IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY
I'll try to update sooner and not have you guys wait for more than a week. I'll try though.
Anyway, enjoy this chapter. You might hate/love it but the plot is coming and to everyone who loves Kat, well...all I got to say is: Shit's going down.
Enjoy.! <3
*UNEDITED
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Hate Me, Love Me:
Chapter Sixteen: The Tears of a Bookworm
I was dead. Pretty much dead.
Those were my thoughts as I sat on the chair, playing with the hem of my shirt. My eyes were trained on the wooden table in front of me, afraid to even look at the faces of the people sitting in front of me. I could feel their eyes burning my skin, patiently waiting for me to confess. How could I confess when I was shitting bricks right now? We had Evelyn - the girl who’s was brutally honest and could manipulate you into thinking she’s calm before she strikes a punch. Riley - the guy who could guilt trip you in having disappointment being shown in those gray eyes. Ivan - my brother who would hardly say anything just shake his head in discontent, throwing more guilt onto me. Which leaves, Kat Blacksmith - the girl who’s probably shaking in anger as to why I went to her match undetected let alone with Josh.
Now, it would be a great time to confess everything starting from the day where Josh had threatened me into coming with him to Kat’s match without anyone’s knowledge to what I had seen last night. It was frightening to see their reaction when they hear about everything. The question is: Why am I stalling instead of blurting everything out? Maybe because I was afraid of uttering a word before Kat snaps at me and I would witness the temper I had never seen from her.
After Evelyn and Riley dragged Kat out of my room followed by Ivan, I was given the chance to shower and get dressed before I met them in the living room. My appetite was gone when fear took over me. I think that was the most terrifying part of the start of this morning. The way fear starts awakening the thoughts in mind of what possibilities could happen today. I was visibly shaking in the shower and couldn’t properly wrap my mind around all of this. I was seriously going to be interrogated by them and I had no way out of this.
I heard a sigh coming from my right where Ivan was sitting on the recliner chair, drumming his fingers on the armrest. “Mabel, we don’t want to think we’re going to be disappointed. We just want to understand. Right, Kat?”
She harrumphed, mumbling something under her breath.
“I wasn’t trying to get on your bad side,” I muttered, looking up at Ivan who was staring at me with the same eyes of our father. “I… I was just trying to understand…”
“Understand what?” Evelyn cut in, cocking her head to the side.
I swallowed nervously as I glanced at the bald headed girl who’s face remained expressionless. “If I tell you, please understand that it wasn’t my decision to go see Kat.” I looked at everyone - except Kat - hoping they’ll understand.
“What is it, Mabel?” Ivan leaned forward, his brotherly act now rising.
I cleared my throat, my fingers never loosening their hold on the hem of my shirt. “Last Monday, when I was going to class, Josh and his friends stopped me and basically told me that Evelyn and Riley were keeping something from me --”
“What did that dickface say?” Riley asked, his eyes narrowing on me.
I quickly looked away from him and looked at my brother who grabbed my hand, nodding at me to continue. “H-he told me that the rumors about Kat was true. That…” I didn’t want to say it. Not when the events from last night were still fresh in my mind but the reassuring squeeze on my hand from my brother gave me a little more courage to continue. “That Kat is a killer.”
Evelyn snorted and slowly she began to laugh as if what I said was the most hilarious thing she ever heard. Her laughter was the only sound in the living room and it was also the direction three pairs of eyes were glaring at. Though, being Evelyn, she didn’t care that she was laughing in the inappropriate time; she continue to laugh to the point of tears coming to her eyes.
“…Oh my God,” she wiped her eyes, her face a little flush from her laughter. “That’s the most funny ass shit I ever heard,” she chuckled.
“It’s not the time to be laughing, Evelyn,” Kat hissed, her amber eyes glaring at Evelyn who was unfazed by it. She then directed her glare towards me causing me to flinch a little, reminding myself I wasn’t off the hot seat yet. “Is that the reason you came with Josh last night? To see that I was a killer?”
I shook my head vigorously, “N-no.”
“Then explain to me why you went out of your way to go behind Ivan’s back to spend the night with a guy who punched you in the face? Enlighten the fuck out of me, Mabel, because I still don’t understand what the fuck goes in that head of yours to decide these types of shit.”
