"Alice, come in."
"How's your Dad?"
Alice looks forlorn as she steps into my apartment, her arms cling around my neck as she pulls me in for a hug. I can feel the slightest whimper from her body as she rests her forehead into my neck.
I was never good with emotional situations so felt a slow back rub would suffice.
She pulls herself away from me, using the sleeve of her coat to wipe away the tear falling down her cheeks.
I wasn't about to press her for an answer, her emotions were enough to tell me that things weren't great.
"Come and sit down, I'll pour you a glass of wine."
She smiles at me as she lowers herself on to my sofa, wrestling her coat from her arms.
"Here you are. Let me take your coat." I hand her the glass of white wine as she gives me her coat.
"I've sent you over your edits from the shoot on Sunday, by the way. I know you needed them."
I shake my head at her as I sit down beside her, reaching for my previously poured glass of Scotch. "Alice, you didn't need to. I know you have more important things going on right now. Those should have been the last thing on your mind."
"It's fine, I managed to edit them on the train back from the hospital, to be honest, I needed to preoccupy my mind, so you were doing me a favour really. I've sent you 5."
"Thank you. So, I take it your Dad isn't great?"
Alice looks up at me slowly and shakes her head. "I don't thing he has much longer, Noah. He is deteriorating quickly."
The tears flow much easier this time. I move across to place my arm around her once more, this time her head falling into my chest.
We sit in silence for a good few minutes. Neither of us knowing what to say.
The silence is broken by a knock at my door. "Ah, the foods here." Alice sits up and grabs a tissue from her bag as I head to the door.
~~~
"Thanks for dinner, Noah. I didn't think I was that hungry." We both laugh as we look down at the empty containers on the table.
"Don't day I don't treat you." I wink towards her as I stand up and begin picking the containers up and placing them in the bin. Alice offers to help to which I ignore and instead fill her empty wine glass back up to the brim.
My phone lights up and buzzes to alert me to a new message.
"Is that your new lover girl?" Alice asks playfully.
During dinner, I ran Alice through my conversation with Emma earlier on in the day. Told her that she thought it best to start interacting with my following. Which had started with a simple like of some girls message.
"No, it's Emma." I look at the time on the phone wondering why she's asked me to call her so late.
"What does she want?" Alice questions as she takes a sip of wine.
I hold my hand up to signal, I'll only be a minute as I begin to call Emma.
"Hi Emma. What's wrong?"
"Hi Ryan, I don't know if you've heard but Daniel Morrow, has just been found dead in his apartment."
"What?!"
Alice looks up at me due to my reaction. My jaw dropped open and is refusing to close.
"How?"
"About an hour ago, suspected suicide."
"I know he's been struggling with depression lately but I don't think any of us thought it was that bad?"
"How well do we really know anyone, Noah?"
For the second time tonight, I'm at a loss for words.
"I thought it best for you to know and needless to say, the documentary is now being pulled from air."
"Fuck the documentary, Emma!" I didn't mean to shout at her and apologise almost instantly.
"I know but..."
"Listen, it's fine. I'll let you get on as I know you probably have a thousand and one things to be doing. Just keep me updated."
"I will, Noah. Take care."
And with that she hangs up.
"What's happened?" Alice asks the instant I put my phone back down on the table.
I can't bring myself to say anything. The shock well at truly set in.
Daniel and I had know each other for a few years, we had both entered the industry at the same time. Both having a similar amount of success. Without admitting it, we were both in competition with each other with who can get the most likes, followers etc. It was an unwritten competition.
He was a great model and friend. I can't believe he's gone. He had mentioned a few times that he was struggling but never once did I think he would reach this point.
"Noah!"
Alices voice pulls me back from my thoughts.
"Daniel Morrow."
"What about him? Noah, you're scaring me. What's going on?" She stands up and walks beside me, now it was her turn to take me in her arms as my tears began to fall.
"He's, he's dead."
"What? How?"
"Suicide they think. He was found an hour ago in his apartment."
She pulled herself away from me. "But I only shot with him, last week. He seemed fine. He was laughing and joking around. He seemed much better. I know he's had problems but no, surely not."
I pull away from Alice's embrace. "I need a drink."
I walk over to the bottle of scotch, which I opened earlier on in the evening and poured myself at least a triple measure. Downing the entire contents of the glass in one, beige pouring myself another.
"I think I'll join you." Alice finished what was left of her wine, her turn to fill her glass back up.
"I can't believe it." She says as she sits back down at the table. I respond with a shake of my head.
"Social media can fuck with your head. It was meant to be fun but after a while the pressure does become too much. People think this line of work is easy but it really isn't. It messes with your head and look at what can happen."
"It's a dangerous game especially for your well being. I have nowhere near as much pressure on me as you guys do but I feel it sometimes too. So I know exactly what you mean."
"I need to post something on to my story." I pick up my phone.
"Why, Noah? What's that going to achieve?"
I know she had a point but I couldn't help myself. I had to pay my respects to my friend in the only way I felt I could at this time.
Daniel,
I can't believe you have gone so soon. You were my friend, my colleague, my shoulder to lean on when times were rough. I will forever keep you in my heart.
Praying for your family at this difficult time. I know you made them proud.
Rest easy, my friend.
#RIPDANIELMORROW
~~~
The response from my followers was huge. My story was re-used by hundreds of them, the replies coming in thick and fast with well wishers.
Yes. I was actually reading my messages as they were flying into my inbox. I'm probably as shocked as anyone right now.
There were some good people in the world. I can't believe I was so against these people who seemed to genuinely care for me. Don't get me wrong, I still find it strange but if tonight has taught me one thing, it's life is too short. Just go with it.
I look over to Alice who is sound asleep on my sofa. The emotions that she has endured in the past 24 hours must have drained her. Along with the bottle and a half of wine.
I grabbed a spare duvet from a cupboard in my bedroom and covered her over. She looked so angelic lying there. Peaceful and sweet. I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead and made my way to my bedroom.
I know it would be hard to sleep tonight, the thought of Daniel at the forefront of my mind. Blaming myself for not listening to him more or being there when he needed someone, sat there in his own thoughts, pushing himself closer to the end. Why did I not pick up the phone more often to him? How did I not see it?
One more notification flashed up on my phone as I crawled into bed, switching my lamp off. The room now surrounded by complete darkness but for the glare from my phone.
"Sorry for your loss, Noah. Thinking of you x'
There she was again. Chelsea.
Fuck it!
"Thank you for your kind words, Chelsea. And thank you for your constant support on my page. It doesn't go unnoticed. N x"
***
What did you think?
I think it's important that these issues are addressed. We often hear about mental health issues due to the pressures of social media and I feel it's healthy to open the subject up and make people aware of how dangerous it can be to our well being.
If this chapter makes you think about someone close to you and who you feel might be struggling. Please just drop them a call or a text and ask how they're are.