'Feeling a little better?' Tori asked with a smile.
'Yeah, a lot,' I said as I continued with my sketch.
The week had been tough. I'd been working early morning until late night and not seen Bethan since the argument at the weekend. I'd wandered into our room a few times to take a look at her when she was sleeping and it killed me to have to walk back out and take myself to the sofa but she had chosen to continue this silence between us and if it's what she wanted then she could have it.
I'd sulked all week and with Charlie being away on vacation for the week, it left Tori and I alone. It was something I dreaded at first; her voice was screechy and annoying and she talked about stupid shit like her latest Botox treatment or milkshake diet. Once she realised I was in no mood to go along with her conversation, she stopped and tried to talk to me about what was wrong.
I'd stayed closed up and told her to mind her own business but after a couple of days I was starting to really feel myself getting down about it. I thought Bethan would have caved and jumped on me the second I walked in the door by now, but she hadn't. It was so unlike her and I was starting to think that maybe I was losing her altogether; maybe I was pushing her right to that guy.
I couldn't hold my thoughts back and I ended up spilling it all to Tori. She didn't say much but she listened a lot. I was thinking she felt a little guilty that it had been her idea to drive to the party that night.
Eventually, Tori tried her best to reassure me things would be okay and gave me the advice she thought would help bring Bethan back around. I wasn't planning on taking it but I was feeling thankful that she was trying to help.
She spent the rest of the week trying her utmost hardest to make me laugh and keep me distracted everyday. I helped her with her designs and she helped me with mine, bringing new perspectives to my ideas that I hadn't thought of myself and I was actually enjoying working with her as well as coming out with some really great finished pieces.
By Friday, my opinions of Tori had changed a lot. I had always thought she was cool but I saw her as a colleague and a great artist; now, I felt like I could call her a friend. Working alone without Charlie there had shown her in a different light and she was actually a great girl and I learned so much about her.
She lived right here in Brooklyn not far from the shop. She had grown up in foster care and was passed around homes and families in Washington until she turned eighteen when she bolted from her hometown and headed to New York in the hopes of making something of herself. She spent a lot of years as a stripper making plenty bucks until she could afford to pay her way onto an art and design course where she met a tattoo artist who offered to train her up. She worked at his shop for two years until business went bust and she came knocking on my door.
She'd had it hard; something I could understand from being taken away from my life at ten years old to be raised in Leiper Falls with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I'd struggled to fit in from day one and spent my time looking for trouble; anything I could think of to do that would hopefully get me taken away from Seamus and Orla. It wasn't that I didn't like them; I just didn't belong there and it wasn't fair on them to take on such a troubled child. I never knew where I wanted to be at that age; I had no idea where I could belong. I wanted Orla to just kick me out so I could board a bus or a train to the first place it was going and fend for myself and stay alone. My family never gave up on me, taking me back time and time again after I was picked up by the police and overtime, I started to realise what family meant.
My parents were drunks and I'd never had a bond with them. I'd grown up hating them and doing everything I could to leave that home. They died in a house fire after one of them drunkenly left the stove on. I was out of the house when it happened. I was also happy when they died. A ten year old child feeling happy to hear his parents are dead is a fucked up thing. Even now, I don't feel any guilt for feeling that way, only pity for the child that was growing up without an inch of feeling inside of him.
I eventually accepted Orla and Seamus' welcome and kept myself to myself whilst trying to be respectful to them. I was still getting myself in trouble but they grew used to it and eventually, after dropping out of high school, I bought my cabin from some old guy who was at death's door and being taken into some care centre. He sold me it for a pretty price and at sixteen, I was finally on my own the way I'd always wanted to be.
It wasn't until Bethan made her grand entrance into my life that I actually felt something deep within me for the first time. The first time I saw her at Leiper Lake bonfire, flat on her ass after bumping into me, I noticed how pretty she was right away, even in the dark.
After that, she began following me and I knew she had heard the rumours. She was brave wanting to check me out herself; at the time I thought she must have been dumb to be wasting her time trying to figure out someone like me. When I realised she was following me, I knew that she was only asking for trouble. People would start to say things about her if they spotted her lurking by my place and I didn't want her involved in my shit plus, I didn't know her and I was worried about having another situation of being accused of shit so I had no choice but to try and scare her off.
The day I pinned her against the wall and told her to stay away from me, I almost kissed her. I had reached out and touched her hair without realising what I was doing but I was lost in the moment; I was drawn to her. It was the first time in my life I had felt that urge and I quickly tried to scare her and walked away as fast as I could because I was so confused.
'Cal?' Tori made me flinch as her voice knocked me out of my daydream and I glanced over at her leaning through the archway.
