America flinched when the door slammed. The harsh sound followed by utter silence gave America a bad feeling and he didn't like it.
Stressed, America went into the bathroom to check on his cracks. Their growth seems to have slowed down, probably because of the state's efforts to fight back against this mysterious figure that America apparently will never know the name of. America's eyes, however, had already gone completely black, a sign of his instability. America noted how lucky he was that he already wore glasses practically every day.
America sighed and looked at himself in the mirror.
"Useless."
"Disgusting."
"Weak."
The voice repeated, over and over again, it won't stop, it won't ever stop-
America felt a jumble of feelings overwhelm him: Fear, guilt, sadness, anger, and... happiness? Where was this happiness coming from? America closed his eyes and tried to tune in on that distant scrap of happiness. America felt a familiar presence.
Rhode Island.
America couldn't stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes. He knew Rhode Island wouldn't be happy for much longer. He let the voice reach her. He gave the voice access to her mind. He doomed Rhode Island, his daughter.
'I'm such a terrible father,' America thought, hopefully to himself. He led Rhode Island to her doom all because he wasn't careful.
All because he was useless in trying to help her.
America felt the voice creep into his mind, whispering such awful things in the American's ear. For once, what the voice was saying felt so right. America could only watch his tears fall to the floor and hear the voice whispering in his ear.
Suddenly, what Russia said popped in America's mind: "... When you're ready to talk to me about your problems without pushing me away or lashing out, come find me."
America heard that message repeating in his mind. He wasn't ready to talk about his problems. Bringing up World War II previously had been a mistake. He didn't want to drag Russia, a guy he barely knows, into his problems. The voice is right. He's worthless, so why bother. It won't matter anyway. Even so, America knew one thing: He's ready to say sorry.
With that goal in mind, America quickly washed his face, hid his eyes with his glasses, made sure he had his gloves on, grabbed his room key, and exited the room, ready to venture outside. America walked over to Russia's hotel room and braced himself for the possibly bitter social exchange ahead. America took in a shaky breath and nervously knocked on the door.
The few moments of silence after that was terrifying, but America soon heard rustling and a few muffled bad words in Russian. It took a few seconds, but the door opened. Russia was the one who answered. He looked down at the shorter America in front of him, sighed, and closed the door.
Or, well, would've closed the door. Unfortunately for Russia, America's hand got in the way.
"Please, I understand if you're mad at me right now but I..." America trailed off nervously. Russia grumbled a bit and opened the door wider. America continued with what he was saying, pretending that he was confident, "I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I shouldn't have said what I said. I know your father's a sensitive subject for you, and I'm sorry. I pushed buttons that should never be pushed. I was stressed and worried, and I lashed out when you were only worried about me."
Russia's eyes widened. America was apologizing so soon? What the heck is up with him? Normally, America is frustratingly stubborn when it comes to things like this- he would never apologize over an argument with Russia. period. And now he's just... not stubborn. It's actually kind of a refreshing change.
America fidgeted a bit, and held his hand out, "So, do you accept my apology, good sir?"
Russia chuckled, maybe America isn't so bad after all. Whatever happened, changed America. Russia knew he should be concerned, but he kind of liked this new America. "I do accept your apology," Russia responded, reaching out and shaking America's hand jokingly, smiling all the while.
America smiled widely at Russia, maybe things would turn out ok.
"Well, that's something I never expected to see in my life."
America and Russia both jumped at the voice, turning towards its origin.
"Why are you both looking at me like I busted your cover?" Ukraine asked.
"Oh, thank goodness it's just you, Ukraine," America sighed, a look of relief forming on his face.
"Just me? What does that mean?" Ukraine asked, his eyebrows raised suggestively.
"It means you're not one of the worst assholes," Russia commented, ignoring Ukraine's look.
Ukraine's face quickly morphed to one that almost looked offended, "Of course you'd say that- because you're the worst asshole!"
And it degenerated from there. America could only watch as insult after insult was flung between them. Though they were siblings, America noted that it looks as though they absolutely hate each other. Wait, no, they look like siblings. After a few minutes of heated insults, America started getting a little ticked off. Eventually, he had enough.
"Both of you better calm the flying fuck down or so help me!"
They both looked at America, looked at each other, and seemed to reach a quiet conclusion. Ukraine crossed his arms and walked inside of their apartment while Russia watched him walk away.
Russia sighed and turned to America, "Sorry about that, we-"
America interrupted him, "No, no, I understand. Siblings."