“Kat,” Ivan gritted out, his warning clear in his voice.
“Oh, fuck off, Ivan. She’s your sister; your responsibility to know where she’s going. Be the brother that you are and discipline her.”
“You have no right to tell me what to do,” Ivan stood up, his hands clenching to fists at his sides. “You have no fucking right, Kat. She has the liberty to go wherever she wants to go as long as she calls me that she arrived to her destination and when she’s coming home. Although, she didn’t do none of those things, I’m still glad she’s home safe. That is what matters to me; having my little sister safe and sound rather worry where she’s been. So, don’t you dare fucking tell me how to do my job.”
“O…kay,” Riley got to his feet and grabbed Ivan’s shoulders, pushing him back to sit down on the chair.
The tension in the air was thick and the fear inside of me was still growing as I tried to comprehend what just happened. Kat had insulted Ivan on his guardianship of me and Ivan retorted back.
“I get that we’re all tensed and frustrated but let Mabel continue her reasoning, guys,” Riley flashed me a smile before sitting back down next to Kat who never softened her glare.
“Um…” I brushed back my hair, my hand trembling. “Josh…threatened me not to tell a soul on what we were going to do on Friday. He said if he found out that I told someone, he would do more damage than the single punch he did on me. Last night, when I was with Josh watching Kat fight, I told him about the possibility of people founding out about the place which he then threatened me to frame you, Ivan, with murder or having connections to that place. That’s why I was with him last night. It wasn’t on my accord to spend time with him - he threatened me to show me who Kat really is.”
“And who am I, Mabel?” Kat inquired, her glare never once leaving me. “Did Josh convinced that that’s who I am?”
“N-no!”
“No?” She chuckled, humorlessly. “Please, I could see the way you look at me; judging me like everyone else in this pathetic town.”
“I’m not judging you, Kat!” I retorted, focusing my attention on the woman who’s made my heart flutter in my chest each time she’s near me. “That’s what everyone thinks of you of being a killer but I don’t. I see you trying to survive each day not caring about the judgment only surviving to see another day.”
After that, the whole room was silent.
My words along with the reasons I was seen with Josh last night was being processed and all I wanted to do was go back to my room and forget this ever happened. Sensing my discomfort, Ivan patted my hand and told me to leave the four of them alone for a moment. I didn’t have to get told twice to have me out of that room but I didn’t have a chance to leave the room when Kat’s words stop me.
“I bet you were secretly enjoying his attention on you, didn’t you?” She sneered, her words had hurt.
It was a curve ball I didn’t see.
I looked at her to see her expression hard - hardly looking guilty that she had said that. I understood that she was angry but why would she say that? Didn’t she know that I liked her not Josh?
No one had saw that coming. Evelyn and Riley were gaping at Kat and Ivan was getting angrier by the minute especially when Kat had the audacity to smirk.
“How did you thank him for showing you my spectacular performance?” She continued to take a jab at me, her smirk never faltering. “I bet you opened your legs for him, didn’t you?”
“Shut up, Kat,” Ivan warned her again, immediately getting to his feet. “Get the fuck out.”
Kat chuckled, standing up, her eyes never leaving me. “I’m going.”
She took a few steps towards the exit of the living room before she stopped and looked over to me and said, “It’s good you’d open your legs for him because I don’t like virgins.”
Tears were forming in my eyes as I stood there, broken, watching Ivan kicking Kat out of the house. I didn’t notice that Riley and Evelyn stayed until I was smothered into a hug by them. It was a strange embrace. I expected it from Riley but not from Evelyn. They didn’t say anything because they understood how harsh it was for Kat to say that. After all, I was the girl who had a crush on the girl who just insulted me in the worse ways.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out, my chin quivered as I did my best to not cry.
“Don’t apologize, Mabel,” Riley whispered, soothing my back. “It’s not your fault. Josh threatened you and you had to comply in going. We understand and that’s all you need to know.”
“And Josh is going to pay for ever mistreating you,” Evelyn vowed, stepping back as she carefully wiped the fallen tears on my face.
“And Kat,” Riley followed with his own vow. “What she said was unforgivable. I don’t know what was going through her mind when she said that but what I do know is that my cousin would soon be crawling back to your doorstep for your forgiveness.”
