The weekdays dragged by as I heard nothing from Bethan. The day she left I'd laid about the apartment expecting a call or a text but nothing came. I knew she would be back at college the day after so I didn't expect to hear anything, knowing she'd be distracted by her studies. Even more so, she was living in a dorm with one of her friends now so she had even more reason to not want to contact me. They were probably out drinking and partying and staying up all night watching movies and spending all of their time together. I didn't want her to be sitting around crying and feeling down but I at least expected her to be missing me.
I consumed my time with filling my sketchbook; drawing up designs of random ideas that came to my head so I could think about anything but what she was doing and why she hadn't called me up crying yet. I stayed at work as late as I could all week and Charlie and Tori didn't ask any questions but tried to keep the mood light and distract me with random conversation.
I thought by now that Brodie had probably made his move to get in there with her once he'd realised she had moved out. I had faith that Bethan would have told him to go fuck himself. My body would flare up with fury at the very thought of him trying to get back to her dorm after a party or trying to take her out again, acting like he was just being a friend.
I knew that if I saw him around I wouldn't hesitate to kick the shit out of him and threaten him to stay away from her; the old me was still in there as much as I'd done my best to keep him locked away.
'You want to come for beers?' Tori asked me, as we all packed up to leave work for the day.
'No,' I muttered, as I turned out the lights.
'Come on,' she said, softly. 'Just come for one.'
I flared my nostrils, my patience running thin at the moment, and I wanted Tori to just back off and leave me alone. I didn't want to act like everything was okay and hang out with my "friends" even though it was probably exactly what Bethan was doing. I was so pissed off that she had done what she had done and now she was probably having the time of her life without a fucking care whilst I was here depressed out of my mind at losing her.
'Fine,' I quickly said, realising that if she was getting on with her life then I would have to too. 'Just one.'
We locked up the shop and headed down the street to the bar, taking a booth in the back corner and Charlie stopped at the bar for the first round.
'So,' Tori said as we sat and waited for Charlie. 'I don't want to have to bring it up but what's going on?'
'You should have stuck to not bringing it up because I won't hesitate to walk the fuck out of here,' I warned, pointing to the door as I glared at her.
'You don't have to act all tough and mighty,' Tori said. 'You found out that she lied to you about going to that restaurant; I feel fucking terrible that I was the one who ended up revealing it to you. Even so, it doesn't excuse her lying about it so I'm guessing you guys aren't talking right now considering you came to stay at my place, huh?'
'You don't even know the fucking half of it,' I spat.
'Half of what?' Charlie asked as he set the beers down and sat on the opposite side of the booth next to Tori.
I sighed and shook my head, 'Nothing,' I muttered.
'Cal,' Tori sighed. 'You guys have fallen out before and you'll make up again; it happens.'
'Tori, shut the fuck up,' I said. 'Okay, you don't have any fucking idea what is going on.'
'Cal, don't; just chill out, man,' Charlie said, holding up a steady hand to try and calm things down. 'Nobody needs to start falling out again.'
'Charlie, we all know you're dying to bone Tori but you don't have to step in and be her fucking knight in shining armour all of the time,' I spat. 'She's a big girl.'
'Not cool, man,' Charlie said, shaking his head and turning away as he took a drink of his beer.
I sighed and lowered my head, wiping my face with my palms and trying to calm myself down. It wasn't their faults and I was just extremely snappy right now.
'Sorry,' I breathed. 'My temper is just real fucking short at the moment.'
They both nodded slowly and gave me sympathetic looks that just made me want to get the fuck out of there. I despised pity.
'Is there more to it?' Tori asked.
'Yes, obviously,' I hissed. 'I don't want to talk about it.'
'We aren't going to judge you or think you're a pussy for feeling sad at falling out with your girlfriend,' Charlie said. 'We're all friends here and if you want to rant to us then we'll fucking listen, man; stop being so hard faced.'
'We haven't fallen out!' I exclaimed, deeply, as I grew irritated at them repeatedly saying that. It was so much worse than that.