'Sorry,' I mumbled, shaking my head.
'There's a guy wanting a quote from you,' she said.
'Sure,' I sighed, moving to my feet and heading through.
I spent the next half hour going over a design with the customer and afterwards, Tori and I began to clean up the shop.
'What are your plans for the weekend?' she asked as we cleaned up our stations.
'Well, maybe I'll come in here,' I sighed.
'You don't work Saturdays,' she said. 'It's okay, I'll be fine on my own.'
'Yeah but I'll just be sat at home not talking to Bethan,' I said. 'Could be making money.'
'Well then yeah!' She smiled brightly. 'Come in; we can take some of next week's bookings and try and get them here tomorrow to take the heat off. We can just order pizza and pig out all day at work.'
'Sounds good,' I said. 'Then again, maybe you're right.'
'About what?' she asked.
'Maybe I should just make up with Bethan,' I sighed. 'Or at least try. How much longer can it possibly go on?'
I watched as she studied me carefully, her bright coloured eyes flickering over my face as her mouth was tight and still before she blinked dramatically and a wide smile spread on her face.
'Well, yeah,' she said. 'Probably a good idea or I don't know, maybe just come to work and let her do the chasing.'
She shrugged casually before leaning back down to wipe her station and I thought about her words.
'That's not something she would do,' I said. 'She's pissed off at me remember.'
'Yeah but Cal, honey, you've done nothing wrong,' she sighed. 'You said sorry for checking on her at the party; what more does she want? She's off getting drunk at parties and getting arrested and I mean, do you not think that maybe...ugh, I don't know. You know what, yeah, you should definitely stay home and make up with her.'
'What were you going to say?' I asked, sternly, narrowing my eyes at her. She was coming on a little bitchy right now.
'I'm sorry, I got in a little too deep there,' she said. 'It's not my business.'
'Don't I think what?' I asked. 'Tell me.'
'You won't like it,' she sighed.
'I don't care.'
'Well, I was just thinking...don't you think maybe, because she's mad at you that she's been spending all week with this Brodie guy?'
My face turned into a snarl and I could feel my skin burning at the very thought.
'What the fuck are you talking about?' I asked.
'Don't raise your voice at me,' she scoffed. 'You're the one who said it's not like her to not talk to you for so long over something so stupid, okay! I'm just thinking out loud because you asked to hear it.'
She shook her head and paced out front and I could hear her cashing up the till. Her words were burning through my brain and I was now picturing Bethan with him. What the fuck had she been doing all week? Not talking to me but obviously talking to someone.
I stormed through to the front and began pulling on my jacket before grabbing my backpack.
'Where the fuck are you going?' she cried.
'Home; this shit ends now,' I hissed before nodding to the keys on the counter. 'Lock up.'
'Okay,' she said slowly. 'Cal, don't do anything stupid!'
I ignored her and left the shop, heading right to my car and screeching away up the dark street to go home. This week of avoiding each other and not talking was over. It was fucking stupid and it wasn't the way her and I were; we were close and we were strong and if there was another reason that she had been so distant from me then I would find out tonight and she could make whatever fucking decision she wanted.
The idea of hearing her say that her decision was not wanting to be with me anymore entered my mind and I instantly felt a wave of nausea. What the fuck would I do without her? She was the whole reason I was this whole new person. When she and I kept bumping into each other in The Falls, all I ever did was feel an ache for her. I went out of my way to be where she was to watch over her and I knew that if I kept seeing her I could keep feeling something I'd never felt in my whole life. She brought life into me: how could I just have been avoiding her all week like she was nothing to me?
I screeched to a stop at the sidewalk and practically ran into my building and up to our floor, heading quickly for the apartment and rushing inside. The lamp was on, casting a cosy dim atmosphere in the lounge and I could hear the TV buzzing in the bedroom. I automatically felt overjoyed to hear that she was home and hung up my coat before heading for our room. I felt nervous and on edge at what her reaction would be. This week had been the longest we hadn't spoken in our relationship and I had to end that now.
I opened the door slowly and peeked inside, spotting her in bed on her laptop. I smiled to myself and took a breath as I opened the door and stepped in and she looked up at me, lowering the screen of the laptop a little before shutting it completely and placing it down on the bed.
'Hey,' I said, edging into the room.
'No late shift tonight?' she asked. I couldn't even work out her tone.
'No, I left Tori to lock up,' I said.
'Oh, okay,' she said, turning her eyes back to the TV.
'Can we talk?' I asked.
'Sure,' she said, not taking her eyes from the screen.
'I'm being serious,' I told her. 'Can you like, shut that off for a few minutes?'