I smiled at him, but I couldn’t accept his words.
Kat’s voice had replayed itself in my mind, twisting my heart, and creating new scars.
“Sorry to break this up but…” Ivan’s voice trailed off, making these two hooligans step away from me and leave the house after they bid me goodbye.
At the sound of the front door closing, Ivan quickly rushed over me and engulfed me in his arms where I finally let myself break down.
“That bastard would never hurt you again, Mabel,” he whispered, kissing my hair. “I promise you that.”
But Josh wasn’t the only one who hurt me…
~*~*~*~
During the weekend, Ivan decided to stay home with me while his assistant manager, Tyler, maintained the store. I had told him I was okay but being my brother and seeing me in my darkest moment when our parents passed away, he knew I was far from okay. I hadn’t heard from Evelyn or Riley let alone Kat. Maybe Riley told me all that about Kat asking for forgiveness was to make me feel better. I was just a teenage girl who liked someone who was out of her league.
Kat was beautiful and she could have anyone but why did that thought make my heart ache? Was I already far too deep with my feelings for my Kat?
I stared at the math problems that were on the paper, hardly aware that I only had ten minutes left to finish the pop quiz Mr. Ford had decided to share with us in this fine Monday morning. My mind was too filled with what occurred just a few days ago and the overwhelming fear of the possibility of seeing Josh today. When Ivan dropped me off, I didn’t see Evelyn or Riley nor did I cross paths with Shirley and Celeste. Just knowing that I had lost my first two friends made me realize how much of a loner I was.
I had no friends.
I could never be like everyone else. I can’t be a social butterfly and easily meet new people and create friendships. As I looked at the students around me, I couldn’t help but feel that confidence that I had gained for a brief moment slowly deflate. I suppose my parents’ death wasn’t my only excuse of not being to hold friendships for a long time. I was always an outcast when they were alive. How pathetic am I to say that my family were my only friends?
I see why Kat wouldn’t want a virgin like me…
I was caught off guard when a few drops of water fell onto my test and I soon realized that I was crying. Maybe the overwhelming feeling was a sign for me to come to the fact that Kat and I were different. That Evelyn and Riley were different from me. I can never be apart of their worlds. Who was I to think that they would call me a friend when we were total opposites?
The sound of the bell ringing snapped me out of my thoughts and I quickly wiped my tears away and messily wrote down the answers to the five questions. The once silent room was now filled with voices talking to each other as they gathered their things and dropped the test onto Mr. Ford’s desk. I hurriedly packed my things and gave my test to Mr. Ford before I quickly left the classroom and headed to my next class. I didn’t care if people noticed that I was crying before. I just wanted to get through this week.
If I could get through today - it didn’t matter if I ate my lunch in the library - as long as I got through today, I’ll be able to have this week breeze by me. I think I deserved a week without any complications. Either way, there was only a few more months until graduation and I needed to start applying for colleges. If I didn’t have friends here, I could have friends in college, right?
They say it gets better after high school, but what if the real world is more complicated than high school? What if nothing ever changes for me and I continue to remain friendless?
I think Monday was beginning to make me more depress than ever or maybe this is what it feels like to have been hurt by the person you like.
When school ended and I was heading home, I think life likes to throw curveballs because I was a few feet away from walking up my porch steps when heard someone call out to me from behind. I looked back and stared at the unfamiliar girl standing behind the gate. She gave me a friendly smile before she took out an envelope from her bag. Her orange hair fell in perfect curls. She was wearing a black skater dress with small daisies printed on it.
“Are you Mabel?” She sneered out, her hazel eyes burning with so much anger I was surprised.
“Yeah…?” I replied, confused.
“Can you give this to Ivan?” She handed me the envelope that had Ivan’s name written on it on the front. “I had given him a letter before but I never got a response back.”
“I’m sorry but who are you?”
She smiled at me again, her hazel eyes twinkling. “I’m Lou.”
“Well, Lou, I’ll make sure to give him your letter when he gets home,” I smiled back.
“Thank you,” she waved goodbye to me and walked to her silver Nissan and drove away.
Was Ivan ignoring this girl?