Russia faintly smiled, "As an apology, would you like to talk inside the room rather than out here?"
America raised an eyebrow, "I thought I was the one apologizing here."
"I thought I already forgave you."
"Well then, I forgive you back."
Russia looked at America, confused. America noticed his look and stated, "You forgave me, so I forgive you back. You really don't have to spend time with me, I know you don't exactly like me."
Russia sighed, "What did we say about starting over? I don't hate you, Америка."
America weakly smiled, "That still doesn't mean you have to spend time with me, Russia. It's not like we're friends or anything."
Russia paused, there was America's signature stubbornness. Unfortunately, Russia is stubborn, too. He wasn't going to lose... whatever this is. "Then we're friends now. Come inside and sit your butt down so that we can talk."
America was about to retort something back until what Russia said registered in his brain. He froze. They're friends now? Um... ok? America wasn't expecting this. Back in the day (Literally a week ago, Ame.), America knew that they probably would've argued about something incredibly stupid by now, but for once, America's brain couldn't make up any comebacks. In fact, America felt kind of happy. He's become friends with his enemy. Though it probably wasn't a real friendship, America liked to think he made up with a man he thought he'd never have a friendly conversation with.
Because maybe this means he isn't bad at everything after all.
--x--
America and Russia had been talking for a while and they haven't had a serious argument yet.
Admittedly, they haven't agreed on everything together, but they were actually having a nice conversation. Russia noticed, however, that America didn't bring up what they were talking about earlier. To be honest, Russia didn't really want to continue that conversation. He wanted to give America a chance. Plus, Russia didn't feel like pushing America into an answer. He wanted to keep this conversation nice while it lasted. It was the first time in a long time that he was having a nice conversation with anyone other than his siblings and BRICS. Well, obviously he and his siblings fight but they tolerate him, probably. Russia wasn't sure. Heck, Russia's not even sure if they even like him anymore.
Ukraine's trying to distance himself from the family, Russia heard it was something about EU and maple leaf dude, whatever his name was. Estonia's already distanced herself by a lot, apparently. Russia didn't even know she liked someone until this week. Russia could start listing his siblings off and what they're doing, but for the most part, Russia has no idea. That thought saddened him.
"Ruuuussia, are you dead?" America's voice seemed to snap Russia out of his thoughts.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Америка. I spaced out."
America simply smiled, "That's ok, Russia. I don't mind."
"Well, that's strange," Russia commented.
America raised an eyebrow, "What's strange?"
"You're fine with me spacing out. Normally, you'd be frustrated or irritated at me."
America chuckled, "Really?... Now that you mention it, I guess I did do that..." America frowned slightly.
"You did, a lot. I'm surprised, Америка, how come you've changed?"
"I've changed?" America started getting nervous, does Russia know about his other big change? But that wouldn't make sense because if Russia knew, wouldn't he have told UN or literally anyone else by now?
"Yeah, you're less obnoxious- less extreme."
America's frown only grew. "I was... obnoxious?"
"Kind of."
America thought about what Russia revealed, 'Was I really obnoxious? Have I changed? I don't think so, but I might've.' America's mind started jumping to conclusions and solutions, but none of them seemed to make sense, frustrating America.
"That's because I'm the reason you've changed, America."
America froze. He looked around. He was still in the real world and Russia was looking at him with an expectant look in his eyes. Oh, America should continue their conversation, right... But America didn't know what to say, all he could think of was the voice. He wasn't even sure he could speak right now. America felt as though his throat was closing up. He felt clammy and nervous. America looked at his hand and saw it shaking.
"Are you afraid, America? Oh, don't tell me... you're afraid of me, aren't you?"
America could hear the echoing cackle of the voice's laugh. He was afraid of the voice, wasn't he? He didn't expect the voice to barge in like this when he was around other people. Heck, he wasn't expecting to be so very afraid of the voice. Only one thought echoed in America's mind: 'Don't let Russia know. Don't drag him into your problems.'
The voice is always listening, always watching.
And America can't stop it... or him, or her.
America felt two hands shaking his shoulder and snapped out of his daze. He looked up and saw Russia with a concerned face.
"Are you ok, Америка? You suddenly froze and started shaking."
America gulped and forced a smile, "I'm completely fine I just..." America looked around for any excuse and checked his phone, that's when America had an idea. America faked a shocked look, "Oh no no no no, I have somewhere I need to be! I have to go." America started rushing towards the door. Before he fully exited the apartment, he yelled out, "See you tomorrow, Russ!"