She sighed and grabbed the remote, bringing the room to silence before looking at me. Her expression was completely emotionless and still; I had no fucking idea what was going through her mind. She was either pretending not to care or she genuinely didn't.
'I already said I'm sorry but I'll say it again,' I began. 'I should not have been at that party and I'll never do it again. In future if I'm worried I guess I'll just call you right away.'
'Okay,' she said. 'Apology accepted.'
'Is that it?' I asked. 'So we're okay?'
'Sure, Cal,' she said nonchalantly.
'You're being weird,' I said. 'Why are you acting so uncaring? It's like you don't even-.'
My sentence was stopped as I glanced to the side of the room to see her suitcase and duffel bag stood together. They had been stored away in the closet and now they were out; she was clearly planning a trip.
'What's that for?' I asked, pointing to her luggage.
'Oh that?' she said, apathetically. 'It's nothing, just-.'
'Okay, Bethan, cut the bullshit!' I stopped her, making her frown hard as I spoke to her sternly. At least she was finally showing some emotion. 'Enough of this casual, I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. You're pissed at me, I fucking get it. I've said sorry one hundred times and you're still acting pissed so just stop fucking around and tell me what the fuck you've packed your luggage for?'
'I'm going home,' she said. 'Tomorrow.'
'Why?' I asked with a frown.
'To visit my family,' she said, her eyebrows creasing as if it were obvious.
'They were just here,' I told her.
'So what?' she said as she raised her arms. 'I miss them.'
'Okay, well could you not have discussed it with me?' I asked. 'I'm guessing you don't want me to come.'
'I'd rather not,' she said.
'Why not?' I asked.
'Because things are fucking all over the damn place and I just want some alone time with my family,' she said, deeply.
'Fine, that's fair,' I replied. 'We need to sort this out before you go.'
'Then let's sort it out,' she said.
'I've apologised to you,' I told her. 'What more do you want from me?'
'Honestly?' she asked. 'You want to know what I would really really want from you?'
'Yes!' I cried. 'And I'll fucking do it if it'll make you stop giving me the silent treatment because right now, I'm starting to feel like you don't want this anymore.'
'What?' she asked. 'You feel like I don't want...this relationship?'
'Yeah, and if you don't, now is the time to speak up,' I told her.
She squinted her eyes softly as she studied my serious face and I knew that she was realising what her week of ignoring me had done to me.
'Other than that,' I continued. 'What else can I possibly do to make us go back to the way we were? Whatever it is, tell me.'
'There is something that would certainly make me feel a lot fucking better but it's never going to happen so it's pointless,' she said. 'Just let me go home for the weekend and we can see how things are when I'm back.'
'No!' I shook my head. 'Tell me what it is. Just fucking tell me!'
'Get rid of her!' she cried. 'That skanky, tacky bitch at work. Fire her! She is the problem!'
'What the fuck?' I mumbled as I frowned in disbelief at her. 'What do you mean she's the problem!'
'She's causing the problem for me,' she said.
'I thought we were past this!' I cried. 'You were worried about her liking me and then you got over it; you were fine!'
'Until I saw the two of you all fucking cosy behind the counter at work!' she cried. 'Is Tori even the problem? Or are you? Because it wasn't just her that was laughing and smiling and fucking...hugging!'
'Oh my god,' I said, slowly. 'That is fucking ridiculous, Bethan!'
'No it's not,' she said as she shook her head quickly.
'Why the fuck would I be here trying to fix us if I had something going on with her?' I asked.
'You've left early every morning and stayed late every night then I see that!' she yelled. 'What do you expect me to think?'
'It's the exact same situation I'm apologising for,' I told her. 'You were spying on me?'
'It's completely different,' she said. 'I came down there to fix things with you; I intended for you to know I was there, I wasn't hiding across the fucking street like you were!'
'What you saw was nothing,' I told her. 'Just like what I saw at the party was nothing so I had no reason to worry and neither do you.'
'Because you saw me slap his fucking face!' she yelled. 'Yet what I saw was you looking happier than ever as you wrapped your fucking arms around her!'
The second the final words left her mouth her head fell forward and she began crying into her palms. My heart instantly hurt to see it and I was dying to climb into bed beside her and pull her to me but I knew she would push me away. She was right; I could understand why she was hurt by what she saw.
'I'm sorry, Bethan,' I sighed. 'I was so fucking down all week from us not talking and she was just trying to cheer me up and comfort me.'
'Of course she was,' she sniffed. 'Trying to seize the opportunity.'
