can't see Cal or Tori or anyone else. Spend time with family, realise you're going to be okay and come back for a fresh start.'
'What is it with everyone and fresh starts?' I scoffed.
'You know, Bethan,' Penny sighed. 'Nobody would be mad at you or disappointed in you or think you were an idiot if you decided to get back together with Cal.'
'What?' I said, turning to her quickly. 'What makes you say that?'
'Because I think you've allowed your mind to just get into this place where you feel like you can't go back to him now that you've made all of these huge decisions; leaving him, moving in here, meeting other guys, telling all of your friends it's done,' she said. 'If you want to get back with him, I'll be just as supportive of that as I have been with all of this.'
'I...I don't know,' I said, softly.
'You do what you want to do,' she said. 'It's your life.'
'Right,' I murmured, lost in thought.
'Anyway,' she said, turning off the TV and climbing under her covers. 'I have a full day of classes tomorrow so goodnight.'
'Yeah, night,' I said, placing my mug to the side table as Penny turned out her night light. I moved deeper under the covers and closed my eyes.
I knew that I loved Cal deeply but I had already accepted that things were going to stay over. After what Penny had said, now I was wondering if I had only done that because she was right; had I become stuck in this place just because I'd made all these changes? Did I feel like I couldn't go back because I'd told everybody it was over and felt like an idiot if I did? Did I want to go back to him? My heart ached at the very thought and I tried to focus my mind on going to sleep so that I didn't have to think about it for the rest of the night and be kept up until morning.
The next day, I woke up with a really bad headache from getting no sleep. Everything Penny had said had just totally messed with my head and I'd struggled to stay asleep. I turned off my alarm when it sounded and turned back over, hearing Penny getting ready for college and staying hidden under my covers. She obviously realised I'd decided to skip college because she didn't try to wake me and left right away.
I stayed in bed for hours then forced myself to get up and get dressed, heading out for the subway and to the mall. I got started looking for a dress and decided on a maroon skater dress before purchasing some shoes and a new purse to go with it.
After that, I headed for a Frappuccino from Starbucks, taking a slow stroll through the mall before I headed back for the subway.
As I walked, I daydreamed about whether or not I was going to give Cal the gift I'd bought him, imagining the different scenarios that would happen if I did decide to turn up and give it to him. Would he reject it and give it back? Would he hug me and say a polite thank you? Would he grab me and kiss me and ask me to stay with him for Christmas? I had no idea how it would go as Cal was very unpredictable right now. He had switched moods a lot lately and after the phone call when I was drunk last week, I hadn't heard from him at all. Even during that phone call, I remembered that he sounded fine, like he wasn't upset anymore.
Pacing through the lower level of the mall, heading for the exit, I spotted a beautiful cashmere scarf on a stand at the entrance to a store. I hurried over to see it, immediately noticing the price tag and letting go, snorting softly to myself as I realised I couldn't afford it after all the money I'd spent on gifts. I turned to leave the store, glancing up as I moved and spotting two people strolling through the store together, the girl studying the clothing and the guy hovering behind her. He immediately caught my eye and frowned before his face dropped and he turned his back on me.
'Holy shit,' I whispered, as I studied the tiny, dark red-haired girl, holding up a dress and showing it to him. He nodded awkwardly and kept his eyes ahead. I watched as she slapped him on the chest playfully for not paying attention to her and giggled childishly.
Felix stood still for a moment and eventually, allowed his head to slowly turn and caught my eye once again. He shut them slowly and I scoffed, turning and walking out of the store. What a fucking asshole. He had obviously been cheating on his girlfriend that night. I'd felt guilty about the kiss and I wasn't even with Cal but this guy was clearly a complete player.
I left the mall quickly, going for the subway and heading home to my dorm room where I put away my new dress and accessories and got back into my sweats, climbing into bed. I couldn't be thinking about Felix and his girlfriend right now, I didn't care about what he chose to do in his own relationship and I already knew I was an idiot for kissing him before I found out he had a girlfriend so it made no difference to my life.
After a few more hours, Penny finally arrived home. She was in a really chirpy, happy mood therefore I didn't want to bring her down by complaining once again and telling her about that jerk Felix. I had blagged her head with my problems so much and I didn't want to add another to the pile.
