As promised, I take a seat out in the studio audience just before the BTS segment. Fans have been here for hours, the excitement so thick that it's nearly palpable. The seat reserved for me is smack dab in the middle, giving me a clear view of the stage.
"Oh my God! I can't believe this day is finally here!" a young woman exclaims beside me. She's wearing a BT21 tee with a matching headband. Even her clear bag is adorned with various BTS pins and buttons. She turns to me and smiles. "Who's your bias?"
"Oh, uh, I love all of them," I reply sincerely. "They're all amazing. I can't pick just one."
She nods then digs into her bag to reveal a little goodie bag no bigger than my palm. "Here. OT7!"
I take the baggie from her reluctantly, unsure of what just happened. I don't even know her yet she gave me a gift? And from the looks of it, she must've put a lot of thought into it, including homemade stickers of the guys and even a sweet, handwritten note with one of Joon's quotes from their UN speech. It's all so...nice. I didn't know people could be so kind for no reason at all other than spreading joy.
I glance up at my seat neighbor and give her a genuine smile. "Thank you. This is...wow."
"You're welcome! Borahae!" she beams, flashing me a finger heart. Then she turns to the row behind us, asking people who their biases are so she can bless them with a custom goodie bag.
I'm flipping through the various stickers, deciding which one will adorn my hand and which ones I want to save to stick on my phone case, when a producer announces that we're about to start. They go over the rules one last time, reminding us to cheer, scream and clap. Then James comes out to start the segment.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love James Corden. But he could've been Her Majesty the Queen, and I would not have blinked an eye. Because the moment the guys are announced and they come out onto the stage, dancing and swaying to the house band's rendition of their newest hit, I can't see or hear anything but them. And judging by the wild cheers, my new ARMY friends are right there with me.
The guys all greet James before taking their seats and, my god, they look amazing. They've changed their outfits and hair and even their makeup from Carpool Karaoke, taking on a much sexier, much more adult vibe for this part of the show.
After introductions, which are always adorable, James launches into the interview. And I hold my breath, bracing for the inevitable.
"So guys, tell us about the new album and the inspiration behind it."
Namjoon answers, paralleling their growth musically to their physical growth and wanting their audience to experience the ups and downs of young adulthood with them. Excellent answer, as always, and the audience cheers on our poised leader.
"Compared to your previous albums, there's definitely a more mature sound, especially with the title track. Some fans and critics have argued that you're singing about romantic love while others have said that it's about self-love. Can you tell us more about that?"
"Uh, well..." Namjoon smiles bashfully and the entire audience swoons. He extends his hands to the crowd and proudly states. "Well, we have so much love right here, of course, we can't help but sing about it."
I giggle and shake my head. He is a master swerver.
The interview goes off with a hitch. The guys animatedly describe their favorite things to do and eat in LA. Hobi dances, Jin blows kisses, and Jungkook causes mass devastation when he speaks English. And, as expected, the audience eats up every word and charming smile.
After the interview portion, there's another break so the guys can get ready for their performance. Like Ellen, James has dedicated most of the show to BTS, which rarely happens for any musical guest. But when you're the biggest group in the world, you give the people what they want.
"Can you believe Jungkook's hair? Oh my god, he is so cute!" a young woman behind me squeals in delight. She has to be my age or maybe even a bit younger.
"They're way taller in person. Even Jimin is huge," her friend notes.
"Speaking of huge...those pants on Taehyung should be illegal. Holy shit. I would eat his ass."
Um...ok. That was...
"No shit. I bet his dick is massive."
Well...she's not wrong.
"I bet Namjoon has the biggest dick. You see how tall he is?"
"Or Jin. I would kill to have that worldwide cock down my throat."
"You guys are both wrong," a third girl chimes in behind me. "I bet it's Yoongi. It's always the quiet ones with the biggest dicks."
"I bet Jimin's asshole smells like cotton candy and tastes like strawberries."
Ok, what the fuck?
"Do you think J-hope fucks like he dances?"
"I don't know, but I wish I could find out."
Same, girl. Same.
"Oh, I plan to. Mark my words: I will be deepthroating Hung Hoe-Suck by tomorrow night."
"How? I need the tea! Spill, sis."
"My cousin works on the security team for them here in LA. I bet I could find out what hotel they're staying at."
Good luck with that...
"Oh my god, you have to tell me! My only goal in life is to be Kookie's baby mama. Or Jimin. Or any of them actually."
"I thought Yoongi was your bias."
"He is. But I'd fuck any of them. Or all of them. I'd totally be down for a Bangtan gang bang."
My seat neighbor who offered me the goodie bag scoots in close, her face still turned towards the stage.
"Don't listen to them. They're not ARMY," she whispers.
"I won't," I assure her.
"I can tell you're new to the fandom. When did you start stanning?"
"Ummm, the beginning of the summer? So not long."