'So what then?' Tori asked. 'Why are you so angry?'
'She left,' I told them. 'She packed her shit into a suitcase and she moved out.'
'What? When?' Tori asked, her eyes instantly filling with surprise.
'I went home and confronted her about the restaurant,' I said. 'Then I found out...well, I found out something so much worse. That's why I left and came to your place and I went back in the morning and she left.'
'But she was in the wrong,' Tori said, questioningly.
'She admitted that, yeah,' I said. 'But the other thing I'd found out, I couldn't even bring myself to calm down and talk properly because I felt so fucking betrayed and then when she found out I stayed at your place, she left and we haven't spoken since.'
'Where is she?' Charlie asked.
'She's moved into a dorm with her friend,' I sighed.
'Oh great, so she's going to be partying and going wild to forget about all of this while you're sitting around moping actually feeling shit about what's happened,' Tori said with a scowl. 'She's in the wrong; she should be here grovelling, not living up the fucking college life.'
'What did she do?' Charlie asked me, and I narrowed my eyes at him, surprised he'd dared to ask.
'Something really fucking stupid,' I replied.
'It's not going to go further than us,' he told me and I studied his sincere eyes before letting out an exhale.
'Her ex boyfriend that I told you about,' I began, and Tori shifted a little awkwardly as she remembered the drama she'd caused over that. 'He's in prison for killing his brother.'
'Shit,' Charlie hissed.
'He called her,' I said. 'Wanting to see her and tell her some "good news" that he had.'
'She should have reported him right away,' Tori said. 'Especially with what he did to her.'
'She went,' I said.
'No, she didn't!' Charlie gasped. 'Why? Is she fucking stupid?'
'She thought he was being genuine; she thought he had changed and wanted to apologise and all of that bullshit,' I said. 'Turns out, he just wanted to tell her to her face that he's getting out of jail soon. He just wanted to mess with her.'
'Oh no,' Tori said, dropping her head into her hands.
'He got eight fucking years and he's getting out in a couple of months,' I hissed, angrily. 'He hasn't even been in there a fucking year. Anyway, she obviously knew she'd fucked up by going to see him but she hid it from me anyway. Then he called her phone on Saturday and I answered and that's how I found out; he told me she'd visited.'
'So she didn't even tell you herself; it was him! Oh my god, man, she is so silly,' Tori sighed, shaking her head.
'That's why I came to your place,' I told her. 'The next day I just couldn't look at her for being such an idiot; after everything he did to her, she went behind my back and saw him then kept it from me. But somehow, me staying at your place was worse and she packed her case and walked.'
'I didn't expect it to be something that bad,' Charlie said.
'She kind of...lingered when she was leaving, expecting me to beg her to stay,' I said. 'I just looked at her, so disappointed in her and so pissed that she was trying to turn it around so I just let her go.'
'You did nothing wrong,' Tori said. 'The girl needs to grow up.'
'She will come back to you, man,' Charlie said. 'Don't chase her; she needs to know she can't just lie to you and be forgiven. She needs to come back and apologise properly and make it up to you.'
'It's hard,' I muttered. 'I keep wondering if she's okay; what if she's at a party and gets drunk and someone takes advantage; what if she feels like she can't call me when she's in trouble?'
'She chose to leave,' Tori reminded me. 'So you can't think like that because she chose to go and live her life.'
'I still love her,' I said, looking right at Tori. 'I can't just shut off how I feel and stop worrying about her. If there's any fucking way that Brodie guy is trying his luck with her now, I will fucking lose it. She's still mine; she just needs her space and she'll come back.'
'Of course she will,' Tori said with a reassuring smile.
'In the meantime, I'll let her have it,' I sighed. 'If I find out he's pulled anything then I'll be sure to pay him a fucking visit.'
'That will only make things worse,' Charlie told me.
'I don't care,' I said. 'We might not be in the best place but he is not going anywhere fucking near her.'
