Chapter 12
Sally accepted her sister’s arms around her after she found her in the baggage claim area of the Phoenix airport.
“God, I've missed you,” Sally said hugging her sister tightly.
“I missed you too,” Morgan said hugging ever tighter.
They pulled apart and looked at one another.
“You look tired,” Morgan stated.
“In other words, I look like shit?” Sally asked joking with her sister.
“You know what I mean. You not sleeping?” Morgan asked.
Sally sighed heavily.
“Let’s talk about this when we get to your place,” she said not wanting to hash out the last two months with her sister.
“So, tell me everything,” Morgan said setting a cup of steaming coffee in front of her sister.
Sally smiled into the cup of joe. She was wrapped in a soft robe following her shower after being on an airplane.
“Everything is fine,” Sally said looking up into Morgan’s doubting eyes.
“Fine?” Morgan asked.
Sally slightly rolled her eyes.
“It’s hard to explain. Fine is the only word that fits. We aren't not getting along, but we aren't really getting along. It’s just been fine. There’s been little affection and little passion. I think we found ourselves in a rut,” Sally said trying to explain her relationship with Norman to her sister.
“God. You guys sound like you’re an old married couple,” Morgan said almost sounding mortified by the thought.
“Exactly! There’s no excitement!” Sally said pointing at her sister.
“Well, it sounds to me like you've got to put a little bit of excitement back into your relationship or else this may be it for you two,” Morgan said sipping at her coffee.
“I’m not sure how to put the excitement back in,” Sally said looking down.
“Show him the girl he fell in love with!” Morgan said nudging her sister in the arm.
Sally looked at her sister with shock.
“You can do it, Sal,” she encouraged her sister.
Sally smiled grateful for the pep talk Morgan was giving her. She missed their talks and their time together. She knew why her sister left, but it didn't change the fact that she missed her.
“How’s Sean?” Morgan asked sipping her coffee. She avoided Sally’s smile that crept on her face.
“He’s fine,” Sally said smiling bigger.
“Is he seeing anyone?” she quickly asked.
Sally looked over at her sister studying her face.
“What?” Morgan asked after Sally didn't respond.
“Are you still hung up on him?” she asked smiling again.
“No, I’m just wondering,” Morgan said trying to hide the defensiveness in her voice.
“Sure,” Sally said drinking from her coffee.
Morgan watched her sister and waited for an answer.
“Well is he?” Morgan said slapping Sally’s arm.
“Ouch! Is he what?” Sally asked rubbing her arm.
“Seeing somebody!” Morgan said exacerbated that her sister had already forgotten the question.
“Why do you care?” Sally asked laughing at her sister’s actions.
“I do, okay,” Morgan stated.
Sally laughed at her sister.
“What’s so funny?” she asked annoyed by the conversation.
“You’re still hung up on him,” Sally said shaking her head.
“Okay, maybe I am. It wasn't him that I left, it was the lifestyle,” Morgan said more seriously.
Sally looked over at Morgan with empathy. Morgan’s eyes said it all. She missed Sean and let him go for him and not her.
“No one special. A girl here or there, but nothing serious. No one like you,” Sally said quietly answering her sister’s question.
Morgan nodded and went back to drinking her coffee. The girls sat in silence and enjoyed one another’s quiet company. It was comfortable for them.
---
Sally spent two weeks in Phoenix with Morgan. They did all the things that the two of them enjoyed doing together. Sally felt refreshed after her visit with her sister. She felt as though she could focus on her and Norman’s relationship and put some of the excitement back in it.
She had a large smile on her face when she saw him standing in the airport waiting for her. He had his hands in his pockets and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. He gave her a smile when she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“Hey,” he said kissing her cheek.
Sally buried her head in Norman’s chest and inhaled deeply. That familiar scent filled her nostrils and she didn't want to let it go.
“You okay?” he asked when Sally didn't let go.
“I just really missed you,” she said with her arms still wrapped around his waist.
“You were only away for two weeks,” he said laughing slightly.
It wasn't the response Sally wanted to hear. She wanted to hear him say he missed her too. She broke away from her hug and looked up at Norman with a small smile.
“Did you have fun?” he asked leading Sally towards the exit.
“It was nice,” Sally said smiling as she thought about her time with her sister. “How about you? What did you do while I was gone?” Sally asked.
Norman tensed up a little.
“Me? Nothing special,” he said vaguely.