We spent the night hanging out together, as usual, and headed to bed eventually after a marathon of Harry Potter movies.
The next day, I forced myself to get up and go to college, making my way there with Penny to have coffee before class before we split and headed our separate ways. I made my way to Hamilton for Medieval English and took my seat, giving Brodie a small wave as he entered.
Brodie now sat with me in class. After we had finally got over our issues and he had moved on with Olivia our friendship had grown and he'd moved up to sit beside me. It was safe to say, our debates became even more heated with us sitting right by each other and usually led to him poking me in the ribs or me kicking him in the shin.
'Hey,' I said as he joined me.
'Hello,' he said with a smile. 'How was your night out at the weekend?'
'Don't want to talk about it,' I groaned.
'Bad then, huh?' he chuckled. 'I'm guessing you got silly drunk and did something...silly.'
'Sure did,' I sighed. 'But I really don't want to get into it.'
'Fair enough,' he said with a shrug. 'Are you going to the Christmas party tonight?'
'Yeah,' I said with a nod. 'I have my dress and everything all prepared for getting home.'
'Great,' he said. 'Olivia and I are going together a bit later, so we will probably see you guys there.'
'Oh, cool,' I said. 'I'm really glad you guys are getting on so well.'
'Getting on?' he questioned with a chuckle. 'We're more than getting on.'
'So you're official?' I asked him.
'Well, I haven't officially asked her,' he said. 'Why is your tone so strange?'
I hadn't meant for it to be but I was a little curious of Olivia. She was very forward and she seemed to have a little problem with Penny with the constant questioning of Penny getting us into Club Luna. In fairness, I had wondered about it myself but Penny was a best friend of mine so it was okay for me to think that way.
'It's not, Brodie,' I said, shaking it off and smiling. 'I'm happy for you.'
'You don't like her?' he asked.
'I've only met her a few times, Brodie,' I told him. 'I do like her. I really like her and I think you guys are cute together.'
'Okay,' he said, nodding. 'Just making sure.'
'It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway,' I reminded him. 'It's your life.'
'Yeah but it's important to me that my friends like her,' he said. 'Didn't you feel that way when you got with Cal?'
'No,' I replied without hesitation before turning to him. 'I already knew nobody liked Cal and I didn't give a fuck.'
He squinted and nibbled on the inside of his mouth as he nodded and thought over my words.
'I would have stayed with him no matter what anyone said,' I continued. 'Including my parents, who actually banned me from seeing him.'
'Wow,' he said. 'You must have really fallen for him.'
'I did,' I said, nodding. 'He was there for me when no-one else was.'
'Love like that doesn't go away,' he told me.
'You think so?' I asked.
'For sure,' he said with a smile. 'You'll both always love each other more than anyone else and no-one else will ever be good enough. You guys will get back together.'
'Hmm,' I breathed.
'Even though you aren't together, you'll both stay loyal to each other because you both know you want things to return to how they were,' he continued, making me frown as I looked at him. 'I don't know him, but I know that if any girl tried anything with him he'd kick her to the curb. That's why he hates me, because he loves you so badly. He wouldn't betray you. The same way you wouldn't betray him.'
I instantly felt sick and the need to cry at what he had just said. His words should have been the truth but they weren't; I had betrayed Cal. He had been loyal to me and I had betrayed him. I had managed to surpass the guilt a little until this very moment. Here was Brodie assuming Cal and I were two soulmates who would never stray elsewhere because we loved each other so much yet I had let temptation get the better of me and I hated myself for it.
Class continued on and ended and I said my goodbyes to Brodie as I headed for my World Poems class right after. His words played on my mind for the rest of the day and by final period, I was tearing myself up with guilt.
I raced from my final class to the coffee shop where Penny was waiting and she frowned upon seeing my face instantly.
'What happened?' she sighed.
'Nothing,' I replied. 'Can we just hurry home?'
'Sure,' she said, eyeing me before turning and we headed off campus to go back to the dorms.