'It's understandable,' Tori said. 'But honestly, Cal, you're probably not going to find out if he does. Who would tell you?'
I ignored the truth of her words and threw back my beer, guzzling down the rest of the pint in one.
'Is that him?' Tori said, turning her phone to display Brodie's Instagram profile.
'Yeah,' I said. 'Fucking asshole.'
'Why would you search for him?' Charlie asked as he frowned at her. 'He doesn't want to see him, doofus.'
'Sorry,' she said. 'I was just curious.'
'He looks like a fucking pussy,' Charlie spat.
'Yeah, he does,' Tori agreed.
'I'm going home,' I said, tired of them trying to make me feel better by badmouthing him. It was making me feel worse. 'See you tomorrow.'
'Cal, please stay,' Tori sighed.
'Goodnight.' I moved out of the booth and headed through the bar, outside onto the street. It was dark and I strolled quickly back up to the shop where my car was waiting, feeling a little weight lifted at being able to speak about things but feeling a little more vexed at talking about Brodie.
'What the fuck?!' I felt a sudden pressure on my back and was yanked sideways, trying to glance around for what was going on and the next thing I knew, I was being slammed against the wall in the alleyway by my shop.
A skinny, pale, gaunt face glared right at me as his hands gripped my collar and could feel the pain shooting up my back where I'd hit the wall.
'Wallet, now,' he murmured. His breath was sour and I could see he had small deep scratches all over his face. His hair was black and greasy, coming over his face in a mess and I glanced down to see that his clothes were ragged and dirty.
'Get the fuck off me you druggie prick,' I muttered.
He pinned me against the wall as hard as he could and brought his face closer to mine. 'Just empty your fucking pockets,' he demanded. 'I have a knife.'
The guy was shorter than me and looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks. All it would take would be one move and I could have him on the ground unconscious; I could probably kill him right here right now but I'd been spending my life trying to be a better person and I didn't want to go down that road.
'You know, dude,' I said, calmly. 'If you had just approached me and asked me for some money, nicely, I would have helped you out.'
'Well I'm not a fucking nice guy so shut the fuck up and take out your wallet,' he muttered.
'Can't say I didn't try,' I sighed, more to myself than him, as now I did have to resort to exactly what I didn't want to do.
I brought up my hands and gripped onto his collar, pushing forward so that we moved to the opposite wall of the alleyway and slammed him against it.
'Big fucking mistake,' I hissed, before letting go with my right hand and curling it into a fist, swinging it around into his face.
He dropped to the ground hard and rolled over frantically, scrambling to his feet quickly and I waited for his next move. That was it now; I had started this and now I had a hunger for it. I was ready to let all of my frustration out on this asshole.
He glanced around the alley, debating whether to run but opted for a large metal pole hanging out of a dumpster and swung it at me. I dodged as best I could but he was surprisingly quick and caught me in the rib cage, making me curl forward and cry out before he swung again, this time intentionally going for my knee and bringing me to the floor. He quickly jumped on top of me, straddling my torso and swung his fists repeatedly, hitting me across the face around five to six times before I used all of my strength to shove him off.
Pinning him to the ground by his throat, I tightened my grip and he clawed at my hand, automatically panicking as he lost his oxygen supply. I held on tighter, relishing in the feeling of showing the bastard that he had messed with the wrong guy. I had done a lot of bad things in my time and this pathetic fucking crackhead was nothing compared to some of the guys I'd fought with. He had just picked the wrong guy to fuck with, but even so, I wasn't a killer.
I removed my hand and he gasped before I brought my fist down as hard as I could again and hit him right in the jaw, as blood splattered across the ground. I jumped to my feet and kicked him in the side of his body, repeating the action over and over as he cried out and curled up into a ball.
'If I see you again, I'll fucking kill you,' I growled, panting heavily as I turned and walked out of the alley, nursing my throbbing face from where he had caught me.
