What Even Is Love; My Collection Of Poetic Things

me swimming deep into my emotions

You can't cry and swim, You'll drown. Just thinking about it you think you'll be fine, the tears will just be wiped away, but that's storybook tears. Real crying is gasping for air heaving in gallons of air as you pour liters of tears out. Drowning is alot like crying though, gasping for air trying to make it through and reach the surface, reach for a hand to pull you out to hold you till the fear and trauma stops. Sometimes you wonder why you would even bother to swim anyways, why would you put yourself in the position to get so hurt? Remember swimming lap after lap, remember the sensation that feels like your ribs being ripped out, remember the pain and the self loathing when everyone keeps lapping you, remember praying to god to let you throw up just for a short break. But then it's over, you get out, the sweat has been washed away but you radiate heat, you radiate something else too, something powerful, something beautiful, you look in the mirror and you like what you see, there is no make up your flushed and not looking too hot but you're happy with yourself and you just feel on top of the world. Maybe swimming is like crying too. Maybe swimming is my favorite sport. Maybe crying is my favorite too. Maybe I like crying. Maybe I'm addicted to unhappiness. Maybe I think happiness is a set up for dissapointment. Maybe I dont know what to do when I'm happy. Maybe i think I've lost all happiness. Maybe I could find it again. Maybe there is something in me that dosent want to. Maybe there is something in me that's broken. Maybe I'm okay. Maybe im fine. Maybe...