Shrugging my shoulders, I went inside my house, dropping my bag in one of the couches in the living room, placing the letter on the coffee table. It was close to 4 o’clock and Ivan wouldn’t be home until a few hours later. I wasn’t in the mood to do my first draft of my English essay as the thought of ice-cream overpowered everything else I planned to do. I entered the kitchen only to freeze in mid-step where I didn’t expect the last person to see after what happened a few days ago.
Kat looked up from her phone and straightened her posture from where she sat in the island. “Mabel.”
I did my best not to shiver from the way she whispered my name. I didn’t want my body to betray my mind. Her words had destroyed what little confidence I had and I don’t know if I want to hear what she had to say and I think she knew what I was thinking.
“Let me explain,” she blurted out quickly. “Let me explain first and after that, I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore.”
I swallowed hard, my fingers clutching the hem of my shirt. “Explain what?” I muttered.
“Why I’m cage fighting and why I was a total asshole to you the other day. I want to apologize; I shouldn’t have said that and I’ve been beating myself up over that and Riley and Evelyn were there to throw a few jabs to me as well.”
Slowly, I approached her and sat down on the stool next to her. I was afraid to look at her. I didn’t want to be sucked into those amber eyes and be hypnotized. The smell of lavender and cigarettes was luring me into her trance. Just sitting next to her was making my heart pound frenziedly in my chest and be reminded of the kisses we shared.
“How did you get in?” I asked her, peeking at her from the corner of my eye.
She had positioned her body to face me and it unnerved me a little to know that she would be watching me the whole time. “I went to see Ivan first and apologize to him and asked him if I could come here and wait for you to apologize as well. Your brother threatened me not to make you cry again. That’s the last thing I wanted to do…”
“Your words hurt me,” I whispered, looking down at my hands as I remembered what she said. My eyes began to water and I quickly blinked my eyes, not wanting her to see me cry.
Kat sighed, “I know. I was an asshole. I…I just…” She ran her hands through her hair, frustrated. “I just wanted you to hate me. I think it would be best if you hated me for the things I’ve done. You saw what I did to that guy that night. I killed a man right in front of your eyes and you haven’t yet judged me. Mabel, please hate me. I’m not the right person for you to have feelings for. I’m not good for you.”
“But isn’t that my decision,” I said, facing her and meeting those amber eyes.
They looked defeated, reminding me of the woman I met that night of Ivan’s party. The first time I saw her looking lost and broken. She didn’t have her guard up. Her emotions were swirling in those eyes that I caught the fear she was feeling. She wanted me to hate her so it could be easy to not get close to me. She wanted me to judge her so she can push me away. But that’s just it - I couldn’t do that. How could I judge someone if I don’t know their story?
She smiled sadly, “I would rather want you to make the best decision for yourself by liking someone else who won’t hurt you.”
I looked away when I saw the shame in her eyes, remembering what she told me. I didn’t want to discuss what happened a few days ago. I wanted to know why she was cage fighting. I wanted to hear the reason why she has to survive to see the sun again.
“You were going to explain about being in that place,” I whispered, glancing back at her.
Her amber eyes stared back at me and I saw the change in her demeanor. The brokenness that I previously saw was covered up by a wall she built. Her full lips pinched into a thin line as she dropped her gaze to the floor.
“It wasn’t my choice to be a part of that lifestyle,” she said, drawing back her gaze onto me. “It was because of my father.”
“Y-your father?”
All I could think in that moment was Josh’s words when he spoke about the Blacksmith family. How they ended up in jail or dead. Kat’s father was in prison and she was about to tell me the reason why she was fighting for her life and her father being in prison.
Her jaw clenched for a moment before she exhaled heavily, “Before my father was sent to prison, he had a debt to pay. He had the money to pay it off but…” She clenched her hands that were resting on the counter into tight fists. “It seems my family has the worse luck because that day the police came barging in and dragged my father out of the house in handcuffs.”
I was scared to ask. The question was burning my throat to say it out loud. But I couldn’t because Kat was shaking in anger from remembering the reason why her father was in prison.
But I had to ask if I wanted to know, right?
Tentatively, I asked, “Why was he arrested?”
Kat chuckled, grimly. “For a murder. My father was framed for a murder he didn’t commit.”
“Who would frame him?”
Kat was silent for a moment before her amber eyes drifted to me and with a cold voice she said, “My mother.”