Quickly getting into my car, I started up and sped off, disobeying speed limits and skipping red lights as I headed home.
...
'Oh my god!' Tori cried as I stepped into the shop. 'What happened?'
'Someone tried to mug me,' I told her as I dropped my bag under the desk. 'You should see him.'
The guy might have been small but he'd done a good job; my right eye was swollen and dark with the white of my eyeball almost completely red the next morning and I had two nasty purple bruises right on my cheekbone and jaw.
'Geez, did that happen when you left the bar?' she asked.
'Yeah,' I said. 'I'm fine, he was just some little crackhead. He got the worst of it, trust me.'
'Well, good,' she chuckled. 'Fuck, you're not having much luck right now, are you?'
'Probably my karma coming around,' I sighed, although I didn't actually believe in that shit.
'Your client is here,' Tori said. 'I just left her to wait at your station; she was a little early.'
'Cool,' I said, heading through the back to get to work.
Once again, I worked through each of my clients, keeping up conversation with them and trying my best not to think about how I had reached another day without knowing how Bethan was. Now, I was starting to think about what I was going to do if she never came back. Would I even bother to go and find her myself? After what she had done, she should be coming back to me. If she didn't come back, that would mean she didn't want to, meaning I would have to leave her to her life. Then what?
I had only moved to this city for her. I had gained a lot from it for sure; my business was doing better than I could have imagined, I loved my apartment, I had made friends and I was starting to love the city. The only thing was, how could I enjoy it when the most important part of this new life was no longer in it? The point had been to experience all of this with her by my side. I could have opened up a shop anywhere in the world and started a new life on my own but I did it in New York so she and I could live our lives and be successful together. If she didn't come back, I was on my own and I couldn't stay living in a city where I might bump into her or her friends once things were done. I would have no choice but to leave.
I continued with my day, staying all the way until 9pm, with Tori to keep me company, after contacting a few clients and offering them some last minute appointments. By the time I got home, I was worn out and I skipped the shower and headed straight for the sofa.
Since Bethan had left, I hadn't slept in our bed. It smelled too much like her and I couldn't bring myself to go near it. If I got even the slightest hint of her scent it would be so painful that I might just head straight to the dorms and drag her right back here.
I lay down, shifting to make myself comfortable and pressed my palms against my eyes, pushing away the desperation that my body had to cry. I never cried and I couldn't allow myself to cry either. I didn't like to give in to my emotions; I preferred to keep them inside. This, however, was the first time in my life that my body had wanted to cry for someone. She was the thing I loved more than anything in the world and she had literally walked out of my life. If she was happier now, then I had to accept it and by the fact that I hadn't heard a single thing from her in five days, it was clear to me how she felt.
As I was about to drift off, my phone buzzed in my jacket pocket that was hanging by the door. My eyes shot open and I sat up quickly, pausing as Bethan came into my head. It was after nine and if she was going to call, this would be the time; late at night when she was alone and feeling sad. Or, possibly if she was out somewhere drunk and alone and needed my help.
I jumped to my feet, racing to my jacket and pulling it out quickly, my eyes flicking wildly across the screen.
'Fuck's sake!' I hissed, as I read Tori's name and answered it angrily. 'What is it, Tori?'
'Um, hi, this is a little awkward for me but...' Her voice sounded worried and nervous.
'What's going on?' I asked. 'Has something happened at the shop?'
'No,' she replied. 'I left a few minutes after you. I'm near Manhattan on my way to see Sadie and uhh...well, Bethan is here.'
'Bethan is where?' I asked, my heart instantly racing. 'Is she okay? What's happening? Fucking tell me!'
'That Brodie guy is here,' she sighed. 'I don't want to be the one to have to do this but you're my friend and I can't keep it from you.'
'What's going on?' I said, getting angrier upon hearing his name.
'They were outside of the club across the street; I was just passing by and spotted them but they've went back inside now,' she said. 'I'm so sorry to have to tell you this on the phone, Cal, but...they were all over each other. They were making out.'