Sally nodded as they walked to his vehicle. Norman helped her put her bag in the trunk and they drove off silently.
Sally watched as LA passed her by as they drove south to Venice. She looked over at Norman, but couldn't see his eyes being that he put his sunglasses on. His hands tapped the steering wheel to the beat of the music that was playing on the radio. She watched him the rest of the drive home and not once did he look at her. She found herself wondering what she needed to do to get the spark back in their relationship.
Norman carried her bag into the apartment with her and set it down once they reached inside.
“I've got to get going,” Norman said sliding his sunglasses back on his face.
“What?” Sally asked confused.
“I've got some work to do,” he said shrugging.
“Will I see you tonight?” she asked surprised that he was leaving.
“Yeah, probably,” he said and walked closer to Sally for a hug.
He kissed her quickly on the lips and left her wanting more. She stood there as she watched the door shut behind him not sure what had just happened.
---
Sally waited for Norman that night, but he never showed up. She had an ever present lump in her throat and her anxiety was so high she couldn't even find herself to play her music. She stared at her bedroom ceiling and sighed heavily. She felt the tears slide down the sides of her face and she quickly wiped them away. She sat up and noticed it was three in the morning. Looking around, she got up and put her hoodie on leaving the apartment. She walked down to the beach. It was risky to be out by herself that late, but she didn't care.
She walked down the road towards the beach and inhaled when she saw the dark ocean in front of her. She continued to walk forward and found a spot to sit. She just sat quietly and stared out into the vast darkness as she listened to the waves crash onto the shore.
She thought about everything she could in regards to her and Norman’s relationship. She went over again and again what she could possibly do to turn things around for them. She wasn't going to let him go without a fight. She loved him and the thought of living life without him was enough to take her breath away.
Sally sat at the beach watching the sky get lighter and lighter as the sun rose to her back. She felt defeated because she knew she couldn't salvage this relationship by herself. Norman needed to want it as much as she did otherwise it was never going to work. Sally found herself questioning whether Norman was going to fight for her. She hated the doubts she had.
Once the sun had made it’s appearance and the beach was starting to get more and more busy with the early morning walkers, runners, and beachcombers, Sally got up and walked back to her apartment. She couldn't be sure, but she guessed it was about seven in the morning by this time.
She walked with her head down and stopped when she noticed a pair of feet outside her apartment door. She looked up slightly and saw Norman sitting against her door with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.
“Norman?” Sally asked quietly.
His head shot up startled.
Sally cringed when she saw him. He looked horrible.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him. The look on his face was revealing that something was bothering him.
He slowly stood up and put his hands in his back pockets.
“We should go inside,” he said quietly.
Sally nodded silently and unlocked her door. They both walked in and Sally set her keys down on the counter. She turned and looked at Norman who stood there looking like he had the world on his shoulders. Sally felt her heartbeat begin to race because in her gut, she knew this was the beginning of the end.
“We should sit,” he said quietly and led Sally over towards the couch.
She sat down on the edge of the couch unable to sit back. She swallowed the bile the threatened to make its presence known. She felt Norman sit down next to her and she could feel the tension between them. She wrapped her arms around her torso suddenly feeling very cold.
“Sally, this isn't working out,” Norman said just above a whisper.
She put her head down as Norman validated her worst fears. She felt her face dampen with her tears almost instantly.
“Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?” she asked. Her voice trembled as she talked.
He didn't respond, but she noticed movement beside her signaling that he was shaking his head no.
“Can you tell me why?” she asked now looking over at him.
Norman looked lost when she looked in his eyes. The color faded from his face and his eyes glassed over with tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. Sally’s heart dropped when she saw his face. The guilt was plastered all over and she knew.
“There’s someone else,” she said sadly.
Norman’s face now fell confirming what Sally said. She nodded again and put her head in her hands and cried.
“Sally, I’m sorry,” he said and gently touched her shoulder.
“Why, Norman? Why?” she asked with her head still in her hands.
“I don’t know,” he said quietly as his voice broke with emotion.
“No,” Sally stood up angrily. She turned and looked down at Norman. “I deserve a better answer than that and you know it,” she said upset.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said standing up as well.
“Was I not good enough for you? Did I do something wrong?” she asked searching for an answer.
“No, it wasn't you, Sally. It was me,” he said running his hands through his hair.