As soon as we got in, we proceeded to get ready for the Christmas party. I took a shower and applied my makeup, light and fair, before stepping into my new dress and straightening my hair. I was in no mood to go but I knew once I was there I'd enjoy myself.
I got into my heels and grabbed my purse as Penny finally finished getting ready and we headed outside, jumping in a cab to take the short journey back to campus. We reached the student union where the party was being held in the student lounge and the music volume increased as we stepped inside.
The ceiling was decorated with hanging paper Christmas decorations and there was a huge white Christmas tree at the head of the room. There were white lights strung up all across the walls and staff dressed as elves as the Christmas music blared through the speakers.
We headed to grab a drink, me settling for cherry cola as I knew I wasn't going to get away with drinking alcohol here tonight with some of my professors present and they were well aware that students might try and sneak alcohol in. After which, we strolled around until we found Georgie with some of his theatre classmates at a table where we joined them.
'Hey girls,' he said, clearly a little drunk already. I knew he had his little hip flask of vodka with him and I would have asked to steal some but I wanted to make sure none of my professors saw and thought badly of me.
'What's happening?' Penny asked as we joined them.
'We're just discussing how hot Professor Grey looks tonight,' Georgie chuckled.
'No, you were,' one of Georgie's friends laughed.
'Ew, Georgie, he's an old man,' I giggled.
'He's ageing well,' he replied with a shrug. 'I'd let him bend me over any day.'
'That is so gross,' Penny scoffed.
'Wait, isn't he one of your professors?' I asked her.
'Yeah, exactly!' she said. 'Now whenever I'm in geochem all I'll think of when I look at him behind his desk is him bending Georgie over it.'
Everybody laughed and I took a sip of my cola, studying the room where students were gathered in their groups, clearly all drinking their sodas after adding their own little touches to it. Some were dancing and some were already tailing the buffet table which hadn't been opened yet.
'Kind of hard to let loose somewhere like this after partying at Club Luna,' I chuckled.
'Yeah, it's pretty shit,' Georgie said. 'That's why...'
He pulled his hip flask from his pocket and wiggled it to us with a cheesy smile before reaching over and dropping a little bit into everyone's drinks.
'Georgie, I'm not drinking tonight,' I said with a scowl. 'Idiot.'
'Oh shut up,' he replied. 'We're all splitting for winter break this weekend so it's our last night out for this year!'
'It's a Christmas party hosted by the student council,' I reminded him. 'What did you expect?'
'You're right,' he sighed. 'Let's ditch and go to Club Luna.'
'That's not what I meant,' I told him.
'Penny, hook us up again,' he told her.
'Not tonight,' she sighed. 'It's too short notice.'
'Just text your friend and ask him,' Georgie said.
'No, I can't,' she said.
'Why not?' he asked with a frown. 'Who even is your friend anyway?'
'Just a guy I know from college,' she said with a shrug. 'Anyway, I don't want to go. I'm not in the mood.'
'Do you have to suck his dick every time he gets you into the club?' Georgie asked with a teasing grin.
'Do you want to wear this drink all over your dazzling white fucking jacket?' she asked him, her face turning a shade of red.
'That's a yes then,' he chuckled, snapping his fingers.
'Fuck you,' she said, getting to her feet and storming off.
'Georgie,' I sighed.
'Okay, tell me that's not suspicious,' he said. 'She's stormed off because it's the truth; oh my god! She's like a hooker!'
'She's not sucking dick for a club pass!' I cried. 'You need to apologise.'
'Nah, she'll be fine,' he said, leaning back in his chair.
'Okay, you're too drunk,' I sighed, getting to my feet. 'I'll go find our friend and make sure she's okay. Come find us when you're ready to stop acting like a drunken prick.'
'Boo you whore!' he cried, as I paced away, rolling my eyes. Sometimes Georgie overstepped his limit a little too much with vodka and acted like that. It was pretty normal and I knew he didn't really mean to hurt anyone. He'd be sorry tomorrow and he'd beg for her forgiveness and she'd give it and all would be fine. I told myself so as I strolled through the hall trying to find her.
I spotted her sitting at an empty table by herself and moved to join her.
'He's just being an asshole,' I said, as I sat. 'Ignore it.'