'Even if she was,' I sighed, sitting down on the bed. 'It wouldn't work. I love you so much, baby, you have no idea. This week has killed me. I came into this room every night I got home to watch you sleep and it was the hardest decision in the world to go back to the sofa but I didn't think you wanted me near you.'
'I just think the two of you would really be the perfect couple and if it's something you'd want then you should be honest about it,' she said, her eyes already bloodshot.
'No!' I cried. 'Don't be fucking stupid; I don't want her! I have no interest whatsoever; I'm in love with you! I want to spend my life with you!'
'That being said, I don't fucking like her, Cal,' she said. 'She's trying to get in between us.'
'Like Brodie did?' I spat.
'Yeah! Like Brodie did!' she yelled. 'What did I do to fix that?! I fucking attacked him! I showed him that he will never come between us!'
'You're right,' I said, quickly. 'You did and I'm so glad for that but Brodie told you he had feelings for you and tried to take you from me; she hasn't done that. She's only given me advice on how to fix things with you.'
'To make herself look like the good guy and be there when it doesn't work out so you go running to her,' she said.
'That's not true,' I sighed.
'She wants you!' she yelled. 'I'm a fucking girl and I know what it looks like when a bitch is trying to take your guy!'
'But it doesn't matter if that's her plan because it's not going to work,' I told her. 'If she even tried anything then I'd fucking lose it with her and I would be done, like you and Brodie are. Speaking of which, you need to force yourself to apologise to him or you'll have bigger shit to deal with.'
'I already did,' she sighed. 'I gave him back his fucking bracelet that caused you so much anger and he accepted my apology and we agreed to be friends.'
'Friends? What the fuck?' I asked. 'That's a little much.'
'No it's not,' she said. 'He said sorry for trying to come between us.'
'Those words mean fucking nothing and you know it,' I said.
'We're friends and things are fine now,' she said.
'No, you need to stay away from him,' I warned.
'No way,' she said. 'I was with him yesterday and he was completely fine with me; he didn't try anything so don't start trying to turn this argument around.'
'Why were you with him?' I asked.
She sighed and blinked a few times before shaking her head.
'He was helping me get back into driving,' she said. 'Teaching me what to do again.'
'Why?' I asked.
'So I can drive home tomorrow,' she sighed.
'I'll take you!' I cried. 'Besides, it's my job to do that for you, not his!'
'I don't want you to!' she yelled. 'I'm hiring a car.'
'Okay, no, look, take your Dad's car,' I sighed. 'You can drive home on your own if that's what you need but Bethan, what the fuck are you doing out and about with that prick alone in a car together? He could have tried something!'
'I've known him for years,' she said. 'You're just changing the subject from Tori.'
'I'm not,' I said.
'So are you going to fire the bitch then?' she asked. 'Since you said you'd do anything to fix us?'
'You know I can't do that,' I sighed. 'I need her and it's not fair. She hasn't done anything wrong.'
'But you expect me to not be friends with Brodie,' she asked. 'Yet you want to still be friends with the slut who is trying to take you for herself.'
I sighed, realising we were getting nowhere.
'This is fucking stupid now,' I said. 'We're going in circles.'
'Yeah it is,' she said. 'You can't expect me to stop being friends with someone for you if you don't do it for me.'
'It's different!' I cried. 'She's not my friend, she's my employee!'
'I don't care!' she yelled. 'Are you going to get rid of her or not?! It's your choice!'
'Oh right so what is this; her or you? Is that what you're saying?' I asked.
'You said that, not me,' she said, turning away from me.
'I can't fire her, Bethan,' I sighed. 'I'm sorry. Anything but that.'
'Well I guess you made the choice then,' she said, softly.
'No, I haven't,' I groaned. 'It's not a choice between you or her-.'
'I'm done talking about her,' she interrupted. 'You want her to stay, fine. Now leave me alone.'
'So we've moved right back to where we started then?' I said, shaking my head.
'We never left it,' she said. 'I knew you'd choose her anyway.'
'You're being fucking stupid,' I told her.
'Can you get out?' she said. 'I really don't want to even look at you right now.'
'Fine,' I sighed, getting to my feet and heading for the door. 'Do whatever the fuck you please, Bethan. You always fucking do anyway.'
I slammed the bedroom door behind me and left her alone for the rest of the night, retaking my place on the sofa that I was now becoming used to and sighing to myself as I wondered what the fuck we were going to do. We just weren't getting any further forward and things were getting worse by the day.
The only hope I had was that she would go home this weekend and her mom would talk sense into her. Maybe it was the space she needed and she would come back refreshed and ready to forget all of this shit and start over. All I could do was think of this and hope; hope that this would work us out because if it didn't, I had no idea how we were coming back from this.