“Do you love her?” she asked knowing she didn't want to know the answer to that question.
“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked shocked by the question.
“It has everything to do with it!” Sally yelled startling Norman.
“It doesn't matter. Trust me,” he said hoping she would drop the subject.
“Have you said it to her? Did you tell her that you loved her?” Sally asked. She was just torturing herself now.
“Sally, stop. Love has nothing to do with it!” Norman raised his voice. He was becoming frustrated.
“Tell me, Norman. Tell me you love her. I need to know why you are leaving me for another woman. It must be because you love her,” Sally kept on being persistent with the fact that Norman must love the woman he is leaving her for.
“She’s pregnant! Okay?” Norman yelled and Sally was shocked into silence.
The two stared at each other silently and Norman looked completely defeated.
“I’m sorry, Sally, I never meant to hurt you,” he said quietly.
Sally stood there and bit the inside of her cheek. The tears continuously falling from her eyes soaked her face. She didn't know what to say.
“How did you think this was going to end, Norman?” she asked and shrugged. “Of course someone was going to get hurt.”
Norman nodded knowing his actions were completely selfish.
“You should go,” Sally said quietly.
Norman started to walk towards the door stopping to turn around before exiting.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked with his hand on the door handle.
“Why do you care now?” she asked shaking her head with disbelief.
“I always cared, Sally,” he said showing hurt in his eyes.
“Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you got someone else pregnant,” Sally said cruelly.
Norman swallowed hard and looked down at his feet. He sighed heavily and looked up at Sally one more time before walking out the door. Once the door was shut, Sally collapsed down onto her knees and buried her head in her hands and sobbed.
---
Sally walked slowly up to the apartment door. She didn't want to see him, so she quietly set the small bag down in front of the door and turned to walk away. She jumped when the door opened.
“Lollipop?” she heard Sean’s voice.
She spun around and planted a small smile on her face.
“Hey Sean,” she said quietly.
Sean looked at her concerned, but couldn't read her face due to the dark glasses she wore on her face. He looked down at the bag at his feet.
“It’s some of his things that were still at my apartment. I thought he’d want them back,” she said quietly.
“Okay,” he said nodding. Sally could see the pity in his eyes and she felt bile rise into her throat. She did not want to be pitied.
“Okay, well, I should go,” she said pointing behind her.
“You okay, Sal?” Sean asked sounding sad.
Sally put her hands in her back pockets and shrugged.
“I will be,” she said as her bottom lip quivered slightly.
“I’m really sorry this happened. I had no idea,” Sean said swallowing hard. He hated to see how hurt she was.
“Me too,” she said quietly and turned to leave.
Sean stood there silently. He had no words. He couldn't believe Norman hurt Sally the way he did. She looked broken and that broke his heart even more.
---
“Sal?” Morgan said from behind her.
Sally was sitting on her sister’s small balcony wrapped in a blanket staring out at the city. She had been sitting there for hours.
“Sally?” Morgan asked a little louder.
“Yeah, Mo,” Sally said sounding annoyed.
“You gonna do anything today?” Morgan asked.
Sally didn't say anything. She didn't feel like doing anything. She got to her sister’s a week ago. After packing up her apartment and bringing her stuff to Phoenix. She had to put most of it in storage as Morgan’s place was already fully furnished.
It didn't take her long to discover she had to get out of southern California. Everything about that place reminded her of him. She knew if she was going to heal, she had to get away. Now she had no direction. She didn't know what she was going to do.
Sally heard her sister sigh from behind her and leave the apartment. Sally just rested her head on her knees and allowed herself to cry again. She couldn't believe she actually had tears left to cry. It had been almost a month since she last saw Norman and she had cried every day since.
---
“We need to talk about your plans,” Morgan said sitting across from her sister who was at the kitchen table.
Sally looked up at Morgan confused.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You've been here a month already. What are your plans? Are you going to stay in Phoenix? Are you going to get a job? What are you going to do?” Morgan said sternly.
Sally looked down and shrugged.
“You can’t keep living like this, Sal. It’s not healthy,” Morgan said sounding sympathetic.
“You think I don’t know that!” Sally snapped. “You think that I wouldn't give anything to not feel the way I do? To be able to get on with my life? I hate him for doing what he did to me and I hate him for the way I feel right now! I hate him!” Sally shouted.
Morgan was silent. She had no idea what to say or do to help her sister. She stared at her sister with her head in her hands looking disheveled.