'Oh, I know,' she said with a gentle smile. 'Just Georgie being Georgie.'
'Are you okay?' I asked. 'You seemed hurt.'
'I'm not,' she said. 'I've just got a lot on my mind.'
'So, it wasn't really Georgie's words that made you storm off?' I asked. 'You have other things going on and I've been so caught up in my own drama I didn't notice.'
'Please don't get like that,' she said. 'I'm fine! I just have a lot of work to do and I'm kind of behind and have professors on my ass and I just couldn't deal with his shit tonight.'
'Okay then,' I said, squeezing her hand. 'You talk to me about it if you I need to.'
'Thanks, Bethan,' she said, smiling at me.
I smiled back and my eyes flickered up as I recognised someone just a few feet behind Penny. I frowned as I tried to focus on her face, knowing her from somewhere but not placing her so easily.
'Oh my god,' I whispered as it clicked.
'What?' Penny asked, turning to look around before frowning at me. 'What are you looking at? Oh my god, is Cal here?'
'No,' I said, shaking my head as I watched the girl smiling and laughing with a friend.
'Who are you looking at?' Penny asked, turning around and back once again.
I didn't want to tell her about today because I'd not wanted to bring more of my drama down on her, especially now that she'd just told me she had her own shit going on.
'Nothing for you to worry about,' I said, giving her a reassuring smile.
'Just because I have a lot going on doesn't mean I don't have time for you to talk to me about your problems,' she said. 'That's why I'm here so tell me.'
'Okay,' I sighed. 'It's that girl there with the dark red hair talking to that blonde girl.'
Penny turned once more and studied the girl before turning back.
'I don't know her,' she said.
'Me neither,' I sighed. 'But I do know that she's the girlfriend of Felix. The guy I kissed at the club. I guess she's a student here.'
'No!' Penny gasped. 'Oh my god, he had a girlfriend! He cheated on her with you! Oh my god, she goes here! Oh my god, what if he goes here too?!'
'Calm down,' I whispered. 'I saw them together today at the mall. He saw me and he got really awkward and avoided my eyes but she was obviously clueless. She didn't see me looking at them.'
'Are you going to tell her?' Penny asked.
It was a thought that hadn't crossed my mind.
'I guess not,' she continued from my silence. 'Don't feel bad. He's just a random guy, it's not your place to tell her.'
'Thank you, I needed to hear that,' I said, letting out a breath. 'I don't need more guilt than I already have.'
'Let's go get another drink,' Penny said, and we both got to our feet.
I studied the girl as we passed her. She had dark red hair and tanned skin with blue eyes. I spotted the full sleeve tattoo on her arm along with a couple on her chest revealed by her low cut dress. She was stunning. It made no sense why Felix would do that to someone as perfect as her. Guys these days just didn't appreciate what they had. Except Cal, he was nothing like that. He was loyal and respectful and perfect.
'Don't think about it,' I muttered to myself, swallowing the automatic lump in my throat.
Penny and I grabbed more drinks from the bar before returning to our empty table. I kept my eyes down as we passed the girl again, not wanting to look at her and feel even more guilty that I'd kissed her boyfriend. Maybe she knew, maybe he'd been honest and told her. I would bet that it was more likely that he hadn't but I could pretend that he had and not think about it as much.
'Shit,' Penny muttered as we approached our seats and I looked up at her to see her staring at someone. For a second, I thought Cal had turned up to crash the party. 'Is that him?'
I turned to see Felix standing by the girl, his arm draped around her shoulders as he stood patiently while she talked to her friends. He was gazing around the room, taking it all in as he stood in his bright white shirt and jeans. As his head moved around, his eyes settled on me and his face dropped instantly as his body straightened up and he let go of his girl.
'I'm guessing that's a yes,' Penny whispered.
'Just sit,' I mumbled, and we both did so, turning away from him.
I didn't look Felix's way anymore. I didn't want to see him and feel more nauseous at what I had done to Cal and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and alert his girlfriend of anything in case I ended up in some cat fight I really didn't need.
Penny and I sat for a little longer, both clearly bored and not in the mood for this night.
