Sorry this update took longer than usual! I just wanted to tell you that this Thursday, which is Halloween, and Friday this story will not be getting updated. Before those two days I can try updating the day before, but I am not sure if it will be possible. That is why this story is being updated now! Also I have been waiting to write this chapter, in which I would have totally done it yesterday but my whole family was having a whole get together party type thing! So thank you for patiently waiting, and thank you so much for taking your precious time and reading this! Enjoy!
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A family is a group of people who love and protect each other no matter the cost.
That is what Rui had said to me once.
Every word that came out of his mouth, was laced with a story behind it. Those stories were however kept deep down inside, locked away from others.
We had this conversation once, in which I remember quite well. The first words that had come out of his mouth were..
"Do you have a family?"
...At the time the word that had come out of my bitter tasting mouth was 'Yes,' but now I am not sure.
He says, 'A family is a group of people who love and protect each other no matter the cost.'
I believe my answer would then be I did have a family like that.
Back long ago...when I was human.
While I guess, I do have some sort of make-shift family now, I don't think it would fit the definition of what he calls a family.
I truly care for the people I call a family now, but when I say that out loud, my mouth gets filled with this nasty taste of bitterness. This so called new 'family' is a fake plastered up sign, to make people around us think that it would be the case. I want to think of them as a family, but my mind and guts, won't except that too be the case.
Well I guess my mind and guts, won't accept the fact that my real family, an actual genuine family, could be replaced. No matter what, I can't replace them with some fake family, and call the new one my loving ones.
My true one and only family, may be all torn up, all shriveled up to pieces, but it will not be replaced.
"I had a family once.. A family that loved me and protected me..and I want that back. They however will not come back, so now I have created a new one, and I hope to cherish them while they do the same."
Rui's words...no his life, reminds me so much of mine. He lost his precious family, the one's who will never come back, and now he has created himself a new one. A new one to fill him up with that lost feeling of love and comfort, all he want's is to have a true family.
However, there is something different about the two of us. That one difference, is not at all small, it opens up a whole new pathway. I still have one person left, from my actual REAL FAMILY.
Nezuko.
While I want to forget about my past, and all of those now hurtful memories. I can't just do that in an instant, no... I don't think that it could even be done.
This is all in my grasp, it is all able to be reached.. but I am so weak, I don't think I could ever do it!
EVEN STILL MY MIND IS ALREADY ASSUMING SUCH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, SURELY IF I ACT LIKE THIS I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING!
So me, you big idiot take this opportunity and grasp it! Never let this go, if you think positive your wishes can be achieved!
Protect Nezuko,
Love Nezuko, and no matter what keep her out of harms way.
Doing this, you can keep what you still have of family safe, but at the same time you will still finish what you have started...
No matter what, you will uphold your promise in achieving Muzan's wish, and at the same time you can achieve your wish..
I will not make the same dumb mistakes that I have over these few years.. I will take Rui's words, and cherish my beloved little sister..
"If I have to say what the most painful thing in this world is, it is losing your family"
"Why is that, Rui?"
"Because they are the only ones who would have truly loved you and protected you with all of their strength. Even if they happened to be the worst of the worst kinds of people, there is always a part of you that feels this deep empty hole, that can not be filled. I know this, but still.. I can't help but try so hard to create a new family, to fill it. One day you will understand this Tanjiro..."
I do understand now Rui.. I can't believe that I have not noticed until now this growing pain that has dwelt in me. I have tried over the years to cover it, hide it, get rid of it.. filing it with different memories.
For a while I thought it was gone, and I was happy.
I thought I could finally live without that terrible aching pain, but I guess I can't.
Thank you Rui for showing me this, I have now discovered what I need to accomplish.
I can't wait to tell you more about this...
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Psych9rawr