Ya'll are gona hate me...😖
'Penny, I'm waiting by the campus gates, are you done?' I asked my friend through the phone as I finished college for the day.
'Sorry, I have a tutorial for geochem again,' she sighed.
'Oh, Penny, reschedule,' I asked, pouting as I'd been excited to get straight back to our dorm to get ready for our night out tonight.
'I can't, Bethan,' she told me. 'I already cancelled the last one and Professor Grey wasn't happy about it.'
'Ugh, he sounds like such a bore,' I said with a scowl.
'He is,' she replied. 'Anyway, it's only half an hour so I won't be long.'
'Fine,' I sighed. 'Then I'll wait in the coffee shop for you.'
'Yeah, great,' she replied. 'See you soon.'
I hung up and made my way across the grounds to the coffee shop, ordering a coconut vanilla latte and taking a seat by the window. I stared out of it, waiting patiently for Penny as I let my mind wander to the phone call with Cal.
So, Tori had finally decided to make her move. She had been rooting for me to disappear so she could have him. I had been right. The ripple I'd felt through my chest when Cal had told me what she had done had made me want to leave my sleepover with Penny and Georgie and head to wherever she was to rip her head off. The feeling soon faded when Cal told me he had pushed her away. He sounded mad and he sounded upset that he had been so naive and not listened to me more. It was nice to hear but it shouldn't have taken her to kiss him for him to believe me.
'Bethan?' A voice made me blink out of my thoughts.
'Hey, Olivia,' I said with a smile as Brodie's girlfriend stood by my table with a takeout coffee in her hand.
'Nice to see you,' she said, smiling back. 'What are you doing here alone?'
'Waiting for Penny,' I told her.
'Oh, right cool,' she said. 'It was a really fun night with you guys at the club. I'm sorry you had to rush off.'
'Yeah, it was great,' I told her, ignoring the final comment. 'We're actually heading back there tonight if you'd like to come with?'
'Penny got you guys in again?' she asked.
'Yeah. Club Luna,' I said with a nod.
'It amazes me how she manages to get in,' Olivia chuckled. 'I mean, I have a friend of a friend whose step-father is a co-owner of Club Luna and pretty much everybody else that works high up for the place is like really old, so I have no idea who her connect is.'
'Connect?' I repeated with a laugh. 'It's a nightclub not a drug ring. It's probably one of their sons that she knows from college.'
'Yeah, probably,' Olivia said. 'Anyway, I think I'll give it a miss. Thank you though.'
'You're welcome,' I replied. 'Maybe next time.'
'For sure,' she said, taking a few steps away. 'Have a good night.'
'See you, Olivia,' I said, and she turned on her heel and left.
Strange girl. I couldn't help but think to myself that she was strangely interested in Penny. What did it matter if Penny had some powerful secret friends, we were benefitting from it and I preferred not to ask questions anyway.
As I glanced at the clock, I took another sip of my drink and left it, heading outside of the coffee shop to wait for Penny. As I stepped out the door, I saw her wavy ginger hair bouncing as she crossed campus quickly, giving me a bright smile and linking my arm happily.
'Let us go get drunk,' she said with a grin.
'Let's!' I chuckled back.
We headed home on the subway and three hours later, we were ready in our dresses and heels. I'd chosen a very tight, short and strappy black dress for tonight. Penny blow dried my hair so it was high and extremely voluminous and brought her own up into a tight Ariana Grande style ponytail along with a similar little number to my own dress, only in red.
We had a little drink in our room for courage before getting our things together and heading for a cab. Georgie wasn't able to join us as he had plans with some theatre friends so it was just the two of us tonight. It would be a nice bit of quality time spent with Penny, having a quiet drink in our booth and a little dance later on.
Shortly afterwards, we arrived at the club and Penny got us inside with no problems. She'd told the doorman she was a friend of Daniel's again and he let her right inside, something I wanted to question but felt like it wasn't my business.
We found our reserved booth and got right down to drinking, sipping perfect cocktails as we chatted about our week.
'So, she actually tried her luck with him and got rejected?' Penny asked, stunned by the whole ordeal. 'How embarrassing?!'
'I know, right?' I exclaimed. 'She's such a little skank, I hope I don't see her tonight.'
'Oh, Bethan, I'm praying you don't see her tonight,' Penny groaned. 'I can't be breaking up fights.'
'Don't worry,' I replied. 'I wouldn't risk everything over the likes of her. I just know when the time comes that we bump into each other, I'll just give her a look that lets her know that I know and I'll make sure she feels very fucking stupid too.'