'Should we just head home?' Penny asked me. 'This is so lame. We're both clearly not in the right headspace for it.'
'Agreed,' I sighed. 'Pyjamas, snacks and Netflix?'
'As always,' she chuckled.
'I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'll meet you at the doors,' I said, getting to my feet.
'Okay,' she said, getting up and heading across the room.
I moved through the small crowds, entering the door to the bathrooms, drowning the music out as I paced up the corridor to the ladies room. The music grew louder again as the door I'd just came through opened and I turned to see Felix walking up the corridor. I froze and my eyes went wide as I paused and watched him approach me, worry on his face.
'Bethan,' he said, stopping in front of me.
'Is this a good idea?' I asked him. 'She could come in here and see us.'
'She won't,' he sighed. 'Look, I was going to talk to you today at the mall but you walked away so quickly.'
'We'll, obviously,' I said with a scowl. 'You were there with your girlfriend. What did you expect me to do hang around to be introduced to her? "Oh hi, I'm Bethan, just a random girl your boyfriend kissed in the club last weekend." Don't try and fill me with your crap, Felix.'
'Wait,' he said as I turned to walk away. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I kissed you but I just...I didn't...I-.'
'You didn't think you'd ever see me again and you didn't think I'd find out you had a girlfriend let alone bump right into you guys,' I said. 'You didn't think you had to worry about her finding out.'
'Do I have to worry?' he asked. 'Because I'd rather you let me tell her myself if you're going to make sure she knows.'
'No,' I replied. 'I wasn't exactly...loyal, myself that night.'
'So, you have a boyfriend?' he asked, raising a brow.
'No,' I said. 'We just broke up but...it's complicated. Why are you even here; are you a student here?'
'No, she's a history student; I'm just her plus one,' he said. 'So, you're not going to tell her?'
'Felix,' I sighed. 'Why don't you just break up with her? She's gorgeous and she clearly deserves better than you so why don't you just let her go if you're going to cheat on her anyway.'
'I don't cheat on her, I never have,' he said. 'It was just you, you caught my eye and I wasn't thinking.'
'Well, that makes me feel better,' I sighed, being completely sarcastic.
'She doesn't have to know,' he said.
'Fine,' I said, shrugging. 'It's your relationship. I barely even know you anyway so I'm not getting involved in whatever you decide to do about it.'
'Good,' he said. 'So...if we've agreed on keeping it our little secret then...does that mean...?'
'Whoa, are you serious right now?' I asked with a scowl. 'No! Absolutely fucking not! Now you've got reassurance you haven't been found out by your girlfriend you automatically just try and continue cheating on her? What a jackass!'
'You enjoyed it too,' he said. 'I know you did.'
'Irrelevant!' I cried. 'I was drunk! I've felt guilty ever since. Do you even know what that word means?'
'Fine,' he said, with a small chuckle. 'I get it. I'll stay away.'
'Maybe stay away from her too,' I suggested. 'Do her a favour and let her be rid of you.'
'Ouch,' he said before letting out a laugh. 'Goodnight, Bethan.'
'I hope you get the clap from the next girl you go behind her back with,' I said, as he turned his back to walk away.
'I said goodnight, Bethan,' he called, waving a hand in the air as he continued out the door back to the party.
'Ugh! Fucking asshole,' I hissed, storming into the bathroom to pee.
As I came out of the cubicle and washed my hands, I was still furious at his smug attitude. He'd started off all worried and concerned and as soon as I'd agreed to keep quiet he turned into a fucking jerk. His smug smile and cocky attitude reminded me so much of Archie and now I disliked him even more. If I ever saw him again, I'd probably punch him in the face. If I ever saw his girlfriend again, I was certainly going to tell her the truth. I'd let it slide this time but if I ever came across her again on campus, she was finding out.
I left the bathroom, moving back through the party to leave and spotted Felix laughing with his girlfriend as his hands were clasped around her waist. He glanced up and caught my eye and I narrowed mine at him before he gave me a wink and spread that cocky smile across his face. I raised my hand and flipped him off to which he chuckled before turning away from me and I quickly sped out of the hall to meet Penny, before I raced right over there and tackled that asshole right to the floor.