"Oh! So you're really a baby ARMY. This is your first comeback. I hope you don't think we're all like that," she says, nodding towards the girls behind us who are still going on about drinking Taehyung's bathwater and sucking Joon's toes. "Bangtan saved my life. I was really depressed for a long time, struggling with my identity and just filled with so much fear and loathing. I was even suicidal. And then...I found them. Or maybe they found me. I can't even explain it...I'll never meet them and they'll never even know I exist, yet they changed my life in so many ways. I found a reason to get out of bed. I started smiling again. I even made new friends. So now I'll do anything I can to protect them and support them and spread their message."
I smile as warmth fills my chest at her words. Because in some ways, I can relate. More than I could ever tell her. Still, I want to do something nice for her, even if it's small. And I want the guys to know how much of an impact they've made on this young woman who showed a complete stranger kindness.
"What's your name?" I ask.
"Lauren. But please, call me Lo."
"Lo, I'm Violet. I know it sounds insane and I'm a stranger so you can totally say no, but...do you think you could give me your cell phone number? I want to send you something once we get out of here. Just something to repay your kindness."
Lo beams bright and is nodding her head before I can even finish my sentence. "Of course! It's always great to meet new ARMY friends."
She jots down her number for me since cell phones aren't allowed, and then our attention is snagged by a producer coming over to hype us up for the stage performance.
They kill it, as expected. And every time the guys spot me in the crowd and shoot me a heated look or a smile or a finger heart, the girls behind me swear that it's for them. I don't dare correct them. Let them have their fantasies. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't compare to my reality.
After the stage performance, I get up to leave, although the audience is there for another show segment unrelated to BTS.
"It was good meeting you, Lo," I smile at my new ARMY friend. "I'll be in touch, ok?"
She nods enthusiastically. "Good meeting you, Violet! I purple you!"
A seat filler takes my place and I hurriedly make my way backstage just as the guys are done dabbing sweat and stripping off their mics. Although tired from the strenuous routine, they grin the moment they see me.
"That was so good! Absolutely flawless!" I exclaim, offering high fives since hugs and kisses would have to wait until everyone clears out. Sensing our need for privacy, Manager Sejin prattles off something to the other staff members, and they hurriedly finish up before exiting the room. I give him a grateful nod. And then, the guys are all over me as if they didn't just see me a few hours ago.
"What's this?" Hobi inquires, grasping my hand and bringing it to his lips. He runs his mouth over my knuckles then flips it to show the others my sticker: a cute pic of all seven of them being living memes and making funny faces.
"Oh! That's what I wanted to talk to you all about," I answer as we all settle onto the couch. Hobi pulls me onto his lap. "There was a really sweet girl sitting beside me giving away little goodie bags." I pull it out of my pocket to show them. "She had so many nice things to say about you all and shared a little of her story with mental health struggles and how you all saved her life. And...I don't know. She was so sweet and I was really touched by her story. And I wanted to send her something special. I know you probably can't but...do you think I can send her a picture? Or an autographed piece of merch? If not, it's cool, I swear. I can send her a gift as a thank you or something."
The guys look at each other and all begin to nod. Then Namjoon quickly asks them a question that I don't quite catch.
"You have her info?" he asks.
I nod and get up to grab my cell from my purse, which had been stowed away while I was in the audience. "Yeah. She gave me her cell number."
I hand him the phone, expecting them to take a selca but instead, Joon puts it on video mode. There's so many of them that they can't all fit in the shot, even with Tae's ridiculously long arms, so I offer to be their camera person.
"What's her name?" Yoongi asks.
"Lauren but call her Lo."
They pile into the frame, squeezing in on the couch and the floor. Then once I signal that we're recording, they all don bright, genuine smiles as they wave at the camera.
"Hi, Lo!" they all greet enthusiastically.
"We're so happy to talk to you," Namjoon beams, looking too handsome for words. "Our friend told us how nice and supportive you are and we just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We hope you enjoyed the new album and our performance today. Thank you! Kamsahamnida!"
They all wave, sending out sweet shouts of gratitude and love. And the best part is, I know they mean it. This is just one girl out of millions of fans. And they're taking the time do something that is essentially a dream come true for so many. Something that will put a smile on her face for days, weeks, months to come.
"How was that?" Joon asks me after I lower the phone. I roll my eyes playfully in response.
"Geez. Is there anything you can't do? I would have needed at least ten takes. You guys were awesome and she's going to love it. Thank you."
The guys heave themselves to their feet to finish packing up yet Namjoon pulls me down on the couch with him instead, placing me on his lap.
"You have such a big a heart," he murmurs between sweet kisses on my cheeks and lips.
"Me? I didn't do anything but hold the camera."
"But you listened and you were thoughtful enough to tell us her story. You know how much ARMY means to us, and you've accepted them and made them a part of your life too. And that makes me love you even more."
I capture his mouth, yet quickly break into giggles when he playfully nips my bottom lip.