America immediately started speed walking away. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe. There was only the voice. It was always there, it'll never leave- but America kept on walking or running. America couldn't tell anymore. He didn't quite know where he was running, but he wasn't quite sure he cared anymore. Anywhere is better than here. Anywhere is better than inside his own brain.
Eventually, America's feet led him to a park. America hadn't noticed how dark it had gotten. How long had he and Russia been talking? America looked around the park, there was a fountain in front of him and even though everywhere else it was brightly lit, the area near the fountain was dark in comparison. America sighed and sat down on the side of the fountain, collecting his thoughts. America noted how the voice had gotten eerily silent. Oh, something was going to happen.
Nevertheless, America was thankful he at least had a moment to think to himself.
"... You seriously think you can hide from me?"
There was the interruption of the silence America knew was going to happen. "I know I can't, voice. What should I call you, anyway? I can't just call you 'voice' the whole time, can I?"
"... Hm, good question for once. I suppose you can call me... CPR."
"Is that supposed to be a joke? I'm ninety percent sure if someone wasn't breathing in front of you, you'd never do CPR on them."
"It stands for something else, idiot. But, I guess I am doing CPR on someone."
America almost chuckled, but he knew better than to add fuel to the fire, "What's the name of this imaginary person?"
"Well, I'm doing CPR on myself."
America almost choked on air. CPR on yourself?! That's honestly one of the weirdest and stupid things America's ever heard.
"Ugh, you're insufferable. I'm bringing myself back to- Never mind. Since you're so entertained, you can figure it out on your own. ... What are you doing here, anyway? You could've gone back to our room."
"My room." America corrected.
"Our room. As much as your stupid brain doesn't like to admit it, I'm a part of you. Honestly, I'm not surprised you can't swallow that, You've never been one for accepting things as the way they are. Always spewing out your stupid 'freedom' everywhere even though people would be perfectly happy if you didn't interfere."
CPR paused a moment before asking, "You're friends with that Russia guy now, yes?"
America weakly nodded, afraid as to where this conversation was heading.
"Tell me, don't you think he'd be happier right now if you never interfered with his life?"
"What do you mean by that?" America could hear his voice shake.
America heard CPR laugh, "If it weren't for you, Russia's dad would probably still be alive right now. Soviet was his name, yes? Hehe, think of how happy Russia would be right now if you hadn't interfered. He'd still have his dad, and would still be close with his siblings. You're the monster that made your new 'friend's' entire life fall apart. How do you feel, America? Are you happy with yourself?"
"N-no, I- I did what I had to do." America stuttered.
"You could've let them live in peace. If you ask me, you should've been the one to fall, America.
"Because at least then I wouldn't be stuck babysitting a monster who lets little children out on the battlefield."
--x-- (we're going back in time now, btw)
"Are you ok, Америка? You suddenly froze and started shaking." Russia asked.
America smiled at Russia and yet if felt... fake somehow, "I'm completely fine I just..." America looked around until his eyes met his phone. America looked shocked, "Oh no no no no, I have somewhere I need to be! I have to go." America started rushing towards the door. Before he fully exited the apartment, he yelled out, "See you tomorrow, Russ!"
Russia was confusion. Why was America shaking just now and why did he leave immediately after? Something is wrong. Also, what's with that nickname? Russ. Russia's heart warmed up at that and he couldn't help but smile. Russia quickly coughed and pretended as though that nickname meant nothing to him. That was random. He was just overreacting.
When was the last time Russia had a nickname? Russia couldn't remember what the nickname was, he just remembered Belarus used to have a nickname for him when they were kids.
But Russia was more worried about America. He rushed out like there was no tomorrow. Russia's eyes widened, could that be the reason? Russia felt utterly terrified at the question that popped into his mind. Was America... dying?
...
No, that's ridiculous.
America's been going strong for what, 200+ years? He's not dying. There's no way. He won't die, he can't die.
Russia wasn't really sure why this was scaring and worrying him. He wasn't even sure why or when he started caring for the stupid American. He shouldn't care. Their friendship should be fake...
And yet it felt so real.
Russia heard a voice behind him. It was Ukraine's, "Are you finally gonna go searching for your boyfriend?"
Russia glared at Ukraine, "Friend. Not boyfriend."
"Didn't look that way in the hallway," Ukraine commented, smirking.
"So how's maple leaf?"
Ukraine was shut up by that, his face turning red. Almost as red as a maple leaf, actually. "We've- uh- actually gone on a date. He asked me out." Ukraine started smiling shyly.