“Maybe you need to talk to someone?” Morgan said quietly.
Sally shook her head. “No, I just need to get away,” Sally said quietly with her head still down.
Morgan wasn’t sure what her sister meant by that comment.
“Sally, I’m so sorry you are hurting. I love you,” Morgan said sound sad.
Sally looked up and nodded.
“I love you too, Mo,” she said quietly.
---
Sally continued to live with Morgan and stay on her couch. It wasn't comfortable, but it was her best option. She got a part-time job working at a local music store. There weren't any full-time positions available, so she took what she could get.
She tolerated Phoenix. Even though she missed the beach, she enjoyed the warm dessert air. It was comforting to her in a way.
She walked back to Morgan’s apartment with a small coffee in her hand and a small smile on her face. It was one of the first days since she and Norman broke up that she finally started to feel normal. She knew it was going to take time to “get over” him even though she knew that was probably never going to happen. He was her first love. She couldn't imagine ever being over him.
Sally got herself into Morgan’s apartment and set her bag and coffee down on the kitchen table. She looked down and saw a pile of mail. She grabbed the magazine and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water while she flipped absentmindedly through the pages. Her heart stopped when she came to a fashion ad and he was standing there staring back at her. She felt the tears instantly sting her eyes. Her finger rubbed up and down the page as her heart ached for him. She immediately got upset and gripped the glass in her hand. She threw it across the kitchen and it smashed into a million pieces of glass shards. She then started to rip out all of the pages in the magazine as she cried. It was too soon to see his face.
Morgan came home that evening and the entire apartment was dark. She turned the light on before walking into the apartment.
“Sal?” Morgan yelled walking towards the kitchen table. She immediately noticed the broken glass on the floor.
“What the fuck?” she said to herself. “Sally!” she yelled looking around the kitchen to find clues as to what had happened.
She found a ripped up magazine all over the counter and became even more confused. She looked at the crumpled pages and smoothed them out. She squinted when she saw it was an ad that Norman had modeled in and it all came clear. She looked up and sighed. She then noticed that Sally was sitting back on the balcony wrapped up in a blanket even though it was definitely warm enough outside to be without.
Morgan figured it best to let Sally be and she started to clean up the broken glass. She got everything cleaned up and threw the magazine away. She couldn't believe a magazine could be the thing to set her sister in a downward spiral, but she had never felt the hurt that Sally was feeling.
Morgan sighed as she went through the rest of the mail and looked at an envelope addressed to Sally. It was from a performing arts school in New York. Morgan looked over at where her sister was sitting on the balcony in the dark.
She walked over to the balcony and sat down next to her sister.
“You okay?” Morgan asked propping her feet on the railing.
“Sorry about the mess,” Sally said quietly avoiding her sister’s question.
“This came for you,” Morgan said handing Sally the envelope.
Sally took it in her hand, but didn't look at it.
“It’s from New York,” Morgan said hoping her sister would open it.
Sally looked over at her sister and then down at the envelope. She looked back at her sister before standing up and going inside. Morgan followed.
Sally stood under the light in the kitchen and opened the envelope. Morgan watched her sister’s face closely as Sally read the words on the letter in her hands. Sally looked into her sister’s eyes after she read everything on the page.
“What is it?” Morgan asked unable to read her facial expression.
“I got accepted to this performing arts school,” Sally said sounding shocked.
“What? Sal! That’s awesome!” Morgan said excited. She had no idea her sister applied to schools.
Sally looked back at the letter and smiled.
“They’re giving me a scholarship!” Sally said again as tears fell down her face.
“When did you apply for this?” Morgan asked shocked.
“About a month ago. I submitted an old tape from one of my performances back in Venice. I never thought I’d get in or even get a scholarship. What should I do?” she asked looking at her sister.
“You’re going of course!” Morgan said shocked that she would even question it.
“Holy shit, Mo. I’m going to New York!” Sally said and hugged Morgan tightly.
The hugged tightly at the excitement of Sally finally pursuing what she should have done years ago.
“When?” Morgan asked when she pulled away.
Sally looked back down at the paper and read the details.
“Starting this fall. A month and a half,” Sally said looking at her sister with fear.
“We’ll get you ready, Sal. No worries,” Morgan said squeezing her shoulder tightly. She knew in her heart this was the change and motivation that Sally needed in order to move on from Norman.