"Well...most of your fans," I add, still chuckling. "Not the ones plotting to sneak into your hotel rooms to find out if certain parts of your anatomy smell like cotton candy."
"Huh?" Joon asks, expression bewildered.
I shake my head and slide off his lap so we can get ready to leave. "Don't ask. ARMY has some freaks, that's for damn sure."
Later in the evening, we're lounging back at the house after a long, exhausting day. When we arrived, there was a spread of Korean takeout waiting for us from one of the boys' favorite places, and I have to admit, I'm just as excited as they are. It's been nice to eat the American foods I've grown up on, but I've grown fond of Korean food, just as I've grown fond of the rich culture and customs. The guys are more than overjoyed and dig in heartily, only pausing to feed me the best morsels from their chopsticks. I don't even fight it anymore. Especially when those bites are often accompanied with sweet smiles and endearing, albeit messy, kisses.
After everyone has eaten and dispersed to work on individual projects or rest, I lounge on the couch in soft leggings and a cozy, oversized hoodie I snagged from Jungkook. Hobi sits just a few feet away, working on something on his laptop.
"What are you doing, Hobi?" I ask him as he focuses on jotting down notes.
"Writing," he murmurs, adjusting his headphones so he can hear me yet still hear the music.
I hum my approval then focus on the task of sending the video message to Lo. I'm reluctant about sending it from my personal number, so I forward it to my old US cell number. Then, after charging it up, I hit Send. The response is almost instant, and I have to chuckle at her exuberant gratitude displayed in all caps with plenty of emojis. She promises not to reveal my number or name, and again expresses how much BTS means to her and how she will cherish that one little thirty-second video for the rest of her life.
After promising to relay the message to the guys, I check my other phone to find a text from my brother. And this one is...interesting. I quickly reply and wiggle with excitement.
"Hobiiiiii," I whine, feeling anxious and a little needy.
"Yes, nae sarang?" His eyes stay trained on the screen.
"I'm bored," I pout, nudging his thigh with my socked foot.
"Oh?" He spares me a glance. "What are the others doing?"
"Joonie is still in his meeting. Yoongi is sleeping. JK is working out. Jimin is filming a live. I don't know about the other two. Probably playing games or something."
"Ah," he makes a sound. "I need...thirty more minutes. Then we'll hang out. Ok?"
"Ok," I grumble, not wanting to wait.
I don't know what it is about Hobi but I constantly crave his attention. Maybe it's because he's shown me the least amount of physical interest. Not that I doubt his feelings for me or anything like that. It's strange. I guess I want all sides of Jung Hoseok to want me, not just the sweet, fun-loving side. I want the darkness that lurks underneath to crave contact just as I crave him.
Even though he said thirty minutes, that doesn't stop me from trying to annoy the shit out of him by teasingly poking his thigh with my feet. He shoots me a few warning glances that make me giggle and only encourage me to keep it up. Fifteen minutes later, he shuts his laptop and leans back on the couch.
"Ok, baby. You win."
He pats his lap, and I don't waste a second before I scramble over and wrap my arms around his neck to let him cradle me.
"Thank you, Hobi," I murmur into his neck, inhaling his scent before kissing him just below his ear. God, he smells amazing.
"What do you want to do?" he asks, dragging his hand up and down my thigh before giving my ass a squeeze.
At first, I shrug, feigning ignorance when I know exactly what I want. But then an idea hits me and I bite my lip, my eyes sparkling with mischief.
"Want to get into a little trouble tonight?"
Hobi leans forward and kisses me deep and sensually, stealing my breath when he pulls away. "What kind of trouble?"
I wiggle my brows suggestively and clutch his shirt to pull him in closer. "The best kind, baby."
_____________
A/N:
If you can't tell by the title and the content, this chapter is dedicated to ARMY! We're a vocal, persistent, exuberant, and sometimes overzealous bunch, but no one is more supportive and loving than ARMY. I went to a BTS concert earlier this year (Rose Bowl D1 & D2) and I couldn't believe how incredibly nice everyone was. When I got in line and a woman came around to pass out little gifts, I almost rejected it because I was so caught off guard. Like, who is this stranger just giving me free stuff?! And then I realized that was the ARMY way. I went home with tons of homemade goodie bags and became friends and family with everyone in my section that night. We sang together, danced together, and then we cried together at the end (JK's "Don't cry, Jimin!" while he crouched down and sobbed, and Joon's touching ending ment on D2 when everyone cheered for him... seriously, BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.)
I truly believe that you don't find Bangtan; Bangtan finds you. And it's always when you need them the most. So here is my way of saying I PURPLE YOU! Keep your head up. Whatever individual struggle you may be facing, please know that you are not alone. There are millions of us, from all corners of the world, all races, nationalities, genders, ages, and orientations. You have friends. You have family. You are loved and you are important. 💜💜💜
Also, at the time of this update, Borahae is #1 in romance fanfiction!!! Thank you all so much!