'I'm sure she already does,' Penny chuckled. 'She probably planned it all out the second you guys broke up and then he pushes her, physically pushes her!'
'I'm so glad he did,' I sighed.
'That just shows you doesn't it?' Penny said with a smile. 'His heart is all yours.'
'Don't,' I said, closing my eyes softly as her words hit me like a brick. 'I can't think like that.'
'Well, it seems to me like you have made up your mind,' she said with a shrug.
'What do you mean?' I asked.
'I think you've truly moved past getting your relationship back on track,' she said.
I instantly felt a loss inside of me when she said it, like I wanted to grieve something. I didn't think I'd moved past anything. I didn't know what I wanted.
'It's a good thing,' she said upon seeing my expression. 'Bethan, you guys were back and forth. I just want you to be happy and I think you're happier single.'
'That makes me sad,' I admitted. 'For him. Especially after our phone call last night.'
'It will be hard,' she said. 'He will move on too.'
I nodded, trying not to imagine Cal with another girl but shaking the thought of him out of my head completely as a waitress approached the table with a tray of shots. Penny bought six of them and we clinked our tiny glasses before throwing them back, almost choking on the burning in our throats before chuckling and getting up to have a dance together by our booth.
Every time the waitress passed by us, I purchased more shots from her. Eventually, I lost count of how many I had consumed and judging by Penny's drowsy eyes and unsteady dance moves, she had too. She took a seat and tried to gather herself and I chuckled, moving further into the crowd of people dancing. I was extremely drunk but handling it a little better than her and I enjoyed the feeling of not being in control. For once, I could just let loose and have the alcohol decide what I did and how I did it, not caring how it made me look in the process.
I danced with several strangers, rocking side to side with some random girls and even jokingly twerking with some guys. I just wanted to party and not have to care about life's problems. The waitress continued to approach me, clearly realising I was her profit for the night, and I continued to buy, getting more drunk by the minute.
As soon as my alcohol level overstepped my usual limit, Cal came into my head. I wanted to leave and go to the apartment and see him. I wanted to touch him and tear his clothes off and share our bed with him.
Glancing over to Penny, I could see she was a little better, now chatting to some young guy in our booth. I slipped away sneakily, heading down the stairs and to the back of the club where the smoking terrace wasn't too busy. Taking a seat, I pulled out my phone and dialled Cal, not thinking anything more of it.
'Bethan?' he answered right away.
'I'm drunk,' I said, ensuring he was aware of this but not knowing why it was relevant.
'Okay,' he replied. 'That explains why you're calling me then.'
'I'm not sure if that's you being rude to me or not,' I said, frowning a little.
'No, I'm not being rude, Bethan,' he said. 'I'm just surprised. Are you okay?'
'I'm okay,' I said. 'In fact, I'm very good. I'm having a good night.'
'Where are you?' he asked.
'Club Luna,' I told him. 'Where are you?'
'I'm at home,' he replied.
'Tell me what you're doing,' I told him.
'Okay, well, right now I'm sat on our...I mean, my sofa,' he said, and my heart sunk a little. 'I'm watching Star Wars because it was already on when I turned on the TV and I'm eating chips and drinking...cherry cola.'
He laughed a little as he spoke the final words.
'You're drinking cherry cola?' I asked, a smile spreading on my face.
'Well, the fridge is still stocked up from when you lived here,' he said. 'I figured I'd just drink it.'
'That's sad,' I said, not meaning to be so honest about how that made me feel.
'I don't want you to feel sad when you're out with your friends,' he said.
'I could just drink some cherry cola right now,' I said.
'Well, I won't drink anymore and you can come get them anytime,' he said. 'A lot of your stuff is still here.'
'I know,' I said, biting my lip. 'I don't want to come for it.'
'Well, why not?' he asked.
'Because I'm scared to set foot back in that apartment,' I said, feeling emotional. 'I feel like...I feel like that is what will break me. I'm holding up, I really am but I need to stick to this new and different life and not go back to anything from the old one. From the one I had with you because...it'll break me.'
'It doesn't need to be this way, you know,' he said. 'We can end all of this pain and just get back-.'
'No, please, don't say it,' I said, not wanting to hear him say the words. 'We can't. Too much has happened.'
'Then why are you still calling me?' he asked.
'I don't know,' I whimpered, my voice beginning to croak. 'I just felt like I needed to hear your voice.'
'I understand,' he said. 'I can bring all of your stuff to your dorm for you if you want.'