Russia looked at Ukraine, shocked, "How come I wasn't told about this?"
"Because it isn't your business." Ukraine shot back, his smile quickly disappearing.
Russia smirked, "Is that why you're telling me now?"
Ukraine, who was beginning to get mad again, stormed off, saying, "Just go chase after your boyfriend,"
"Friend!" Russia corrected Ukraine.
"Это парень, и ты это знаешь!" (It's boyfriend, and you know it!) Ukraine called out.
"Я ненавижу тебя!" (I hate you!)
"Ha! You're not denying it!"
And with that, Russia could hear a door close.
Russia sighed, a little flustered. Why was he reacting like this to that one word? Russia was confused, he probably needed vodka. Being America's boyfriend... that's ridiculous. Russia shook his head at the thought and walked out of their hotel room. Or apartment. Russia was never sure what to call it. It was big, like a multi-room apartment, but it was located in a hotel. It's confusing.
Russia looked around the hallway, unsure of where America went. He didn't have America's number, so he couldn't ask America through text or anything. Even if he could ask, Russia doubted America would answer, due to the way he exited Russia's apartment... thing. So where would an upset American go?
Russia sighed and decided to check out the hotel lobby first. He went down to the lobby and, in the center, two female countries were talking, Albania and Greece. Russia went up to them and asked them if they had seen America pass through here and where he went. Greece smiled at Russia and happily answered his questions while Albania looked at Russia as if he'll start a fight.
Honestly, Russia doesn't blame her. Greece told Russia that she saw America walk through the lobby a few minutes ago and head outside. She didn't see where he went, but she claims he looked as though he was running away from something with his scared and unsure face. It was surely a sight to see, but Greece didn't look for long. She couldn't say she cared too much. For all she knew, an angry country was following him being he said something wrong again.
Russia nodded, a worried look flashing on his face for a brief moment, and was about to leave when Albania commented, "He probably went to the park." She had a knowing look on her face now as if she knew that Russia wasn't following America to start a fight.
Russia paused and asked, "Why do you say that?"
Albania looked toward the entrance of the hotel, "Parks have always been good at clearing my mind, and America looked as though he had a lot to think about."
Russia nodded, "Thanks, Albania, Greece."
"Οποιαδήποτε στιγμή, Ρωσία!" (Anytime, Russia!)
Russia didn't entirely understand what Greece said, but smiled and nodded anyway. He then turned around and headed towards the park. He had seen it on Thursday when his car passed through here, so how hard can remembering where it is really be?
... Very hard, apparently.
Russia got lost multiple times before he reached the park. He had reached the park, but he still had no idea where America was. He searched around the park for a while until he saw a familiar figure by the fountain in the middle of the park.
Same glasses, same stupid gloves he started wearing all the time recently, same semi-slouched posture, yep, that's America. Russia went up to America and sat next to him, startling the shorter country.
"... How'd you know I was here?" America asked. Russia couldn't help but notice that it sounded like America had been crying. Russia felt an unusual pang in his heart at that.
Russia looked worriedly at America, "Were you crying just now?"
"..." No response.
"Please, answer me."
"..."
Russia sighed and grabbed America by the chin, forcing the American to look at Russia. He still had his glasses on so Russia couldn't see his eyes, but his cheeks glistened. He was most definitely crying, but Russia wanted to hear it from America. "Were you crying just now?"
"... So what if I was? Are you going to tell everyone how I'm weak and how I can't do anything right, including making sure you don't know I'm crying?" America shook off Russia's hand and looked down at the floor as if it was ten times more interesting than Russia.
"Now, why would I do that? We're friends, aren't we?" Russia smiled warmly at America. America looked up at Russia and looked confused.
"You were serious about that? We're real friends?"
Russia's smile only grew wider. Russia had to admit that somehow, America wasn't as bad as he used to. Maybe it was because Russia was finally giving the shorter country a chance. Or maybe it was because America changed due to whatever's going on with him. Or maybe, just maybe, Russia himself was the one who changed. However it all worked out, Russia found that his heart felt surprisingly content when he said something he never thought he'd say in a million years.
"Of course we're real friends, Америка."
-----
Hello peoples!
I was off of Wifi for a few hours, so I'll have another chapter out really soon!
The next chapter will be based around Rhode Island, so be ready for that!
Going to the story, Russia and America are finally real friends! Plus, Russia may be gaining some... extra feelings for America.
Also,
Tschüss!
-Selva