'Yes,' I said. 'That would be great.'
'Okay, Bethan,' he said. 'Do you want to go back to your friends now?'
'You don't want to talk to me?' I asked.
'I don't want to disturb your night out,' he replied.
'Have you spoken to Tori?' I asked, randomly.
'No,' he said. 'I won't be speaking to her for a long time.'
'Good,' I replied, resting my head against the wall and closing my eyes, feeling a little woozy. 'She's a whore.'
'So you've said many times before,' he chuckled.
'It's the truth,' I said. 'You should have listened to me.'
'I should have,' he agreed.
'You should have fired her the very first time I asked you to,' I said, feeling myself becoming vexed and it was heightened by the alcohol.
'Let's not go down that road,' he sighed.
'Maybe we would still be together if you'd listened to me,' I told him.
'Maybe,' he said. 'But I can't think like that now. I can only think about going forward.'
'There is no going forward,' I told him, hating that he was acting so laid back. 'You screwed that up by letting that slut into your life.'
'Bethan, I can't do this,' he sighed. 'Not right now on the phone when you're wasted.'
'I'm not wasted!' I cried.
'Yeah, you are,' he said. 'So maybe you should go find your friends.'
'Why do you have to go ruin it by being a dick?' I asked, knowing that it was just the alcohol talking but being unable to help it. I couldn't control how he and all of this made me felt. It was so overwhelming.
'I don't mean to make you mad,' he sighed. 'I'm sorry. Just put down the phone and forget this conversation happened.'
'More like put down the phone and forget you and I ever happened,' I spat, snatching the phone away from my ear and hanging up. 'Ugh!'
I screamed out loud, my voice echoing through the air and a few people turned to glance my way. I scowled and got to my feet, heading back inside and up the stairs. Cal was right, I had to forget that happened or it would ruin my night. He had sounded like he didn't even want to talk to me so I'd let him be on his own if that's how he wanted to be.
I glanced back over to my booth, trying to see through the crowd if Penny was still there. I had to rant and get it out of my system then take some more shots to forget it. Picking up the pace, I pushed through the crowd, when a hand reached out and touched my arm before a large figure stepped in front of me and stopped me in my tracks.
'Bethan?' I paused and looked up at the tall stranger talking to me.
'Oh,' I said, studying his face and trying to recall. 'Oh! Felix?'
'Hey,' he said with a huge smile that revealed perfect porcelain veneers. 'Nice to see you. You look amazing.'
'Thank you,' I replied, blushing. His compliment and his charming smile made my anger disappear and I instantly forgot about my plan to talk Penny's head off about how mad I was at Cal.
'Sorry I haven't called,' he said, awkwardly. 'I felt like it didn't really seem like you wanted me to.'
'Yeah, things were a little complicated,' I sighed.
'You say "were" complicated,' he said with a cheeky grin. 'So now they're not?'
'Well,' I sighed. 'Yeah. I guess they still are.'
'Oh,' he said, nodding slowly. 'That's cool.'
'Sorry,' I said, feeling bad for him but not knowing why.
'Hey, sorry for what?' he laughed. 'It was nice to see you again.'
'You too,' I said.
'Enjoy your night,' he told me, his eyes lingering on mine for a second, glistening when the strobe light hit them before he winked and turned away, heading back through the crowd. I stood for a second, stunned and unsure of what had just happened and then I spotted the ginger ponytail in the distance, bringing my mind back to earth.
'Penny,' I said, throwing myself down into the booth.
'Where have you been!?' she asked, still very drunk.
'Outside for some air,' I sighed. 'I called Cal.'
'No!' she cried, gasping dramatically and throwing herself back in the chair. 'Biggest mistake ever drunk dialling the ex!'
'I know,' I sighed. 'He pissed me off.'
'Of course he did,' she said. 'You're drunk. He could have stayed silent the whole time and not said anything and he would have pissed you off. That's what happens when you drunk dial, stupid head!'
'Okay, geez, relax,' I said before sulking back in my chair. 'I can't keep letting Cal bring me down.'
'We're on a night out and you're miserable because of him,' Penny said. 'It's not healthy, girl.'
'I know,' I sighed. 'I just need to dance and forget.'
I bolted from my seat and headed for the waitress with the shots once more, buying three from her and downing them before retaking my place in the crowd and dancing away once more. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to become lost in it, only hearing the beat and the lyrics as I let my body move whatever way it wanted and I found myself smiling again, relishing in the buzz of being intoxicated.
My eyes slowly moved open to find a set of darker, narrowed ones staring right at me across the club. Felix was sat at a bar stool and watching me, his eyes undressing me and his smile devious. I couldn't ignore the flutter in my stomach and I let my mouth drop open, giving him flirtatious, welcoming eyes without realising what I was doing. He brought his glass to his lips and finished off his drink before getting to his feet and walking my way.
'Oh shit,' I whispered, not knowing what to do. I couldn't deny, he was gorgeous. He was toned and tanned and his face was handsome with beautiful eyes and his tattoos made him a million times hotter.
'I can't stop watching you it seems,' he said, as he came up right in front of me. 'Once again, you've caught my eye and I can't distract myself from you.'
'Oh really?' I asked, gulping and glancing around. His chest was almost pressed to mine and I could feel myself being drawn in. He was really something else, but all I could think in my head was one thing. He wasn't Cal.
'Really,' he said and he smiled, placing his palm on my cheek gently.
'Felix,' I said, trying to slow things down. I regretted giving him mixed signals. Even if I did want this, I couldn't do it to Cal.
'Are you about to reject me again?' he asked with an amused grin as he brushed my hair away from my face.
'I...maybe, I don't know,' I said, captivated by his beautiful eyes. Why was I feeling bad for Cal? All he had done was hurt me and after what he had said to me at his shop last weekend, I owed him nothing. The fury came rushing back and I stopped feeling guilty and let my face rest against Felix's hand a little more, my subtle signal that I maybe wanted him to stay.
'I think you know but you're trying to hide it,' he said with a chuckle.
I didn't reply, I simply closed my eyes and took in the feeling of his touch. It was only his hand to my cheek but it still felt strange coming from a man other than Cal. Once Cal and I had become official, I'd never expected to be caught up with another man for the rest of my life. I thought only Cal would ever be the one to touch me and caress me this way. The thought made Felix's gentle strokes on my cheek feel wrong. I wanted it to be Cal, not him, as much as I tried to deny it. He was the love of my life.
I felt a single tear roll down my cheek and Felix brushed it away softly. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, feeling a little embarrassed and opening my mouth to explain.
'Don't,' he said, bringing a finger to my lips. 'It's okay.'
I nodded, unsure of what he meant and remained still, staring into his eyes as he studied my face. He took a step closer, lowering his head and bringing both of his hands to my face now, tilting it up to him as he came down to me, touching my lips with his. I was frozen on the spot as he kissed me, softly at first before opening his mouth a little and moving his lips against mine. I couldn't think. I couldn't process. My body decided to take over on its own and it was like my brain disconnected from it. My lips moved apart and let his tongue in. I kissed him back, resting my fingertips on his jawline as I moved my mouth against his, my mind empty and my body hollow until he broke it, resting his forehead on mine.
The second I opened my eyes again, the pain I felt inside of me was excruciating. Cal's face appeared in my mind. His face was hurt and heartbroken. If he had witnessed this, it would have killed him. If he had witnessed this, it may have killed Felix too - literally. How could I have done this? He had pushed Tori away, told her to never speak to him again even though we weren't together and I just let a random guy I don't even know kiss me in a club and kissed him back!
'I have to go,' I said, stepping back from him.
'Don't go,' he said, frowning in disappointment.
I shook my head, my eyes wide as I watched him study me and I moved forward, pushing past him and heading for the booth.
'Penny, I need to leave,' I said, frantically grabbing my clutch from the seat.
'What? Why?' she said, seeming a little more sober now.
'I just kissed someone!' I cried, my eyes watering and my face looking at her desperately. 'I just kissed someone and I feel like I'm going to explode and I need to get out of here!'
'Okay, Bethan, okay!' she said, nodding as she jumped up quickly. 'Then we'll go.'
I nodded and she grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the booth and through the crowd as I kept my eyes ahead as not to see if Felix was anywhere nearby. We moved down the steps and to the huge double doors, out onto the street to find a cab.
'Oh my god, oh my god!' I cried, taking in gulps of fresh air as we paused on the kerb. 'I can't breathe!'
'Bethan, you're going to be okay,' she said, trying to catch a cab.
'I kissed someone!' I screamed.
'I know but we're going to talk it through when we get home, okay!' she said. 'Please, hang in there.'
I continued to take in the air and tried to compose myself until a cab stopped and we both jumped inside, heading down the road back to the dorms where I could crawl into my bed and sob my heart out over betraying the love of my life in a way that I knew would break him for good.